unconscious negative feelings and feeling worthless,ugly and stupid Watch

Anonymous #1
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So I don't know why I posting on here but here we go

This is a summary of me so I was born at 26 weeks so i am premature the doctors at the time said i wasn't gonna make it and even if i did i would be disabled, but I made it with no surgery by God's grace. Fast forward to secondary school , bullying starts and lasts for pretty much 4 years plus teachers telling me that i was gonna fail and never make it pulled me out of doing triple science so i did double instead telling me i couldnt never do a A level biology , in english telling me that oh you can't get higher than a C so gcse results day comes i got an A in double award science then an A* in english literature i was bare shook. But the rest were average 2 more A* and rest mainly Bs and 2 C'S. Then i moved cities so i went to a different sixth form and the pressure was intense everyone wanting to do medicine ( which i want to do) having amazing gcses ( straight A*S) and just all smarter than me. My new Biology teacher said to me in front of my dad " you cannot do medicine" without even getting to know me first. Consistently crying through out the 2 years . My predicted grades in biology meant that i couldnt i applied to medicine at the universities that i loved so i apply anyways just to different universities through access schemes got 2 interviews went to 1 because my parents said its expensive as the second one was a foundation year as well so i went to the normal one and got rejected i was so heartbroken because even my friends told me any time i was talking about medicine my eyes would shine with passion for it so clearing is my option or gap year. But the fear of being left behind scared me and with the exams going badly i was feeling very low suggesting to myself that that teacher was right then bodyshaming myself because i wasnt happy with the way i looked ( so the effects of the bullying were still there) . Fear of failure was so dominant in my life , i kept and still keep questioning my potential always telling myself i am not good enough.

Any advice would really help
thank you so much for reading this
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marinade
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Unfortunately, people just say stuff (teachers, bullies, others) and you only realise years later that some of them say it for kicks, because they are nasty or just misguided and have no idea. It takes on a huge significance in your mind for years. It is all completely meaningless, really, but impossible to get out of your head.

Google imposter syndrome.

Go and see the doctor.

Out of interest, why do you mention about 26 weeks? I've met a number of people who were born prematurely (I was) and most of them read very deep significance into this fact and it's an essential part of their identity, often being seen as 'sensitive' by their parents and mollycoddled and not allowed to do things and seem to me to be examples of a self fulfilling prophecy. A lot of stuff parents can say on being born prematurely is unfortunately the utmost nonsense.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by marinade)
Unfortunately, people just say stuff (teachers, bullies, others) and you only realise years later that some of them say it for kicks, because they are nasty or just misguided and have no idea. It takes on a huge significance in your mind for years. It is all completely meaningless, really, but impossible to get out of your head.

Google imposter syndrome.

Go and see the doctor.

Out of interest, why do you mention about 26 weeks? I've met a number of people who were born prematurely (I was) and most of them read very deep significance into this fact and it's an essential part of their identity, often being seen as 'sensitive' by their parents and mollycoddled and not allowed to do things and seem to me to be examples of a self fulfilling prophecy. A lot of stuff parents can say on being born prematurely is unfortunately the utmost nonsense.
I mention it as a backstory not to feel special or be classified as " sensitive" by anybody most certainly not my parents
I didn't think It was a condition

Thank you
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marinade
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I mention it as a backstory not to feel special or be classified as " sensitive" by anybody most certainly not my parents
I didn't think It was a condition

Thank you
Didn't say you did, that's you reading stuff into it that isn't there. Just saying that I have met people where how they are treated by others starts interacting heavily with that backstory as you call it.

How much 'potential' people have as seen by other people who don't know you e.g. bullies and teachers is determined largely on body language, mannerisms, interactions and so on.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by marinade)
Didn't say you did, that's you reading stuff into it that isn't there. Just saying that I have met people where how they are treated by others starts interacting heavily with that backstory as you call it.

How much 'potential' people have as seen by other people who don't know you e.g. bullies and teachers is determined largely on body language, mannerisms, interactions and so on.
I am so sorry my bad i understand now
Do you do psychology? just wondering because I remember some this from doing psychology at A level
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marinade
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am so sorry my bad i understand now
Do you do psychology? just wondering because I remember some this from doing psychology at A level
I don't do psychology, however I have my own personal experiences of anxiety/depression/self hate/doubt, mental health volunteering and seen the sort of stuff we've talked about all over school/college/university/workplace.

There's a bias of familiarity, if someone seems similar to a worker/pupil who did well/badly then the teacher/employer will be quite likely to have that stick in their head and make unconscious bias against the person.

The other aspect is careers stuff. Medicine is a very hard one to get into and you already said at this sixth form (guessing it's a fairly prestigious comprehensive) that everyone else wanted to apply for medicine. Humans see things relatively often (anchoring), so whether you are seen as good enough by medicine by the teacher there's a bias there too. Doesn't mean it's right. The other thing about medicine is that it is very competitive and they hear it all the time. Maybe the teacher is just a complete arse? Or snapped after a bad day. I hear people all the time who say things like 'I want to go into clinical psychology and I'm going to get there', I don't think it's likely to happen in a lot of cases but I'm not a total arse and going to say things like 'no, not a chance', I'm more even if people get shouty and abusive, all right well you know, that's like just your opinion, man, thank you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by marinade)
I don't do psychology, however I have my own personal experiences of anxiety/depression/self hate/doubt, mental health volunteering and seen the sort of stuff we've talked about all over school/college/university/workplace.

There's a bias of familiarity, if someone seems similar to a worker/pupil who did well/badly then the teacher/employer will be quite likely to have that stick in their head and make unconscious bias against the person.

The other aspect is careers stuff. Medicine is a very hard one to get into and you already said at this sixth form (guessing it's a fairly prestigious comprehensive) that everyone else wanted to apply for medicine. Humans see things relatively often (anchoring), so whether you are seen as good enough by medicine by the teacher there's a bias there too. Doesn't mean it's right. The other thing about medicine is that it is very competitive and they hear it all the time. Maybe the teacher is just a complete arse? Or snapped after a bad day. I hear people all the time who say things like 'I want to go into clinical psychology and I'm going to get there', I don't think it's likely to happen in a lot of cases but I'm not a total arse and going to say things like 'no, not a chance', I'm more even if people get shouty and abusive, all right well you know, that's like just your opinion, man, thank you.
I think you are right about the familiarity aspect maybe it comes from the ability of humans being afraid of the unfamiliar that may be threating to their environment ( i don't know if I am making any sense)
it was an all-girls grammar school but what didn't make sense was the fact that I proof myself during many exams getting As and my head of sixth form the lady was like it didn't make sense but she didn't do anything about it because chemistry was an A* so was psychology and originally my biology prediction was a C then moved to a B i wanted an A i brought all the past exams and showed the women what i was getting but she refused to raise it. I started to think whether i made a mistake going to that sixth form when i had other options
The thing about bias is honestly annoying it just feels like no matter how hard i try to move a step forward i get pushed back 10 more
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marinade
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Predicted grades is a terrible system.

Why not try through clearing or have a gap year.

The reality of gap years is it simple doesn't make any difference. There are hundreds of threads on here started by people who are 19,20,21, 25 who are saying 'is it too late'. It isn't. It doesn't make the slightest difference to anything in life. How you will feel, how many people feel in that situation is totally different though. People at uni won't even notice a year if you don't tell them, they'll just assume you are 18 or won't care.

Pushed ten steps back is a belief. An unhelpful belief about the world.
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Anonymous #2
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I too have felt the 'fear of failure' but I managed to overcome this by surrounding myself with other things which took my mind off it . It sounds easier than it actually is and I totally get that! For me I play musical instruments, read books, watch Netflix, listen to music. I then also focus on what I know I can do. When I acknowledge to myself that I can do things, I then allow myself to think about the things I can improve but I get there slowly. everything takes time but just keep thinking positively and remember that as long as you know you can do it then you CAN do It!!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by marinade)
Predicted grades is a terrible system.

Why not try through clearing or have a gap year.

The reality of gap years is it simple doesn't make any difference. There are hundreds of threads on here started by people who are 19,20,21, 25 who are saying 'is it too late'. It isn't. It doesn't make the slightest difference to anything in life. How you will feel, how many people feel in that situation is totally different though. People at uni won't even notice a year if you don't tell them, they'll just assume you are 18 or won't care.

Pushed ten steps back is a belief. An unhelpful belief about the world.
I am gonna try clearing then if it does go to plan then gap year
Really?
I guess so but i am trying to go to terms as to reason why am i feeling like this then fix it
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marinade
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Really?
I guess so but i am trying to go to terms as to reason why am i feeling like this then fix it
Yes, really. Start a thread on another bit of the forum something along the lines of 'medicine at 19, am I missing out/too old?' You'll get a load of posts saying, nah, no, no of course not why are you posting this?

In terms of unhelpful beliefs, people that spend a lot of time having unhelpful beliefs about themselves, about other people and about the world are likely to be substantially less resilient to difficult events and stress and so it's important to try and work on them.

