Sorry it's so long.
Right so I've just left school, and in the past year I've made really great friends. I never really spoke to most of them before (in the last few years I've had a few problems with people) but recently we've got quite close.
So there's this guy in the group who I would call my friend, but I'm really shy and have always found him quite attractive so I've found it difficult to talk to him one on one type thing. But recently we've been talking more and he's amazing, basically. But the only thing I don't like about him is that he seems to finds it really difficult to be single.
He just jumps from girl to girl. One of these girls was 2 years younger than us, and was obsessed with him but he still started texting her just so he wasn't alone. And when we go out (in the group) he pretty much hits on anyone he meets. And at my friend's birthday a few weeks ago, I walked in on him kissing this girl I know. And also he was sort of going out with this girl about a month ago, well one date, but he liked her and she stopped it before it went any further. And when he is single, he moans about it all the time.
So the point of all this, I really like him but I've never had anything to do with guys before. I haven't even kissed anyone, mainly cos I'm so shy but also I'm not that pretty. But he's really flirty with everyone. And at my 18th a few weeks ago, we were talking a fair bit and sitting close to each other and just generally acting different to the way we usually do. And we had our prom, and obviously cos we're friends we were sitting at the same table and dancing in the same group. But then we started dancing just the 2 of us, and when the song had finished we stopped dancing, but he took my hand and... i don't know, it just felt like a 'moment'. But nothing happened, cos we basically avoided each other for the rest of the night. And cos I don't really know what to do, having no experience of anything, I sort of panicked. I know it's silly and I sound like a child, but I need help.
I don't even know why I'm posting this, it's such a trivial thing. I just need to get it out of my head really. It's been playing on my mind, especially cos I haven't seen him since. It wouldn't bother me, only I really like him but I can't help feeling that he might just have been feeling lonely and I was the easiest bet for him? I don't know when I'll see him next, cos we haven't got anything planned, but I don't know what to do when I do see him. Do I just ignore it?
So if anyone actually read that essay, thank you. Opinions? Does he like me? Did he just not want to leave the prom single, and I was his only friend who he felt he'd get anywhere with? Was he just being friendly? Am I reading into it too much? I'm making him sound awful, he's not, he's lovely really. Just confusing.
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- 10-06-2008 00:46
- 10-06-2008 01:37
Try asking him out (may sound desperate but quite a few guys actually like this)...he may not like being single but if you go out with him then he wouldn't be single. If you think you're not very pretty, that doesn't matter, cos if he really likes you on a non-physical way, then he will start to become more attracted to you (I know that's happened for me). Maybe he knows about the problem and so hasn't asked you out cos he treasures your friendship and doesn't want it to go wrong with you.
It's not trivial - trust me I've seen some much more trivial things on these boards and I've even replied (haha), but if this is important to you and you want help then that's what these boards are for! It doesn't sound like he was lonely or like you were the easiest bet for him because firstly, it sounds like he likes having you as a friend and so wouldn't jeopardise that, and secondly you said nothing happened, so he definitely wasn't dancing with you for that reason.
Don't ignore it, it sounds like a good opportunity, especially since you say you like him - so even if you don't have plans at the moment, make some with him and maybe some other friends if you want, and then just build on your relationship with him. You're only reading too much into it if you don't want anything to happen and as I said, you two didn't do anything else that night apart from dance and share each other's presence for a while, and so from what you've said he did actually leave the prom single(?).
You sound really nice and if you want him, go for it!
I hope I helped.
P.S. If I didn't help, don't blame me - I'm a 16 year old boy who's never had a girlfriend, so you say you've had no experience but I bet you've had more than me haha. Don't let this make you regard my advice as worthless, just don't think it's all tried and tested - I'm still in theory stages myself...Good luck! x
- 10-06-2008 01:47
Awww I'm not gonna be any help but *big huggles*
- 10-06-2008 11:49
First of all, thanks for replying and being so nice.
I don't want to ask him out for a few reasons. If he said no, it would be really awkward and I might lose him as a friend. And if we did go out, I can't see it lasting cos of the way he is, which would lead to the same thing. I know that sounds like I don't want to go out with him, but I just don't want to ask him.
Actually, now I think about it, most of the girls he's been with have asked him out. Does that mean that he's unlikely to ask me even if he wants to? But again I don't want to ask him in case I just turn into the latest in a list of girls who chased him. Maybe he just likes knowing that people think he's attractive? Could it just be an ego-boost?
I'll try to get a night out organised with everyone soon, that's a good idea. And (I think) he did leave the prom single, although towards the end of the night he was slow dancing with this girl. She has a boyfriend though, and everyone was just dancing with random people so it might have been nothing. Aahh I can't stop thinking about this.
You did help, thank you. It's nice to get a boy's opinion. I think you might be right about just building our friendship up. I've got a feeling that moving too fast would either scare him away or end up in a too short relationship. Should I mention the prom when I see him or just try to let him know that I liked what happened? Ooh I don't know what to do.
- 10-06-2008 12:00
Hmm, my opinion is that he has the same fears as you do, or he's unsure whether you like him. I wouldn't bring it up in conversation or ask him out, because since he's your friend, like you said it might not be the best thing to do. Instead, when you next do have a gathering, just sit down with him and talk to him properly, away from everyone else slightly (but not too much), and with a combination of the right body language and an awkward pause, a kiss (or another expression of mutual liking, for want of a better phrase) will just happen. If it doesn't, then maybe the mood isn't right, but doing things this way is pretty risk free, as it is up to both people to interpret tiny signs and there isn't an obligation to say yes or no.
- 10-06-2008 12:26
That makes sense, thank you. It's just so hard for me cos I've never been 'involved' with anyone before so I can't imagine anything happening naturally.
But you're right. I'd rather do it in quite a subtle way because that way if he doesn't actually want it to go any further, it won't be as if I've thrown myself at him. The only problem I can see with that is it might not give me a clear response, and I might end up more confused. But I suppose if nothing happens, that's my answer?
I just don't want to miss the opportunity. Because it's summer now, we don't see each other every day and we're all going away on different holidays. And the longer I leave it, the more awkward it'll get.