mental health is ruining me - Uni, hopelessness,
Hi, I've failed the 1st year of 2 courses, I have depression and anxiety. I let my mental health struggles get in the way of my education, as well as family commitments (I went home every 2 weeks for 3/4 days and it was far, for my parents). My parents do not care to understand mental health issues - it has affected my family before through my younger sister. I have mental health support at uni but I can't stay if I keep failing, but honestly going home permanently will break me. It will. With no support because of living under my parents roof, as well as my parents bringing up my failure (they don't know about me failing at all), and my duties in the house, it will be too much. It sounds childish but being at home for periods of time is unbearable for me. Every holiday where I come home I lose my mind. I can't come home but how can I stay at uni when I can't put myself first? I don't know what I want from my life, I've spent a long time giving it to other people. I don't know if I want to stay at uni just to be away from home and help myself or if I want a degree. Even though having a degree can help me in ways, I've failed twice and my mental health got worse through uni too.
At home, I feel so out of control, it's suffocating.
At uni, I'm overwhelmed by the lack of control and I'm terrified and I still let my parents control me.
I feel so hopeless, So much of me wants to give up but I know I shouldn't.
At home, I feel so out of control, it's suffocating.
At uni, I'm overwhelmed by the lack of control and I'm terrified and I still let my parents control me.
I feel so hopeless, So much of me wants to give up but I know I shouldn't.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I've failed the 1st year of 2 courses, I have depression and anxiety. I let my mental health struggles get in the way of my education, as well as family commitments (I went home every 2 weeks for 3/4 days and it was far, for my parents). My parents do not care to understand mental health issues - it has affected my family before through my younger sister. I have mental health support at uni but I can't stay if I keep failing, but honestly going home permanently will break me. It will. With no support because of living under my parents roof, as well as my parents bringing up my failure (they don't know about me failing at all), and my duties in the house, it will be too much. It sounds childish but being at home for periods of time is unbearable for me. Every holiday where I come home I lose my mind. I can't come home but how can I stay at uni when I can't put myself first? I don't know what I want from my life, I've spent a long time giving it to other people. I don't know if I want to stay at uni just to be away from home and help myself or if I want a degree. Even though having a degree can help me in ways, I've failed twice and my mental health got worse through uni too.
At home, I feel so out of control, it's suffocating.
At uni, I'm overwhelmed by the lack of control and I'm terrified and I still let my parents control me.
I feel so hopeless, So much of me wants to give up but I know I shouldn't.
At home, I feel so out of control, it's suffocating.
At uni, I'm overwhelmed by the lack of control and I'm terrified and I still let my parents control me.
I feel so hopeless, So much of me wants to give up but I know I shouldn't.
Get more support from your uni. Would getting a job instead of going to uni help you?
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I've failed the 1st year of 2 courses, I have depression and anxiety. I let my mental health struggles get in the way of my education, as well as family commitments (I went home every 2 weeks for 3/4 days and it was far, for my parents). My parents do not care to understand mental health issues - it has affected my family before through my younger sister. I have mental health support at uni but I can't stay if I keep failing, but honestly going home permanently will break me. It will. With no support because of living under my parents roof, as well as my parents bringing up my failure (they don't know about me failing at all), and my duties in the house, it will be too much. It sounds childish but being at home for periods of time is unbearable for me. Every holiday where I come home I lose my mind. I can't come home but how can I stay at uni when I can't put myself first? I don't know what I want from my life, I've spent a long time giving it to other people. I don't know if I want to stay at uni just to be away from home and help myself or if I want a degree. Even though having a degree can help me in ways, I've failed twice and my mental health got worse through uni too.
At home, I feel so out of control, it's suffocating.
At uni, I'm overwhelmed by the lack of control and I'm terrified and I still let my parents control me.
I feel so hopeless, So much of me wants to give up but I know I shouldn't.
At home, I feel so out of control, it's suffocating.
