Just severe anxiety or possibly ADHD? Watch

Mazzii342
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I've suffered with Anxiety all my life, and depression too. I've been getting better lately, using things I learned in previous Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to think positively and look to the future, even with the messes in my life. Lately though, I've been so stressed and my concentration is so low that I'm surprised I even get anything done.

There were not really any signs I can think of when I was young, which is why I'm doubtful of whether I have it now. I wasn't that hyperactive and I was pretty decent academically. My main struggles through school were anxiety, lateness, and concentration. I was pretty severely bullied throughout primary and secondary school which made my anxiety worse and I moved schools, where I was also bullied. (Sorry, background information).

I survived school and 6th form, and although I talked a lot and got super bored when doing tasks in silence or listening to people talk for long periods of time, I did okay. I got C's and a Distinction Star in my A-Levels/BTEC and went to University. That's when it all started.

Chronic lateness, tardiness, messiness. My room was never clean and neither was I. My anxiety was through the roof and I struggled to stay friends with the group I was in because of the difference in our personalities. I've never been the pretty, skinny, girly and gossipy popular type and I was doing a fashion degree so.. not great. I struggled to get my work done and I never showed up to presentations. My depression made it hard for me to get out of bed most mornings (or afternoons) and I ended up failing many of my modules, particularly second year, leading me to have to completely retaking the year (which I failed again until I retook several modules and just about passed).

I've often wondered if I could be suffering with ADHD because I can never finish things. I never finished my tasks at Uni, always got distracted by other things, and could never prioritise. My organisation was terrible. In the third year I became reckless and started taking drugs, from painkillers to benzodiazepines, and even cocaine and speed. I would randomly go out walking or to eat at 2/3am and got myself involved in fights on purpose. It's like I was borderline suicidal. (I became suicidal on several occasions, and made an attempt on my own life and almost kept in impatient treatment). I basically never went to Uni in my third year and was always late for work, if I ended up going in at all. I got warnings and in the end I just stopped going in all together and never went back. I skipped counselling sessions, meetings with friends, stopped socialising unless I was high. I lost my friends because I was too out of control and I lost my job and degree. Crazy times.

Nowadays I am job hunting still because I keep skipping interviews or missing phonecalls. I'm terrified of answering calls (even more so now since I'm in debt after taking out loans and credit cards to feed my excessive spending habit), and I hate going out. I became bordeline agoraphobic before pushing myself to go out and seeing a psychiatrist. I now have counselling sessions and am to be put on anti-depressents again. Problem is I am super forgetful and always forget to take them, forget to get prescriptions, and even forget about appointments. I get Universal Credit but I keep missing the appointments which has lead to me being sanctioned twice in two months, which means I won't get paid unless I apply for a hardship loan (which I have to call for, which I hate).

Basically I am a mess. I sometimes think I may have adult ADHD because of my concentration issues (it's literally gotten so bad that I can't even watch a tv program without also doing something else like colouring or writing or eating, and I can't finish a five minute youtube video without skipping parts or zoning out or watching other videos first). I might be reading something and a word will trigger a thought and the thought won't go away until I act on it (like if something makes me thing of a funny video I once watched, I have to go and watch it, then I might be interested in the person who made the video and watch other videos they've made, then the next video might have suggestions for other videos by other people, so I watch them etc until I completely forget the reason for starting it all in the beginning.) I currently have 40 tabs on my browser of things I have to watch or finish. I've got about 20 unfinished blog posts and a load of articles I need to finish reading or videos I need to finish watching.

Anybody know what I can do? I'm terrified of going to a GP because of my past addiction issues and although I'm off of drugs, I'm still afraid they'll think I'm drug-seeking for the meds for ADHD. What makes it worse is the fact I've taken them before as my friend at uni had ADHD but sold her ritalin. I used to take it pretty often as it was like magic, I could spend all day and night at the library working, finish my tasks, and go into Uni the next day only a little tired with everything done. So it's not like I'm oblivious to how those meds work, and I wouldn't wanna lie if they asked me if I'd taken it before.
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Mazzii342)
I've suffered with Anxiety all my life, and depression too. I've been getting better lately, using things I learned in previous Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to think positively and look to the future, even with the messes in my life. Lately though, I've been so stressed and my concentration is so low that I'm surprised I even get anything done.

There were not really any signs I can think of when I was young, which is why I'm doubtful of whether I have it now. I wasn't that hyperactive and I was pretty decent academically. My main struggles through school were anxiety, lateness, and concentration. I was pretty severely bullied throughout primary and secondary school which made my anxiety worse and I moved schools, where I was also bullied. (Sorry, background information).

I survived school and 6th form, and although I talked a lot and got super bored when doing tasks in silence or listening to people talk for long periods of time, I did okay. I got C's and a Distinction Star in my A-Levels/BTEC and went to University. That's when it all started.

Chronic lateness, tardiness, messiness. My room was never clean and neither was I. My anxiety was through the roof and I struggled to stay friends with the group I was in because of the difference in our personalities. I've never been the pretty, skinny, girly and gossipy popular type and I was doing a fashion degree so.. not great. I struggled to get my work done and I never showed up to presentations. My depression made it hard for me to get out of bed most mornings (or afternoons) and I ended up failing many of my modules, particularly second year, leading me to have to completely retaking the year (which I failed again until I retook several modules and just about passed).

I've often wondered if I could be suffering with ADHD because I can never finish things. I never finished my tasks at Uni, always got distracted by other things, and could never prioritise. My organisation was terrible. In the third year I became reckless and started taking drugs, from painkillers to benzodiazepines, and even cocaine and speed. I would randomly go out walking or to eat at 2/3am and got myself involved in fights on purpose. It's like I was borderline suicidal. (I became suicidal on several occasions, and made an attempt on my own life and almost kept in impatient treatment). I basically never went to Uni in my third year and was always late for work, if I ended up going in at all. I got warnings and in the end I just stopped going in all together and never went back. I skipped counselling sessions, meetings with friends, stopped socialising unless I was high. I lost my friends because I was too out of control and I lost my job and degree. Crazy times.

Nowadays I am job hunting still because I keep skipping interviews or missing phonecalls. I'm terrified of answering calls (even more so now since I'm in debt after taking out loans and credit cards to feed my excessive spending habit), and I hate going out. I became bordeline agoraphobic before pushing myself to go out and seeing a psychiatrist. I now have counselling sessions and am to be put on anti-depressents again. Problem is I am super forgetful and always forget to take them, forget to get prescriptions, and even forget about appointments. I get Universal Credit but I keep missing the appointments which has lead to me being sanctioned twice in two months, which means I won't get paid unless I apply for a hardship loan (which I have to call for, which I hate).

Basically I am a mess. I sometimes think I may have adult ADHD because of my concentration issues (it's literally gotten so bad that I can't even watch a tv program without also doing something else like colouring or writing or eating, and I can't finish a five minute youtube video without skipping parts or zoning out or watching other videos first). I might be reading something and a word will trigger a thought and the thought won't go away until I act on it (like if something makes me thing of a funny video I once watched, I have to go and watch it, then I might be interested in the person who made the video and watch other videos they've made, then the next video might have suggestions for other videos by other people, so I watch them etc until I completely forget the reason for starting it all in the beginning.) I currently have 40 tabs on my browser of things I have to watch or finish. I've got about 20 unfinished blog posts and a load of articles I need to finish reading or videos I need to finish watching.

Anybody know what I can do? I'm terrified of going to a GP because of my past addiction issues and although I'm off of drugs, I'm still afraid they'll think I'm drug-seeking for the meds for ADHD. What makes it worse is the fact I've taken them before as my friend at uni had ADHD but sold her ritalin. I used to take it pretty often as it was like magic, I could spend all day and night at the library working, finish my tasks, and go into Uni the next day only a little tired with everything done. So it's not like I'm oblivious to how those meds work, and I wouldn't wanna lie if they asked me if I'd taken it before.
You really need to see your doctor. They won't accuse you of anything, they'll just ask questions so they can figure out what's best for you. If it helps, you could write everything you've said down here and show them it so you don't have to try to verbally explain what's going on. Don't lie to them if they ask if you've had it before, be honest because it'll help you in the long run.
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