Pressure to orgasm Watch

Anonymous #1
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So I’m a female in my first sexual relationship. I also masturbate regularly while watching porn. The thing is, my method of masturbation is unorthodox. When i was about 11 I discovered that if I crossed my legs and squeezed my thighs, applying pressure to the area, then I could reach orgasm from that I have done it like that since, however when I try to masturbate using my hands and focusing on the clitoris, I can never reach orgasm. I have tried often and for long periods of time. It usually feels good but I can’t climax.
When starting my relationship, my boyfriend said that he would want both of us to reach orgasm during sex. He’s very thoughtful when it comes to my pleasure but I still can’t reach orgasm, no matter what he tries. He goes at it for ages and I have even faked it a few times as I didn’t want to let him down when he is actually putting in the effort for my pleasure (which I know isn’t always common) I didn’t have the heart to tell him it wasn’t working, as I don’t think his technique was off, it was more that fact I don’t think I can orgasm that way. I’ve been trying different ways to see if I can achieve it this way while masturbating, and it always feels good but I can never actually reach. What should I do?
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Rock Fan
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Don't fake it, worst thing to do
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Rock Fan)
Don't fake it, worst thing to do
I understand that. But at this point I can’t be like “btw I never actually orgasm from this” or pretend like suddenly I can no longer achieve orgasm that way.
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Anonymous #2
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One thing that may help you to tackle this is to research into why this method of reaching climax seems to work and others don't. Going online and talking to professionals and other people who have similar problems may really help you to feel like your body is not bad or a reflection on you as a person. I don't know if that's how you feel about it, but it could provide some insight. As for your boyfriend, it may be worth talking to him, whether over text, phone or in person, and saying "Look, this is my situation. I am really sorry if I hurt you, but I am worried. Can you help me?" Hopefully, he will respond well to that and you guys can move forward. I hope this advice helps
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
One thing that may help you to tackle this is to research into why this method of reaching climax seems to work and others don't. Going online and talking to professionals and other people who have similar problems may really help you to feel like your body is not bad or a reflection on you as a person. I don't know if that's how you feel about it, but it could provide some insight. As for your boyfriend, it may be worth talking to him, whether over text, phone or in person, and saying "Look, this is my situation. I am really sorry if I hurt you, but I am worried. Can you help me?" Hopefully, he will respond well to that and you guys can move forward. I hope this advice helps
Just to say, this comment is gonna be TMI

The thing is though, I have looked into this method and no where online can I find anything about it really. I told my boyfriend that I can orgasm this way, however he thinks that in addition to the conventional way. He kinda feels around and asks if the sensation is from the labia applying pressure onto the clitoris from the sides. I think this must be right as the sensation is still on that area, just it can only be achieved when the pressure is from either sides from the larger surface area. I’m probably not making sense but I know what I’m on about. He once asked me to demonstrate this method in front of him, however I couldn’t since I wasn’t in the mood.
If you’re wandering, I lie down on my back and cross my right leg over my left. I then squeeze my thighs together which creates the sensation as it sort of squeezes the clitoris using the labia. I then get a rhythm going and after about 5-10 minutes I reach.
It would be great to know if I’m not the inly one who can achieve it this way.
Another thing I might try with him is that I found oral sex to be most arousing. One issue when using hands is how after a while I’m no longer wet and the sensation goes, and so oral helps. I just think in future I need to guide him better with it so he can get a rhythm going as that might work better for me. It feels great so maybe if he masters the technique with my guidance, I can come closer.
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Anonymous #2
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Report 1 week ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Just to say, this comment is gonna be TMI

