English language gcse 2019

Yes I did that for my gcse is that good though plus would that be roughly a grade 7

could have done with more punctuation and senses tho. theres too much on about what u see when u couldve talked about smell or sound too.

I would be really grateful if somebody could check my description and tell me what I did wrong and how I can improve it (also a rough idea of marks it would get out of 40 and rough grade)
...He was abandoned. Abandoned to the point he needed help desperately.

Reluctantly, I edged myself closer to him, close enough that I could feel the warm burst of wheezing breeze caress my face, without my eyes leaving his face my hand glided over to his.

Silence! Was this silence one of peace or fear?

His eyes! his eyes. Eyes which I once knew as fearless diamonds , ones which hold his courageous story of fighting , war, his allegiance to our country. Instead, I felt as though I was staring into clear marble, which greyed with an almost timid look. They looked like the eyes of a frightened animal, the foldings of his lid falling over his grey iris like a curtain blocking out the light. The abandoned man was a shrivelled toothless creature, feeble and walked with a cane. He looks as though a puff of wind could blow him down. He had a hand tremor and constant waggling and bobbing of the head. The man’s deep wrinkles seemed to carve a map of his life on his still agile and mobile facial features. His twinkling eyes were framed by thick white eyebrows and on his stubbles chin where white whiskers.

My eyes climbed down the edges and curves of his face; a mosaic pattern etched with a meticulous care which could have only been carved by the sculpture of looking old.

The old man had a fringe of grey-white hair around his balding, mottled scalp. He had a wizened face and a back slightly hunched. With each movement there was the cream of old bones. He had the resigned look of one who knows that at his age life has stopped giving, and only takes away.

The unnamed abandoned man was left to die in agony and pain in the cold London streets with no university degree....

But the reason why I named him as he is because he was abandoned suggesting that he didn’t have a name

I get what you mean but it seemed kinda repetitive, you could have added description like he who was dressed in rags etc. What you did is similar to something I did in one of my stories while I was practising my writing about some old man a girl came across repeatedly and yet knew nothing about and I was told to stop using "he" and "man" and refer to him in other ways.

This story is about a abandoned man

Yeah I get that I guess it feels overly repetitive, like maybe you didn't need to write as many "he"s in the first place as the reader would get the gist of it and who you're talking about earlier on as there weren't really any other characters you could confuse it with. And I'm really sorry if my judgement comes out harsh or rude, I really don't mean it in that way.

No I understand but you know this piece can it be considered as a story

Yeah I get that I guess it feels overly repetitive, like maybe you didn't need to write as many "he"s in the first place as the reader would get the gist of it and who you're talking about earlier on as there weren't really any other characters you could confuse it with. And I'm really sorry if my judgement comes out harsh or rude, I really don't mean it in that way.

So what grade would you give that roughly