Breaking up with him... Watch

Starsis20
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
So I’ve been with this guy for around five months now and everything seemed okay, but he recently showed a different side to him that I had worries about from the start. He’s two years older than me so I’ve always had the annoying gut feeling that he’s more experienced than me and may pressure me into sort of sexual things, but I continued to ignore it.

Recently, he made it very clear that he wanted to basically have sex with me and I’ve told him many times despite how much I like him and maybe in the near future I would want to but right now in this time I wasn’t ready for that. He said he understood and that it’s fine he would wait because he had genuine feelings for me and that I mean a lot to him. However I’m not sure if it’s because he can’t control himself, but eventually the conversation about us being intimate came up again and I realised the more we spoke the more “comfortable” he became and felt it was okay to talk about his sexual needs and what he wanted to do. I felt uncomfortable and also sort of disappointed in him because I get that sex is part of a relationship but not to the extent that it worries me or it’s almost the main focus of our relationship.

I was torn for a decision and I spoke to my parents about it and they told me he clearly has the wrong intentions and he doesn’t respect me. It’s difficult because they don’t know him obviously like I do, but apart from that everything was great between us. He was really supportive of me if I was ever upset and he genuinely listened to me, we got on well overall.

But I won’t act like the main problem is outweighed by the pros because I believe sex is a very big factor and it’s important. Also I have little experience to none whereas he has had a girlfriend in the past and he’s familiar with these things. It upsets me because I still have feelings for him and I will miss him but if I know it won’t go anywhere is it unfair to carry on speaking to him.

I ended things with him and he respected my decision and we didn’t speak for one evening, the next morning he messaged me saying how he’s unable to not speak to me and it’s made him realise that he’s actually in love with me and he doesn’t want me to leave him. So that left me in a predicament because it just feels quite toxic and at this point I’m not sure if he’s being genuine or manipulative and it’s confused my feelings with him a lot. So I spoke to him for another two days like how we usually do, but it just doesn’t feel the same because he kind of does the same thing hinting at sex when it comes up in conversation.

Update on my current situation: I’ve sent him a paragraph on reasons why we should end it and hopefully that can be the end from there.

I’m indecisive because I still like him a lot but I don’t have that same enthusiasm as I first did about him because I’m constantly doubting him despite how much he “reassures” me but I think his priorities in a relationship is wrong.
0
reply
mgi
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 3 weeks ago
#2
(Original post by Starsis20)
So I’ve been with this guy for around five months now and everything seemed okay, but he recently showed a different side to him that I had worries about from the start. He’s two years older than me so I’ve always had the annoying gut feeling that he’s more experienced than me and may pressure me into sort of sexual things, but I continued to ignore it.

Recently, he made it very clear that he wanted to basically have sex with me and I’ve told him many times despite how much I like him and maybe in the near future I would want to but right now in this time I wasn’t ready for that. He said he understood and that it’s fine he would wait because he had genuine feelings for me and that I mean a lot to him. However I’m not sure if it’s because he can’t control himself, but eventually the conversation about us being intimate came up again and I realised the more we spoke the more “comfortable” he became and felt it was okay to talk about his sexual needs and what he wanted to do. I felt uncomfortable and also sort of disappointed in him because I get that sex is part of a relationship but not to the extent that it worries me or it’s almost the main focus of our relationship.

I was torn for a decision and I spoke to my parents about it and they told me he clearly has the wrong intentions and he doesn’t respect me. It’s difficult because they don’t know him obviously like I do, but apart from that everything was great between us. He was really supportive of me if I was ever upset and he genuinely listened to me, we got on well overall.

But I won’t act like the main problem is outweighed by the pros because I believe sex is a very big factor and it’s important. Also I have little experience to none whereas he has had a girlfriend in the past and he’s familiar with these things. It upsets me because I still have feelings for him and I will miss him but if I know it won’t go anywhere is it unfair to carry on speaking to him.

I ended things with him and he respected my decision and we didn’t speak for one evening, the next morning he messaged me saying how he’s unable to not speak to me and it’s made him realise that he’s actually in love with me and he doesn’t want me to leave him. So that left me in a predicament because it just feels quite toxic and at this point I’m not sure if he’s being genuine or manipulative and it’s confused my feelings with him a lot. So I spoke to him for another two days like how we usually do, but it just doesn’t feel the same because he kind of does the same thing hinting at sex when it comes up in conversation.

Update on my current situation: I’ve sent him a paragraph on reasons why we should end it and hopefully that can be the end from there.

I’m indecisive because I still like him a lot but I don’t have that same enthusiasm as I first did about him because I’m constantly doubting him despite how much he “reassures” me but I think his priorities in a relationship is wrong.
Yes,fine. You should follow your instinct. He is not suitable for you and its best that you split up with him. However, if you are dating a guy who fancies you for 5 months then i think he is entitled to make references to sex with you. It would be a red flag if he didn't in my opinion. What you have to do with guys like this is to make clear after a few months that you are looking for some real evidence of commitment, like an engagement ring, before you can become intimate. He will then understand whether or not he loves you enough to continue. This stops you wasting too much time with guys who don't want what you want!
1
reply
Fruits125
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#3
Report 3 weeks ago
#3
I can see this from both sides. It must be frustrating for you if you're not ready but also frustrating for him if he wants intimacy in the relationship which is completely normal and what would normally separate you from being just friends. I think your nervous about taking it to the next level because you're worried he has more experience. It's a tough one as you both obviously get on well together but are wanting different things from the relationship.
0
reply
Adz2042
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#4
Report 3 weeks ago
#4
he's not putting your best intentions first. he wants sex, you want to wait till the right time (that could be months, or years).
but you're right. it shouldn't be the main focus of a relationship.
socialising together and doing fun activities is what makes relationships strong(er) - in my mind, at least.
if he's constantly bringing up hints of sex /sexual theme during conversation, that's not what you ideally want in a BF.

I know break-ups are hard, been through a few myself, but time does heal.
Focus on you, your interests, hobbies, book a holiday with the family, get yourself doing something you enjoy the most, and enjoy life, from your perspective. when you're ready, then you'll find someone to come along for the adventure!
0
reply
Starsis20
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#5
Thank you so much you’re right
(Original post by Adz2042)
he's not putting your best intentions first. he wants sex, you want to wait till the right time (that could be months, or years).
but you're right. it shouldn't be the main focus of a relationship.
socialising together and doing fun activities is what makes relationships strong(er) - in my mind, at least.
if he's constantly bringing up hints of sex /sexual theme during conversation, that's not what you ideally want in a BF.