At uni, I'm overwhelmed by the lack of control and I'm terrified and I still let my parents control me.
I feel so hopeless, So much of me wants to give up but I know I shouldn't.
Sounds like you are at uni to run away from home.
My first suggestion would have been to quit uni and go home, get better and then think about return or a job when better.
1. You are saying you can’t go home as it will destroy your MH.
2. You are also saying you can’t stay at uni because of your MH.
You also can’t cope with the academic side of uni.
The only positive side of uni is that you get some MH support.
* I assume you have been seeing your GP for regular visits and had therapy via them and via the university?
3. If you have failed uni again, then what is the result of failing and what have the uni said?
Surely you can’t enrol for year 2 so you can’t go back?
It would seem to me Uni is not an option, so that leaves:
A) Staying at home and coping with parents.
B) Getting a job and moving out into a shared house to get away from parents? That brings its own stresses.
C) Moving to a uni closer to home? It is unclear if uni makes it better or worse?
I think you need to speak to a counsellor to find out what your options are and which is the least worst one.
I can’t work out which is best, so I think you need to share and speak with a helpline or counsellor.
Do you have any friends who you can confide in and trust?
1. Samaritans 116 123
2. https://kooth.com/ Online counselling
3. Your uni should have their own nightline and student manned counselling service.
4. The Mix. 0808 808 4994. Sunday to Friday from 2pm to 11pm. webchat Sunday to Friday from 2pm to 11pm, and Saturday from 8pm to 11pm.
5. Papyrus HOPElineUK: 0800 068 41 41
Papyrus-uk.org
Support for those dealing with suicide, depression or emotional distress – particularly teenagers and young adults.
6. Sane 4.30pm to 10.30pm on 0300 304 7000.
7. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
8. Disabled Students Helpline - 0330 995 0414
Telephone: 0330 995 0414
9. Depression and anxiety
No Panic
https://www.nopanic.org.uk/feature/helpline/
(5p a min) or via email which is free.
https://www.nopanic.org.uk/email-support/
No Panic has a youth helpline and membership which is £ £5 a course for mentoring if 13-20.
The helpline is open between 3pm and 6pm Monday to Friday, 6pm and 8pm Thursday and Saturday and you can phone it on 0330 606 1174.
https://www.nopanic.org.uk/youth-helpline/
Youth Memberships are free for a limited time and Youth one to one mentoring is discounted to £5 per course. This is all for those aged between 13 and 20 years old.
10. Anxiety UK
Infoline: 03444 775 774
Mon-Fri 9:30am - 5.30pm
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/anxiety-information/young-people-and-anxiety/
Anxiety UK has forums- no idea how good they are or not.
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/forums/
https://depression.org.nz/is-it-depression-anxiety/self-test/
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/selfleafpdf/depression
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/selfleafl.pdf/loneliness/at_download/file
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/selfleafpdf/anxipan
https://www.mind.org.uk/media/34696345/depression-2019-web-pdf.pdf
https://www.mind.org.uk/media/34633809/anxiety-2017-web-pdf.pdf
ADVICE
This is what I would do:
1.Preserve student Finance
If you have had depression and anxiety which has caused you to fail twice, then you have a serious MH issue. You will need evidence of this for the future, so make a list collect or get letters from any therapist and the GP plus evidence you were suffering, visits, medication and supporting letters from GP, therapist tutor for each year confirming you were suffering anxiety and depression, plus getting treatment plus evidence. You need to be sure that the depression and anxiety contributed to you failing the exams and affected your studies.
Get those documents, names and contacts details of people then file them away. If you ever try and reclaim student finance you need to show them evidence, so proof could be worth thousands of pounds and may be your only way back into education. Get those details now as people love on or forget. It might seem irrelevant, but you won’t be saying that if you want to go back to uni and they won’t finance you.
2. It isn’t clear whether you are at home and if you have failed uni a second time whether they will let you back? Imo you have run out of student finance and at the moment do not have the capacity to do a degree, so it would be wasted money. Do collect what I said in 1.
3. That means you may have to stay at home or get a job and move out.
4. The only means of support I can think of are the charities above plus your GP (CAMHS) can be patchy, so see if you can get a mentor or local support group above. You have to use this support and any support group to start tackling your depression. You need to be thinking clearly so you can see where you are and what you have to do. You need help as you havent coped by yourself.
5. Develop a strategy for dealing with parents. With MH it clouds your ability to think clearly. If I accept, they don’t care and will be unsympathetic plus guilt you over it? Then I would develop a strategy to ignore or listen without letting it affect you, in one ear and out the other plus don’t get into fights or react. Additionally, get other strategies for meditation and do things to help you improve self-esteem. Princes Trust, volunteering etc.
6. I don’t have a magic answer, but takes these steps and things should start to make more sense.
That is the advice I would be giving myself, preserve student finance, keep a roof over your head, ignore parents, work on getting better. When you are better you can return to uni and have a normal student life free of serious depression where you can focus on a subject you like plus have a social life. Don’t hide and keep engaging with people. Look after and heal yourself till you get to a better place. Don’t lose hope.
I hope you have the good sense to read this and start taking note, then follow it up if you want to get better over time. Take it one day at a time , set small targets and believe you can get there day by day and week by week.
Take care.
(edited 4 years ago)
Original post by 999tigger
Sounds like you are at uni to run away from home.
My first suggestion would have been to quit uni and go home, get better and then think about return or a job when better.
1. You are saying you can’t go home as it will destroy your MH.
2. You are also saying you can’t stay at uni because of your MH.
You also can’t cope with the academic side of uni.
The only positive side of uni is that you get some MH support.
* I assume you have been seeing your GP for regular visits and had therapy via them and via the university?
3. If you have failed uni again, then what is the result of failing and what have the uni said?
Surely you can’t enrol for year 2 so you can’t go back?
It would seem to me Uni is not an option, so that leaves:
A) Staying at home and coping with parents.
B) Getting a job and moving out into a shared house to get away from parents? That brings its own stresses.
C) Moving to a uni closer to home? It is unclear if uni makes it better or worse?
I think you need to speak to a counsellor to find out what your options are and which is the least worst one.
I can’t work out which is best, so I think you need to share and speak with a helpline or counsellor.
Do you have any friends who you can confide in and trust?
1. Samaritans 116 123
2. https://kooth.com/ Online counselling
3. Your uni should have their own nightline and student manned counselling service.
4. The Mix. 0808 808 4994. Sunday to Friday from 2pm to 11pm. webchat Sunday to Friday from 2pm to 11pm, and Saturday from 8pm to 11pm.
5. Papyrus HOPElineUK: 0800 068 41 41
Papyrus-uk.org
Support for those dealing with suicide, depression or emotional distress – particularly teenagers and young adults.
6. Sane 4.30pm to 10.30pm on 0300 304 7000.
7. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
8. Disabled Students Helpline - 0330 995 0414
Telephone: 0330 995 0414
9. Depression and anxiety
No Panic
https://www.nopanic.org.uk/feature/helpline/
(5p a min) or via email which is free.
https://www.nopanic.org.uk/email-support/
No Panic has a youth helpline and membership which is £ £5 a course for mentoring if 13-20.
The helpline is open between 3pm and 6pm Monday to Friday, 6pm and 8pm Thursday and Saturday and you can phone it on 0330 606 1174.
https://www.nopanic.org.uk/youth-helpline/
Youth Memberships are free for a limited time and Youth one to one mentoring is discounted to £5 per course. This is all for those aged between 13 and 20 years old.
10. Anxiety UK
Infoline: 03444 775 774
Mon-Fri 9:30am - 5.30pm
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/anxiety-information/young-people-and-anxiety/
Anxiety UK has forums- no idea how good they are or not.
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/forums/
https://depression.org.nz/is-it-depression-anxiety/self-test/
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/selfleafpdf/depression
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/selfleafl.pdf/loneliness/at_download/file
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/selfleafpdf/anxipan
https://www.mind.org.uk/media/34696345/depression-2019-web-pdf.pdf
https://www.mind.org.uk/media/34633809/anxiety-2017-web-pdf.pdf
ADVICE
This is what I would do:
1.Preserve student Finance
If you have had depression and anxiety which has caused you to fail twice, then you have a serious MH issue. You will need evidence of this for the future, so make a list collect or get letters from any therapist and the GP plus evidence you were suffering, visits, medication and supporting letters from GP, therapist tutor for each year confirming you were suffering anxiety and depression, plus getting treatment plus evidence. You need to be sure that the depression and anxiety contributed to you failing the exams and affected your studies.
Get those documents, names and contacts details of people then file them away. If you ever try and reclaim student finance you need to show them evidence, so proof could be worth thousands of pounds and may be your only way back into education. Get those details now as people love on or forget. It might seem irrelevant, but you won’t be saying that if you want to go back to uni and they won’t finance you.
2. It isn’t clear whether you are at home and if you have failed uni a second time whether they will let you back? Imo you have run out of student finance and at the moment do not have the capacity to do a degree, so it would be wasted money. Do collect what I said in 1.
3. That means you may have to stay at home or get a job and move out.
4. The only means of support I can think of are the charities above plus your GP (CAMHS) can be patchy, so see if you can get a mentor or local support group above. You have to use this support and any support group to start tackling your depression. You need to be thinking clearly so you can see where you are and what you have to do. You need help as you havent coped by yourself.
5. Develop a strategy for dealing with parents. With MH it clouds your ability to think clearly. If I accept, they don’t care and will be unsympathetic plus guilt you over it? Then I would develop a strategy to ignore or listen without letting it affect you, in one ear and out the other plus don’t get into fights or react. Additionally, get other strategies for meditation and do things to help you improve self-esteem. Princes Trust, volunteering etc.
6. I don’t have a magic answer, but takes these steps and things should start to make more sense.
That is the advice I would be giving myself, preserve student finance, keep a roof over your head, ignore parents, work on getting better. When you are better you can return to uni and have a normal student life free of serious depression where you can focus on a subject you like plus have a social life. Don’t hide and keep engaging with people. Look after and heal yourself till you get to a better place. Don’t lose hope.
I hope you have the good sense to read this and start taking note, then follow it up if you want to get better over time. Take it one day at a time , set small targets and believe you can get there day by day and week by week.
Take care.
My first suggestion would have been to quit uni and go home, get better and then think about return or a job when better.
1. You are saying you can’t go home as it will destroy your MH.
2. You are also saying you can’t stay at uni because of your MH.
You also can’t cope with the academic side of uni.
The only positive side of uni is that you get some MH support.
* I assume you have been seeing your GP for regular visits and had therapy via them and via the university?
3. If you have failed uni again, then what is the result of failing and what have the uni said?
Surely you can’t enrol for year 2 so you can’t go back?
It would seem to me Uni is not an option, so that leaves:
A) Staying at home and coping with parents.
B) Getting a job and moving out into a shared house to get away from parents? That brings its own stresses.
C) Moving to a uni closer to home? It is unclear if uni makes it better or worse?
I think you need to speak to a counsellor to find out what your options are and which is the least worst one.
I can’t work out which is best, so I think you need to share and speak with a helpline or counsellor.
Do you have any friends who you can confide in and trust?
1. Samaritans 116 123
2. https://kooth.com/ Online counselling
3. Your uni should have their own nightline and student manned counselling service.
4. The Mix. 0808 808 4994. Sunday to Friday from 2pm to 11pm. webchat Sunday to Friday from 2pm to 11pm, and Saturday from 8pm to 11pm.
