How long you should know someone for untill you get married Watch

cuddles x
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#41
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#41
(Original post by Angelil)
Your mate talks nonsense, OP :p: My boyfriend and I have been together 3.5 years and there's certainly been no loss of connection. You absolutely shouldn't get married to paper over the cracks out of a mistaken belief that you'll be able to stop a 'loss of connection' happening - that's really stupid.

I think all these random occasional tales you hear of people getting engaged after 2 months and then staying married for 30+ years are really rare and you can't make a decision based on these exceptional stories. Of course it might 'feel right' after a month or two - it's the honeymoon period, everything will! My boyfriend and I knew we wanted to marry one another 4-6 months into the relationship, but it wasn't the right time in our lives to actually do it. There's things feeling right, and things BEING right.

I'd say you ought to have been dating for 5 years by the time you get married. A year really isn't very long in the grand scheme of things.

agreed!!
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lemily
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#42
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I always said at least 7 years. I think that is a breaking point for a lot of couples. Me and my boy have 5 so far. The end of uni will spell 7 and at that point I guess we could get engaged if it felt right.

I also agree that you need to have lived together for at the very least a year. Living together can change things, you have to compromise and change behaviours etc. You also have to get used to the mundane monotony that sometimes overcomes real life and work, the hard time that comes with death and being poor, and the good times and if you still can look with love upon the face of your dear one when they leave their soggy towel on the floor, and forget to pick up bread, or come home late when you asked them to come home early, then I don't see why you can't have a good shot at lasting a life time.

And that's truly what marriage is to me - a lifetime. You see old couples who have notched up 60 years and they talk about having had a bad patch that lasted a whole decade but they stuck through it to have twenty more years of joy. I think you need to have been with eachother a while to realise that life isn't always going to be all rosy and that bad bits come along and can last a day, a month, a year, maybe even a decade, but you will get through it if you love eachother, are committed, and don't mind a bit of hard work. None of my parents assorted 6 marriages have lasted more than 7 years either and I think that is my benchmark.

I know there are people who just know after a little time, and I can see why in some situations it may be urgent to get married for certain reasons, but if you are going to be together for life, then surely rushing into it for the party, the white goods and the honeymoon is a bit breakneck. Waiting a while when you are sure that you want to spend you life with someone seems reasonable. But at the same time, a lot of my friend's parents ask me and my boyfriend why aren't we married yet using the same sort of reasoning. Meh.
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jenren22
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#43
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#43
Hmm, it's a difficult question. I am blissfully in love at the moment and our relationship is coming up to a year. We are just right for each other-the honeymoon period has passed, we are content, we have our little doubts and problems, but then we're fine again. If he proposed to me now i would say yes, but in my mind i probably wouldn't actually marry him for at least another 3 years.
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Electric_Dreams
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#44
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#44
(Original post by BlackHawk)
I knew my other half for 6 weeks before he proposed. 'You just know' is a very true cliche. We're very happily married 3 1/2 years on from that day.
Aww it sounds so whirlwind and perfect.

I agree with what a lot of people are saying on here, there is no set time as such but rather how quickly and firmly a 'connection' establishes. Personally I'd wait for at least a year, but at the same time I do believe, from what I've heard and experienced, that you often 'just know'.
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Profesh
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#45
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(Original post by cuddles x)
this is a very weird question i know ... but i was talking to a mate and we were talking about how long you would have to being going out with your partner before you decided to get married.

my mate said one year...if you know them for one year and your happy and together and right age to get married then they should ... becuase if you dont get married and just date for over a few years you loose some connection...

however i think you should know the other person for way longer like 4years - i dont know why i think that i just do ... i mean im not going to marry someone after one year of knowing them.
i know people that known people for 7 years before they have gotton married ..

what do you think? on average how long would you have to know the other person for ? x
Yes. God forbid that the relationship should run its course naturally; that you should lose interest in one another, and drift apart amicably. Much better to co-erce your partner into a legally-binding arrangement so that, eventually, the only thing more horrifying to them than the prospect of staying with you is the prospect of attempting to leave you.

Christ, what bull****.
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candiclaus
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#46
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i agree that there is no set time. i think that as long as you are mature enough to see the difference between a 'honeymoon period' and actual love, then it really IS about it just feeling right
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Schmokie Dragon
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#47
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In my current relationship, I would give it about 4 years. That would get me to the other side of university and thinking about getting my own place. If we are still going strong, I would definitely think about marrying him.

It all depends on the situation. I know two people who have just got engaged after being together for over 20 years.
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vagabond
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#48
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i got married on the 15th day of seeing her
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Yasmin2K8
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#49
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#49
If i met Mr Perfection id say a less than a year =)
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PinkMobilePhone
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#50
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It depends on the people.

My husband and I :
Met 1st June 2001
Started dating 14th July 2001
Got engaged 19th October 2001
Moved in together 16th December 2002
Got married 2nd April 2005

so we got engaged quickly after meeting, but got married a few years later.

Some people are together much longer before getting married, and others have whirlwind romances and get hitched a week after getting together! There's no right or wrong way to go about it.
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Archibald246
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#51
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#51
As long as possible... I don't think I'm the marrying kind!
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Emmaleuk
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#52
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#52
My parents got married about a year after meeting...married for 32 years...now finalising a divorce and not in a position where you can actually mention the other's name without uproar! arg!

I wouldn't put a time limit on such things. I think every relationship is different and even though I've witnessed such a strong marriage collapse, it doesn't put me off. However I know that although I always said I wanted to get married "young" (my sister was 18, my mum 18, my brother was 19) I would want to have finished university first due to money etc..
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cascadingstylez
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#53
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There is no set time.

I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years and we have no plans on getting married.

A relationship is like a shirt. You have to work with it, iron out all the creases and only when the shirt is perfect (to your standards) can you wear it.

I want to be stable in life before I get married. I want to marry my GF but at the moment I have some issues that I want to resolve (mental issues - i am not mad) before I do.

I think I will marry when I am 30ish.
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storminaDcup
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#54
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#54
(Original post by cuddles x)
this is a very weird question i know ... but i was talking to a mate and we were talking about how long you would have to being going out with your partner before you decided to get married.

my mate said one year...if you know them for one year and your happy and together and right age to get married then they should ... becuase if you dont get married and just date for over a few years you loose some connection...

however i think you should know the other person for way longer like 4years - i dont know why i think that i just do ... i mean im not going to marry someone after one year of knowing them.
i know people that known people for 7 years before they have gotton married ..

what do you think? on average how long would you have to know the other person for ? x
if you truly love them, you won't loose that connection...
i'm sort of in this situation myself
due to my bf's morals, sex is waiting until marriage
so granted, we won't be waiting around long...
he says he has a date in his head when we'll get engaged, sometime at uni maybe in the first year.
that will mean we will have been together for 2 years.
and supposing we get married after uni finishes, that will be about 4 years.
i found something interesting the other day about the relationship cycle. there are 4/5 different stages of it, ill give u the link.
http://www.videojug.com/interview/th...a-relationship
it really is quite helpful at judging where you at in your relationship..
and hence showing when the best time is to marry in order to make it last
a coiuple in my year got engaged after 2 MONTHS together...likelyhood of that lasting is meagre since they are still in that "lust" stage..
but meh, its all relative. some people i know have gotten married real early and stayed together for years, for some, the complete opposite and it was a disaster. its a no brainer really, theres no right or wrong time it just depends on the couple and how right you are for one another
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emilyyy
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#55
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In my family not one marriage has lasted more than ten years for three generations. As a result my views on marriage have been a little... tainted. I've seen the hurt people go through when they separate, which is only worsened by the necessity of arranging the divorce settlement.
For that reason marriage really doesn't appeal to me.
However I do love the idea of making a promise to somebody forever, showing your union to everyone else and celebrating it - and yes, the dress and the special day bit behind it.

The reason I've gone into all that is because I don't think I can stipulate how long I would like to know someone before marriage, because I have no idea yet whether or not marriage is right for me.
I've been with my boy for two years. If he asked me I would love to say yes, because the idea is wonderful, but I've no idea how practical it would be.
Like someone else has said I would probably say yes, but make sure he knew that I would want to wait a good few years - at least until I was through uni - before we even began to think about starting to arrange things.

I would want to be sure that I could spend the rest of my life alongside him, because to be quite honest I don't want to follow the same path the rest of my family have :P
For that reason I'd agree with other people. In my mind you should have lived with them for some time before you tie the knot.

But there is no defined period of time; it's different for everybody. It's dependent on personality, culture, financial status, mind-set - everything.
It's a life time agreement. No-one would sign onto a lifetime contract for renting a house without some serious, serious thought. Marriage should be the same - that way you minimise the chance of hurt for both parties.
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southernlight
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#56
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#56
Although I agree with posters saying "you just know", I would also say personally I'd want to live with them before getting married.
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dita_parlo
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#57
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We're hopefully getting married next year, so that will have been us dating for 3 years, and living together for 2.5 years. I knew very early into our relationship that we would get married, but I also knew that it would probably be best to live together first to see how things went in that sense. My parents dated for 3 years and they've been married now for 30 years, my boyfriends parents dated about 3 months and they've been married for 25 years.
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LethalBizzle
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#58
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There's no answer, I know a couple who have been together for 40 years and only just got married a couple of months ago for tax reasons, and my parents who were married within a couple of years. The only wrong length of time is a couple of hours, like Britney!
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*pitseleh*
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#59
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#59
(Original post by cuddles x)
this is a very weird question i know ... but i was talking to a mate and we were talking about how long you would have to being going out with your partner before you decided to get married.

my mate said one year...if you know them for one year and your happy and together and right age to get married then they should ... becuase if you dont get married and just date for over a few years you loose some connection...

however i think you should know the other person for way longer like 4years - i dont know why i think that i just do ... i mean im not going to marry someone after one year of knowing them.
i know people that known people for 7 years before they have gotton married ..

what do you think? on average how long would you have to know the other person for ? x
How ridiculous.. trying to avoid future problems by getting married. Does your friend think that difficulties don't arise in marriages, or something?

My other half and I first started dating over six years ago, and we've been "seriously" involved (whatever that really means) for around four years. We've both been sure for at least the last three-and-a-half years that we'd end up getting married, but it's not the right time now.
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Danny the Geezer
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#60
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My brother has known his gf about 7 months and they are getting married soon, it just depends on the couple.
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