I dont like being mixed race and ethnically ambigious.

Hey guys,

This is quite a sensitive topic for me and it has something I have struggled with my whole life. I am what some people would call a mixed race individual. I am mixed Thai (mother) and my dad, well, saying Mauritian would be too simple. He's a mixture of the following: Madagascar, Indian, Southeast asian and French. My parents are divorced (since I was one) and I live with my Irish stepfather, who is like a father to me.

Sometimes, I like people to guess where Im from (they obvious never get it right). However, most times I hate the "what are you?" question. A question which all mixed people hate and it makes you feel so alienated.

From growing up with my mother and step father, I just always called myself "Thai," and noone really questioned it until puberty...

During my life, my outward racial appearance has changed dramatically. From a "yellow-skinned" southeast asian child to now, a brown-skinned ethnically ambigious person. By ethnically ambigious person, I mean someone who could literally be from anywhere in the world (for me, anywhere outside of Europe).

During puberty, basically all my dad's ancestor manifested all at once LOL. I couldnt "pass" for Thai anymore, which was crushing for me, as it was a massive part of me. Now, I always pass for being South Asian. I have also been asked if Im North African, Malaysian, Indonesian and sometimes half black. Im the definition of ethnically ambigious haha.

This shattered my confidence and self-esteem. Was I living a lie my whole life? Am I not allowed to claim my Thai-ness anymore? I came to self-loathe myself and shamefully have asked my mum, "Why didnt you just marry another Thai person?" Im a ********, yes.

To try and "prove" my Thai-ness to the whole world, I started learning Thai. And Ive reached a near native ability in the language, which Im proud of, and is probably the best achievement in my life to date. Only now will people accepted me as "Thai," including Thai people. I passed as Thai in Thailand when I went during my childhood and early teenage years, as an adult, it was a debated topic amongst Thais when I couldnt speak Thai. But I do now most of time, well at least culturally. (Just to add, in terms of physical appearance, I just about pass as Southern Thai people who stereotypically have darker skin, "tall noses," and big, round eyes, which are the features I have).

Learning Thai has, tbh, not made me happier as I originally hoped. I sometimes have gone through periods of deep depression, and have become extremely introverted due to the same.

I feel weird posting this, but I wanted to see if other mixed people like myself have the same struggles or experiences perhaps as myself. My stepfather has asked me to get help for the depression, but I just seem to dismiss the idea as I feel noone could relate to my life story and therefore couldnt help me.

I really want to regain my self-confidence and try to be proud of who I am and stop hiding from who I am too.

Reply 1

Corps

19

Why do you feel the need to grasp onto your parents’ ethnicities. I’m very mixed but couldn’t really care less about where my parents are from and get annoyed when people ask me where I’m from because I’m from London. It’s where I’m from and I haven’t experienced any other way of life. I’ve never even left the UK. I’m just me and I hate when people try to attach labels to me. I feel like you’re kind of doing that to yourself. On the other hand, I have had people disregard my views as confusion. I don’t like being asked where I’m from because I’m ‘confused’ about my cultural and ethnic backgrounds.
I know my little brother (he looks white, pale skin, pale eyes) gets really confused because he lives with a bunch of brown people, and mother is always saying that we’re black and I just wish he could be himself. I always feel as though he’s trying to overcompensate due to the colour of his skin and the fact that like the rest of us (including my mother), he’s mixed and doesn’t really know much about his ethnic make up.
Sorry if that seemed like a bit of a rant. I just want you to be happy with you as you.

Reply 2

DrSocSciences

19

We’re all mixed people. Every single one of us. And this has been the case for over ten thousand generations.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

I live in Ireland, a place with very little mixture. My mother and I were the only ethnic people around for many years until very recent. I was always labelled this that and the other when I was growing up. Due to this, I reminded people that I am "Thai" and I also from a young age considered myself Thai from growing up with my mother and stepfather. (I have a very strained relationship with my biological father and resent him alot due to previous convos with him)

Original post by Corps

Why do you feel the need to grasp onto your parents’ ethnicities. I’m very mixed but couldn’t really care less about where my parents are from and get annoyed when people ask me where I’m from because I’m from London. It’s where I’m from and I haven’t experienced any other way of life. I’ve never even left the UK. I’m just me and I hate when people try to attach labels to me. I feel like you’re kind of doing that to yourself. On the other hand, I have had people disregard my views as confusion. I don’t like being asked where I’m from because I’m ‘confused’ about my cultural and ethnic backgrounds.
I know my little brother (he looks white, pale skin, pale eyes) gets really confused because he lives with a bunch of brown people, and mother is always saying that we’re black and I just wish he could be himself. I always feel as though he’s trying to overcompensate due to the colour of his skin and the fact that like the rest of us (including my mother), he’s mixed and doesn’t really know much about his ethnic make up.
Sorry if that seemed like a bit of a rant. I just want you to be happy with you as you.

Reply 4

black tea

19

Original post by Anonymous

I live in Ireland, a place with very little mixture. My mother and I were the only ethnic people around for many years until very recent. I was always labelled this that and the other when I was growing up. Due to this, I reminded people that I am "Thai" and I also from a young age considered myself Thai from growing up with my mother and stepfather. (I have a very strained relationship with my biological father and resent him alot due to previous convos with him)

I can't relate to being mixed race, but I can certainly relate to some of your experiences. I moved to the UK as a child and also lived in a place that was not very ethically diverse, and I struggled a lot with feeling like I don't fit in over the years. I felt like I wan't accepted here because I was foreign, yet I also didn't fit in back home either, and had a similar issue to you with not being able to speak my mother tongue very well (but also feeling like my English wasn't quite good enough despite not having an accent).

What I did to help myself at school was to embrace my foreign identity here in the UK rather than try to fit in. I worked on my mother tongue, and started reading and watching TV shows and listening to music in my first language. My friends just viewed me as a slightly odd foreign person and that was that. When we visited family abroad, I would do the opposite and act like I am British and people there accepted me as a slightly odd westernised person. So although I still struggled with my identity a lot, I worked out ways of making myself feel more comfortable with who I am.

What really helped though was going to university. I met loads of people from all sorts of backgrounds, and it made me realise that it was OK to be different and nothing to be ashamed of. It's wasn't until then that I realised I could fit in despite my background.

So I guess my question to you would be - do you struggle with your mixed race because you don't know what to tell other people or because you are not sure how to identify to yourself? If it's the former - just say whatever you feel comfortable with; if you feel Thai, say you are Thai- if people don't think you look like their stereotype of what a Thai person should look like, that's their problem. Or say you are mixed Thai and Mauritian and leave it at that. Most people just ask as part of small talk and don't really care about the answer, tbh.

If it's the latter, just try to accept yourself for who you are because your race and ethnicity don't define that. Come up with a definition of who you are ethnically that makes sense to you and go with it. (I identify ethnically as someone from my country of birth, even though my family is actually not historically from there - just to make matters slightly more complicated lol)

(edited 4 years ago)

I dont like being mixed race and ethnically ambigious.

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