Marriages of Convenience:(

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
Today I came across a page that has really disturbed me
I'm a Muslim and my family would like me to be married although I have no romantic attraction to men. But they do not understand that.
So my plans were to just have a marriage of convenience and when I feel comfortable I would tell my partner that I am gay and am not attracted to him and that then would result in us separating and that way my parents will not be upset with me or disown me because I would have got married but it just would not have worked out.

However today I came across a page about LGBT Asians having a marriage of convenience and how when the wife told her husband she is gay and how she didn't want to shame her family so she got married; he ended up burning her!!!! I cannot explain how this story has disturbed me. I felt, if people do have marriages of convenience and if they do ever come out; it would just be the case of then separating but I failed to realise that things can actually be a lot worse!!!! It's heartbreaking. And has actually made me fearful!!
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londonmyst
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#2
Report 2 years ago
#2
Don't be afraid of the future or violent criminals.
Most people in the world are law abiding.

Some asian people who are lgbt and want to keep their sexuality private do choose to seek marriages of convenience with fellow asian lgbt persons of the opposite sex.
The people that I know who have done this say that they did so because they did not want their relatives to know about being lgbt and wanted to have children with a fellow lgbt asian person who understood both their position & asian culture.

You have the freedom to decide on your sex life, if you want to get married and to whom.
Good luck!
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gomgossa
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#3
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#3
You shouldn't get married to a straight man who thinks that you are attracted to men, because this is deceitful and it's not fair on him. Instead maybe seek out a gay man also in the same situation as you so that you can help each other and you don't have to be fearful about him turning on you? Neither is ideal really; I'm sorry that you're stuck in such a difficult situation.
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Anonymous #1
#4
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#4
(Original post by gomgossa)
You shouldn't get married to a straight man who thinks that you are attracted to men, because this is deceitful and it's not fair on him. Instead maybe seek out a gay man also in the same situation as you so that you can help each other and you don't have to be fearful about him turning on you? Neither is ideal really; I'm sorry that you're stuck in such a difficult situation.
I know it is really upsetting. And thank you for the advice! It is hard to find a gay Muslim man in a similar position to me.
It is not like I can go on gay dating apps or gay clubs lol!
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username2950448
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#5
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#5
I think you should disown your "parents" tbh.
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Anonymous #1
#6
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#6
(Original post by Palmyra)
I think you should disown your "parents" tbh.
I cannot even think of hurting anyone let alone my own parents!!
My kindness is my strength and also my weakness.
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username2950448
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#7
Report 2 years ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
I cannot even think of hurting anyone let alone my own parents!!
My kindness is my strength and also my weakness.
Clearly they couldn't care less about your welfare or happiness so as far as I am concerned they do not deserve to be called "parents".
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Anonymous #1
#8
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(Original post by Palmyra)
Clearly they couldn't care less about your welfare or happiness so as far as I am concerned they do not deserve to be called "parents".
They DO care about my happiness they feel a man will make me happy, because in Muslim communities, being straight is what is normal and acceptable the idea of me being gay has not even crossed their minds! So they do not understand. Maybe if they knew other LGBT people they would understand.
They want me to be happy, this is why they do not want me to be single all my life because they claim I will be lonely and when they pass away I will have noone to support me.
I do understand them but I wish they could understand also that my feelings cannot change and that being with a man will not change my feelings and make me happy.

From their perspective they are doing what they believe is right, they probably think if I remain single somehow, I will not be happy, , will not have children and that somehow my life will be less.
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username2950448
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#9
Report 2 years ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
They DO care about my happiness they feel a man will make me happy, because in Muslim communities, being straight is what is normal and acceptable the idea of me being gay has not even crossed their minds! So they do not understand. Maybe if they knew other LGBT people they would understand.
They want me to be happy, this is why they do not want me to be single all my life because they claim I will be lonely and when they pass away I will have noone to support me.
I do understand them but I wish they could understand also that my feelings cannot change and that being with a man will not change my feelings and make me happy.

From their perspective they are doing what they believe is right, they probably think if I remain single somehow, I will not be happy, , will not have children and that somehow my life will be less.
So if you don't get married they'll think you're unhappy which explains why you think they'll disown you?

Okay then.
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Anonymous #1
#10
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#10
(Original post by Palmyra)
So if you don't get married they'll think you're unhappy which explains why you think they'll disown you?

Okay then.
At the end of the day they want me to marry and be happy (whilst married).
According to them I will not be happy being single.
And sadly, marrying the same sex is out of the question.
I can only be happy married to the opposite sex according to them!

So all in all, what they think will make me happy, I dont think will and vice versa
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Anonymous #2
#11
Report 2 years ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
At the end of the day they want me to marry and be happy (whilst married).
According to them I will not be happy being single.
And sadly, marrying the same sex is out of the question.
I can only be happy married to the opposite sex according to them!

So all in all, what they think will make me happy, I dont think will and vice versa
You seem very mature, and faithful. That’s really nice to see
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Anonymous #1
#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
You seem very mature, and faithful. That’s really nice to see
Thank you, I cannot explain to you how hard it is for me but my family mean the world to me and I cannot see anyone hurt, especially not my own blood!
Can you explain in depth what you mean by mature and faithful please!??
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username2950448
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
You seem very mature, and faithful. That’s really nice to see
Faithful? To bigoted parents who don't care about her happiness?

Are you a bigoted Muslim as well by any chance?
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Anonymous #1
#14
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#14
(Original post by Palmyra)
Faithful? To bigoted parents who don't care about her happiness?

Are you a bigoted Muslim as well by any chance?
I'm sorry but my parents are not bigoted they just would not want their own child doing something that their religion forbids. As to anyone else who identifies as gay they couldn't care less.

I have been told in the past that I am 'very faithful' and I am curious as to what it means in my context.
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username2950448
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#15
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#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm sorry but my parents are not bigoted they just would not want their own child doing something that their religion forbids. As to anyone else who identifies as gay they couldn't care less.

I have been told in the past that I am 'very faithful' and I am curious as to what it means in my context.
Your parents ARE bigoted. You can deny it all you want but the reason you have to make this post about your parents potentially disowning you (ultimately because of your sexuality) is because of the barbaric and bigoted beliefs of your parents.

It means they're happy you're subservient to your parents who enforce their bigoted version of Islam on you. Probably because that person is a loser Muslim guy that likes subservient girls.
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mgi
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#16
Report 2 years ago
#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
Today I came across a page that has really disturbed me
I'm a Muslim and my family would like me to be married although I have no romantic attraction to men. But they do not understand that.
So my plans were to just have a marriage of convenience and when I feel comfortable I would tell my partner that I am gay and am not attracted to him and that then would result in us separating and that way my parents will not be upset with me or disown me because I would have got married but it just would not have worked out.

However today I came across a page about LGBT Asians having a marriage of convenience and how when the wife told her husband she is gay and how she didn't want to shame her family so she got married; he ended up burning her!!!! I cannot explain how this story has disturbed me. I felt, if people do have marriages of convenience and if they do ever come out; it would just be the case of then separating but I failed to realise that things can actually be a lot worse!!!! It's heartbreaking. And has actually made me fearful!!
Ok. Interesting. I have seen this issue with so many female muslims. I think when a person allows somebody else to decide for them who and when they will marry then the real issue is that they value the opinions of family, culture and well being over and above their own happiness. If that is you then you clearly believe on some level that your life is not your own. No one can help you unless you decide to not get married to a man can they? A marriage of convenience denigrates and disrespects all the people involved and smells of cowardice. You will definitely not be hsppy until the day arrives whereby you decide to respect your own life and who you are. You can't now not be gay. So what will you do,? Respect your own life or have it controlled by others? its up to you and its not my life!
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Anonymous #2
#17
Report 2 years ago
#17
(Original post by Palmyra)
Faithful? To bigoted parents who don't care about her happiness?

Are you a bigoted Muslim as well by any chance?
no I’m not thank you very much
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:-(1
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#18
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#18
Hello
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Anonymous #3
#19
Report 4 weeks ago
#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
Today I came across a page that has really disturbed me
I'm a Muslim and my family would like me to be married although I have no romantic attraction to men. But they do not understand that.
So my plans were to just have a marriage of convenience and when I feel comfortable I would tell my partner that I am gay and am not attracted to him and that then would result in us separating and that way my parents will not be upset with me or disown me because I would have got married but it just would not have worked out.

However today I came across a page about LGBT Asians having a marriage of convenience and how when the wife told her husband she is gay and how she didn't want to shame her family so she got married; he ended up burning her!!!! I cannot explain how this story has disturbed me. I felt, if people do have marriages of convenience and if they do ever come out; it would just be the case of then separating but I failed to realise that things can actually be a lot worse!!!! It's heartbreaking. And has actually made me fearful!!
Hope you’re ok. Sorry to hear what you went through. Am in a very similar situation to this. Wondering what happened with you
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