I cheated on my girlfriend but can’t tell her - advice needed Watch

Anonymous #3
#41
Report 1 month ago
#41
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for all the advice, I can’t respond to you all but it’s appreciated and I know I deserve abuse for my behaviour.

I don’t know why I did it and I regret it literally all the time. I really want things to work with her and I know telling her could jeopardise everything we’ve built as our connection is very strong.

The reason I struggle to tell her is because I know she’ll be crushed. She won’t eat, she’ll blame herself, she won’t stop crying.

I can’t do that to her as I respect and care for her too much. I know I’ll never do it again and I honestly see a future with her.
No no no.

First of all, I wish u the best and happiness in your relationship. However, I think your not being honest with yourself.

The reason your not telling her is not because you’re scared ‘she’ll be crushed’. It’s not because u know she ‘won’t stop crying’. The reason your not telling her is for yourself.

She deserves to know, don’t pretend ur lying ‘for her’. You are lying for you.

Do the right thing. You’ve done one bad thing, but don’t let that bad thing multiply. Tell her the truth and stop lying to yourself as to why you haven’t told her already.

Maybe she won’t dump you anyway, or maybe she will, in which cases, you can learn from your mistakes and you’ll meet someone else eventually. You deserve happiness, and lying to her and to yourself is only going to bring u unhappiness.
1
reply
Fermion.
Badges: 17
#42
Report 1 month ago
#42
You’re pathetic. I have no sympathy for cheaters. I hope she sees you for the person you really are and dumps you.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for all the advice, I can’t respond to you all but it’s appreciated and I know I deserve abuse for my behaviour.

I don’t know why I did it and I regret it literally all the time. I really want things to work with her and I know telling her could jeopardise everything we’ve built as our connection is very strong.

The reason I struggle to tell her is because I know she’ll be crushed. She won’t eat, she’ll blame herself, she won’t stop crying.

I can’t do that to her as I respect and care for her too much. I know I’ll never do it again and I honestly see a future with her.
1
reply
vix.xvi
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#43
Report 1 month ago
#43
you should tell her...if I were in her shoes I would want to know....idk if u can stay with her if u have that in ur conscience all the time and u will always feel guilty.....and I think she, as ur girlfriend, has the right to kno.....and then after u tell her MAYBE u can come to a good conclusion? hopefully? idk just giving my perspective seeing as im a girl myself
0
reply
leopart223
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#44
Report 1 month ago
#44
You jeopardised everything you had the moment you decided to hook up with that other girl. In the end, you have to realise that you already made your decision and now, the future of any relationship is hers to make. You gave up that right when you broke your promise to her.

Whether or not you won't do it again doesn't matter. All we can do is hope that she does recover, but you undeniably have a part to play in whatever decision she makes. If you truly love and respect her as a human being, you need to tell her. Yes, she will be crushed. Yes, she will cry and it will likely take her many months of hard work and self-discovery for her to get over it. But this is a battle she needs to fight, and she will find someone who can appreciate her for who she is through it.

I'd be careful of assuming she's weak. There's no doubt that she will struggle, but with the right amount of support, she can and she will make it through this. As for you, I hope that you've learned a lesson about relationships. It isn't all about you. The decisions you make matter, and they will affect your SO in. ways beyond your imagination. In no way does anyone on this forum wish you harm. We're here as a community to tell you that you made a big mistake; one that you cannot take back. But you can still help her and lessen her pain in the long run by telling her you cheated, and letting her make that choice for herself, since you've left her with very few options.

I wish the both of you luck in your own journeys.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for all the advice, I can’t respond to you all but it’s appreciated and I know I deserve abuse for my behaviour.

I don’t know why I did it and I regret it literally all the time. I really want things to work with her and I know telling her could jeopardise everything we’ve built as our connection is very strong.

The reason I struggle to tell her is because I know she’ll be crushed. She won’t eat, she’ll blame herself, she won’t stop crying.

I can’t do that to her as I respect and care for her too much. I know I’ll never do it again and I honestly see a future with her.
3
reply
Toki the Dumdum
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#45
Report 1 month ago
#45
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for all the advice, I can’t respond to you all but it’s appreciated and I know I deserve abuse for my behaviour.

I don’t know why I did it and I regret it literally all the time. I really want things to work with her and I know telling her could jeopardise everything we’ve built as our connection is very strong.

