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My boyfriend is always looking up girls on Instagram

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years we’re both 23. We have each other’s instagrams and I see on his that he’s always searching certain girls up. There’s even one girl that he’s been searching up for 2 years, he doesn’t even follow her. He just looks her up everyday at least once to look at what she posts or watches her story. She’s always posting very provocative pictures. I’ve expressed to him multiple times how this makes me feel uncomfortable and he makes it seems like I’m lame for worrying about things like that. All the girls he looks up have the same body type. A body type I don’t have. He doesn’t message any of them or follow them he just looks them up and then clears his searches everyday. I don’t look up guys everyday to look at their pictures. I just don’t care about anyone else but him. Am I crazy for letting this bother me?
Reply 1
Avatar for Minn131
Minn131
2
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years we’re both 23. We have each other’s instagrams and I see on his that he’s always searching certain girls up. There’s even one girl that he’s been searching up for 2 years, he doesn’t even follow her. He just looks her up everyday at least once to look at what she posts or watches her story. She’s always posting very provocative pictures. I’ve expressed to him multiple times how this makes me feel uncomfortable and he makes it seems like I’m lame for worrying about things like that. All the girls he looks up have the same body type. A body type I don’t have. He doesn’t message any of them or follow them he just looks them up and then clears his searches everyday. I don’t look up guys everyday to look at their pictures. I just don’t care about anyone else but him. Am I crazy for letting this bother me?

Not at all, but if he undermines anything that bothers you... I sense something is off about that.
I don’t think it’s particularly strange or a bad sign, but if you’ve made it explicit that you feel uncomfortable with it and he continues that may be a warning.
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years we’re both 23. We have each other’s instagrams and I see on his that he’s always searching certain girls up. There’s even one girl that he’s been searching up for 2 years, he doesn’t even follow her. He just looks her up everyday at least once to look at what she posts or watches her story. She’s always posting very provocative pictures. I’ve expressed to him multiple times how this makes me feel uncomfortable and he makes it seems like I’m lame for worrying about things like that. All the girls he looks up have the same body type. A body type I don’t have. He doesn’t message any of them or follow them he just looks them up and then clears his searches everyday. I don’t look up guys everyday to look at their pictures. I just don’t care about anyone else but him. Am I crazy for letting this bother me?

I agree with a few other points been made. Looking at other instagrams isn't in itself a problem, my boyfriend follows other women (plus lots of spaniel and airsoft pages :lol:). But if he doesn't pay attention and reassure you when you're concerned or paranoid then maybe you need to talk to him to express your feelings.
Reply 4
Avatar for mgi
mgi
20
What is he looking at girls on instagram for? and they have a type so they are not random. Have you asked him why he feels the need to do so? He fancies and fantasises about some of those girls for sure. If he didn't stop then he would not be allowed to sleep with me. He can't be imagining f.... g them and then sleeping with me as well. He needs to choose one or the other!
Reply 5
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by mgi
What is he looking at girls on instagram for? and they have a type so they are not random. Have you asked him why he feels the need to do so? He fancies and fantasises about some of those girls for sure. If he didn't stop then he would not be allowed to sleep with me. He can't be imagining f.... g them and then sleeping with me as well. He needs to choose one or the other!

He doesnt answer the question when I ask him why he does this. He calls me childish and says I'm worried about those girls more than he is
Being attracted to people doesn't suddenly stop when you get into a relationship, so I don't see anything wrong with what he's doing. What is wrong though is how he's completely brushing off something that obviously bothers you.
Reply 7
Avatar for mgi
mgi
20
Original post by Anonymous
He doesnt answer the question when I ask him why he does this. He calls me childish and says I'm worried about those girls more than he is

He is disrespectful and disregarding your feelings. This is not a healthy basis for any relationship. You should persist in dealing with this issue. He is the one who is actually being childish. But you should not put up with his disrespect. Let him masturbate to those pictures with someone else not you- unless he stops his Instagram obsession!
It's no different to looking at girls on the street really, it's okay to look but not to touch.
that's a sticky one still
Reply 10
Avatar for mgi
mgi
20
Original post by MidgetFever
Being attracted to people doesn't suddenly stop when you get into a relationship, so I don't see anything wrong with what he's doing. What is wrong though is how he's completely brushing off something that obviously bothers you.

Yes , but he is blatantly searching Instagram for other women. Finding someone else attractive is a bit different. If they both agree that its ok then fair enough; but that is not what is happening in this case.
Get him alone for half an hour, and explain clearly that his habits of searching / looking for girls on Instagram is bothering you.
If he goes off on a rant / moan, then give him an ultimatum (meaning he stop his habits and focus on the one girl that makes him happy = you) / OR you end things with him. <- this is a last resort, obviously.

Looking at other people's posts on other social media shouldn't be an issue to anyone, but to some people, it can be a problem.
To me, it's not.
Hope that's useful.
Original post by mgi
He is disrespectful and disregarding your feelings. This is not a healthy basis for any relationship. You should persist in dealing with this issue. He is the one who is actually being childish. But you should not put up with his disrespect. Let him masturbate to those pictures with someone else not you- unless he stops his Instagram obsession!

Alot of times we both acknowledge that a girl is attractive and that isn't a problem to me. its the fact that he tries to hide these things and having this obsessive behavior. Truthfully we can never have a civil conversation, he disrespects me by calling me names and sometimes he puts his hands on me. I feel stupid for even still staying but for some reason I feel too afraid to leave
Original post by Anonymous
Alot of times we both acknowledge that a girl is attractive and that isn't a problem to me. its the fact that he tries to hide these things and having this obsessive behavior. Truthfully we can never have a civil conversation, he disrespects me by calling me names and sometimes he puts his hands on me. I feel stupid for even still staying but for some reason I feel too afraid to leave

This sounds like fair grounds to leave. You get partners who don't actually call you names or puts his hands on you. Like I understand agreeing someone is attractive but hiding when he looking or calling you names when you ask about it... He sounds more disrespectful than I realised. :frown:

If you ever decide to leave him.. Just get some support just in case by some chance he is dangerous (I don't know the situation well enough to be certain of what could happen so I apologise)
Reply 14
Avatar for mgi
mgi
20
Original post by Anonymous
Alot of times we both acknowledge that a girl is attractive and that isn't a problem to me. its the fact that he tries to hide these things and having this obsessive behavior. Truthfully we can never have a civil conversation, he disrespects me by calling me names and sometimes he puts his hands on me. I feel stupid for even still staying but for some reason I feel too afraid to leave


Because unfortunately you dont respect yourself much and your so called bf knows it. He is a coward- like all guys who assault women who disagree with them. You just said that he calls you names, you can't have a civil conversation and he puts his hands on you. And that you are afraid to leave. His Instagram stuff is actually irrelevant. Your opinions on anything don't matter to him. period. You should have dumped him by now. He will get worse- you do realise? How often does he hit you and why put up with it? Obviously your sex life would be predictably crap.right? there is no respect. Time to dump him.
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years we’re both 23. We have each other’s instagrams and I see on his that he’s always searching certain girls up. There’s even one girl that he’s been searching up for 2 years, he doesn’t even follow her. He just looks her up everyday at least once to look at what she posts or watches her story. She’s always posting very provocative pictures. I’ve expressed to him multiple times how this makes me feel uncomfortable and he makes it seems like I’m lame for worrying about things like that. All the girls he looks up have the same body type. A body type I don’t have. He doesn’t message any of them or follow them he just looks them up and then clears his searches everyday. I don’t look up guys everyday to look at their pictures. I just don’t care about anyone else but him. Am I crazy for letting this bother me?

I was about to tell you to frankly talk to him about it until I came across the sentence I've made bold. It is sad to learn that you guys have been together for 8 years already so the relationship is expected to be progressing healthily. Apparently this is not at all the case here. Furthermore, it is apparent to me that he doesn't "love" you as you are, regardless of your body type. I honestly don't know how you guys have kept going for 8 years; he seems quite superficial, inconsistent and not really loyal towards your bond.

And there is still what you have posted below:
Original post by Anonymous
Alot of times we both acknowledge that a girl is attractive and that isn't a problem to me. its the fact that he tries to hide these things and having this obsessive behavior. Truthfully we can never have a civil conversation, he disrespects me by calling me names and sometimes he puts his hands on me. I feel stupid for even still staying but for some reason I feel too afraid to leave

Red flag detected! Are you sure you want to carry on any further with a person with such an attitude? Do you imagine yourself having a future with him? How will you be able to handle his approaches if you, let's say, get married, when you'll really be "stuck" with him.. You can walk away now, and that's what you should do. A healthy everlasting relationship is about respect, trust and civil pleasant communication between the two ends, all come before love, otherwise to hell with such relationship.
I also don't understand why you are too fearful to leave. Is it because you perhaps don't want to throw away 8 years? Let me tell you that unfortunately it happens when long-term apparently happy relationships are destroyed permanently in a moment. However, it often happens for better sequels, even if we don't know anything about these sequels. A relationship is mainly about the quality of it, no matter how long it does last. You have the chance to leave now but it would certainly be much harder when you get officially involved with him. Forget about that Instagram thing, it's now about your self-respect and dignity, would you choose to compromise on them or to preserve them? Your choice. Act upon it.
Reply 16
Avatar for Jayfab
Jayfab
4
Excactly my boyfriend is constantly following naked girls on Instagram but he says I'm insecure. Bull **** I told him when he looks at these girls he is sure to be aroused and then masturbate he said nothing wrong with looking at beauty. I said I will start looking at naked men he said he wouldnt be bothered even though he tells me he loves me. Pmsl is he serious so bye bye boyfriend
Reply 17
Avatar for mgi
mgi
20
Original post by Jayfab
Excactly my boyfriend is constantly following naked girls on Instagram but he says I'm insecure. Bull **** I told him when he looks at these girls he is sure to be aroused and then masturbate he said nothing wrong with looking at beauty. I said I will start looking at naked men he said he wouldnt be bothered even though he tells me he loves me. Pmsl is he serious so bye bye boyfriend

Yes, get rid of him. Get rid of any guy who emotionally or physically abuses you! You don't need them! He was never your bf! A bf knows how to treat his queen and the queen needs to know she is royalty!
Reply 18
Avatar for Asapjay
Asapjay
1
Omg this hit so different just now.....I legit Googled this just now and stumbled on this post and this is me right now and its my fiance!! I'm so hurt!

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