fall for every guy I talk to Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 months ago
#1
so basically I'm so so so lonely and I've been struggling with it so much. while I know it's not really the case, I feel like my whole life would just be so much better if I had a nice boyfriend. I've only ever had two boyfriends (one was long distance like 3 years ago which didn't last long or end well, and the other was a guy I liked for a year who asked me out and then dumped me 2 days later because I was "too awkward"). I feel so ugly and just unlovable, so any guy who is actually willing to talk to me or message me, I end up falling HARD for. I hate this about myself because it's pretty much objectifying guys as just someone to have a relationship with and it's awful, but I can't stop myself from doing it.

how can I accept that I'm just going to be single forever when all I want in the world is a boyfriend?
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ecolier
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#2
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You'll have attention as a girl.

Don't be desperate and pick wisely!

How old are you?
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londonmyst
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#3
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What sort of boyfriend are you looking for?
Personality, background, long term relationship and anything you want to avoid at all costs.
Think about setting your dating dealbreakers, so you focus on the sort of partner that you want and are most likely to be happy with.

Are you looking to date guy who is vegetarian, a guy who is religious, a guy who is a member of a political party and goes to all their events?
Would you date a guy who is shorter than you, who spends 3 hours a day working out at the gym, a guy with a criminal record for drugs or violence.
Do you want to date with a view to one day moving in together, having children or being business partners?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ecolier)
You'll have attention as a girl.

Don't be desperate and pick wisely!

How old are you?
believe me I don't get any attention from guys whatsoever. I'm ugly af.

easier to be said than done.
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ecolier
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(Original post by Anonymous)
believe me I don't get any attention from guys whatsoever. I'm ugly af.

easier to be said than done.
No one is "ugly af". That's very derogatory on yourself.

I understand that you don't want to say how old you are, but I take it you're young and as I said you will have opportunities.

Good luck
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londonmyst
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(Original post by riatown)
I do have a sort of mental list of things I would like in a guy but tbh most (nice) guys fit into those categories really
Make a written list, be specific about what you are looking for and be sure to include at least three things that you absolutely DON'T want in a boyfriend.
Then you can decide on the most suitable places where you are likely to find a guy that ticks all your boxes for what you want.
Decide: would you date a guy who eats meat, who has never been to uni, who has a firm preference about no deal brexit/second referendum.

Then focus on the opportunities to meet a guy who ticks all your boxes, look at what they seem to be looking for in a girlfriend and make sure you match most of what they want.
If you don't- you can either change your mind about them or change yourself to meet their expectations.
Good luck!
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username4891378
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#7
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Make a written list, be specific about what you are looking for and be sure to include at least three things that you absolutely DON'T want in a boyfriend.
Then you can decide on the most suitable places where you are likely to find a guy that ticks all your boxes for what you want.
Decide: would you date a guy who eats meat, who has never been to uni, who has a firm preference about no deal brexit/second referendum.

Then focus on the opportunities to meet a guy who ticks all your boxes, look at what they seem to be looking for in a girlfriend and make sure you match most of what they want.
If you don't- you can either change your mind about them or change yourself to meet their expectations.
Good luck!
oh sorry I wasn't the original poster lol, I just thought I'd have some input because I thought perhaps the OP could relate to that
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username4896530
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(Original post by Anonymous)
so basically I'm so so so lonely and I've been struggling with it so much. while I know it's not really the case, I feel like my whole life would just be so much better if I had a nice boyfriend. I've only ever had two boyfriends (one was long distance like 3 years ago which didn't last long or end well, and the other was a guy I liked for a year who asked me out and then dumped me 2 days later because I was "too awkward"). I feel so ugly and just unlovable, so any guy who is actually willing to talk to me or message me, I end up falling HARD for. I hate this about myself because it's pretty much objectifying guys as just someone to have a relationship with and it's awful, but I can't stop myself from doing it.

how can I accept that I'm just going to be single forever when all I want in the world is a boyfriend?
This is a case of you being too scared to be alone. You need to learn to accept that it is okay to be single and that you need to be able to experience happiness on your own rather than expecting other people to provide it for you. If you are unattractive facially you can't change that without plastic surgery. But you can try to look your best with some nice hairstyles, having a good body through exercise and wearing clothing that looks good on you. If you do all these things you will attract some decent men.
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username4894900
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#9
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I think lots of people find that they fall for people that put effort into talking to them. That's quite common don't down yourself; I think with experience you learn to be more discerning and more able to choose wisely. It tKes a bit of self confidence and slowly over time hopefully you will be able to build that confidence. I highly doubt you will stay single forever. I would be happy to get to know you and I'm sure many other guys would so perhaps try not to depreciate yourself so much. Have a "can do" attitude. Just dare yourself to start up conversations every now and then; occasionally it will pay off dividends!
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Joleee
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#10
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good looks are not the be all/end all, especially as you get older. few quality dudes will settle for a good looking girlfriend/wife with no goals and no brains, so if you think good looks guarantees a relationship or solves everything it does not

i think the problem is you say 'all i want in the world is a boyfriend' - you've put too much importance on this. i understand wanting to be in a relationship but if you're waiting for one to make you happy you will make yourself miserable and tbh not very attractive to a potential partner.

guys don't generally like girls for long if they are too easy to get, so if you're falling for every guy and they know that you're just shooting yourself in the foot. where do you generally meet people btw?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by riatown)
oh sorry I wasn't the original poster lol, I just thought I'd have some input because I thought perhaps the OP could relate to that
I mean not quite, I do have an idea of what I want but don't tend to stick to it
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Joleee)
good looks are not the be all/end all, especially as you get older. few quality dudes will settle for a good looking girlfriend/wife with no goals and no brains, so if you think good looks guarantees a relationship or solves everything it does not

i think the problem is you say 'all i want in the world is a boyfriend' - you've put too much importance on this. i understand wanting to be in a relationship but if you're waiting for one to make you happy you will make yourself miserable and tbh not very attractive to a potential partner.

guys don't generally like girls for long if they are too easy to get, so if you're falling for every guy and they know that you're just shooting yourself in the foot. where do you generally meet people btw?
how do I get out of that thinking pattern tho?

also I generally meet ppl through mutual friends or school
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AzureCeleste
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#13
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(Original post by Anonymous)
also I generally meet ppl through mutual friends or school
You are at school and think you are ugly and unlovable yet you have had a boyfriend already and been on a date/sort of had another boyfriend.
I'm at uni and know people (myself included) who haven't even been on a date or ever had a boyfriend and they don't think the same as you about themselves
Clearly people do like you or you wouldn't have been in a relationship
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and acting desperate for a relationship
Focus on yourself and be happy with who you are
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by AzureCeleste)
You are at school and think you are ugly and unlovable yet you have had a boyfriend already and been on a date/sort of had another boyfriend.
I'm at uni and know people (myself included) who haven't even been on a date or ever had a boyfriend and they don't think the same as you about themselves
Clearly people do like you or you wouldn't have been in a relationship
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and acting desperate for a relationship
Focus on yourself and be happy with who you are
that was 3 years ago, it wasn't serious and he barely even knew what I looked like. pretty sure the other guy only dated me out of pity, and again, it was TWO days. I'm in the second year of sixth form.
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LadyMcCartney4
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#15
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Make a written list, be specific about what you are looking for and be sure to include at least three things that you absolutely DON'T want in a boyfriend.
Then you can decide on the most suitable places where you are likely to find a guy that ticks all your boxes for what you want.
Decide: would you date a guy who eats meat, who has never been to uni, who has a firm preference about no deal brexit/second referendum.

Then focus on the opportunities to meet a guy who ticks all your boxes, look at what they seem to be looking for in a girlfriend and make sure you match most of what they want.
If you don't- you can either change your mind about them or change yourself to meet their expectations.
Good luck!
Dumb advice. Beggars cant be choosers. Who cares if he goes to the gym or how he voted in the elections. Seriously. The more specific you get the less chances you have.
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AzureCeleste
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(Original post by Anonymous)
that was 3 years ago, it wasn't serious and he barely even knew what I looked like. pretty sure the other guy only dated me out of pity, and again, it was TWO days. I'm in the second year of sixth form.
The point is it is someone which is more than others.
Plus you are in sixth form, like stop looking for pity.
You are not ugly. Work on focusing on yourself and self-confidence. How can you expect someone to fall for you or love you if you don't love yourself?
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Joleee
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#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
how do I get out of that thinking pattern tho?

also I generally meet ppl through mutual friends or school
i don't know i know it's hard when you have developed beliefs and thought patterns. they are bad habits you may have had your whole life and it feels like you have no control over them (at least that's the way it is with me ). who told you you need a man?

you need to know that you are more than enough and you don't need someone to complete your life. if you have other ambitions, that helps. then 'the relationship' isn't the centre of your universe.
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Anonymous #1
#18
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(Original post by AzureCeleste)
The point is it is someone which is more than others.
Plus you are in sixth form, like stop looking for pity.
You are not ugly. Work on focusing on yourself and self-confidence. How can you expect someone to fall for you or love you if you don't love yourself?
I'm not looking for pity, I'm looking for advice. you dont have to comment if you're going to be rude, this has been literally so hard for me to deal with and youre saying I'm just trying to get attention?
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londonmyst
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#19
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(Original post by sherlockfan)
Dumb advice. Beggars cant be choosers. Who cares if he goes to the gym or how he voted in the elections. Seriously. The more specific you get the less chances you have.
I know many people who openly refuse to date anyone who has ever voted for the bnp or ukip.
Quite a few others who say they will never date anyone who admits having voted for either: jeremy corbyn, jacob rees-mogg, snp or remain.
I won't date guys who go to the gym regularly, like hardcore porn or support britain first.
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LadyMcCartney4
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(Original post by londonmyst)
I know many people who openly refuse to date anyone who has ever voted for the bnp or ukip.
Quite a few others who say they will never date anyone who admits having voted for either: jeremy corbyn, jacob rees-mogg, snp or remain.
I won't date guys who go to the gym regularly, like hardcore porn or support britain first.
Yes and how are their love lives going?
Its all right if you're attractive. If youre ugly you just take what you can get.
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