The reason I struggle to tell her is because I know she’ll be crushed. She won’t eat, she’ll blame herself, she won’t stop crying.

I can’t do that to her as I respect and care for her too much. I know I’ll never do it again and I honestly see a future with her.
If you honestly see a future with her then you should bite the bullet and tell her. Otherwise the guilt will just build and build. Can you imagine telling her in a years time and being forgiven?

It would also be helpful to you to own your mistakes. You state that you don't know why you cheated but then you also know that you'll never do it again. These seem contradictory? How can you know you'll never act the same again if you don't know what caused you to act the way in the first place? You need to confront your flaws in order to become a better person.

Either tell her and possibly end up in a stronger relationship or just leave her if you can't bear the thought of being truthful.
1
reply
leopart223
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#46
Report 1 month ago
#46
Honestly chances are she'll hate him more if he continues to be dishonest, so it still makes more sense to tell her asap.
(Original post by Toki the Dumdum)
If you honestly see a future with her then you should bite the bullet and tell her. Otherwise the guilt will just build and build. Can you imagine telling her in a years time and being forgiven?

It would also be helpful to you to own your mistakes. You state that you don't know why you cheated but then you also know that you'll never do it again. These seem contradictory? How can you know you'll never act the same again if you don't know what caused you to act the way in the first place? You need to confront your flaws in order to become a better person.

Either tell her and possibly end up in a stronger relationship or just leave her if you can't bear the thought of being truthful.
0
reply
username3890778
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#47
Report 1 month ago
#47
I have no sympathy for you. If you really loved her then you would have controlled yourself. A likkle row and you’re out here having sex with other chicks? buh to the bye!!!
3
reply
Toki the Dumdum
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#48
Report 1 month ago
#48
(Original post by sleepingmonarch)
Honestly chances are she'll hate him more if he continues to be dishonest, so it still makes more sense to tell her asap.
Telling her further down the line is a complete no-no. Stacking the horrible act with a big lie would just be awful. It's why being honest immediately is important.

If OP chooses not to say anything then there'll be a noticeable change in behaviour. It must affect the way you act. Ultimately, gf will pick up on this and damage to relationship will be done too.
0
reply
sinfonietta
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#49
Report 1 month ago
#49
You can tell her; you just don't want to. Do the right thing and tell her.
0
reply
District nurse
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#50
Report 1 month ago
#50
There's a lot of people here telling you how terrible you are. You know you've messed up big time, you don't need anyone telling you that. Everyone makes mistakes. EVERYONE. **** happens. Forgive yourself, don't do it again, move on and enjoy the rest of your life because it's very, very short - you blink and 30 years are behind you. Good luck.
0
reply
Rock Fan
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#51
Report 1 month ago
#51
If you don't tell her then you are a coward
0
reply
Anonymous #7
#52
Report 1 month ago
#52
(Original post by Anonymous)
For context, me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years. It’s been perfect and I really do love her — she’s cute, fun, caring and I would do anything for her. Sometimes she’s very insecure and lacks confident which she works on though.

Well, I’ve not gotten with anyone throughout the whole first year of uni and she did the same. We saw each other once every 2 weeks or so and messaged daily.

But last month we had a rather large row and I was just so mad at her and didn’t feel it. Another girl who I’ve always been attracted to and had a connection with spoke to me and picked me up and regrettably it did lead to a kiss and somehow sex.

The next morning I felt absolutely horrible and told the girl I couldn’t speak with her anymore as she knew I had a girlfriend. I’ve been weighing up everything in my head and feel even worse as I know my girlfriend would never do that to me.

I just can’t tell her as even though it wrecks my conscience, a) I really want to stay with her and love her and b) I know her self esteem and confidence would be absolutely destroyed and I don’t want or can’t have that.

How do I handle the situation especially since we’re meant to be going to Nice in 2 weeks.

And before you answer I do know I don’t deserve her and am a horrible person
I'm not replying any further but nobody respects you more for not telling her. You say you are keeping your cheating from her to protect her, but you are using that as a shield to protect yourself. You have 2 options.
1. Break up with her.
2. Confess to her the truth. (You will either do this now or you could wait to do it later, waiting is way worse though, and everyday you live without telling her the truth you are living a lie.)

To end, I have no respect for you as a man unless you tell her the truth right now
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#53
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#53
I appreciate everyone saying it and I know you’re right and I should tell her.

Not only because I respect her but because I genuinely do care about her and love her.

The reason I’m reluctant is because the past month or so has possibly been the best we’ve had in our relationship and I don’t know if I can throw that away and ruin everything.

I’ve definitely learnt my lesson and won’t do it again but doesn’t mean I should ruin a 2 year relationship and a holiday for a mistake. It was a terrible one, but still something I’ll learn from.
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#54
Report 1 month ago
#54
(Original post by Anonymous)
I appreciate everyone saying it and I know you’re right and I should tell her.

Not only because I respect her but because I genuinely do care about her and love her.

The reason I’m reluctant is because the past month or so has possibly been the best we’ve had in our relationship and I don’t know if I can throw that away and ruin everything.

I’ve definitely learnt my lesson and won’t do it again but doesn’t mean I should ruin a 2 year relationship and a holiday for a mistake. It was a terrible one, but still something I’ll learn from.
Look, there are only 3 things which can happen now-

1) you don’t tell her. Eventually she’ll find out OR the guilt will cause you to self sabotage the relationship.

2) you tell her the truth- she dumps you. You eventually learn to forgive yourself and u meet someone new and become a better person

3) you tell her- she forgives you. You move on in ur relationship and it’s better than before because you’ve gone through something hard together.


Without honesty, a relationship is nothing. I know u don’t want to ‘throw’ away ur relationship and ‘ruin everything’, but you’ll be unhappy if u have to lie to the one you love, perhaps for the rest of ur life if u get married.

Telling her the truth won’t necessarily result in the relationship ending. But you know what certainly will? Just allowing the lies to eat away at you and ur relationship slowly
1
reply
LostLioness
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#55
Report 1 month ago
#55
People like this just make you so glad to be single.
0
reply
Izzythestudent
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#56
Report 1 month ago
#56
Tell her so she can dump ur ass and move onto someone better
0
reply
UWS
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#57
Report 1 month ago
#57
(Original post by Anonymous)
Well that’s not advice in how to handle the situation or what to do as I still really do love her.
No you don't as you wouldn't have opened your legs for other girls.
0
reply
Toki the Dumdum
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#58
Report 1 month ago
#58
(Original post by Anonymous)
I appreciate everyone saying it and I know you’re right and I should tell her.

Not only because I respect her but because I genuinely do care about her and love her.

The reason I’m reluctant is because the past month or so has possibly been the best we’ve had in our relationship and I don’t know if I can throw that away and ruin everything.

I’ve definitely learnt my lesson and won’t do it again but doesn’t mean I should ruin a 2 year relationship and a holiday for a mistake. It was a terrible one, but still something I’ll learn from.
:lol:

Your relationship has apparently been the best it's ever been in the past month. Curious that it has happened directly after you getting laid? What do you think will happen when at some point in the future you have another row with your gf? You'll call back to this point in your relationship where cheating has paid off for you to produce the best of your relationship. Heck, you'll probably even rationalise that you need to cheat in order to properly appreciate your gf. That's the respect and love you have for her. Poor her.
0
reply
Anonymous #6
#59
Report 1 month ago
#59
(Original post by Anonymous)
I appreciate everyone saying it and I know you’re right and I should tell her.

Not only because I respect her but because I genuinely do care about her and love her.

The reason I’m reluctant is because the past month or so has possibly been the best we’ve had in our relationship and I don’t know if I can throw that away and ruin everything.

I’ve definitely learnt my lesson and won’t do it again but doesn’t mean I should ruin a 2 year relationship and a holiday for a mistake. It was a terrible one, but still something I’ll learn from.
It DOES mean you should ruin it. You've already ruined it anyways. Allow her the choice. This shouldn't be your call, it should be HER decision. The fact that you're not even gonna allow that, presents just how little respect you place on her. No matter how much you're lying to her right now. If someone treated YOU like this, you'd be angry. Treat others how you'd want to be treated.

Absolutely no sympathy for your plight. If I was her, I'd want to be told.
0
reply
angel.xo
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#60
Report 1 month ago
#60
you never loved her to begin with otherwise you wouldn't have cheated. she deserves somebody better than a cheat so you better tell her what you've done before you go on holiday so she can dump your ass and forget you forever.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top

What's your favourite genre?

Rock (145)
24.37%
Pop (145)
24.37%
Jazz (26)
4.37%
Classical (34)
5.71%
Hip-Hop (104)
17.48%
Electronic (42)
7.06%
Indie (99)
16.64%

Watched Threads

View All