Parents wont let me marry the man I love

Watch
This discussion is closed.
ihter154
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
My mom and dad have refused to let me marry the man I love because he is a lower caste than my family. Is this Right?. My dad said he would rather me marry a man from Pakistan. My father shouts at my mother and exerts emotional pressure onto her to force me to change my mind. i CANNOT GET MARRIED WITHOUT HIS BLESSING.
1
Izzythestudent
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#2
Report 2 years ago
#2
Why do you need his blessing? If you are an adult you can get married without parent permission
3
ihter154
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#3
It is a culture issue, my boyfriends family will not accept me without my parent's blessing. It is a total issue about a culture which I cannot explain to someone outside of the culture.
0
Anonymous #1
#4
Report 2 years ago
#4
What caste are both of you?
0
Izzythestudent
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#5
Report 2 years ago
#5
(Original post by ihter154)
It is a culture issue, my boyfriends family will not accept me without my parent's blessing. It is a total issue about a culture which I cannot explain to someone outside of the culture.
Sounds like you will have to do your best to convince your parents to give you the blessing then, because there should never be a reason you cannot marry the person you love!
Or the two of you could get married privately without the blessing. If you do it in a registry office it can be very discrete.
0
ihter154
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#6
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#6
my father is the most unreasonable man i in the world. I have told him about wanting to marry my boyfriend 2 years ago and he has not budged on the issue. Instead of claiming I am not suitable and mentally ill. The only conversation he has had with my bf's father ended up with my father shouting at him and telling him to look after his own daughters.
0
DrawTheLine
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#7
Report 2 years ago
#7
I know it's a culture thing, but ultimately you and your boyfriend are adults and you can do what you want. You can't live your life doing things that make other people happy. If you let your family control you like this, then one day your parents and his will die and you'll both be left living separate lives that you're not happy with. You legally do not need anybody's permission to get married if you're over 18. It's your life and you can do what you want. You do not have to do what your family would like you to do.
8
londonmyst
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#8
Report 2 years ago
#8
You have a choice.
Explain to your boyfriend and ask if he is willing to get married without your parent's blessing.
If the answer is no, then your father has achieved what he wanted.
If the answer is yes, then it is your decision about what you want more: to marry your boyfriend or have your parents blessing.
Good luck!
4
HumbleBee_x
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#9
Report 2 years ago
#9
are you muslim?
If so, you're marriage is not valid if you're forced into it, and have no attraction towards any other guy. you need to stress the importance of this to your parents, if theres no attraction the marriage with break down. Whats wrong with him being a lower caste?, this is marriage fgs not achieving status

THIS FRUSTRATES ME SM!
5
Anonymous #2
#10
Report 2 years ago
#10
Hi,

Firstly how old are you?
I feel like I'm in a similar position lol.
I'm Muslim.
0
londonmyst
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#11
Report 2 years ago
#11
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
I know it's a culture thing, but ultimately you and your boyfriend are adults and you can do what you want. You can't live your life doing things that make other people happy. If you let your family control you like this, then one day your parents and his will die and you'll both be left living separate lives that you're not happy with. You legally do not need anybody's permission to get married if you're over 18. It's your life and you can do what you want. You do not have to do what your family would like you to do.
There is an significant element of insult in the situation- literally "he is low class (caste) and not good enough to marry my daughter".
The boyfriend's family will discover the insult, be badly offended and this risks the lady's father achieving what he set out to do- stop the marriage.
1
ihter154
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#12
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#12
I am 23 and a Muslim
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,

