Pakistani mum makes me do all the housework Watch

Anonymous #1
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I'm 18 and got two brothers who are older than me and my mum abuses me for not doing the chores and always being on my phone whilst my brothers don't get told off for even putting their plate back in the kitchen!! If I left my plate on the table and went upstairs, my mum would say I'm stupid and brainless. My brothers are on their phones 24/7 not helping out coz they don't get told to help out. Mother always controls my life, deciding what I should wear, I get told off for not wearing a top that's long enough to cover my backside. I once went to an all-girls function and I didn't want to wear my hijab and my mum was so shocked, saying "oh you don't want to wear your hijab anymore!!" and me wanting to take off my hijab was only for one day....its really annoying because there's so much worse sh*t going on in the world but my mum cares about what I wear so much! She thinks if I take off my hijab for one day, I'll get out of control. I'm also constantly compared to my cousins! Anyone else have similar experiences?!! If yes, how do you deal with such parents!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 18 and got two brothers who are older than me and my mum abuses me for not doing the chores and always being on my phone whilst my brothers don't get told off for even putting their plate back in the kitchen!! If I left my plate on the table and went upstairs, my mum would say I'm stupid and brainless. My brothers are on their phones 24/7 not helping out coz they don't get told to help out. Mother always controls my life, deciding what I should wear, I get told off for not wearing a top that's long enough to cover my backside. I once went to an all-girls function and I didn't want to wear my hijab and my mum was so shocked, saying "oh you don't want to wear your hijab anymore!!" and me wanting to take off my hijab was only for one day....its really annoying because there's so much worse sh*t going on in the world but my mum cares about what I wear so much! She thinks if I take off my hijab for one day, I'll get out of control. I'm also constantly compared to my cousins! Anyone else have similar experiences?!! If yes, how do you deal with such parents!
Also, I was the only girl to wear Hijab in the all-girls function! My mum emotionally blackmails me by saying I look better in the hijab...that the organizers of the party haven't seen me without my hijab so I should wear it! I absolutely hate wearing it now, but dont want to take it off coz of fear.
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yousman3357
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Just do as you mother says, eventhough her method can be “mad”, she wants the best of you in terms of practicing faith. If you are going to wear a headscarf, wear one for God.

As for the house chores, some people are given a challenge with parents that may not understand how to make things fair. Though think of it as an honour that your mother is asking you of all people to help her. Think of the reward God may give you
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Anonymous #2
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The reason why your mom treats you like this is because this is what she has been thought as a kid , but obviously these thoughts are an old fashioned close minded way of thinkning .

Try to talk to your mom in a calm manner and use reason with her , dont get frustrated with her when she tells u to do chores , talk to her in a calm polite manner and try to make her understand about things like feminism , use reason

And as for your clothing , wear whatever u feel more comfortable in , tell your mom that u will wear more modest clothing as you grow up , give it time , enjoy your youth
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Anonymous #3
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LMFAO welcome to the club sis
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keptinside
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Pakistani’s traditions. Just wait till your married in few months or something
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by yousman3357)
Just do as you mother says, eventhough her method can be “mad”, she wants the best of you in terms of practicing faith. If you are going to wear a headscarf, wear one for God.

As for the house chores, some people are given a challenge with parents that may not understand how to make things fair. Though think of it as an honour that your mother is asking you of all people to help her. Think of the reward God may give you
My mum is the only practicing person in the house, she prays and everything but doesnt encourage me to pray. She likes to impose culture more than religion.
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yousman3357
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I am sorry, but the headscarf is necessarily cultural.
To cover your hair is more religious and particular Islam.
(Original post by Anonymous)
My mum is the only practicing person in the house, she prays and everything but doesnt encourage me to pray. She likes to impose culture more than religion.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The reason why your mom treats you like this is because this is what she has been thought as a kid , but obviously these thoughts are an old fashioned close minded way of thinkning .

Try to talk to your mom in a calm manner and use reason with her , dont get frustrated with her when she tells u to do chores , talk to her in a calm polite manner and try to make her understand about things like feminism , use reason

And as for your clothing , wear whatever u feel more comfortable in , tell your mom that u will wear more modest clothing as you grow up , give it time , enjoy your youth
She wouldn't listen to me coz she knows she needs to prepare me for marriage, where I would have to listen to my mother in law and If I don't cook or clean, no one would want to get married to me. Idm cleaning up, I hate mess. But when everyday, my brothers or dad cant even do simple things like putting their plates back in the kitchen or hanging their coats on the door, it really bothers me.
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yousman3357
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It is important that you choose when and who you get married to, if your parents force you to get married, I strongly advise you to see an Imam.
(Original post by Anonymous)
She wouldn't listen to me coz she knows she needs to prepare me for marriage, where I would have to listen to my mother in law and If I don't cook or clean, no one would want to get married to me. Idm cleaning up, I hate mess. But when everyday, my brothers or dad cant even do simple things like putting their plates back in the kitchen or hanging their coats on the door, it really bothers me.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by keptinside)
Pakistani’s traditions. Just wait till your married in few months or something
Don't plan to get married anytime soon and especially to a Pakistani man. Parents treat their sons like they're better than girls and are always taught that their wives will do everything for them. My older bro whos 22 cant even turn on the washing machine. Every family is different, but the majority of P*ki families do treat their sons more favorably.
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Anonymous #2
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At the end of the day its your life and you can live it the way u choose to or you can spend it trying to make everyone else happy .
And if the only reason u are wearing your hijab is bc u are scared of your mother then theres no point bc even god doesnt consider your hijab as a good deed anymore
wear it for the right reasons or dont .
(Original post by Anonymous)
She wouldn't listen to me coz she knows she needs to prepare me for marriage, where I would have to listen to my mother in law and If I don't cook or clean, no one would want to get married to me. Idm cleaning up, I hate mess. But when everyday, my brothers or dad cant even do simple things like putting their plates back in the kitchen or hanging their coats on the door, it really bothers me.
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yousman3357
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Remember:

Hijab is a concept of dressing modestly, it doesn’t just mean covering your hair.

There is no point wearing a headscarf and then wearing tight jeans and a crop top underneath!
(Original post by Anonymous)
At the end of the day its your life and you can live it the way u choose to or you can spend it trying to make everyone else happy .
And if the only reason u are wearing your hijab is bc u are scared of your mother then theres no point bc even god doesnt consider your hijab as a good deed anymore
wear it for the right reasons or dont .
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by yousman3357)
Remember:

Hijab is a concept of dressing modestly, it doesn’t just mean covering your hair.

There is no point wearing a headscarf and then wearing tight jeans and a crop top underneath!
Its not a crop top lmaoo its a normal shirt that just doesn't cover the shape of my bum
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keptinside
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Don't plan to get married anytime soon and especially to a Pakistani man. Parents treat their sons like they're better than girls and are always taught that their wives will do everything for them. My older bro whos 22 cant even turn on the washing machine. Every family is different, but the majority of P*ki families do treat their sons more favorably.
Ikr.. cultures
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joe goldberg
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How many proposals have you had till now?
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yousman3357
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I was just using a “crop top” as an example.
I wasn’t referencing to your attire.

In Islam, God doesn’t expect your prayers to be perfect, in fact the only thing that God expects perfection in is :




Looking after your parents.

God wants nothing but the best service to your parents.
So whatever happens, don’t disrespect your mother, just listen to her.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Its not a crop top lmaoo its a normal shirt that just doesn't cover the shape of my bum
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by joe goldberg)
How many proposals have you had till now?
I'm only 18....
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babyshsn786
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Also, I was the only girl to wear Hijab in the all-girls function! My mum emotionally blackmails me by saying I look better in the hijab...that the organizers of the party haven't seen me without my hijab so I should wear it! I absolutely hate wearing it now, but dont want to take it off coz of fear.
I dont understand the bit about you having to wear hijab? Why is this. Its been part of your identity for so long . Look inwards i dosnt your troubles are coz of wearing it.
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JulesClock
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm only 18....
I want to be completely transparent here - I don't come from a Pakistani or a Muslim background and therefore I won't completely understand your experience. If you want to discount my advice because of this I completely understand that and I hope I don't speak out of turn.

However, your background do not really matter here and my advice would be the same no matter who you are. You mother is emotionally abusing you. Maybe her own experiencing are playing a part in this or indeed societal expectation, but she does not have the right to call you "stupid" or "brainless". As long as you are her dependent, she can reasonably expect you to help around the house to an extent - but you do have every right to express upset with the fact that your brothers aren't helping. She might not understand the problem, but you do have a right to be upset and be honest about that with her.

Somebody above, who does actually seem to be a practicing muslim, suggested talking to your Imam. That's not a bad idea if you are also practicing and feel comfortable doing so. There is a mismatch between your mum's culture and your own and I have no doubt your Imam has seen this one-million times before.
Finally, if there is some way you can find the money to leave your family home and become independent of them, then I would recommend that. I understand this might be unorthodox and upsetting to some people (again, I don't have the context to really know how your family might react). However, you are in an abusive environment and it is important to put up boundaries and look after yourself. You clearly know yourself well and it is okay to go after what you want from life, even if you just want to wear your hijab three days of the week. Giving yourself literal space will give you the room to set up healthy boundaries with your family and this is the best way of developing a healthy relationship with your parents and brothers.

That would be my advice. If you want to talk to some people who might relate better to your experience, I found this charity https://mwrc.org.uk/what-we-do/helpline/

I hope this helps and I wish you all the best!
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