A general rant Watch
Just had a huge argument with my mum and grandparents about the road I’m going down socially and emotionally, saying that if I keep doing what I’m doing I’ll be forever alone (I’m 17), eventually the whole family won’t want anything to do with me, they’ll all forget about me and leave me alone. Stupid thing is that sounds like exactly what I want. I’ve been through **** with my family, mostly involving my brother and sisters dad (I’ll refer to him as P for the rest of this), my biological dad and another incident involving my brother and sister (causing us to move away and essentially my mums way of running from the problem).
I don’t know a lot about my biological dad except that he’s not a good person. My mum and P where together for about 7 years and married for 2-3. He was emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me and my mum. I told her a long time ago that she should’ve gotten rid of him but she didn’t listen. So yeah I do blame her for ruining my life for 7 years. In the middle of that was the move I was forced into. According to my mum it was the only thing to do ( what’s even worse is that my mum and P where split for a while before the incident happened, and it apparently forced them back together and moved across the country to start a new life). Looking back this wasn’t the only thing she could do.
This argument that happened today brought a lot of this up, apparently I’ve got the personality of my biological dad. I do hate my mum for staying with P for 7 years, and getting as far away as possible from her sounds amazing. My brother and sister (aged 9 and 7) constantly annoy me (I know it sounds childish but I just can’t deal with them).
They’ve also started noticing how I reject any kind of emotional support or anything that should come normal to a family. I like to shut myself away in my room away from the rest of them. The thing that sparked he whole argument between us is when my brother said “love you, goodnight to me” and I said “go away”. I hate the word love, it makes me cringe inside and get very angry whenever I hear it. Just writing it now is annoying me.
I just want them to give up with me, and as soon as I possibly can I’ll leave and never look back. Everything that they all do just instantly irritates me. It’s not like this with anyone else, school is fine and all it’s just my family. So yeah I do want to be truly alone and forgotten by all of them.
There have been talks of counselling for me which I won’t enjoy. There’s some thing that have happened which I just want to push away (the incident) from my memories and just not bring them up (sounds unhealthy and not the way of dealing with things but I’m fine until someone brings it up, then I get irritated and annoyed, so forgetting and separation does work for me)
I do not love my family, I do hate them, everything they do irritates me, I do want to be alone.