Firstly how old are you?
I feel like I'm in a similar position lol.
I'm Muslim.
0
Anonymous #3
#13
Report 2 years ago
#13
I presume you are muslim right? First of all, this is a very common issue in the muslim community where some parents choose to not let their child marry who they want to marry as a result of culture and so called "honour and tradition." Firstly, in Islam, preventing your child from marrying who they want to marry is totally forbidden. You have a right to marry who you want to marry as long as they are mature and committed wholeheartedly. You must tell your parents that it is forbidden in Islam to force or coerce you into marrying someone who you do not want to marry. Secondly, the caste system is totally forbidden in Islam. It doesn't matter if your rich, poor, white, brown, black you can marry whoever you want to regardless of so called caste. Your parents would rather put their own egos first than your own wellbeing and happiness. Remember, you can marry who you want to marry. In order to receive your fathers blessing which is indeed the most important requirement for an islamic marriage to be initiated, I would remind him of the fact that distinguishing between castes is forbidden in Islam and that to prevent you from marrying a man who you are attracted towards without a legitimate reason is also forbidden. I hope this helps.
(Original post by ihter154)
My mom and dad have refused to let me marry the man I love because he is a lower caste than my family. Is this Right?. My dad said he would rather me marry a man from Pakistan. My father shouts at my mother and exerts emotional pressure onto her to force me to change my mind. i CANNOT GET MARRIED WITHOUT HIS BLESSING.
0
ihter154
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#14
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#14
Yes I am a Muslim. Anytime I bring the issue my father shuts me down, saying I need to buy a house or learn to cook and clean
(Original post by HumbleBee_x)
are you muslim?
If so, you're marriage is not valid if you're forced into it, and have no attraction towards any other guy. you need to stress the importance of this to your parents, if theres no attraction the marriage with break down. Whats wrong with him being a lower caste?, this is marriage fgs not achieving status

THIS FRUSTRATES ME SM!
0
adviceisallineed
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#15
Report 2 years ago
#15
check your inbox please.
(Original post by ihter154)
My mom and dad have refused to let me marry the man I love because he is a lower caste than my family. Is this Right?. My dad said he would rather me marry a man from Pakistan. My father shouts at my mother and exerts emotional pressure onto her to force me to change my mind. i CANNOT GET MARRIED WITHOUT HIS BLESSING.
0
MillennialX
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#16
Report 2 years ago
#16
Is your boyfriend also Pakistani Muslim?
0
ihter154
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#17
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#17
Thank You for your advice, but without his permission I am stuck
(Original post by londonmyst)
There is an significant element of insult in the situation- literally "he is low class (caste) and not good enough to marry my daughter".
The boyfriend's family will discover the insult, be badly offended and this risks the lady's father achieving what he set out to do- stop the marriage.
1
username4626084
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#18
Report 2 years ago
#18
Main symptoms of braindamage caused by traditions
1
ihter154
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#19
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#19
My father stresses upon me that I "blacken his face" amongst relatives and the community through my actions and eventually return home because I will eventually leave my bf.
(Original post by Anonymous)
I presume you are muslim right? First of all, this is a very common issue in the muslim community where some parents choose to not let their child marry who they want to marry as a result of culture and so called "honour and tradition." Firstly, in Islam, preventing your child from marrying who they want to marry is totally forbidden. You have a right to marry who you want to marry as long as they are mature and committed wholeheartedly. You must tell your parents that it is forbidden in Islam to force or coerce you into marrying someone who you do not want to marry. Secondly, the caste system is totally forbidden in Islam. It doesn't matter if your rich, poor, white, brown, black you can marry whoever you want to regardless of so called caste. Your parents would rather put their own egos first than your own wellbeing and happiness. Remember, you can marry who you want to marry. In order to receive your fathers blessing which is indeed the most important requirement for an islamic marriage to be initiated, I would remind him of the fact that distinguishing between castes is forbidden in Islam and that to prevent you from marrying a man who you are attracted towards without a legitimate reason is also forbidden. I hope this helps.
0
ihter154
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#20
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#20
(Original post by MillennialX)
Is your boyfriend also Pakistani Muslim?
yes he is
0
X
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Are you tempted to change your firm university choice on A-level results day?

Yes, I'll try and go to a uni higher up the league tables (21)
29.17%
Yes, there is a uni that I prefer and I'll fit in better (7)
9.72%
No I am happy with my choice (40)
55.56%
I'm using Clearing when I have my exam results (4)
5.56%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed