Should I get back with her Watch

ross200009
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So my girlfriend of 9months and I broke up about 6 weeks ago, I dumped her, but I can’t move on from her. I still want to be with her.
I’m 18 and she’s 16, I thought she was 17 but I’ll go into that soon.

We broke up because I found out she had lied to me about a few things.

1. Back in November she told me told me that a friend of hers, that’s shes been friends with since primary school had died. She said that she’d taken something at a party and died.
My dad, who’s works at a funeral business knows someone who works at a mortuary where people that pass away go to find out what had happened to her, because we didn’t know straight away. And the results came back that no teen girl with that name had died. So that was a lie I’d been told. But I never did anything about it because I couldn’t think why she would lie about that. But I got her to admit it that weekend in June.

2. This lie only came out because I had pestered her on it.
When we met she was supposed to be 16 and I was 17. We met in the September last year and I turned 18 a month after, shortly she turned 17 in January. But she didn’t turn 17, she turned 16.
I didn’t know this until the weekend I broke up with her back in June and few weeks ago.
But it also means that the subjects she was doing at college were lies because she would’ve been doing her GCSEs not sixth form, so she made up a college schedule.
My mum always knew when she was lying even when I did not so my mum was never too keen on her.
But when smaller lies came out and mum found out it made the relationship between me and my mum really hard because I hate the arguments but I love my girlfriend.

Anyway lots of arguments had passed and I went to stay with her that weekend after my mum told me that I need to sort everything out with her and sort out the lies.
Then those lies came out and I broke up with her.

3. This I don’t know if its a lie or not but she said that her dad used to hit her, but there is no proof to it’s true or not. So I don’t know about that but she was very adamant about it and when I’d questioned her about it thay weekend she even said we could speak to her mum about it. So I don’t know about that.

She said the reason that she lied to me about her friend dying was because 2 other friends had died a few months before, one in June and one in September. I know that’s true because she showed me and I’ve seen it on the news.
And to hide her age she said that if I knew she was younger when I first met I wouldn’t want to know her, and she never thought we would get together and it get so far.

It’s hard because I understand where she’s coming from in some respects. And I really love her still and I can’t stop thinking about her. I can’t stand to think of her with anyone else. But my mum hates her so I feel really stuck.
Any advice please. I hope it all makes sense. If there’s any answers you need to make sense of it all I’m happy to answer.

Thank you
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londonmyst
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No.
I wouldn't automatically believe that she was lying about being assaulted by her father.
She sounds too immature and attention seeking for a serious relationship with an 18 year old.

The dishonesty means that you can't be reasonably expected to trust a word she says.
In a relationship with her, there is a serious risk of her making false allegations against you behind your back- whenever she want attention or is in a bad mood with you.
Don't risk it, you are legally an adult and she is not.
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MiaNova
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(Original post by londonmyst)
No.
I wouldn't automatically believe that she was lying about being assaulted by her father.
She sounds too immature and attention seeking for a serious relationship with an 18 year old.

The dishonesty means that you can't be reasonably expected to trust a word she says.
In a relationship with her, there is a serious risk of her making false allegations against you behind your back- whenever she want attention or is in a bad mood with you.
Don't risk it, you are legally an adult and she is not.
I completely agree :heart:

Sorry you went through all that. If anything she manipulated you throughout your relationship.

I think you like the idea of a relationship / the comfortableness associated with being in one more than her.

Break off all ties with her. The more you see her on social media / speak to her the harder it will be to move on. You did nothing wrong. She sounds really immature and needs to understand that lies don't build the foundation for a good relationship.

Wish you the best
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hl1479
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If shes lied to u that much in that time - obviously she is going to have more lies to tell in the future
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squeakysquirrel
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She sounds awful and you have done the right thing - you are too young to have someone as immature and silly as she is... and..... your mum hates her. Mums are usually right when it comes to sons girlfriends ( no-one will ever be good enough for their little darlings but they have to be partly OK)

The fact that her dad hit her is irrelevant - do you have to stay with her because of that - she sounds very needy. Walk.... fast..... go
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Millie_Rose_
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I am sorry but I have to agree...

You don't have to move on straight away and immediately start dating again, but I think you need someone that has a higher level of maturity and is not so manipulative. If someone lies about one thing, what else could they be lying about? Relationships are about trust, and if that is not present then you cannot stay in something that feels uncomfortable, unsafe, and that could potentially hurt you more.

Most, if not all, of my friends, are either in a relationship or 'talking' to someone, and I'm doing okay - which is weird for a 17-year-old to say as it feels like relationships are the only thing important to anyone in my sixth form lmao.

Good luck, I wish you all the best. It won't be easy, but you'll get through it

Millie
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username4889668
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You deserve me than a liar. You can’t form a healthy relationship with someone that’s betrayed your trust and doesn’t respect you.
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ross200009
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I understand what you all say, the relationship was so great though. And I think that the fact that she knows that I would leave because of lies, I don’t think she would risk telling lies and losing me again.
It’s not just the comfort of being with her, it’s that I still love her.
I have tried moving on, I’ve been speaking to other girls, been out with mates gone running been to the gym played guitar been singing. I’ve been so busy even working everyday. But I can’t stop thinking of being with her still. I know it would take time for everyone to get along but I really believe it would
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Millie_Rose_
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(Original post by ross200009)
I understand what you all say, the relationship was so great though. And I think that the fact that she knows that I would leave because of lies, I don’t think she would risk telling lies and losing me again.
It’s not just the comfort of being with her, it’s that I still love her.
I have tried moving on, I’ve been speaking to other girls, been out with mates gone running been to the gym played guitar been singing. I’ve been so busy even working everyday. But I can’t stop thinking of being with her still. I know it would take time for everyone to get along but I really believe it would
If you want to get back with her, then at the end of the day that is your choice. Just be careful if you do. I am not agreeing with your decision, but if that is what your heart is telling you... Just do not tolerate any lies or any other bad behaviour. Don't get sucked in. Right now I think you want to get back because of all the emotion you are feeling right now, wait a little bit longer and then see how you think. Just let everything settle and have a little time to yourself - that's the best for everyone involved.
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SMEGGGY
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So many lies dude, why? Seems like a pathological liar. I'd keep away.
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squeakysquirrel
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Are you not listening to any of the advice - this is not going to end well. She sounds like an awful manipulative liar. It will not make her happy either - listen to your mother - move on
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ross200009)
I understand what you all say, the relationship was so great though. And I think that the fact that she knows that I would leave because of lies, I don’t think she would risk telling lies and losing me again.
It’s not just the comfort of being with her, it’s that I still love her.
I have tried moving on, I’ve been speaking to other girls, been out with mates gone running been to the gym played guitar been singing. I’ve been so busy even working everyday. But I can’t stop thinking of being with her still. I know it would take time for everyone to get along but I really believe it would
You don’t really understand what everyone is saying though do you? You kind of just ignored all the advice and went straight back to I want to be with her. Which is fine as it’s your life and your decision. But i think you should be honest with yourself because you didn’t make the post to get advice, you really just want people to say what she did is ok and to tell you you should get back with her, because thats what you truly want.

They say love is blind for a reason hun. Theres a reason your mom had instant bad vibes from this girl. Theres a reason everyone reading this thread has the same feeling aswell. Because your heart is involved you don’t want to face facts.

The reality is she lied. And contrary to what everyone else is saying, i don’t think you necessarily need to move on. No ones perfect and people make mistakes. And she’s 16 years old. She’s a young girl still finding herself. I don’t for a second agree with anything she has done, I’m just saying yes she is immature atm, but that doesnt have to be the end all and be all. If you really love her, best thing for you to do is give it time. Be single. Grow. And let her mature. Theres nothing wrong with staying single. You can let her know how you feel and let her know that right now you cant be together because of her previous actions. Be very clear on the reason why. Let her know what needs to change. And if you wait it out, and she matures and changes, then you have a good chance at a relationship. Maybe even your mom will notice a change too.
And when i say take some time I’m talking a year, maybe even 2. It’d be a good idea to stay friends in that time. Get to know each other better and i promise you, you’d have a stronger bond and relationship if you decided to reconcile afterwards.

You may try this and she says no. She may want to move on. And that will show you she wasn’t worth your love anyway. But if you just get back with her now, everyone is right, the same will happen and she will continue to lie to you. Why would she need to stop lying and she knows you’d take her back anyway? All i would say is be careful. You don’t know if her dad did or did not use to hit her. If thats a lie, what will you do when she spreads the same lie about you? Also bear in mind she lied about her age so at some stage you were 17 when you met and she was 15. When you turned 18, she was still 15 for a few months. So she was underage. I’m fully aware you didn’t know this as she lied, but what happens when you hurt her/she doesn’t get her own way/she wants attention and decides to report the age gap? Is all of that really worth it?

I stick to my point that people can change and she is young dumb & immature right now. But people only tend to change when they willingly want to, not when they’re asked. If she hasnt offered some kind of resolution herself, it says alot hun
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