Disabled girl, dont know how to react. Watch

Anonymous #1
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Basically I am sharing a room with a disabled girl. She has ceberal pausley so as far as I know she is not very fit, like cant walk very well but she also seems a but slow. We went to the laundrette and she needed to be shown how to use it, even though she has lived at uni for two years. I just find her slow to understand things.
I feel bad for not helping her but I just do not feel comortable walking up to her and helping her. I am so horrible. help.
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ma2k5
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Well if you don't want to help her, why should we help you.
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Anonymous #1
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If i did not want to help her, why would i write asking for help on this???
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Magnum Opus
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well you clearly know the answer
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Eyes Wide Shut
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What exactly is your problem? That you want to help her but you don't want to help her..?
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fredscarecrow
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I presume the OP is aying that she wants to be able to help the girl, but it's a totally new situation for her and she has no idea how to treat the girl or how to behave and it's making her feel bad because she never thought this would be how she'd respond to a situation like this.
It's perfectly understandable OP, but just...try and see past her disability? Talk to her and treat her like you would any other person. If she seems to be attempting to do something just ask casually whether she would like any help. You could even try and discuss the problem with her in the sense that you explain that you've not met someone with cerebal palsy before and you don't want to make any presumptions.
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Eyes Wide Shut
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(Original post by fredscarecrow)
I presume the OP is aying that she wants to be able to help the girl, but it's a totally new situation for her and she has no idea how to treat the girl or how to behave and it's making her feel bad because she never thought this would be how she'd respond to a situation like this.
It's perfectly understandable OP, but just...try and see past her disability? Talk to her and treat her like you would any other person. If she seems to be attempting to do something just ask casually whether she would like any help. You could even try and discuss the problem with her in the sense that you explain that you've not met someone with cerebal palsy before and you don't want to make any presumptions.
:ditto: Careful though, she might not be comfortable talking about it. I would also advise being very patient and understanding when dealing with her.
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RoEmKa
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Well, I assume she is capable of leading an independent life or she would not be where she is. Also, she cannot be that 'slow' if she is at college/uni either!

So, if you were in the launderette and saw someone you didn't know struggling, what would you do?

What is you fear? Are you concerned you will end up being her 'carer' or are you worried she will feel patronised, or what?

FWIW, lots of people struggle with machines but are very able in every other area of their lives! I know a very intelligent guy who didn't use the coffee machine for 6 months because he was embarrassed at not knowing how, and afraid of messing it up.
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Anonymous #1
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To be honest, if i met her in real life I would not be friends with her. I would open the door and stuff but I try and talk to her and she is slow, so what can I do? We try and include her in things but she is slow and sometimes it is hard.
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thats funny
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Or just do as you feel its up to you, it's not exactly your responsibility to look after her is it
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RoEmKa
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(Original post by Anonymous)
To be honest, if i met her in real life I would not be friends with her. I would open the door and stuff but I try and talk to her and she is slow, so what can I do? We try and include her in things but she is slow and sometimes it is hard.
Well, you have no more responsibility towards her than you would any other room mate. I guess it seems different because she has a disability but in reality it is not.

Really though, what is so bad about her being slow? How does it impact on you and your friends? And what do your friends think about this?

I do think it would be extremely rude not to help her out if you saw her struggling but if you really do not get on with her (as a person, not because she has a disability) then you don't need to socialise with her.

In fact, you may get on better as just room mates.

If it is only her disability and the fact you have to make some allowances for that, then I would suggest you take a look at your priorities in life. There but for the grace of God... springs to mind!
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Kew
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(Original post by Anonymous)
she also seems a but slow. We went to the laundrette and she needed to be shown how to use it, even though she has lived at uni for two years. I just find her slow to understand things.
If she's that slow, how did she get into university in the first place? She must be more intelligent than you give her credit for.
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Anonymous #1
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we make an effort because we are all new but you can not have a conversation with her as she imutters her words, talks **** and does noit understand you properly.
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layla_1234
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(Original post by Kew)
If she's that slow, how did she get into university in the first place? She must be more intelligent than you give her credit for.
it is a hnd and u need one a level to get in. also she is disabled - has dsylexic so gets extra help.
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thats funny
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(Original post by layla_1234)
it is a hnd and u need one a level to get in. also she is disabled - has dsylexic so gets extra help.
layla - off futurama?
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RoEmKa
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(Original post by Anonymous)
we make an effort because we are all new but you can not have a conversation with her as she imutters her words, talks **** and does noit understand you properly.
Well, she isn't understanding you maybe?

Perhaps she is just very nervous and will find it easier to talk once she calms down a bit - could take quite a while if her confidence is very low and/or she has had bad experiences with people before.

Think how you'd feel if you had an accident and lost your ability to speak clearly, or hear very well. Then ask yourself if you'd like people to take the time and get to know you, or walk off because they think you have nothing going on underneath your physical limitations.
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RosiePosiePuddingAndPie
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People with cerebral palsy are 'all there' in their heads. It affects their movement, not their mind. So you can hold a conversation with her, even if it's just small talk about how her day was. That way, she'll feel more welcome in the accommodation and you won't feel guilty for not including her

You might even find she has a wonderful personality if you're patient. I did some volunteer work with children who have severe cerebral palsy (wheel chair bound; couldn't speak properly, if at all; needed feeding by adults) and some of them were lovely individuals. You could have as much of a laugh with them as with an able bodied person!

You don't have to take special care of her though. She wouldn't be in that situation, in that accommodation, if she couldn't cope somewhat If she appears to be struggling to do something, you can always offer a friendly "would you like some help with that?", then she can always decline if she's coping fine, but you won't feel silly for asking, and you won't have barged in, all systems go, forcing her to be helped!! But most of all, just treat her the same as your other housemates
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thats funny
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(Original post by RosiePosiePuddingAndPie)
People with cerebral palsy are 'all there' in their heads. It affects their movement, not their mind. So you can hold a conversation with her, even if it's just small talk about how her day was. That way, she'll feel more welcome in the accommodation and you won't feel guilty for not including her

You might even find she has a wonderful personality if you're patient. I did some volunteer work with children who have severe cerebral palsy (wheel chair bound; couldn't speak properly, if at all; needed feeding by adults) and some of them were lovely individuals. You could have as much of a laugh with them as with an able bodied person!

You don't have to take special care of her though. She wouldn't be in that situation, in that accommodation, if she couldn't cope somewhat If she appears to be struggling to do something, you can always offer a friendly "would you like some help with that?", then she can always decline if she's coping fine, but you won't feel silly for asking, and you won't have barged in, all systems go, forcing her to be helped!! But most of all, just treat her the same as your other housemates
You made me cry - that was beautiful

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in all honesty, cerebral paulsy isn't nice, but in all honesty this person shouldn't have to worry like this. It's not his/her responsibility. Where's the family?
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Anonymous #1
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we are at camp.
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Kestrel_Lover_Sophie
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(Original post by thats funny)
You made me cry - that was beautiful

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in all honesty, cerebral paulsy isn't nice, but in all honesty this person shouldn't have to worry like this. It's not his/her responsibility. Where's the family?

What do you mean?
It was a very sensible and hopefully helpful post by RosiePosie.

That's like saying there's no point in being friends with any room-mate at uni because being friendly to them is their family's job!
It's not just a responsibility, interacting with people with disabilities is something people should learn as a life skill and although you might find it difficult at first it is important to get over it and RosiePosie said it can be very rewarding once you do make friends with them.
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