Mom loves my friend way too much

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
I've been friends with this girl (we're both girls) for about 4 years now and it's true that she's very lovable. However, my mom has taken this to the next level. Whenever I have my friend over, my mom has absolutely no regard for our privacy. She will barge into my room at any given moment and try to strike up conversation with my friend, despite my friend clearly feeling a little awkward, and us being in the middle of a movie or something.
Because of the culture difference, she also sees no issue in constantly asking my friend uncomfortable/inappropriate questions, like just today she asked when her aunt died. My mom also playfully slaps her butt, which is something that she does with my sister and I (and that we hate) but is just plain uncomfortable both for me and my friend. It's not as though my mom and my friend are friends themselves, but my mom treats her like another daughter which shouldn't be a bad thing, except that my mom is already an extremely overbearing and intrusive parent.
Every time we have a mother-daughter day, my mom is always like "oh, why don't you ask (name of friend) to come along?" This happens EVERY TIME and on several occasions, it's both annoyed me and weirded me out so much that I've straight up told her "why do you act like she's your best friend?"
My mom always responds very jokingly, saying "because she is," and "she's my other daughter" but despite this, I would still expect her to sense my irritation, except she doesn't and she continues to be extremely intrusive.

Everything that I do, be it going out to get groceries, planning a holiday, even going out for lunch with my family on the ONLY day of the week where all of us can be together, my mother always insists that I bring my friend along. And I'm not kidding about the barging into the room thing, she will literally swoop in every 15 minutes.

Not only does she treat my friend like HER best friend, she also acts like the two of us are husband and wife, and I'm just ... expected to take her wherever I go...?
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chelseadagg3r
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#2
Report 1 year ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been friends with this girl (we're both girls) for about 4 years now and it's true that she's very lovable. However, my mom has taken this to the next level. Whenever I have my friend over, my mom has absolutely no regard for our privacy. She will barge into my room at any given moment and try to strike up conversation with my friend, despite my friend clearly feeling a little awkward, and us being in the middle of a movie or something.
Because of the culture difference, she also sees no issue in constantly asking my friend uncomfortable/inappropriate questions, like just today she asked when her aunt died. My mom also playfully slaps her butt, which is something that she does with my sister and I (and that we hate) but is just plain uncomfortable both for me and my friend. It's not as though my mom and my friend are friends themselves, but my mom treats her like another daughter which shouldn't be a bad thing, except that my mom is already an extremely overbearing and intrusive parent.
Every time we have a mother-daughter day, my mom is always like "oh, why don't you ask (name of friend) to come along?" This happens EVERY TIME and on several occasions, it's both annoyed me and weirded me out so much that I've straight up told her "why do you act like she's your best friend?"
My mom always responds very jokingly, saying "because she is," and "she's my other daughter" but despite this, I would still expect her to sense my irritation, except she doesn't and she continues to be extremely intrusive.

Everything that I do, be it going out to get groceries, planning a holiday, even going out for lunch with my family on the ONLY day of the week where all of us can be together, my mother always insists that I bring my friend along. And I'm not kidding about the barging into the room thing, she will literally swoop in every 15 minutes.

Not only does she treat my friend like HER best friend, she also acts like the two of us are husband and wife, and I'm just ... expected to take her wherever I go...?
It sounds like she sees her as another daughter. Does your friend have a difficult home life? My mum has always come on a bit strong with my friends who do
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by chelseadagg3r)
It sounds like she sees her as another daughter. Does your friend have a difficult home life? My mum has always come on a bit strong with my friends who do
No, my friend has a very average home life from what I know..
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liam.ro
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#4
Report 1 year ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been friends with this girl (we're both girls) for about 4 years now and it's true that she's very lovable. However, my mom has taken this to the next level. Whenever I have my friend over, my mom has absolutely no regard for our privacy. She will barge into my room at any given moment and try to strike up conversation with my friend, despite my friend clearly feeling a little awkward, and us being in the middle of a movie or something.
Because of the culture difference, she also sees no issue in constantly asking my friend uncomfortable/inappropriate questions, like just today she asked when her aunt died. My mom also playfully slaps her butt, which is something that she does with my sister and I (and that we hate) but is just plain uncomfortable both for me and my friend. It's not as though my mom and my friend are friends themselves, but my mom treats her like another daughter which shouldn't be a bad thing, except that my mom is already an extremely overbearing and intrusive parent.
Every time we have a mother-daughter day, my mom is always like "oh, why don't you ask (name of friend) to come along?" This happens EVERY TIME and on several occasions, it's both annoyed me and weirded me out so much that I've straight up told her "why do you act like she's your best friend?"
My mom always responds very jokingly, saying "because she is," and "she's my other daughter" but despite this, I would still expect her to sense my irritation, except she doesn't and she continues to be extremely intrusive.

Everything that I do, be it going out to get groceries, planning a holiday, even going out for lunch with my family on the ONLY day of the week where all of us can be together, my mother always insists that I bring my friend along. And I'm not kidding about the barging into the room thing, she will literally swoop in every 15 minutes.

Not only does she treat my friend like HER best friend, she also acts like the two of us are husband and wife, and I'm just ... expected to take her wherever I go...?
Talking should be the first option. Setting boundaries is definitely a good place to start, so you can compile a list of of the conflicting situations you dislike and calmly discuss it with your mum. The key is to be very specific with these; nothing vague. Draw the lines, and make it clear that crossing them would be attempting against your individuality, and that it would hurt you.

Another thing that arises from emotionally intrusive behaviour is a lost sense of autonomy, i.e. she'll be more encouraged to depend on you. Although it's natural for a mother to be codependent on her daughter, it can get unhealthy for you in your adolescent years. Picking up several more hobbies that you can emotionally invest in (e.g. sport, fundraising, learning a new instrument), that can also be completely separated from your mum's involvement could help – it'll help her see your independence more easily, and ease her into backing off of you.
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username4626084
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#5
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Maybe she’s trying to make you close to her and make her feel free whenever she’s around. She probably thinks it’s a way to make you both closer. Some parent tend to so weird stuffs infront of their children friends in order to make them feel free and comfortable. Old mindsets.
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