How to reduce awkwardness in this situation?

So it’s my birthday soon and I want to have a meal out with my friends and my BF. I want to keep it small (just 4 or 5 people) but the friends I’m considering asking are all female and don’t really know my BF that well. We all go to the same school and they know each other but my friends don’t really talk to BF and I’m worried the setting would be awkward. I know that it could be a good opportunity for them to click and get close etc but I’m worried my boyfriend will be uncomfortable as this sort of setting usually does. He doesn’t do well with people he doesn’t really know and they are very different people and I feel like he’d sit there and not say anything. How could I diffuse the situation? I would just like to spend time with him in a more public setting and let my hair down with my friends a bit more.
Another thing is, would it be strange to go out for a meal on week day (for example a Wednesday evening) we are in school holidays but is still seems kinda strange to me since we can’t do the weekend. I was going to ask one of my close friends for her input but I could not attend her birthday plans due to a family commitment and I’m worried she’d feel I’m being cheeky for asking her to come to mine and for her advice. Anything I could do?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

As him to bring his boy-friends too. Let’s hope they’re talkative and no it wouldn’t be start to go out on a weekday

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

As him to bring his boy-friends too. Let’s hope they’re talkative and no it wouldn’t be start to go out on a weekday

I guess so except his friends and me aren’t that close and I feel like it would make the situation kinda worse tbh

Reply 3

FlameKitty

You could take your friends out for the meal and then do something else (or the same thing) with your boyfriend on a different day. It would be more difficult but it would be less uncomfortable for everyone. You could also try to get your boyfriend to get to know your friends beforehand even if it is only one of them.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by FlameKitty

Well he does know who they are but it’s just they’re from very different groups. I can imagine then sparking a conversation but I just don’t know if anyone would enjoy it and this awkwardness would be like an elephant in the room.

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

Have you asked him about it and how he feels? Honestly i think you’re over thinking it. I’m sure you’ll all get on fine. Maybe you could ask if he’d be more comfortable sitting next to you or across from you. Next to you would be easier for conversation, but i know how awkward ppl can feel trying to avoid eye contact with the person across from them the whole time. If hes opposite you, then he won’t have to do this.

Another suggestion is is there anyway he could meet one or 2 of your friends before Wednesday? Just so he’d feel more comfortable on the day.

As for asking the friend whos bday you could attend... a real friend shouldn’t hold that against you as you couldn’t go for genuine reasons. And I’m sure they’d feel happy you’re asking them for advice, rather than thinking you’re rude.

Best option would be to speak to your bf and see if he actually even minds. If it’s a case of he says he thinks itd be a really awkward dinner then you may just have to go out with him and do something in the daytime and then have dinner with your girls later. I also think having him bring even just one friend js a great idea. He’ll be occupied with him and you’ll be able to enjoy your night without worrying he feels left out.

And weds is fine to go out for dinner :smile:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks. I’ll talk it over with him and suggest bringing a friend. I don’t mind who he brings, as male company could be good to reduce the tension. I just don’t want his “plus one” friend to feel awkward about attending this girl’s birthday dinner (who he doesn’t really know that well)
All of my friends are single as well which is annoying as I could have encouraged one of them to bring their boyfriend. Also if I talk to my BF about this he might put on a front to make me happy (which he has done in the past) he goes along with what I want, even if it makes him uncomfortable because he says that I’m his priority. I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable or at least tell me if he doesn’t like the idea because i just want a fun relaxing evening.

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah i get you. Deffo talk to him about it. My bf is the same in regards to agreeing to whatever i want to make me happy, but i can always tell when he’s doing it so i always have to triple check and tell him i don’t mind if he says no/doesnt want to go or whatever it’s about.

When you talk to him, maybe giving him options is the best choice? Maybe something like ‘how would you like to spend my birthday? You could come to the meal with me and my friends? You can invite one of/some of your friends too if you want. Or we could go out another day just by ourselves or go out in the morning? I don’t mind, what would you like to do?’

See how that goes

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

That’s not a bad idea. Although hopefully he won’t be like “it’s your birthday it’s up to you” which is probably what he’d do to turn it back on me and not feel so guilty.
I want to spend it with him and other people though since whenever we spend time together it’s always just us two and usually in private. It would be nice just to go out in public with him and talk with other people. Then at the same time I want everyone to enjoy themselves.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

It’s just I wish that you guys knew what these people are like and how they aren’t compatible and will find the whole thing awkward. I really want it to work out.

Reply 10

Anonymous #3

I fully understand you hun. I think your best best is if you insist he brings a friend along. Even if you just say something like it’ll be better anyway cause then we’ll have a even number. I dunno just something to make it seem like him bringing someone would be a big help.

Also don’t forget to have a word with your girlfriends and maybe just give them the heads up to try make him feel included in the convos or something.

Don’t let it stress you thinking about it too much though. I think on the day you’ll be surprised. Especially as once the food comes people are more focused on that than talking anyway. And if he ends up not going, it gives you more control over planning the next time. And it’s fine to start small. Maybe just one of his friends and one of your with you and you go cinema? No pressure to talk then Nd the convo afterwards is usually about the film so no awkward silences. Then from there you keep increasing the people. Eventually it will just all become natural

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

That’s a good plan thanks. It will also help me get to know his friends better as well I guess since we are both generally quite introverted and it will be good just to click with new people.

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

Curious... how did everything work out in the end?

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Curious... how did everything work out in the end?

He couldn’t make it in the end due to an injury but was very apologetic and made it up to me. It was okay though as I had a good night out with the girls and felt it would have been a lot more awkward if he was there. Although he couldn’t make it he made my birthday memorable just by texting me loads and then 2 days later I saw him in person where he showered me with affection and gave me a necklace. Everything worked out great, even if he couldn’t be there. He was still persistent to come but I insisted he stay at home and rest since he was in pain.

Reply 14

Anonymous #3

Aww thats good to hear. Not the fact that he injured himself lol, i just mean that you had a night night with your friends and then a good time with him separately and no awkwardness involved :smile: