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Does my driving instructor like me or is he just being friendly?

I want to find out if my driving instructor finds me irritating or annoying or just generally dislikes for whatever reason, because he seems overly nice and I know it’s his job to be nice, but I don’t read people very well. He compliments me a lot (he sees I have low self confidence), is (I feel) far too patient with me, he can get irritated at times and does raise his voice but tells me he has to because it’s dangerous sometimes, etc.

How can I ask him if he likes me without asking him directly since that’s be awkward and he’d probably lie and say he does anyway? Like, instead is saying “so, can I just ask do you actually like me or...?” Something more like a statement, maybe?

So, I’m asking since I have a habit of thinking people like me and they really don’t. At work, for example, this guy apparently really can’t stand me for some reason (I’m awkward and uncomfortable with social situations so often give a bad first impression since people think I’m rude, etc. My mate who works with told me that’s the reason he dislikes me anyway), and I genuinely thought he did like me for a quite a while because he was okay to my face, just not behind my back. And I fele like my driving instructor, Ian, might be the same. I don’t know why, I automatically assume people don’t like me by default.

What about his body language can tell me if he likes me or is just being friendly?
He tries to make eye contact with me all the time if we stop at the side of the road or at the beginning, or if he’s telling me something knew (and I try to make eye contact but feel like me avoiding his gaze makes him think I’m not interested.
He’ll turn towards me when talking if he can.
He tries to make me feel less anxious and actually puts me a more relaxed mood.
He always replies to my messages if I need to know something about driving.
He never cancels a lesson.
He always responds when I try to make small talk and even just says things (not sure to start a conversation or not but he clearly doesn’t mind telling me about himself). We don’t talk much while I’m driving but when I can focus a bit more I except I’ll be able to talk more with him.
He never rushes me out of the car, he’s always ready to listen.
He even tells me (since I asked me more lessons) not to do it if I think I can’t afford it...so he clearly cares more about his students than money.

Thanks. ✌️
(edited 4 years ago)
What does it matter? He's being kind and professional and you're learning to drive. Where's the issue? You're not trying to be friends with him you're buying a service. You can't ask with out being REALLY weird.
Don’t ask. You’ll embarrass yourself and it will make things very weird
Original post by AquaGuy
I want to find out if my driving instructor finds me irritating or annoying or just generally dislikes for whatever reason, because he seems overly nice and I know it’s his job to be nice, but I don’t read people very well. He compliments me a lot (he sees I have low self confidence), is (I feel) far too patient with me, he can get irritated at times and does raise his voice but tells me he has to because it’s dangerous sometimes, etc.

How can I ask him if he likes me without asking him directly since that’s be awkward and he’d probably lie and say he does anyway? Like, instead is saying “so, can I just ask do you actually like me or...?” Something more like a statement, maybe?

So, I’m asking since I have a habit of thinking people like me and they really don’t. At work, for example, this guy apparently really can’t stand me for some reason (I’m awkward and uncomfortable with social situations so often give a bad first impression since people think I’m rude, etc. My mate who works with told me that’s the reason he dislikes me anyway), and I genuinely thought he did like me for a quite a while because he was okay to my face, just not behind my back. And I fele like my driving instructor, Ian, might be the same. I don’t know why, I automatically assume people don’t like me by default.

What about his body language can tell me if he likes me or is just being friendly?
He tries to make eye contact with me all the time if we stop at the side of the road or at the beginning, or if he’s telling me something knew (and I try to make eye contact but feel like me avoiding his gaze makes him think I’m not interested.
He’ll turn towards me when talking if he can.
He tries to make me feel less anxious and actually puts me a more relaxed mood.
He always replies to my messages if I need to know something about driving.
He never cancels a lesson.
He always responds when I try to make small talk and even just says things (not sure to start a conversation or not but he clearly doesn’t mind telling me about himself). We don’t talk much while I’m driving but when I can focus a bit more I except I’ll be able to talk more with him.
He never rushes me out of the car, he’s always ready to listen.
He even tells me (since I asked me more lessons) not to do it if I think I can’t afford it...so he clearly cares more about his students than money.

Thanks. ✌️


I mean it’s his job? To be nice and provide a space where the new driver can be at ease even though they’re stressed? When I did my lessons with my last driving instructor he was the nicest person ever, we’d talk about everything (nothing personal obviously but in general terms) and they did that so you would have a good distraction to your stress. They won’t carry conversations with drivers who cannot equally share their attention with driving and partaking in conversation. I think it’ll be so incredibly awkward if you ask him if he likes you and it makes me cringe to think about it. I mean I get what you mean and I did think at some points that my co worker liked me because of similar interactions but then I realised he was just like that normally and held conversations like that with everybody. I wasn’t about to ask him if he liked me irl because that would literally make me want to die on the spot. I think it’s not that deep and you should either get a new instructor or try to focus on your driving and pass so you can get out of this situation.
Reply 4
Original post by allowitbruv
I mean it’s his job? To be nice and provide a space where the new driver can be at ease even though they’re stressed? When I did my lessons with my last driving instructor he was the nicest person ever, we’d talk about everything (nothing personal obviously but in general terms) and they did that so you would have a good distraction to your stress. They won’t carry conversations with drivers who cannot equally share their attention with driving and partaking in conversation. I think it’ll be so incredibly awkward if you ask him if he likes you and it makes me cringe to think about it. I mean I get what you mean and I did think at some points that my co worker liked me because of similar interactions but then I realised he was just like that normally and held conversations like that with everybody. I wasn’t about to ask him if he liked me irl because that would literally make me want to die on the spot. I think it’s not that deep and you should either get a new instructor or try to focus on your driving and pass so you can get out of this situation.

It’d be the same with any instructor really, I’ve always been like this. I just thought I’d ask since it plays on my mind a lot. I just have low self confidence coupled with social awkwarmwss and anxiety, and both expect them not to like me while hoping they do...
(edited 4 years ago)
I think you should work on your self esteem a little more so you do not depend on romantic relationships to give you assurance. There are more beautiful things in life. If you keep feeling the ay you do, you'll be used to the emotion and it could be a dreadful thing in the future. Though I do understand you, once you are used to the presence of men then you will realise this feeling with eventually pass and you will grow more conformable with these situations and with yourself.
Original post by AquaGuy
It’d be the same with any instructor really, I’ve always been like this. I just thought I’d ask since it plays on my mind a lot. I just have low self confidence coupled with social awkwarmwss and anxiety, and both expect them not to like me while hoping they do...

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