I'm a sh*tty person
A while back one of my friends came out as gay to me, and I didn't really care, I treated it as though it was so insignificant and didn't matter to me when now i realise how much it meant to him. I thought I was being a good friend, by not making a big deal of it. A bit later, I had gay feelings, and when I told him about them he told me I was gay, which was pretty obvious in hindsight. Back then, I reacted really badly, said some horrible homophobic things, spread a rumour about him, and treated him like ****. I apologised, but you can never really get past the way I treated him for telling me the truth. More recently, I know he was doing badly, after he tried to come out to his parents and they were *****y about it. I know I should have reached out and I didn't. And now he's dead. I wish it was me. I think most people reading this do too. And they're right. I was a *****y person, and I can never wash his blood from my hands. I killed him.
How did he die?
He couldn't take it when his parents didn't accept him
Yeah… this is tough. But it’s mainly his parents fault. You could’ve been a good friend, he could’ve reached out to other people. Ultimately it was his choice.
Everything is determined by the decisions we make, I hope you’ve learnt from this, instead of beating yourself up you should do something for charity, do something for him to be remember by, dont take it out on your self. That’s narcissistic and the same behaviour pattern as before, it means you haven’t learnt anything and you’re still being selfish.
Yes you could’ve done more, but there’s nothing about that you can do now. But you can learn from it and do other things, the more other things you do, the more it’ll compensate for this as you’re doing it in his loving memory. That’s all you can do about it now
Everything is determined by the decisions we make, I hope you’ve learnt from this, instead of beating yourself up you should do something for charity, do something for him to be remember by, dont take it out on your self. That’s narcissistic and the same behaviour pattern as before, it means you haven’t learnt anything and you’re still being selfish.
Yes you could’ve done more, but there’s nothing about that you can do now. But you can learn from it and do other things, the more other things you do, the more it’ll compensate for this as you’re doing it in his loving memory. That’s all you can do about it now
Original post by Anonymous
A while back one of my friends came out as gay to me, and I didn't really care, I treated it as though it was so insignificant and didn't matter to me when now i realise how much it meant to him. I thought I was being a good friend, by not making a big deal of it. A bit later, I had gay feelings, and when I told him about them he told me I was gay, which was pretty obvious in hindsight. Back then, I reacted really badly, said some horrible homophobic things, spread a rumour about him, and treated him like ****. I apologised, but you can never really get past the way I treated him for telling me the truth. More recently, I know he was doing badly, after he tried to come out to his parents and they were *****y about it. I know I should have reached out and I didn't. And now he's dead. I wish it was me. I think most people reading this do too. And they're right. I was a *****y person, and I can never wash his blood from my hands. I killed him.
Spreading a rumour about him wasn't very nice, but friends fall out/drift apart/argue all the time. You're not responsible for the turns his life took when you were no longer friends. Sometimes its hard enough just looking after ourselves.
I'm presuming he committed suicide? If so, its very sad - but no blood is on your hands. His main issue seemed to be with his parents - not you.
(edited 4 years ago)
You shouldn't feel too bad, no doubt what you did didn't help (bit of an understatement) but people don't kill themselves because of their friends opinion of their sexuality; it's more of a combination of things and this action was no doubt more precipitated by his parents nonacceptance of him. Suicide is more of a culmination of things, (like depression and societal factors)
Original post by Anonymous
A while back one of my friends came out as gay to me, and I didn't really care, I treated it as though it was so insignificant and didn't matter to me when now i realise how much it meant to him. I thought I was being a good friend, by not making a big deal of it. A bit later, I had gay feelings, and when I told him about them he told me I was gay, which was pretty obvious in hindsight. Back then, I reacted really badly, said some horrible homophobic things, spread a rumour about him, and treated him like ****. I apologised, but you can never really get past the way I treated him for telling me the truth. More recently, I know he was doing badly, after he tried to come out to his parents and they were *****y about it. I know I should have reached out and I didn't. And now he's dead. I wish it was me. I think most people reading this do too. And they're right. I was a *****y person, and I can never wash his blood from my hands. I killed him.
(edited 4 years ago)
****kk me. Was not expecting the “and now he’s dead” part.
You can't change what you've done in the past, but you can change what you do in the future. It sounds like you have some a long way since then and have learnt from that time.
Yes you did a bad thing and yes something awful happened later, but that doesn't mean that you are bad now and nomatter how bad you were to him you did not kill him. More than just what you did contributed. The best thing you can do now is try to move on from what you did and honour your friend. It won't change what happened, but it will help in other ways.
I would suggest you see a professional about this or contact a service like the mix or Samaritans to talk through things and find a way to move on and make something of this.
Yes you did a bad thing and yes something awful happened later, but that doesn't mean that you are bad now and nomatter how bad you were to him you did not kill him. More than just what you did contributed. The best thing you can do now is try to move on from what you did and honour your friend. It won't change what happened, but it will help in other ways.
I would suggest you see a professional about this or contact a service like the mix or Samaritans to talk through things and find a way to move on and make something of this.
I just feel that I could have prevented it all. If i wasn't such a s*itty friend, and I know he forgave me. I know he wasn't as disgusted with me as he should have been. It's on me. i should have stuck with him, and I should have reached out when i knew he was in trouble.It's on me.
Original post by Anonymous
I just feel that I could have prevented it all. If i wasn't such a s*itty friend, and I know he forgave me. I know he wasn't as disgusted with me as he should have been. It's on me. i should have stuck with him, and I should have reached out when i knew he was in trouble.It's on me.
There was a lot more going on than just stuff between the two of you and sometimes even doing your very best to be supportive can't change things enough. At the end of the day you did what you could to make up for being less than great before and that's all that you could be expected to do. Nobody can be expected to know things like that or to fix them by themselves.
It is natural to feel guilty or like you could have done something differently, but that doesn't mean you are guilty. Even if you'd done everything perfectly the same thing could have happened.
When people get hit by cars it could have been different if they bumped into somebody and had a chat before crossing the road or if somebody near the road had been looking that way and noticed something was wrong before the person started crossing. Those things and a million others could change the outcome, but it doesn't mean what happened is their fault because they didn't.
It is possible that you could have done something to change things, but it's also possible that despite trying everything the same thing would have happened. You can never know, but you shouldn't blame yourself. If you do that will mean two lives were ruined and it doesn't sound like he would want that. You have a lot of life ahead of you and can do more good in that time than the bad you've already done. Focus on that.
You didn't do the best thing by reacting in the way you did, but it isn't your fault that he died. You did not kill him. By saying that to yourself, you're only going to end up embedding it in your self and then maybe take some wrong decisions in your life. Everything happens for a reason - and yes, what you did was quite wrong, but that doesn't mean it was because of you.
You can't change what you did back then, but you can change what you're doing now. Take steps to evolve your personality - do one good thing everyday; it'll make you feel good about yourself and benefit someone who needs help. Also, start working with charities and NGOs that work towards making people from the LGBTQ+ community feel good about themselves, and be accepted in society. You have the power to do something now, so do something, because you can.
Remember, you're not what you were and none of what happened was entirely your fault - you were only an oblivious contributor to the situation. But you're a wonderful person now, and use all that wonderfullness inside of you to change the world. Take care of yourself and those around you.
All the love.
You can't change what you did back then, but you can change what you're doing now. Take steps to evolve your personality - do one good thing everyday; it'll make you feel good about yourself and benefit someone who needs help. Also, start working with charities and NGOs that work towards making people from the LGBTQ+ community feel good about themselves, and be accepted in society. You have the power to do something now, so do something, because you can.
Remember, you're not what you were and none of what happened was entirely your fault - you were only an oblivious contributor to the situation. But you're a wonderful person now, and use all that wonderfullness inside of you to change the world. Take care of yourself and those around you.
All the love.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- what did you and your close friends first bond over?
- Petite skinny girls.
- Pharmacy notes?
- Rate my song
- bf ignores me on discord but answers other messages
- help with best friend
- my teacher makes me feel uncomfortable and I’m scared to go to his class
- why do people use you and then throw you out of their life
- GCSE wjec/eduqas computer science coursework
- DWP work coach
- GCSE results day scares me
- Sussex or Keele University?
- should i pay for the first date if i asked him out?
- Struggling after a breakup
- Comparing myself to others constantly
- Parents and Counselling
- Selling my house in Edinburgh
- EPQ Project log first person?
- Compelling personal reasons
- I can't text for ****
Latest
Trending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 4 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 4 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
