Introvert with social anxiety and social interactions Watch

Kathy89
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I recently moved to a new house. I live in a duplex now were the second floor is me and another girl, we had a click immediately, we are always together cooking, eating and talking a lot. The first floor is the guys' floor, there are three of them. They are nice and friendly. The girl often drags me to spend time with everyone, mostly eating together or watching a movie or a program. I am the only introvert in the house. I like the people there and I feel free talking with them and everything, but it makes me tired. I know that social interaction with a large group of strangers is always putting me under sort of pressure. I always make sure the people around me know I have social anxiety and it helps a lot when I explain it.

Anyway, last night we sat to eat and watch a movie, after the movie we just continue talking about random stuff, it was fun, but I felt really tired and went to my room to watch some series on my computer. When my floor-mate went to her room she heard that I was watching something and not sleeping... she came to my room and I saw she was hurt by me not wanting to spend time with everyone and preferring being alone... She knows I'm an introvret and it drowns energy from me to spend time with strangers... when I told her that (again) she started saying that we are not strangers and things like that (I've been there less than a month, she is new there as well). I know she meant good and she feels a bit hurt, but this is actually the first time a person does not understand what I am talking about when I explain it. I want to explain it again, but in a way she and the guys (mostly she) will understand it better. I said we'll talk about it tomorrow (today).

Are there any other introverts there who knows how to explain these things?
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Palmyra
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Even best friends need some alone time to chill out before bed (for example).

It's not that you act like you are strangers; your need for alone time to relax is not necessarily linked to how close or comfortable you feel with that person.

The fact you join them and enjoyed the conversations (etc) shows that they are not 'strangers' to you at all.
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Kathy89
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(Original post by Palmyra)
Even best friends need some alone time to chill out before bed (for example).

It's not that you act like you are strangers; your need for alone time to relax is not necessarily linked to how close or comfortable you feel with that person.

The fact you join them and enjoyed the conversations (etc) shows that they are not 'strangers' to you at all.
Not really. I am still not really free with them. I can handle spending time one on one with any with them for a long time, but being with bunch of them is harder. I'm just getting tired of socializing, they don't seem to get the idea, especially the girl.
You are right about wanting to be alone from time to time no matter what, but it was not the case at all.
With a close person I can be very active and social and and spending all day long with them without even noticing it.
I'm not extremely introverted to the point of being alone all day long all the time...I do want to socialize, but I get tired of it.
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Palmyra
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(Original post by Kathy89)
Not really. I am still not really free with them. I can handle spending time one on one with any with them for a long time, but being with bunch of them is harder. I'm just getting tired of socializing, they don't seem to get the idea, especially the girl.
You are right about wanting to be alone from time to time no matter what, but it was not the case at all.
With a close person I can be very active and social and and spending all day long with them without even noticing it.
I'm not extremely introverted to the point of being alone all day long all the time...I do want to socialize, but I get tired of it.
Well I wasn’t trying to diagnose your psychological situation but just give you ideas of what you can tell your flatmates, so it doesn’t have to be 100% accurate (probably best not to tell them that if you liked them you wouldn’t get tired of them!)

I can understand from their POV because they want everyone to socialise and be friends and you maybe make it difficult let’s say, but from your POV they are not really your friends so you don’t enjoy to socialise with them for too much.

I have had similar experiences with a female flatmate that wanted us all to be good friends rather than realise we just share a house out of convenience and maybe we don’t all want to be so close... so I can kind of understand your problem and I hope you can communicate to her your thoughts in a way that doesn’t upset her. Good luck
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Kathy89
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It is not that they are not friends or that I don't like them, it takes time, I enjoy socialising but it makes me tired.... You see, it is difficult to explain.
They are friendly and I like that...I wouldn't have moved with strangers if they weren't so friendly in the first place.
They are all "oh... let's do something together" type of people and I am more of a loner, but I do like them though.... It just takes time for me to be completely free with people and when I do, I am very social. I am not even meowing with them yet.... (I make cat sounds a lot and I act like a cat when I'm excited and happy).

Thanks for your support.
Last edited by Kathy89; 2 months ago
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Analyst89
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I hope this helps:

1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?

2) Smile, smiling in contagious.

3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, you have got as much right as everyone else.

Think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily. Relax.

Have good posture, body language, improve your appearance. Be happy with yourself.

Be with positive people, progress, you could learn a new skill.

4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.

5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?

6) Ask how they are, how's it going, how's everything, what's the latest, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about what's happening.

Listening is important.

Talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them,

Compliment them, say "I like your jacket".

If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.

You could also talk about what's relevant.

7) Be passionate about life.

9) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, open, approachable, interested, relaxed












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Kathy89
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#7
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(Original post by Analyst89)
I hope this helps:

1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?

2) Smile, smiling in contagious.

3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, you have got as much right as everyone else.

Think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily. Relax.

Have good posture, body language, improve your appearance. Be happy with yourself.

Be with positive people, progress, you could learn a new skill.

4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.

5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?

6) Ask how they are, how's it going, how's everything, what's the latest, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about what's happening.

Listening is important.

Talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them,

Compliment them, say "I like your jacket".

If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.

You could also talk about what's relevant.

7) Be passionate about life.

9) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, open, approachable, interested, relaxed












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Good advice !
They help a lot. I actually follow them a lot and it makes it much easier. In my job I work with people, I'm a distribution agent, and these things help a lot in work.
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Kathy89
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#8
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Watched football with the guys today. Now I'm so tired, waiting for my floor-mate to finish her shower, so I can shower and go to bed.
It was fun spending time with the guys. They didn't expect me to want to spend time with them. I said I want to socialize more and I enjoy watching football. Most of the time I was quiet eating snacks and drinking beer but I did reply when they were speaking to me.
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Palmyra
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(Original post by Kathy89)
Watched football with the guys today. Now I'm so tired, waiting for my floor-mate to finish her shower, so I can shower and go to bed.
It was fun spending time with the guys. They didn't expect me to want to spend time with them. I said I want to socialize more and I enjoy watching football. Most of the time I was quiet eating snacks and drinking beer but I did reply when they were speaking to me.
Baby steps! And it shows they are getting more used to you and your boundaries. Good news all round.
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mgi
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(Original post by Kathy89)
I recently moved to a new house. I live in a duplex now were the second floor is me and another girl, we had a click immediately, we are always together cooking, eating and talking a lot. The first floor is the guys' floor, there are three of them. They are nice and friendly. The girl often drags me to spend time with everyone, mostly eating together or watching a movie or a program. I am the only introvert in the house. I like the people there and I feel free talking with them and everything, but it makes me tired. I know that social interaction with a large group of strangers is always putting me under sort of pressure. I always make sure the people around me know I have social anxiety and it helps a lot when I explain it.

Anyway, last night we sat to eat and watch a movie, after the movie we just continue talking about random stuff, it was fun, but I felt really tired and went to my room to watch some series on my computer. When my floor-mate went to her room she heard that I was watching something and not sleeping... she came to my room and I saw she was hurt by me not wanting to spend time with everyone and preferring being alone... She knows I'm an introvret and it drowns energy from me to spend time with strangers... when I told her that (again) she started saying that we are not strangers and things like that (I've been there less than a month, she is new there as well). I know she meant good and she feels a bit hurt, but this is actually the first time a person does not understand what I am talking about when I explain it. I want to explain it again, but in a way she and the guys (mostly she) will understand it better. I said we'll talk about it tomorrow (today).

Are there any other introverts there who knows how to explain these things?
You should go to CBT and counselling to confront your shyness!
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Anonymous #1
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Just man up and dont be shy lol..

But honestly, tell them you're shy and dont like to be in big crowds and they will respect you.
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Kathy89
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(Original post by mgi)
You should go to CBT and counselling to confront your shyness!
(Original post by Anonymous)
Just man up and dont be shy lol..

But honestly, tell them you're shy and dont like to be in big crowds and they will respect you.
It is not shyness, and it is not that I don't 'like' being in big crowds.... 4-5 people is not a big crowd, I just have to feel really free with them. They are nice, but it will take time to get used to them...

I've been seeing a counselor all the highschool years and in uni , it helped a lot. I know how to deal with it and doing well. Usually it works like a magic. When people know you have some problems and trying your best to solve them, they are not so judgmental of you they are even trying to help in a right way, if you explain them how to help you and when....

Thanks for the advice though...
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mgi
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(Original post by Kathy89)
It is not shyness, and it is not that I don't 'like' being in big crowds.... 4-5 people is not a big crowd, I just have to feel really free with them. They are nice, but it will take time to get used to them...

I've been seeing a counselor all the highschool years and in uni , it helped a lot. I know how to deal with it and doing well. Usually it works like a magic. When people know you have some problems and trying your best to solve them, they are not so judgmental of you they are even trying to help in a right way, if you explain them how to help you and when....

Thanks for the advice though...
No problem. I hope things work out well for you.
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Kathy89
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Yesterday was another football night with the guys. It was fun. They invited a few other guys and I was the only girl there. At first I didn't feel belonged and was uncomfortable, but when one of the guys asked me to move between them, to the middle, just to be more in the center, I said I didn't want to, but when one of the guests told me not to be shy, I thought about it for a moment... like I want to have fun being social, but I don't want to feel exaughsted afterwards, but who cares.... so I moved to the center, between the two housemates (I feel kinda ok with them). One of them started tickling me when asking to pass the chips or any other snack to him.. I started mewing like a cat when you tease it (I can make a really high tone voice when screaming or mewing....usually my voice is low-tone, like a teenage guy when their voice is unstable yet... I hate my voice for that). Anyway, it seemed they enjoyed the sounds I made. So he continued teasing me by taking my glasses off. He asked then if I feel uncomfortable with him teasing me, and I said it is fine... I drank a bit, so I was more social. It was kind of awkward because after every single thing he did he asked if it is fine.... I then was like..."you know, it is more logical to ask before you do anything and not after....it looks like you are testing your limits." I knew it was all in a friendly way, and he meant nothing sexual... it was just awkward...

I am used to situations like these because I was always with groups of guys (my brothers' friends, running team at school etc...) I'm ok with being the only girl in a guys company.... but I never felt so free infront of strangers and people I know for only a month. I feel it is a great progress.

Today morning I spoke to my floormate, she was like... we need to find somthing to do together besides cooking....
It seemed like she feels I'm spending too much time with the guys and too little with her.... or on the other hand, maybe everyone feels I'm the house pet, and want to spend time with me just because it is fun..... I don't know... it is strange... but so far I'm feeling much better socializing, especially after drinking a bit.
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Palmyra
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(Original post by Kathy89)
maybe everyone feels I'm the house pet, and want to spend time with me just because it is fun..... I don't know... it is strange... but so far I'm feeling much better socializing, especially after drinking a bit.
Maybe your meowing might have something to do with this?

PS. Sounds like good progress indeed
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Kathy89
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(Original post by Palmyra)
Maybe your meowing might have something to do with this?

PS. Sounds like good progress indeed
Thanks! *blush*
Yeah. Especially when is is unexpectedly good and genuine.... I grew up with cats most of my life, and I'm basically a cat... My nickname was always Kitty or Kitten.
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