The thing is though, I have looked into this method and no where online can I find anything about it really. I told my boyfriend that I can orgasm this way, however he thinks that in addition to the conventional way. He kinda feels around and asks if the sensation is from the labia applying pressure onto the clitoris from the sides. I think this must be right as the sensation is still on that area, just it can only be achieved when the pressure is from either sides from the larger surface area. I’m probably not making sense but I know what I’m on about. He once asked me to demonstrate this method in front of him, however I couldn’t since I wasn’t in the mood.
If you’re wandering, I lie down on my back and cross my right leg over my left. I then squeeze my thighs together which creates the sensation as it sort of squeezes the clitoris using the labia. I then get a rhythm going and after about 5-10 minutes I reach.
It would be great to know if I’m not the inly one who can achieve it this way.
Another thing I might try with him is that I found oral sex to be most arousing. One issue when using hands is how after a while I’m no longer wet and the sensation goes, and so oral helps. I just think in future I need to guide him better with it so he can get a rhythm going as that might work better for me. It feels great so maybe if he masters the technique with my guidance, I can come closer.
Don't worry about sharing too much information- people need to be more open about this stuff, and you're brave for doing so. I doubt you are the only person ever to do this method of masturbation, but yes, it may be unusual. If you think oral sex will work, then definitely do that! Using lube, whether with yourself or with your boyfriend, may also be a help. Anal sex could work as well. My main advice would be to just experiment with different positions and foreplay techniques to help both of you get fun out of it
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JTfoxlove
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(I assume you're an adult)

1. 'Uncommon not Unorthodox'

This form of female masturbation is while uncommon is certainly not rare or in any way negative or not normal. This technique along with humping things are often stumbled upon before more direct a dominant approaches.

The challenge with having this as you're some approach to sexual pleasure is it's very difficult for a partner to duplicate. This said lots of people, particularly female partners in heterosexual sexual activity, struggle to bridge the gap between masturbation and sex with a partner, this is not a huge problem and just takes practice, positivity, communication and trust.

I'm not sure what you searched for but there plenty of references to it on the internet (be careful as pornography will be many of the hits). Google Scholar has some direct articles on this.

2. 'Practicing other forms of masturbation.'

Learning to climax from other forms of masturbation takes time and patience and sometimes a run up - it's part physiological and part psychological.

Sensation wise they are very different expenses with direct finger touching probably overwhelming. You may find that your clitoris does not want to be touched directly and overdoing it early in a session means that it will not play ball - work around this and listen to your body.

So you need to be slow and gentle and listen to your body and give it time. Try alternating between your fingers and crossed leg approach. Practice both using more fingers and ideally climaxing with your fingers. The aim is to increase your confidence and association with the finger technique and your body's sensitivity and acceptance of being touched.

You've already said you've tried this a lot - I'd encourage you to continue to work at it. Other options could be to try sex toys or talk to your doctor.

3. Sex with a partner

Pressure to reach climax is the ultimate mood killer and best way to reduce its likelihood. You must remove this pressure - faking orgasms only increases expectations and pressure - spoiling future sessions (I certainly done it). The voice "this is taking too long" or "this'll never work" - must be ignored. Focus on enjoyment and pleasure rather than climax.

It's not quite clear to me from what you've written but the majority of women don't climax from penetrative sex alone. It's perfectly possible to have enjoyable pleasurable sex and not climax - sometimes frustrating but it happens to both sexes and all genders once in a while.

'Foreplay' is where it's at. I'd use lubricant if you're finding your getting a bit dry - this is often regardless of how sexually aroused you are. If oral is working for you it's a great approach - it can often be a lot softer and less direct than finger play with may play to your expectations.

Communication and trust - I think you need to talk to your partner, which it sounds like you're already doing a lot of. Share more, he sounds like he's enjoying playing together with you.

Mutual masturbation can be quite fun and if you could build that in while practicing alternating from your old to finger approach to masturbation that might be a fun way to approach the issue together.
Last edited by JTfoxlove; 1 week ago
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Hollyjadebum
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I bet it will work if you are on top! You have more contact in that area with your partners body.
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0IXUmOXI0
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If it makes you feel any better I can't even orgasm on my own.... I literally don't know what it feels like to have that release.. :'(
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 0IXUmOXI0)
If it makes you feel any better I can't even orgasm on my own.... I literally don't know what it feels like to have that release.. :'(
Just keep at it and try different things and you might get there
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0IXUmOXI0
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I have a feeling I might need to try actual sex with another person in order to get there.. I can imagine doing it on one's own doesn't create the same emotional 'frenzy' that would lead to orgasm..
(Original post by Anonymous)
Just keep at it and try different things and you might get there
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