Perfectionist friend commandeering everyone else! Watch

lily_w
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#1
Report Thread starter 11 years ago
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I'm getting really fed up with my friend. We're not even that close, but she has really high expectations of me and all her other friends. Its driving me mad!

Basically she's a very highly-strung perfectionist. She HAS to get a first in every uni essay she does, otherwise its not good enough. She has to do everything to an amazing standard otherwise she gets annoyed. She didn't know all the answers to an exam she did, so she walked out, deciding it wasn't worth getting a 2:1 :eek:
This is fair enough for her, but shes starting to push her high expectations on to her friends.

I'm not used to it because the majority of my other friends are laid-back and easy going. If I can't make a party or a trip to the pub, they'll understand and accept they'll see me another time. But she is completely the opposite. If someone can't make a night out, she'll ***** about it for weeks and will eventually bring it up and accuse them of being a bad friend. The other week, she called me "lazy" because I couldn't come to another friend's birthday party coz I had to go to my cousin's wedding (planned months in advance)! Its ridiculous.

She compares all her friends to herself. For example, if someone doesnt have a part time job, she'll start suggesting they're lazy because shes worked at Burger King since she started uni. Its like she thinks shes so much better and more hard-working than everyone. She'll even compare timetables - and if she has more hours of lectures, she'll start ****ging everyone off!

I dont think I can take much more of it. I dont even know her that well, yet she feels the right to moan at me constantly. I once said something about it (in a polite way) and she went crazy and started shouting at me. Does anyone else have a friend like this? I'm living with her next year coz shes friends with my close friends. I'm worried I'll go mad lol
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linkdapink
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Argh I have a friend exactly the same! And I'm living with her next year too, but just me and her! She's not quite the perfectionist you've described, but she'll do stuff like complain about how little she's revised for an exam, and then she'll get more than me, and then go on and on and on about it. She *****ed at me for weeks and weeks for missing a lecture, and told me I was a "bad friend" for not going out on VALENTINES DAY when my boyfriend had come up to see me. She also accused me of not inviting her to the cinema with me and a friend, even though it was her idea to start with? I do not get her AT ALL!

She's also tried to ban me from bringing my bass guitar to uni next year, saying that it'll be a nuisance and really loud etc etc, but still expects me to bring my Wii for her to play on, and apparently a TV too, because she lives in Sweden, so she's not going to buy one?

She also puts me down and every story that I have, she'll have one that's better, as though I'm competing with her, which really grates. I told her about a friend that got an abortion, and I was talking about how upsetting it was etc etc, and she joins in with "well I know someone that had TWO abortions" ?! I was so annoyed!

Sorry for the rant, but I know EXACTLY how you feel! And I have no idea how I'm going to survive next year!
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lily_w
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Wow she really does sound like my friend! Including the stuff about having to go one better with stories, you've just reminded me lol. The amount of times I've said something like "oh I've got to have a shower before I go out, dunno if I'll have enough time" and she replies with "well my shower doesnt even WORK at the moment so think yourself lucky you HAVE a shower...etc" argh!
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Ywiss
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How utterly irritating and annoying! She sounds like a laugh and a half.

What I suggest? Try and joke her out of it. If she goes mad at you for missing a social event, just smile in a wry manner and say, "Well, ___, we can't all be as perfect as you - I do need to work sometimes". Etc. Or, when she calls you a bad friend - "Oh, I'm a bad friend, am I? (look mock sad) I'll try to be a better person next time." - i.e. don't let her have the power to guilt trip you. Your aim here is to make her look like a small, rather immature young child who is not worth arguing with because you are just unarguably superior to them, if you see what I mean. So basically - humour her. Go along with what she says to you, but at the same time, be implicitly ironic, as if to say, "Yes, I can see your little game here."

It sounds as if she's a bit of a control freak, to be honest. So if you can gain control over her, show that you're not bothered by what she has to say to you, and ideally make her feel an inch small in the process, you might just change her for the better.

Good luck!
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FrancisM89
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Four letters needed, "STFU"...
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Rock Fan
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And you call her a friend?????
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truthseeker
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Wow, talking about tyranny~! Working at Burger King is nothing grand. Your friend is giving herself too much pressure, she needs to loosen up a bit. Keep your distance from her if you must, don't get too worked up because of other people. Getting angry or upset over her behavior is definitely not worth it.

Wonder why she cares to attend any outings or parties at all, since she is so self-centered.
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nexttime
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just ignore her when she's like that. simple
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