How do I get over him?

Anonymous #1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
My boyfriend broke up with me because he wants to be single. He says he still loves me and it's hard for him but it feels like he's broken my heart. We were together since uni started last year and were making it work in the summer but he suddenly seemed to not want to be together after weeks of being distant. Before those weeks he really was affectionate and said he loved me and we worked through an unrelated issue before that, and even though now I've said I was willing to make some changes that would have helped improve the relationship but he made his mind up. This is a person who I really connected with and loved and I thought we would go far, and every time I think about hugging him and kissing him and sleeping with him my heart breaks. My mum had to get rid of all his stuff at mine because looking at it kills me, and I deleted everything that is to do with him, but I don't know how I'll get over him or want someone else. The main problem is when I go back to uni we're on the same course, and I don't know how I'm going to look at him in the face every day or even work with him. The idea of being friends is difficult for me to imagine because I want nothing more than to be like it was a few months ago, but now I've lost someone who I felt was ideal in my physical preferences and personality preferences and I don't know how I'd want someone else when he's there and I know we had it so good
Badges: 22
Report 1 year ago
It’ll take time but you will eventually. You just need to distract yourself from him whenever you see him and focus on other stuff like your uni work. It’s better to not be in contact with him because he’s making you feel like this. You could be friends but that’s only after time and hopefully, you’ve moved on.

When I had a really **** breakup with my first love, I tried to distract myself through my hobbies but it was alright but it was my friends that helped me through it and mostly time. Then those hobbies were actually helpful afterwards as it became a thing which helped me forgot and I actually enjoyed. I never gotten over him but eventually i moved on.

It’ll take time but just keep trying different things until it starts to get better so don’t think about him as it’ll hurt you and focus on yourself. You broke up and you can’t change his mind now so you have to be brave and go through this long gruelling process. It will be hard but you can do it. Good luckkkkk.
Badges: 11
Report 1 year ago
First and foremost, you need to remember how to love yourself. The truth is that during the time you're in a relationship, you hold your partner as someone who is extremely important to you, sometimes even more so than yourself. Breakups happen within a couple of moments, and so it will naturally be hard to separate the idea of your ex from someone who was once your best friend, a counsellor and lover all in one from someone who has broken your heart. Although unfortunate at a first glance, take it as an opportunity to grow as a person and remind yourself of your own worth. You do not need him. Go out with friends, take time out with the family, get into some new hobbies; anything that will distract you from your breakup. It may sound a little superficial at first, but receiving love from those you love will help to lessen the blow. It is easy to fall into a dark mindset since this is a time of vulnerability, which makes a support system more important now than ever. Please do not make the mistake of trying to jump into another romantic/sexual relationship with anyone! It will make your recovery a lot harder, because what you're essentially doing is trying to 'fill a void' that can only be filled with self-discovery and time. You need to make yourself the centre of your universe once again, and you will benefit from it.

What you should never do is try to contact him, whether it is to ask for an explanation or try to resolve issues in the hopes of getting back together, right after you breakup. As you rightfully pointed out, being friends at a crucial time like this will only conflate romantic feelings with platonic ones; lulling you into a false sense of security, as you'll trick yourself into believing that you two are still together.

You need to accept that sometimes, even the most perfect relationships don't work out. Not necessarily due to you or him, but simply because you two are, at your core, not compatible. You could both be amazing and still not have a successful relationship, and that is 100% ok. What you must not do is blame yourself for the way things turned out, because in the end, a relationship it is a two way street. He could very well love you as a person, but feel as though things aren't right for him. In a way, he's doing you a favour. There's no doubt you would have been even more hurt if he pretended that everything was ok.

Honestly it's a constant uphill battle until you forget about him. Get rid of photos and videos. Unfollow or block him on all of your social media so that you're not stalking his page. Of course, you will still have to see him when you get back to uni, which is somewhat inconvenient, but remind yourself to always keep a respectful distance from him. Whenever you're reminded of him, remember why you broke up. He does not want to be with you. If he did, you guys wouldn't have broken up. It is over. If need be, ask your friends to be around you at all times and to steer you away from situations where you could run into him. The sooner you let go, the better. It doesn't mean that you guys can't be friends in the future, but for now, you need to focus on getting yourself back into shape mentally.

Lastly, remind yourself that he is not the only one out there. It's easy to feel as though you will never run into someone better, but that's a huge lie. In the end, he is obviously not the one, as things didn't work out. There are over 7 billion people on Earth. While I know you cannot date every one of them, it still leaves a huge number of people who will match your preferences and exceed your ex's qualities.

Wishing you the best xxx

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