I cheated on my girlfriend but can’t tell her - advice needed Watch

Anonymous #1
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#1
For context, me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years. It’s been perfect and I really do love her — she’s cute, fun, caring and I would do anything for her. Sometimes she’s very insecure and lacks confident which she works on though.

Well, I’ve not gotten with anyone throughout the whole first year of uni and she did the same. We saw each other once every 2 weeks or so and messaged daily.

But last month we had a rather large row and I was just so mad at her and didn’t feel it. Another girl who I’ve always been attracted to and had a connection with spoke to me and picked me up and regrettably it did lead to a kiss and somehow sex.

The next morning I felt absolutely horrible and told the girl I couldn’t speak with her anymore as she knew I had a girlfriend. I’ve been weighing up everything in my head and feel even worse as I know my girlfriend would never do that to me.

I just can’t tell her as even though it wrecks my conscience, a) I really want to stay with her and love her and b) I know her self esteem and confidence would be absolutely destroyed and I don’t want or can’t have that.

How do I handle the situation especially since we’re meant to be going to Nice in 2 weeks.

And before you answer I do know I don’t deserve her and am a horrible person
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A.J_MURAPPR
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I do know I don’t deserve her and am a horrible person
question answered, sorry mate
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by A.J_MURAPPR)
question answered, sorry mate
Well that’s not advice in how to handle the situation or what to do as I still really do love her.
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SerendipityA1
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Your girlfriend deserves to know.

You knew what you were doing, so I don't understand the 'somehow it led to sex part'.

You do not love your girlfriend as much as you think.

Tell her as soon as possible, and offer to drop out of the Nice trip and pay for a change of name to one of her mates or family members.

You had the guts to sleep with another woman behind your girl's back, have the guts to tell her.
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Anonymous #2
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She deserves something better than you- someone that respects her and has consideration toward her.
Tell her so she can dump you and get what she actually deserves.
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username3917068
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Just stop being so selfish and face the consequences. If you cared about her that much u’d give her the choice. It’s not about what you want anymore, you’ve done enough. Btw, love how you tried to sound so selfless when you are being anything but (reason B).

Last time I’m reading these cheating posts. Makes my blood boil 🙄
Last edited by username3917068; 2 months ago
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
For context, me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years. It’s been perfect and I really do love her — she’s cute, fun, caring and I would do anything for her. Sometimes she’s very insecure and lacks confident which she works on though.

Well, I’ve not gotten with anyone throughout the whole first year of uni and she did the same. We saw each other once every 2 weeks or so and messaged daily.

But last month we had a rather large row and I was just so mad at her and didn’t feel it. Another girl who I’ve always been attracted to and had a connection with spoke to me and picked me up and regrettably it did lead to a kiss and somehow sex.

The next morning I felt absolutely horrible and told the girl I couldn’t speak with her anymore as she knew I had a girlfriend. I’ve been weighing up everything in my head and feel even worse as I know my girlfriend would never do that to me.

I just can’t tell her as even though it wrecks my conscience, a) I really want to stay with her and love her and b) I know her self esteem and confidence would be absolutely destroyed and I don’t want or can’t have that.

How do I handle the situation especially since we’re meant to be going to Nice in 2 weeks.

And before you answer I do know I don’t deserve her and am a horrible person
Let her know and allow her to dump you. You don't seem to be a person worth fighting for.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SerendipityA1)
Your girlfriend deserves to know.

You knew what you were doing, so I don't understand the 'somehow it led to sex part'.

You do not love your girlfriend as much as you think.

Tell her as soon as possible, and offer to drop out of the Nice trip and pay for a change of name to one of her mates or family members.

You had the guts to sleep with another woman behind your girl's back, have the guts to tell her.
I never thought sex would happen and it shouldn’t have.

And I do love her so so much, we’ve been together 2 years and I don’t want to ruin everything with this for both our sakes.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
Let her know and allow her to dump you. You don't seem to be a person worth fighting for.
She knows exactly how much I love and care about her. I’d do anything to take it back but unfortunately I can’t and that’s the thing.

She would be utterly destroyed if I told her.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Lady Jamie)
Just stop being so selfish and face the consequences. If you cared about her that much u’d give her the choice. It’s not about what you want anymore, you’ve done enough. Btw, love how you tried to sound so selfless when you are being anything but (reason B).

Last time I’m reading these cheating posts. Makes my blood boil 🙄
I wasn’t being selfless as I know what I did was the most selfish act imaginable.

But I do know how much it’ll crush her if I say and I can’t do that. I want to stay with her more than anything and can’t do that to her.
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
She knows exactly how much I love and care about her. I’d do anything to take it back but unfortunately I can’t and that’s the thing.

She would be utterly destroyed if I told her.
Then calmly leave her. She appears to be a good person and does not need someone like you.
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victoriu
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(Original post by Anonymous)
For context, me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years. It’s been perfect and I really do love her — she’s cute, fun, caring and I would do anything for her. Sometimes she’s very insecure and lacks confident which she works on though.

Well, I’ve not gotten with anyone throughout the whole first year of uni and she did the same. We saw each other once every 2 weeks or so and messaged daily.

But last month we had a rather large row and I was just so mad at her and didn’t feel it. Another girl who I’ve always been attracted to and had a connection with spoke to me and picked me up and regrettably it did lead to a kiss and somehow sex.

The next morning I felt absolutely horrible and told the girl I couldn’t speak with her anymore as she knew I had a girlfriend. I’ve been weighing up everything in my head and feel even worse as I know my girlfriend would never do that to me.

I just can’t tell her as even though it wrecks my conscience, a) I really want to stay with her and love her and b) I know her self esteem and confidence would be absolutely destroyed and I don’t want or can’t have that.

How do I handle the situation especially since we’re meant to be going to Nice in 2 weeks.

And before you answer I do know I don’t deserve her and am a horrible person
If you really think telling her is gonna make the situation then don't tell her about it but like don't cheat on her again and love her and treat her like she deserves to be treated.
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Msbrownie.xo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
For context, me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years. It’s been perfect and I really do love her — she’s cute, fun, caring and I would do anything for her. Sometimes she’s very insecure and lacks confident which she works on though.

Well, I’ve not gotten with anyone throughout the whole first year of uni and she did the same. We saw each other once every 2 weeks or so and messaged daily.

But last month we had a rather large row and I was just so mad at her and didn’t feel it. Another girl who I’ve always been attracted to and had a connection with spoke to me and picked me up and regrettably it did lead to a kiss and somehow sex.

The next morning I felt absolutely horrible and told the girl I couldn’t speak with her anymore as she knew I had a girlfriend. I’ve been weighing up everything in my head and feel even worse as I know my girlfriend would never do that to me.

I just can’t tell her as even though it wrecks my conscience, a) I really want to stay with her and love her and b) I know her self esteem and confidence would be absolutely destroyed and I don’t want or can’t have that.

How do I handle the situation especially since we’re meant to be going to Nice in 2 weeks.

And before you answer I do know I don’t deserve her and am a horrible person
tbh ive never been in a relationship but u need to tell her and beg for her forgiveness - beg and beg and beg and if that doesnt work then damn, one mistake ruined what could have been a lit marriage
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username3917068
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I wasn’t being selfless as I know what I did was the most selfish act imaginable.

But I do know how much it’ll crush her if I say and I can’t do that. I want to stay with her more than anything and can’t do that to her.
You are focusing on what YOU want. Even you know that what you did was horrible and yet you would still want your gf (someone you claim to love) to stay with someone like that? If that’s not selfishness then I don’t know what is.

Do what to her? Finally giving her the respect that she deserves? Allowing her to see what a scum u are and leave? Telling her is probably gonna cause more detriment to you than her, so don’t even bother pretending to be the saint.

Now I’m ****ing pissed. Don’t bother quoting me because I’m done with this thread. Let’s hope for your gf’s sake that you might finally develop a conscience and tell her.
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
She knows exactly how much I love and care about her. I’d do anything to take it back but unfortunately I can’t and that’s the thing.

She would be utterly destroyed if I told her.
She doesn't know how much you love and care about her - which is not at all - because you won't tell her. Not can't, won't. You're a coward who doesn't want to deal with the consequences for you and are prepared to continue this relationship when it's built on a lie and a complete lack of communication? What are you goibg to do next time you're upset? How would you feel if it was the other way round?

You say you would do anything for her, so end it and let her find someone decent.
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random_matt
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Don't tell then and see how long you can live with the guilt.
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xDron3
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Leave her, you don't deserve her.
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Drewski
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If the tables had been turned, you'd want to know.

End of.
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MWills99
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But last month we had a rather large row and I was just so mad at her and didn’t feel it. Another girl who I’ve always been attracted to and had a connection with spoke to me and picked me up and regrettably it did lead to a kiss and somehow sex.

I just can’t tell her as even though it wrecks my conscience, a) I really want to stay with her and love her and b) I know her self esteem and confidence would be absolutely destroyed and I don’t want or can’t have that.

How do I handle the situation especially since we’re meant to be going to Nice in 2 weeks.

And before you answer I do know I don’t deserve her and am a horrible person
Firstly, these things don't just "happen", you were an active participant. Seems like you weren't thinking about how much you love your girlfriend when you gave into lust.

Secondly, it sounds to me like you're rationalising your preferable decision - which is to not tell her. Surely you'd know her well enough that she'd want the truth from you but you're putting self preservation over that.

With the NIce situation, since you've spent a fair bit of money on it, I'd go on the holiday with her and tell her afterwards. Use this holiday as preparation for breaking up with her, remember the happy times of it.

I don't feel you are a horrible person. However, the mistake is bad but you not telling her would make you horrible imo.
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HobbinsE
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If you really loved her you wouldn’t have done something purposely that you knew would hurt her. You purposely had sex with someone else no other way around it. If you have any respect for her you’d tell her what you did. You did something wrong, face up to the consequences. She deserves better than someone who will cheat on her just because you had a fight.
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