5. Papyrus HOPElineUK: 0800 068 41 41
Papyrus-uk.org
Support for those dealing with suicide, depression or emotional distress – particularly teenagers and young adults.
6. Sane 4.30pm to 10.30pm on 0300 304 7000.
7. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
8. Disabled Students Helpline - 0330 995 0414
Telephone: 0330 995 0414
9. Depression and anxiety
No Panic
https://www.nopanic.org.uk/feature/helpline/
(5p a min) or via email which is free.
https://www.nopanic.org.uk/email-support/
No Panic has a youth helpline and membership which is £ £5 a course for mentoring if 13-20.
The helpline is open between 3pm and 6pm Monday to Friday, 6pm and 8pm Thursday and Saturday and you can phone it on 0330 606 1174.
https://www.nopanic.org.uk/youth-helpline/
Youth Memberships are free for a limited time and Youth one to one mentoring is discounted to £5 per course. This is all for those aged between 13 and 20 years old.
10. Anxiety UK
Infoline: 03444 775 774
Mon-Fri 9:30am - 5.30pm
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/anxiety-information/young-people-and-anxiety/
Anxiety UK has forums- no idea how good they are or not.
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/forums/
https://depression.org.nz/is-it-depression-anxiety/self-test/
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/selfleafpdf/depression
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/selfleafl.pdf/loneliness/at_download/file
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/selfleafpdf/anxipan
https://www.mind.org.uk/media/34696345/depression-2019-web-pdf.pdf
https://www.mind.org.uk/media/34633809/anxiety-2017-web-pdf.pdf
ADVICE
This is what I would do:
1.Preserve student Finance
If you have had depression and anxiety which has caused you to fail twice, then you have a serious MH issue. You will need evidence of this for the future, so make a list collect or get letters from any therapist and the GP plus evidence you were suffering, visits, medication and supporting letters from GP, therapist tutor for each year confirming you were suffering anxiety and depression, plus getting treatment plus evidence. You need to be sure that the depression and anxiety contributed to you failing the exams and affected your studies.
Get those documents, names and contacts details of people then file them away. If you ever try and reclaim student finance you need to show them evidence, so proof could be worth thousands of pounds and may be your only way back into education. Get those details now as people love on or forget. It might seem irrelevant, but you won’t be saying that if you want to go back to uni and they won’t finance you.
2. It isn’t clear whether you are at home and if you have failed uni a second time whether they will let you back? Imo you have run out of student finance and at the moment do not have the capacity to do a degree, so it would be wasted money. Do collect what I said in 1.
3. That means you may have to stay at home or get a job and move out.
4. The only means of support I can think of are the charities above plus your GP (CAMHS) can be patchy, so see if you can get a mentor or local support group above. You have to use this support and any support group to start tackling your depression. You need to be thinking clearly so you can see where you are and what you have to do. You need help as you havent coped by yourself.
5. Develop a strategy for dealing with parents. With MH it clouds your ability to think clearly. If I accept, they don’t care and will be unsympathetic plus guilt you over it? Then I would develop a strategy to ignore or listen without letting it affect you, in one ear and out the other plus don’t get into fights or react. Additionally, get other strategies for meditation and do things to help you improve self-esteem. Princes Trust, volunteering etc.
6. I don’t have a magic answer, but takes these steps and things should start to make more sense.
That is the advice I would be giving myself, preserve student finance, keep a roof over your head, ignore parents, work on getting better. When you are better you can return to uni and have a normal student life free of serious depression where you can focus on a subject you like plus have a social life. Don’t hide and keep engaging with people. Look after and heal yourself till you get to a better place. Don’t lose hope.
I hope you have the good sense to read this and start taking note, then follow it up if you want to get better over time. Take it one day at a time , set small targets and believe you can get there day by day and week by week.
Take care.
A great post! Hope the OP bothers to read it.
