Some Serious Advice Needed Watch
Join us muhahahahaha.
I should add that I have a family just like that, but I used to sneak in a cassette player to church under my coat . When I was 11 it jammed and made a big whirring noise during a prayer. Needless to say I have never been made to go since. I do go on Christmas Day just to support my family though and because I quite like singing the carols :P
Always happens (sod's Law!)
Right, so that wasn't useful. Maybe this is.
I'm a Christian and did a gap year with my church in 2006-07. My church is a Youth church, and while they don't force their opinions down your throat in sermons or whatever (they always re-iterate it's you choice...) it is a very evangelical church and I don't feel comfortable doing anything evangelistic / that could be percieved as forceful.
I know what you mean about it being hard to talk about. Last year I bottled it up until about this time last year actually. Then I broke down in tears infront of about 200 Year 9 pupils. That was fun! Spoke to my boss and she was understanding, but I still had to carry on with what I was doing, though it did change a bit.
Basically, you do need to talk to them otherwise bottling up your feelings may make you do something you regret. Dealing with a conscequence that *should* be temporary (a few days of awkwardness as you parents come to terms with your views for example) is better than a lifetime of regret!
If the sermons are along the lines of the one you mentioned and the church is small, your parents probably force you along to church as they don't want to be seen as "bad" parents.
But "good" parents should listen and respect their children's feelings. They may be a bit "disappointed", but should understand you need to make your own mind up.
From personal experience, the more Christianity is shoved down my throat, the less I want to do with it. Hence me not going to church for the first half of the university year
Perhaps "bend the truth" a little and say that you need your own time and space to collect your thoughts and build a relationship with God, and that going to church is having the opposite efect. Perhaps tell them that you don't agree with everything said in the sermons, but you understand where they are coming from, but need to find how to translate these believes with you believes if that makes sense?
Hopefully your parents should listen to you and understand. A lot of Christians come across as forceful in their believes, but would be mortified to find that they make others feel upset / angry / uncomfortable etc in the way they come across!
Hope it goes well - keep us informed! *hugs*
I tried to refuse to go to church when i was younger and it really didnt go down well with my parents. My mother was really upset and essentially wanted to change my mind so she'd ask me what aspects I disagreed with and then try to prove each of them wrong. So I told her I believed in God I just hated church and basically refused to enter into discussion about it. Luckily they weren't as extreme as your parents though.
My dad was like "well if you don't go to church, what's going to happen to you?" like it'd automatically mean I'd become some **** drug addict?
Definitely talk to them. My parents kept to the "you're under our roof, you're under our rules" thing though. Luckily since going to uni, when I come back for the holidays they don't force me to go.
I also agree with others who have said that you ought to tell them you're going to another Church. I know that's not what you want to do, but if you don't want to upset them to the extent that they'll want to kick you out, I think it's your best option. There are hundreds of Churches that are as different to your current Church as it's possible to be, and so even if you don't believe most of it, you won't have to sit through the hateful stuff your current place comes out with. If you don't want your parents to go mad, I think you're going to have to make a compromise, and I genuinely think that your best option is to tell them you've found this really nice Church that you'd rather go to. They might be upset, but you'd still be a Christian in their eyes, so I reckon they'd be less likely to try to force you back to theirs.
I know what they are going to say to me for starters anyway, they said it last time. 'You have been bewitched by the world, and it is so sad to see.' Another thing they said which i haven't said 'You will live by our rules in this house, what you do after is up to you, but we don't want you to go to hell. We are willing to take the chance that you will grow bitter [cos i said i will grow bitter] towards the faith but you will continue coming to church with us.' Also they've said from time to time (and it's been preached, especially last sunday) that 'you children being Christians is as important as it is to be a christian ourselves.' The ironic thing is here that my Father (and mother) (to my knowledge) has never been acting like this type of staunch Christian in front of my family. They are very normal in front of them, and I'm sure my Aunts and Uncles would be shocked if they heard the extent of their actions, as our Family is very good and nice, noone gets drunk, no swearing etc. but it's only my Father and Mother that are religious out of their brothers and sisters.
I've posted loads more again here!!, hoping to say something to them just after dinner tonight now, as it turns out my mum is going on a pre wedding do (what ever they're called, forgot) at 6.30. You guys are really a great help, and i really appreciate every comment made here, as otherwise i seem a bit cut off, so please keep posting people!!!
I'm not looking at a compromise. I'm sick of the religion.
Erm, not sure how to start it off.... Maybe wit hthe "Mum, Dad, can I talk to you a bit please?"
Not sure if it's relevant to be bringing this point in, but my pastor today was saying how Christians need to be "real" and show their flaws. Being fake isn't going to help anyone. Jesus ridiculed the Pharisees who were doing everything "right" because they'd lost themselves in the rules. But he seeked out the "sinners" who were being real with God - not doing things just because they thought they had to - doing it because they wanted to (huge difference there). And gave an awesome testimony about sex, drugs, drink and being beaten up etc - even though he's been a Christian all his life. (I can also recommend a couple of books about this is needed)
Unfortunately, it's hard to explain that to people who aren't open to the idea of being vunerable - which your parents sound like they don't want to be.
All I can advise is stay calm no matter what, be honest and invite them to ask you questions about your choice if you feel you can handle it - it may help them understand.
Once again, good luck! *hugs*
But, have you spoken to other non or less-religious relatives? Maybe you could stay with them for a while? Or at least use them as a back-up incase you do really get kicked out?
I really think staying with other relatives is a good idea - if anything, it'll get them on your side. It's a really tough situation. I know you said you'd miss your friends but you also mentioned that you're not *that* close to them, and you can still keep in touch and all that. It really seems like the best option.
I do feel awful for you and think you're in the right, but I will add - your parents are being like this because they love you and GENUINELY believe you'll go to hell if you don't go to church. I would feel so resentful if I were you, but they do care about you and it is possible they will come around, especially if you have family backing you up.