Opening up to someone? Watch

Alice_G
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#1
Report Thread starter 11 years ago
#1
Hi all,
At the moment, I just cannot seem to open up to people. I am shy anyway, but I started to get more confident, and now it's going.
How long does it take for you to open up to people??
What's more for years, all I have been able to talk about is school work and such like, so now I find it really hard to know what to talk about.



Alice_G
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Mcjazz
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#2
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Depends, I'm fairly open to new people, but there's a difference between what you show people on the surface and who you really are. I don't open up fully until I really know a person, and sometimes never.
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Girl♥RadioHeart
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It depends on you personally. Some people are naturally open about themselves and others aren't. If you're confident in your skin it's easier to tell people all about yourself. Write a list of things you love about yourself and use them when you speak to people. So, introduce yourself, say your name, ask questions about them. Take it with a sense of humour too... be happy and confident and it should come with time. It won't happen over night and you need to trust people, it's hard to open up to strangers... I hope you find your confidence again soon
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Ed.
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I don't open up at all. My friends know barely anything about hopes/thoughts/feelings.
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Ed.
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(Original post by purplefrog)
I'm fairly bad at this too, I just cannot do "small talk". I would really appreciate some tips too.
:ditto:
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Girl♥RadioHeart
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(Original post by purplefrog)
I'm fairly bad at this too, I just cannot do "small talk". I would really appreciate some tips too.
Small talk is normally just to introduce yourself, find some common ground and build the conversation. If you dont agree with the person you can talk about your own opinions and beliefs and have a laugh and a joke.

There's always the cheesy lines...
"So, where are you from?"
"What do you do?"
"I like your jeans!"
"You into indie music?"

It's a confidence thing and it comes with time! I'm sure you'll be little miss chatterbox in no time!
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Mcjazz
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Oh psh. I hate small talk, what a waste of effort just to be polite.
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Girl♥RadioHeart
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Some people are naturally quiet and prefer to keep things to themselves, it's perfectly normal, I have a couple of friends who know me inside out and that's comforting sometimes, but I do keep alot bottled up too... I find talking about it helps though, even if it's to strangers on here
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kitty_koo
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im crap at small talk as well :s:
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RachieClare_x
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(Original post by Ed.)
I don't open up at all. My friends know barely anything about hopes/thoughts/feelings.
:dito:

but i do feel the need to rant on and so i write things down in a really long paragraph or something like that to vent any really strong emotions.
sometimes i think its nice to just be able to keep things together for yourself and vent it out in your own time and pace, though no doubt others will disagree

confidence doesnt really have much to do with it, as im seen as a fairly confident person to my friends, but i still wont open up properly to any of them. if you open up to people, its becasue of the way you just are, and if you dont want to open up thats ok too
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Girl♥RadioHeart
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(Original post by RachieClare_x)

confidence doesnt really have much to do with it, as im seen as a fairly confident person to my friends, but i still wont open up properly to any of them. if you open up to people, its becasue of the way you just are, and if you dont want to open up thats ok too
I think confidence is important to the extent that it's easier to make small talk...but as for opening up, no, that's not a matter of confidence...
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Mcjazz
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(Original post by Girl♥RadioHeart)
I think confidence is important to the extent that it's easier to make small talk...but as for opening up, no, that's not a matter of confidence...
I really do feel that small talk is just a waste of time, and certainly not a good use of confidence. There are other ways to get to know a person than saying ohmygoshhh your shoes are just fab!
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RachieClare_x
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(Original post by Girl♥RadioHeart)
I think confidence is important to the extent that it's easier to make small talk...but as for opening up, no, that's not a matter of confidence...
i compleatly agree, you really do need some confidence for small talk.
if its me, i just comment on what i can see, such as the place im meeting new people (gigs etc) or if its girl to girl i comment on stuff like jewlrey / accessories. i just comment on what i see and continue from there...
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FizzBitch
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(Original post by Ed.)
I don't open up at all. My friends know barely anything about hopes/thoughts/feelings.
Same here. I have plenty of friends but there's only a couple who know me really well and who I feel comfortable sharing more personal things with.


(Original post by Mcjazz)
]Depends, I'm fairly open to new people, but there's a difference between what you show people on the surface and who you really are. I don't open up fully until I really know a person, and sometimes never.
This too. I think it's a matter of finding people I really click/have a connection with.
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Girl♥RadioHeart
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(Original post by Mcjazz)
I really do feel that small talk is just a waste of time, and certainly not a good use of confidence. There are other ways to get to know a person than saying ohmygoshhh your shoes are just fab!
HaHa! I totally agree! It seems false and pretentious at times but these people asked for some tips.... the only way to learn is to go out and do some small talking... you have to be confident to walk up to a stranger and start talking... I didn't suggest it was good but told them what I do when I have to talk to people for the first time...e.g. when my mates abandoned my in a club with 6 guys I didn't know... whilst they left to get some "hanky panky" with their mates... you have to make the best of the situation and you may feel stupid but it's better than awkward silences!
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Girl♥RadioHeart
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(Original post by RachieClare_x)
i compleatly agree, you really do need some confidence for small talk.
if its me, i just comment on what i can see, such as the place im meeting new people (gigs etc) or if its girl to girl i comment on stuff like jewlrey / accessories. i just comment on what i see and continue from there...
:dito:
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Mcjazz
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(Original post by Girl♥RadioHeart)
HaHa! I totally agree! It seems false and pretentious at times but these people asked for some tips.... the only way to learn is to go out and do some small talking... you have to be confident to walk up to a stranger and start talking... I didn't suggest it was good but told them what I do when I have to talk to people for the first time...e.g. when my mates abandoned my in a club with 6 guys I didn't know... whilst they left to get some "hanky panky" with their mates... you have to make the best of the situation and you may feel stupid but it's better than awkward silences!
Yes, it truly is pretentious. But there's a difference between opening up and just making small talk. In the rare times that I do try to make small talk, I certainly don't whop out any big truths about myself. (Lol at your club situation btw)
OP- it takes a while for me to be open, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's better than broadcasting yourself to everyone at whatever opportunities just because you feel a bit too kept to yourself. Openness comes with trust, just give it time.
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Alice_G
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The thing is, there is one person in particular that I want to open up to (as well as in general) but I have spoken to him so much on facebook that wehn I see him in the flesh I have ran out of things to say We have similar msuic tatses, but I have already talked about that! Also, I'm so used to talking about school work that when I do open up to someone, I usually just droan on about that and how daunting uni is, my loew self-esteem, blah blah blah.

Any more advice?

Alice_G
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Hylean
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I open up very rarely, only about certain things because they affected me so greatly at the time that everyone knows about them anyway. Otherwise, I keep schtum about myself. When I do open up, it's slowly and only in little hints, unless I am immensely comfortable with the person, which has only really happened once. Damn that girl.
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worldsonfire
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i have the same problem
however i find its easier once ive spoken to people on msn,i can talk openly on msn buti just cant do it in real life for some strange reason
when ive moved to my new school took me months to alk but it made it easier cos my friends were quite open to me
its kinda of easier when u no a lot about another person cos u feel more like u can say ur feelingswithout being laughed at
most of close friends tho started by talking to them on msn : i think its cos say what almost feel like im just writing my thoughts down or writing a story lol .

however sometimes i dont think it is necessary open up unless u want to tell someone specifically. if this is the case then maybe it is best to plan that ahead. generally think best thing is make small talk nd joke bout so atmosphere feels less awkward for a bit get to know people for long time then i think u just naturally open up
i talk a lot of crap lol
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