Reason why you are feeling like that. Who knows? Sounds a lot like anxiety/depression and if someone had to guess possibly bullying is a reason - but there could be many, many other reasons. There really could. Some people never work out what it is. It just is. I've had anxiety my entire life, reason unknown. Are things a part of it - bullying, upbringing, genetics, yes.
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LostLioness
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I wish I could just give you a hug right now! Reading your post I felt like I was tracing my own thoughts. It is clear to me that you are feeling very down. Have you got a supportive family?

In regards to the predictions and what your teachers told you, **** THEM. My God, I am so sick of this whole prediction system. It tears down students' confidence. I can understand what you must have went through because perhaps like you, I too only do well if teachers have confidence in me. It sounds very silly I know, but what can you do?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TheLostLion)
I wish I could just give you a hug right now! Reading your post I felt like I was tracing my own thoughts. It is clear to me that you are feeling very down. Have you got a supportive family?

In regards to the predictions and what your teachers told you, **** THEM. My God, I am so sick of this whole prediction system. It tears down students' confidence. I can understand what you must have went through because perhaps like you, I too only do well if teachers have confidence in me. It sounds very silly I know, but what can you do?
Thank you so much, and yeah my family is supportive and now just have to wait on until results day like you know as the time passes you convince yourself that you have completely messed up yeah thats the mood right now
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LostLioness
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If you are concerned about being left behind because of your gap year, you are being so silly! I am sorry if this is harsh but I went through this idiocy last year and I needed some frank guidance, so I am going to give it to you now. ONE year is not even that much time! If you are passionate about medicine, the gap year should be a very small sacrifice. It will go fast. You can make some money, find other things to do! Take care of your mental and physical health, which judging by your post you definitely need. I think if you provide more information on exactly where you stand right now, I can be more helpful. Are you in year 12?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TheLostLion)
If you are concerned about being left behind because of your gap year, you are being so silly! I am sorry if this is harsh but I went through this idiocy last year and I needed some frank guidance, so I am going to give it to you now. ONE year is not even that much time! If you are passionate about medicine, the gap year should be a very small sacrifice. It will go fast. You can make some money, find other things to do! Take care of your mental and physical health, which judging by your post you definitely need. I think if you provide more information on exactly where you stand right now, I can be more helpful. Are you in year 12?
just finished year 13 waiting for results
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marinade
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much, and yeah my family is supportive and now just have to wait on until results day like you know as the time passes you convince yourself that you have completely messed up yeah thats the mood right now
Ruminating on this all summer with what are probably very intrusive thoughts is not 'normal' .
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by marinade)
Ruminating on this all summer with what are probably very intrusive thoughts is not 'normal'
I know but now they are not as bad as when i just finished i think that's due to me praying to God( i am a Christian) so i guess its working i dont feel depressed maybe just overthinking too much
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marinade
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know but now they are not as bad as when i just finished i think that's due to me praying to God( i am a Christian) so i guess its working i dont feel depressed maybe just overthinking too much
I am glad your family is supportive and praying helps.

Immediately after exams a lot of people get burnout and very negative thoughts can come. A break and rest can help.

Symptoms of depression can include waking early, eating too little or too much, guilt, anhedonia etc. If you feel things are spiralling out of control I would seriously relook at what else you can do.
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LostLioness
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My mental health isn't the greatest right now either. If you need someone to talk to, I am here. I can share some of my tips. Thing is, sometimes I find it hard to be productive and then this lack of productivity drags my mood down. You need to find out what it is that makes you feel sad, tackle it. Sort it out. If I am honest, I think sometimes only we ourselves can figure out how to deal with our demons - excuse me for being dramatic.
The good thing is that there are some methods of healing that apply to everyone:
-Do you exercise? If not, start today/tomorrow.
-Check what you eat. Drink at least 3 litres of water a day.
-Are you getting enough sleep?
-Find a new hobby.
(Original post by Anonymous)
I know but now they are not as bad as when i just finished i think that's due to me praying to God( i am a Christian) so i guess its working i dont feel depressed maybe just overthinking too much
Last edited by LostLioness; 1 week ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by marinade)
I am glad your family is supportive and praying helps.

Immediately after exams a lot of people get burnout and very negative thoughts can come. A break and rest can help.

Symptoms of depression can include waking early, eating too little or too much, guilt, anhedonia etc. If you feel things are spiralling out of control I would seriously relook at what else you can do.
Honestly thank you so much
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