I know break-ups are hard, been through a few myself, but time does heal.
Focus on you, your interests, hobbies, book a holiday with the family, get yourself doing something you enjoy the most, and enjoy life, from your perspective. when you're ready, then you'll find someone to come along for the adventure!
0
reply
Adz2042
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 week ago
#6
(Original post by Starsis20)
Thank you so much you’re right
You're welcome.
Any update on his communications with you & are you together, or gone your separate ways?
0
reply
samuraialaddin
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 week ago
#7
all problematic guys are nice at first, that's why girls fall for them. years down the line with maybe kids you probably don't want this to be your story. Im 20 and have sexual experience with an ex but I now regret it because it was rushed (and we broke up anyway)
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
0
reply
samuraialaddin
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 week ago
#8
and dude, honestly, pressuring a girl for sex is a HORRIBLE thing to do. I know cultures can be different, sure, and I personally am pretty open, but **** man. Girls have it 10 times tougher than guys. guys can **** every woman on the block and it's all good with the homies, but there's too many stories of girls being mistreated because guys think this type of behavior is okay. it's not. I'm not judging you, but be tough man, even in an open society sex will forever be a sensitive thing ESPECIALLY since you're only 18!
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
0
reply
Starsis20
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#9
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#9
(Original post by Adz2042)
You're welcome.
Any update on his communications with you & are you together, or gone your separate ways?
Hey well after posting this I tried ending things the first time and I couldn’t leave him as he pretty much shrugged it off and said uh fine. He ended up talking to me again and I ended things a week later the second time and he begged me to stay with him so i did and we tried to talk like before but it didnt feel the same and he was still hinting about sex despite everything we talked about. So on Sunday I just stopped replying to him because I couldn’t do it anymore and since then his friend messaged me and he messaged me himself too saying that he was confused because I left him without an explanation. I said to him that I couldn’t continue because I wasn’t 100% in it anymore and I can’t lead him on
0
reply
Starsis20
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#10
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#10
And he said that next time I shouldn’t be so selfish because he was hurt that I didn’t reply and said he’s not upset that I’m not into him anymore but disturbed by my conduct and he never thought I was the type of girl to leave him like that. However I felt I could not explain further and he was mentally draining and it was never going to work well after that so he continued to insult me to call me selfish and wished me the best so I’m guessing it’s over for good now :/
0
reply
Starsis20
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#11
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#11
I think he’s was just very manipulative and now I’m just viewing it as a lesson because he’s very immature if he puts that first
(Original post by samuraialaddin)
all problematic guys are nice at first, that's why girls fall for them. years down the line with maybe kids you probably don't want this to be your story. Im 20 and have sexual experience with an ex but I now regret it because it was rushed (and we broke up anyway)
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#12
Report 1 week ago
#12
don't have sex with him otherwise you'll regret it later. i suggest you breakup with him
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#13
Report 1 week ago
#13
You deserve so much better. He was toxic for you so those feelings you have for him will fade quite quickly, you’ll surprise yourself. For now take care of your health, you are worth so much more. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not good enough. Chin up, girl. Sending you love ♥️♥️
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
0
reply
Adz2042
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 week ago
#14
(Original post by Starsis20)
And he said that next time I shouldn’t be so selfish because he was hurt that I didn’t reply and said he’s not upset that I’m not into him anymore but disturbed by my conduct and he never thought I was the type of girl to leave him like that. However I felt I could not explain further and he was mentally draining and it was never going to work well after that so he continued to insult me to call me selfish and wished me the best so I’m guessing it’s over for good now :/
He cannot control your views so I would say he was selfish for not getting the hint.
It'll only get better for you, as now it's time to focus on yourself more. Socialise, hang out with friends, do the things you have always wanted to do.
It's his loss. He has lost an awesome girl (you).
0
reply
Kindasad
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#15
Report 1 week ago
#15
Hey, I just want to say when you want to lose your v-card you'll know. Trust your gut, if its telling you this guy isn't worth it don't do it. It's kinda gross how he keeps bringing it up that often too. You've already said no and he should know how to respect that. Stay strong girl, break ups suck but you will feel better! You're young, enjoy what life has to offer and don't feel bad about leaving him you'll find someone better who will respect you and take no for an answer. Hope you feel better soon. Much love~ <3
1
reply
mgi
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#16
Report 1 week ago
#16
(Original post by samuraialaddin)
all problematic guys are nice at first, that's why girls fall for them. years down the line with maybe kids you probably don't want this to be your story. Im 20 and have sexual experience with an ex but I now regret it because it was rushed (and we broke up anyway)
"all problematic guys are nice at first" This is not true. The truth is that a lot of girls are clueless about being clear from the beginning about what they want from a relationship. The ones who want a long term relationship go too fast to the bedroom without getting clear evidence from the guy about true commitment. You said it yourself: "it was rushed "! If you rush you will have no clue whether you and the guy are on the same page! So it ends up being sex and move on for the guys. Fine if that's what you had in mind. If not- look at how you date.
0
reply
Starsis20
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#17
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
You deserve so much better. He was toxic for you so those feelings you have for him will fade quite quickly, you’ll surprise yourself. For now take care of your health, you are worth so much more. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not good enough. Chin up, girl. Sending you love ♥️♥️
Thank you so much this means so much to me and you’re right! ❤️
1
reply
Starsis20
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#18
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#18
(Original post by Adz2042)
He cannot control your views so I would say he was selfish for not getting the hint.
It'll only get better for you, as now it's time to focus on yourself more. Socialise, hang out with friends, do the things you have always wanted to do.
It's his loss. He has lost an awesome girl (you).
Yeah you’re right I’m trying to move on but he deliberately keeps trying to get into my head. He sent a message from a number with a link to a song on YouTube called look what you’ve done. I tried to call the number to confront him because who else would it be? But it must have been a random number because I wasn’t able to get through. I was indecisive between texting his actual contact saying whether he needed to do that, but I decided to ignore it as I’m giving him the satisfaction he wants. I still very much want to confront him but if it happens again I shall.
0
reply
Starsis20
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#19
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#19
(Original post by Kindasad)
Hey, I just want to say when you want to lose your v-card you'll know. Trust your gut, if its telling you this guy isn't worth it don't do it. It's kinda gross how he keeps bringing it up that often too. You've already said no and he should know how to respect that. Stay strong girl, break ups suck but you will feel better! You're young, enjoy what life has to offer and don't feel bad about leaving him you'll find someone better who will respect you and take no for an answer. Hope you feel better soon. Much love~ <3
Thanks girl
0
reply
tvkradi22
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#20
Report 1 week ago
#20
(Original post by Starsis20)
So I’ve been with this guy for around five months now and everything seemed okay, but he recently showed a different side to him that I had worries about from the start. He’s two years older than me so I’ve always had the annoying gut feeling that he’s more experienced than me and may pressure me into sort of sexual things, but I continued to ignore it.

