Disabled girl, dont know how to react. Watch

Joanna May
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#41
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#41
(Original post by Eccentric Man)
Ah - op its people like you that make the world so hard for us. She is at uni for ****s sake, how can she be 'not that bright' or however you put it. I am at uni, I have CEREBRAL PALSY [note spelling, ******!] and i have loads of friends........ Why?? Because I avoid people like you! If you want to help this girl treat her like anyone else, if she's a nice lass befriend her, if she's a ***** avoid her, simple. If she does need help she will no doubt have an employed helper and not have to rely on randommers. I employ my 2 best friends a couple of times a week, thats all i need.

Oh and, just to say, i have moderate cp too, and am known by everyone as a 'pisshead' and a 'party animal' give her a chance, she's probably as alcoholic and ****ed up as any other student.
Maybe people make the world hard for you because you seem to have a chip on your shoulder about things. The OP is clearly just asking how to cope with a situation she's not familiar with, and doesn't want to hurt this others girl's feelings by being seen as patronising. Equally though, she doesn'tparticularly get along with the girl, so she isn't sure how to act around her without looking like an especially horrible person.

TBH OP, I would treat her like anyone else.

Also people, slow doesn't mean intellectually incapable. In exams and such, "slow" people are quite capable of passing because of the aount of time they have to consider their answers properly. In everyday conversation though, this slowness can be irritating, even when there'sa reason for it. Just because someone can pass their exams and do well at uni, doesn't mean the OP is being horrible to term her as slow in concersation.
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Joanna May
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#42
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(Original post by Tombola)
It can't be that difficult. That's like asking how could someone have fun with a dumb(speech) person.
Well, I would aks that question, it seems a logical one to ask. When I'm having fun with my friends, it's largely because we're talking or joking or whatever. I can't imagine how you could have fun with someone who never talks. I understna dhtta their brains are still working like other people's, but if they can't express that, then I can't see how you could have any more fun with them (in person, rather than via the internet or text messaging) than you could someone who couldn't think either.

I suppose sign language would be an answer, but surely it would be hard to communicate with new people so well if you literally couldn't speak and potential friends had to learn a whole new language to find out if they liked you or not?
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RosiePosiePuddingAndPie
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#43
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(Original post by Joanna May)
Not to sound rude or petty, but how can you have a laugh with someone who can't speak? I would have thought that the fact they couldn't speak would make them a great deal more difficult to have fun with than people who can.
Yes, it's difficult, but it's possible. Speech isn't the only form of communication, for starters.
But the children had different signals, for example one child opened their eyes wide for 'yes' and shut them for 'no', with a couple of other gestures to show different things. You have to ask questions with yes/no answers.
It's quite difficult to explain, and obviously it won't appeal to everyone. As it happens, the career I want to go into (speech and language therapy) has a branch that helps people with disabilities such as cerebral palsy learn to communicate, so I find it all interesting, and put in the effort to speak to the children, whereas other people might find it more difficult in that situation, through no fault of their own
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Joanna May
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#44
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(Original post by RosiePosiePuddingAndPie)
Yes, it's difficult, but it's possible. Speech isn't the only form of communication, for starters.
But the children had different signals, for example one child opened their eyes wide for 'yes' and shut them for 'no', with a couple of other gestures to show different things. You have to ask questions with yes/no answers.
It's quite difficult to explain, and obviously it won't appeal to everyone. As it happens, the career I want to go into (speech and language therapy) has a branch that helps people with disabilities such as cerebral palsy learn to communicate, so I find it all interesting, and put in the effort to speak to the children, whereas other people might find it more difficult in that situation, through no fault of their own
Ah, I see. I didn't realise you were studying speech and language therapy. It makes a lot more sense now. I admire you for it, I honestly don't think I would be able to ccommunicate like that, however horrible and selfish that makes me sound.

The people who can't speak- are they able to think completely? I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to be able to think all these things and not say them out loud.
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Tombola
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#45
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#45
(Original post by Joanna May)
Well, I would aks that question, it seems a logical one to ask. When I'm having fun with my friends, it's largely because we're talking or joking or whatever. I can't imagine how you could have fun with someone who never talks. I understna dhtta their brains are still working like other people's, but if they can't express that, then I can't see how you could have any more fun with them (in person, rather than via the internet or text messaging) than you could someone who couldn't think either.

I suppose sign language would be an answer, but surely it would be hard to communicate with new people so well if you literally couldn't speak and potential friends had to learn a whole new language to find out if they liked you or not?
It's probably due to having fun doesn't neccessary need to be dependant on verbal communication (or even the other person). You won't disagree with me that some people find spending time together with someone as fun too.

Course it's dependent on the idea of what fun is.
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Eccentric Man
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#46
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(Original post by Joanna May)
Maybe people make the world hard for you because you seem to have a chip on your shoulder about things. The OP is clearly just asking how to cope with a situation she's not familiar with, and doesn't want to hurt this others girl's feelings by being seen as patronising. Equally though, she doesn'tparticularly get along with the girl, so she isn't sure how to act around her without looking like an especially horrible person.
see, i proved my point, people with cp can be unfair grumpy ***** like anyone else
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RosiePosiePuddingAndPie
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#47
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(Original post by Joanna May)
Ah, I see. I didn't realise you were studying speech and language therapy. It makes a lot more sense now. I admire you for it, I honestly don't think I would be able to ccommunicate like that, however horrible and selfish that makes me sound.

The people who can't speak- are they able to think completely? I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to be able to think all these things and not say them out loud.
I'm not studying it yet, next year hopefully, I've just read a lot about it in preparation I did a lot of voluntary work at a local school for children with cerebral palsy though

And yep, people with CP can think completely. I'm not 100% on the biological side of it, but basically I think parts of the brain relating to movement and muscles are affected, but the rest is normal. But that's why people with cerebral palsy can struggle to speak, because muscles are affected. It must be incredibly frustrating, not being able to communicate your ideas, and for people to stop listening because it's a bit tricky to understand.

But then again, I completely understand where you're coming from - a lot of people would find the situation really difficult (I'm not talking about less severe CP here, where the person can walk and talk, just slowly) and I don't think bad of them for it


And to the person with CP who posted, feeling nervous about university - I'm sure you'll be fine There will be plenty of people willing to talk to you, make friends with you, socialise with you, and all that
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emilY?
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#48
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Blergh, some of this thread makes me seriously confused at people, in general.

I mean, ffs, peoples' naivety is forcing others to have to defend their own CP, its just... bah.
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Eccentric Man
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#49
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CP is awesome anyway, no-one knows when ur ****ed off ur face
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Vickysarah01
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To the person said that you cant have fun with someone that cant talk... I used to help run an after schol club for kids with special needs, and worked in their playscheme for a month every summer. Most of them couldnt speak coherantly, or at all but I had more fun in that month with them than I had had in the entire year.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by RosiePosiePuddingAndPie)
...a lot of people would find the situation really difficult (I'm not talking about less severe CP here, where the person can walk and talk, just slowly) and I don't think bad of them for it

And to the person with CP who posted, feeling nervous about university - I'm sure you'll be fine There will be plenty of people willing to talk to you, make friends with you, socialise with you, and all that
You'd be surprised. My CP isn't that bad, yet people seem unsure of how to react around me... And that, in itself, makes the situation more awkward 'cause then there's just a really long silence. If they'd just talked to me 'normally' in the first place then they would've seen that I'm able to reply and there wouldn't have been an issue. And considering a lot of people with CP whose speech isn't necessarily fantastic can still understand a lot, treating them 'normally', too, wouldn't hurt, either! But, I can understand people's reservations with the more disabled, though. It's a tricky one, really.

Gah, I hope so! Really, I just hope it's not an issue and people can either like me or dislike me for me - but I know there's gonna have to be the awkward, 'What've you been doing, then?!' 'Err... nothing; I was born like this' *awkward silence* Such is life!
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RosiePosiePuddingAndPie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You'd be surprised. My CP isn't that bad, yet people seem unsure of how to react around me... And that, in itself, makes the situation more awkward 'cause then there's just a really long silence. If they'd just talked to me 'normally' in the first place then they would've seen that I'm able to reply and there wouldn't have been an issue. And considering a lot of people with CP whose speech isn't necessarily fantastic can still understand a lot, treating them 'normally', too, wouldn't hurt, either! But, I can understand people's reservations with the more disabled, though. It's a tricky one, really.

Gah, I hope so! Really, I just hope it's not an issue and people can either like me or dislike me for me - but I know there's gonna have to be the awkward, 'What've you been doing, then?!' 'Err... nothing; I was born like this' *awkward silence* Such is life!
It is tricky really, and it's good that you're pretty understanding When you get to uni, you might have a few awkward first conversations and things, but just let your personality shine, and you'll make friends Some people might not give you a chance because of your CP, but I'm sure a lot more will.
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xtinkerbellx
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well i dont think you should feel bad for not feeling comfortable in helping her, your not close friends with this person, havent known her long and tis not your duty t look after her, if she was really bad shed have a carer or something. ye i think you should show her stuff if she needs help, but dont go out of your way all the time to fuss over her you do have your own life and it isnt your duty. Dont do things just because she is disabled, treat her how you would treat somebody else. if you wouldnt help somebody out with learing to use a machine or whatever, then dont do it for her, because it shows that you are treating a disabled person differently when they should be treated as equals, including the bad stuff.
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Mathy, Ace from Space
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Gah, I hope so! Really, I just hope it's not an issue and people can either like me or dislike me for me - but I know there's gonna have to be the awkward, 'What've you been doing, then?!' 'Err... nothing; I was born like this' *awkward silence* Such is life!
I do that, too...I hate those awkward silences, I never know what to do...
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HJV
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It might sound horrible, but I don't think it's fair for the university to put you together with someone who needs care a lot of the time. I mean, if she needs to be taught how to do basic things, it's not fair that you're pressured to help her in order to not be a "terrible person".
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Dionysus
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Did you choose to share a room with her? Whilst helping her is certainly the morally 'right' thing to do, you shouldn't be expected to effectively become her carer just because you were selected to share a room.
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xBillyBrownx
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It could help you forget about the fact that she's disabled and try treating her the way you would anyone else, and helping her in the same way you would your friends
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Titch89
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(Original post by Joanna May)
Not to sound rude or petty, but how can you have a laugh with someone who can't speak? I would have thought that the fact they couldn't speak would make them a great deal more difficult to have fun with than people who can.
I used to know a girl who has CP and doesn't talk. (she uses a talking computer) Whilst she wasn'tr able to talk, she used to laugh.

I would treat her like any other person. I used to do this with disbaled friends of mine and expect others to do it to me.
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IanDangerously
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If you don't want to help her, then don't. It's not your responsibility to do anything in this case. It's good that you feel you want to try and help her, but at the end of the day if your really that worried about her feeling patronised then dont bother. Your life will probably be much easier in the long run if you remain civil with her but dont try to help too much.
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Ella_belle
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(Original post by Dionysus)
Did you choose to share a room with her? Whilst helping her is certainly the morally 'right' thing to do, you shouldn't be expected to effectively become her carer just because you were selected to share a room.
Who says she asked the OP to help her with anything? All that we know is that she had to be shown to use the washing machine (not necessarily by the OP) - something which barely anyone would have noticed if she didn't have a disability. If she needed a carer she would have one, she clearly doesn't, so the OP shouldn't worry about what is morally 'right'. If she needs a hand with something - as I'm sure most roommates do from time to time - it would probably be nice for the OP to help, but I very much doubt that she'll need washing, feeding and putting to bed.

I am actually shocked at the arachaic view of disability that some people have on this forum.
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