My boyfriends parents won’t let him stay at my house

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Louisejane_18
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I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over six months, we’re both 18 and I want him to stay the night at my house but his parents won’t let him. I’ve ask him to stay the night when we’d been dating for about four months but his dad said no, his reason was “because I said so”. I respected his dads decision but now it’s been half a year and he’s never stayed over. I’ve asked him to try stand up to them since it’s not like he needs them to drive him back and forth from my house so it’s not an inconvenience issue but he won’t try to change their minds (a few of the responses have included they might be because of their religion but they aren’t a religious family)
Last edited by Louisejane_18; 1 year ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Louisejane_18)
I feel like his inability to stand up to his parents is affecting our relationship.
It's bot that easy for some people to stand up to their parents
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eilish1903
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maybe they don't want the possibility of having their son giving them a grandchild yet? maybe they think he's too young. maybe their religion is not ok with it all?

you should respect his parents decision tbh and if you can't, let him go find a girl that understands and respects the situation.
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Anonymous #2
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I suppose it depends on the age he is. If he has to actually ask his parents then it doesn't sound like he's an actual adult and therefore his parents still make executive decisions due to him still living under their roof
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ANM775
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(Original post by Louisejane_18)
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over six months and I want him to stay the night at my house but his parents won’t let him. I’ve ask him to stay the night when we’d been dating for about four months but his dad said no, his reason was “because I said so”. I respected his dads decision but now it’s been half a year and he’s never stayed over. I’ve asked him to try stand up to them since it’s not like he needs them to drive him back and forth from my house so it’s not an inconvenience issue but he won’t stand up to them. I need advice because I’ve become very frustrated and I feel like his inability to stand up to his parents is affecting our relationship.

Something rather crucial is missing from your OP

Your ages.
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Louisejane_18
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We’re 18 years old I don't see an issue with him staying at my house since he’s a legal adult
(Original post by eilish1903)
maybe they don't want the possibility of having their son giving them a grandchild yet? maybe they think he's too young. maybe their religion is not ok with it all?

you should respect his parents decision tbh and if you can't, let him go find a girl that understands and respects the situation.
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Louisejane_18
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Oh yeah we’re both 18
(Original post by ANM775)
Something rather crucial is missing from your OP

Your ages.
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Louisejane_18
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I suppose it depends on the age he is. If he has to actually ask his parents then it doesn't sound like he's an actual adult and therefore his parents still make executive decisions due to him still living under their roof
We’re both 18
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harrysbar
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Is there an echo?
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AzureCeleste
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He's 18
It's his choice, he can do what he wants
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sinfonietta
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At 18 he shouldn't even need to ask his parents permission. At that age I'd just say "I'm staying at (boyfriend's) after the pub tonight" and they'd usually respond "don't get pregnant".
Last edited by sinfonietta; 1 year ago
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Hiro2468
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(Original post by sinfonietta)
At 18 he shouldn't even need to ask his parents permission. At that age I'd just say "I'm staying at (boyfriend's) after the pub tonight" and they'd usually respond "don't get pregnant".
"Don't get pregnant"

Haven't even met your parents but I love them already 😂😂
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sinfonietta
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(Original post by Hiro2468)
"Don't get pregnant"

Haven't even met your parents but I love them already 😂😂
They still do it 9 years on! 😂
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xoxAngel_Kxox
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I think it's hard for a lot of people to stand up to their parents for the first time. It's not like something changes the second a person hits 18 - it's difficult for both parents and kids to get used to the fact that they don't actually have to ask permission for everything anymore, and the parents may struggle to let their "little boy" go.

He doesn't need to be rude to them or anything, but should simply say "with respect, I'm an adult, I'm serious about this girl, and I am going to make my own decision and stay at her house tonight".

I had a friend who was like this at that age (and a little older, actually) and they wouldn't let him sleep at mine after my flat warming party because they were worried he might drink. He was old enough to! His mum insisted on picking him up at 9. We used to laugh at him terribly for it, but I do appreciate it's not easy.
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RogerOxon
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(Original post by eilish1903)
maybe they don't want the possibility of having their son giving them a grandchild yet? maybe they think he's too young. maybe their religion is not ok with it all?

you should respect his parents decision tbh and if you can't, let him go find a girl that understands and respects the situation.
He's an adult. As a parent, it's none of their business. If they're being controlling for religious reasons, they're just terminally suboptimally intelligent.
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Louisejane_18
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I get it’s difficult to stand up your parents but he even has to ask permission for small stuff like if he can go out with his friends and they even get angry with him if he comes home a little bit late after 10pm
(Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
I think it's hard for a lot of people to stand up to their parents for the first time. It's not like something changes the second a person hits 18 - it's difficult for both parents and kids to get used to the fact that they don't actually have to ask permission for everything anymore, and the parents may struggle to let their "little boy" go.

He doesn't need to be rude to them or anything, but should simply say "with respect, I'm an adult, I'm serious about this girl, and I am going to make my own decision and stay at her house tonight".

I had a friend who was like this at that age (and a little older, actually) and they wouldn't let him sleep at mine after my flat warming party because they were worried he might drink. He was old enough to! His mum insisted on picking him up at 9. We used to laugh at him terribly for it, but I do appreciate it's not easy.
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Louisejane_18
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I didn’t put in some details about some things. We’re both 18, they’re not religious and they know we’ve been having sex. I have respected and understood the situation as they have said no other times he has asked to stay the night at my house. I don’t see how I haven’t understood and respected his parents in any way
(Original post by eilish1903)
maybe they don't want the possibility of having their son giving them a grandchild yet? maybe they think he's too young. maybe their religion is not ok with it all?

you should respect his parents decision tbh and if you can't, let him go find a girl that understands and respects the situation.
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Anonymous #3
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I have a similar situation, however my boyfriend's 22 and I'm 21. It's just odd to me that his mother doesn't let him sleep over but is fine/doesn't care when I spend multiple nights at his house & coming over to his place really late, like at 2am. Yet when he spends the night, she scolds him. He's a grown adult, past the drinking age. Normally aren't the male's parents supposed to be more lax about this type of stuff than the girl's? She must be concerned but I don't see what the difference it makes if he comes over to my place instead of it always being me. His mom allows him to go on long-distance trips outside of the city for multiple days but I don't see why he can't stay the night at mine's?
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Zarek
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I think there is some sensitivity in bringing relative strangers in to the family home and sexual activity. Some parents are liberal, some strict some in the middle but I suppose unless you can influence the 'under my roof' rule applies. Think how you might influence and I guess this is also why going to uni or moving out is a very liberating experience. As an adult it's good to be able to do what you want.
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