Recently, he made it very clear that he wanted to basically have sex with me and I’ve told him many times despite how much I like him and maybe in the near future I would want to but right now in this time I wasn’t ready for that. He said he understood and that it’s fine he would wait because he had genuine feelings for me and that I mean a lot to him. However I’m not sure if it’s because he can’t control himself, but eventually the conversation about us being intimate came up again and I realised the more we spoke the more “comfortable” he became and felt it was okay to talk about his sexual needs and what he wanted to do. I felt uncomfortable and also sort of disappointed in him because I get that sex is part of a relationship but not to the extent that it worries me or it’s almost the main focus of our relationship.

I was torn for a decision and I spoke to my parents about it and they told me he clearly has the wrong intentions and he doesn’t respect me. It’s difficult because they don’t know him obviously like I do, but apart from that everything was great between us. He was really supportive of me if I was ever upset and he genuinely listened to me, we got on well overall.

But I won’t act like the main problem is outweighed by the pros because I believe sex is a very big factor and it’s important. Also I have little experience to none whereas he has had a girlfriend in the past and he’s familiar with these things. It upsets me because I still have feelings for him and I will miss him but if I know it won’t go anywhere is it unfair to carry on speaking to him.

I ended things with him and he respected my decision and we didn’t speak for one evening, the next morning he messaged me saying how he’s unable to not speak to me and it’s made him realise that he’s actually in love with me and he doesn’t want me to leave him. So that left me in a predicament because it just feels quite toxic and at this point I’m not sure if he’s being genuine or manipulative and it’s confused my feelings with him a lot. So I spoke to him for another two days like how we usually do, but it just doesn’t feel the same because he kind of does the same thing hinting at sex when it comes up in conversation.

Update on my current situation: I’ve sent him a paragraph on reasons why we should end it and hopefully that can be the end from there.

I’m indecisive because I still like him a lot but I don’t have that same enthusiasm as I first did about him because I’m constantly doubting him despite how much he “reassures” me but I think his priorities in a relationship is wrong.
Just make it a clean break. If he can't respect something that is really important to you, then he's not worth your time and your love. Seriously, you deserve better. He'll probably try to get back together again with you, so maybe just try to avoid talking to him right now. Show him that it's over, and that you've decided it. You have a right to your body and to breaking up with him. Don't let him pressure you into anything.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts

All the exam results help you need

1,861

people online now

225,530

students helped last year

How are you feeling about GCSE Results Day?

Hopeful (214)
12.54%
Excited (156)
9.14%
Worried (306)
17.93%
Terrified (379)
22.2%
Meh (167)
9.78%
Confused (37)
2.17%
Putting on a brave face (234)
13.71%
Impatient (214)
12.54%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed