Do you think I am too young? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
#1
I’m a 16 yo female and get turned on by the idea of having mild pain inflicted on me. By this I mean biting, scratching, slapping etc. Nothing extreme. I am with my second ever boyfriend (however this is the first sexual/ physical relationship I have been in. He is the first guy I have kissed and done things with, but we are still virgins and haven’t done penetrative sex yet) I have sort of BDSM fetishes, and reckoned I am obviously too young to put these into practice. Me and my boyfriend both share this. He likes the idea of being dominant over me. We do regular other sexual activities and even things such as slapping, him biting me, pinning my wrists and other things. It’s all pretty mild tbh and it is all 100% completely consensual. We have a safe word put in place to distinguish between being playful and being serious. Everything is pretty safe, we both really enjoy it and it’s intimate and brings us closer together. My friends think we are too young however, to be engaging in this sort of stuff, as they think it’s abusive and violent. They’re missing the part about consent. We’re both mature enough to understand it and there have been points where I have said no and he has been nothing but respectful. He would never want to actually harm me in this way (I’m not talking about actually inflicting pain) I’m old enough for sex (both of us) and we are safe and are protected and have set boundaries and know when something is too far. We are both respectful and have researched and understand what we are doing so what is the issue?
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MagnumKoishi
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#2
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There is no issue. Two over 16s engaging in any kind of safe consensual sex, be it vanilla or full on hardcore BDSM, constitutes no problem. You can't be "too young" for any kind of sex if you're 16
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JTfoxlove
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After you're over the age of consent it's a question of maturity and awareness. There are plenty of 30 year olds who are not mature enough for the type of sexual activity you allude to.

As long as you are over 16 it's just another form of sexual activity and is as valid as any other. This said, however, BDSM play can be far more risky when it comes to harm both mental and physical and potential issues of consent and abuse, both in this relationship and future ones.

You should also be aware that another risk people's perceptions; many educators are trained to look for and intervene if they believe someone is at risk of abuse, likewise imagine if your friend tells their parent about your lifestyle and they assume its abusive and go to the authorities (for this reason I'd be mindful to keep play to safe private spaces and potentially keep details private).

Safe, Sane and Consensual with a stable caring relationship, great communication and trust, with scenes, boundaries and safe words agreed and understood before hand is the required foundations.

Sounds like you're on top of it. Lots of communication before, during and after with aftercare as if not more important than the activity itself.
Last edited by JTfoxlove; 1 week ago
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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(Original post by JTfoxlove)
After you're over the age of consent it's a question of maturity and awareness. There are plenty of 30 year olds who are not mature enough for the type of sexual activity you allude to.

As long as you are over 16 it's just another form of sexual activity and is as valid as any other. This said, however, BDSM play can be far more risky when it comes to harm both mental and physical and potential issues of consent and abuse, both in this relationship and future ones.

You should also be aware that another risk people's perceptions; many educators are trained to look for and intervene if they believe someone is at risk of abuse, likewise imagine if your friend's tells their parent about your lifestyle and they assume its abusive and go to the authorities (for this reason I'd be mindful to keep play to safe private spaces and potentially keep details private).

Safe, Sane and Consensual with a stable caring relationship, great communication and trust, with scenes, boundaries and safe words agreed and understood before hand is the required foundations.

Sounds like you're on top of it. Lots of communication before, during and after with aftercare as if not more important than the activity itself.
Thanks. One thing we don’t consider much is aftercare. He does show love and affection anyway, however what is the actual benefit of aftercare? Why is it necessary? This is the only aspect I am unsure of. I ought to discuss it with him, just I’m not completely sure of it’s importance.
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JTfoxlove
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Well what aftercare is really depends on you and your partner's needs and wants. Likely you'll be doing it anyway with a kiss and hug after activity.

Lots of people can find kink activity (and also sex) draining, sometimes it can also make you feel vulnerable or upset (both for the dom and the sub), while it is role-play, pretend and consensual it's possible to feel a bit odd/confused/disorientated about it and some of the emotions this type of play arrises; taking some time to come to together can be important to restore the balance.

Aftercare for me is trying to put everything back as you found it or a little better; it's part of the care, communication, trust and consent process. The juxtaposition of it coming just after a session makes it all the better.

* It's about returning to reality - getting out of role-play head-space and restoring power-differentials.
* Checking in on one another, providing comfort, ensuring that they are ok, feels good and knows they are safe.
* Sometimes talking about the scene and positive feedback.
* Spending time and effort on small acts to communicate that you were role-playing any distance, control and punishment and are now returning to the relationships foundations of intimacy and care.
* Sometimes addressing physical issues, including getting a drink and a snack.
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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(Original post by JTfoxlove)
Well what aftercare is really depends on you and your partner's needs and wants. Likely you'll be doing it anyway with a kiss and hug after activity.

Lots of people can find kink activity (and also sex) draining, sometimes it can also make you feel vulnerable or upset (both for the dom and the sub), while it is role-play, pretend and consensual it's possible to feel a bit odd/confused/disorientated about it and some of the emotions this type of play arrises; taking some time to come to together can be important to restore the balance.

Aftercare for me is trying to put everything back as you found it or a little better; it's part of the care, communication, trust and consent process. The juxtaposition of it coming just after a session makes it all the better.

* It's about returning to reality - getting out of role-play head-space and restoring power-differentials.
* Checking in on one another, providing comfort, ensuring that they are ok, feels good and knows they are safe.
* Sometimes talking about the scene and positive feedback.
* Spending time and effort on small acts to communicate that you were role-playing any distance, control and punishment and are now returning to the relationships foundations of intimacy and care.
* Sometimes addressing physical issues, including getting a drink and a snack.
It sounds like we do this anyway to some extent. For example feedback such as him telling me he liked it when I did such and such. There is also just general calmness etc and holding. On one occasion we were interpreted and he left and I understand the feeling of vulnerability as we didn’t get the chance to take ourselves out of that mindset and sort of role play scene and I felt, not exactly used, but a little upset by it. I understand what you mean now thank you.
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Apachecow
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#7
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For someone so young in years, you are approaching this in a very mature way. What you are doing is normal, safe and perfectly ok. I do agree with the suggestion above to maybe keep the details to yourself as others may not understand.
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