Girlfriend and best (female) mate Watch
When i started going out with my girlfriend i drifted away from her (my mate) a bit, but over the last 6 months or so she has started to come back a bit, more so over the last 2 months. She will leave me messages on facebook quite often(sometimes flirty), call me, ask me to go round and see her (she is having a rough time with her boyfriend & her nursing placement) and that sort of stuff.
Its trying to figure out what i do form here thats bothering me atm. If i confront my mate i know how badly it will upset her because we are so close and she feels she can really talk to me, and we'll loose all of this. But at the same time it really is getting to my girlfriend and upsetting her quite a bit.
Any ideas on how i can ask my mate to take a few steps back without looseing her as a friend altogether?
Its just trying to ask my friend to take a step back and try and find another outlet/someone to talk to without looseing her as a friend.
But speaking from the point of view of being the 'best mate', I don't get why girlfriends feel insecure. My guy mates girlfriends' have always disliked me just because we are really close. I mean if we had romantic feelings we would go out with each other but we are not so they shouldn't be worried.
Your girlfriends probably going to feel a bit threatened if you have a close girl mate she hasn't had time to get to know, and at the same time if your friend doesnt meet you're girlfriend she might feel like she's just losing a friend as you don't want to introduce them.
I drifted away from my closest guy mate for a couple of months, he met his girlfriend and i felt like that i had kind of just been swept to the side, once i said this to him, the friendship started returning to normal but it took a few months before i said anything. Most of my other mates had met her before me, and it wasn't ever planned that this would happen, just through events and days she came round i was never there. Then when i finally did, i think she kind of had to get used to the idea very quickly we were very close. Especially as when the meeting happened, we'd got back to the closeness we had always had previously.
Just make it clear to your girlfriend you're with her and you and your friend are jsut that 'friends' i know it sounds silly, but she probably just needs the reassurance, as much as your mate probably just needs to hear from you that she means a lot to you aswell, and that you're not willing to lose her as a close friend, yet may need to spend that bit less time with her as its upsetting your girlfriend.
But do you send them flirty facebook messages, ring them twice a day and ask them to come around often?
No he rings me more than twice a day I never have to make the effort. Fair enough I don't send flirty messages though we went through a stage where his flirtatious messages were worse than mine, but we overcame it.
Iv got 3 more missed calls from her today alone and she is asking me to go over again to see her. I know she has it tough and unfortunately i am one of the few people she can talk to but i just cant think fo a way of asking her to take a step back, without looseing her as a friend!
oh and discussing any of this with your mate might cause problems with your girlfriend!
I'd say that you need to sit down with this friend, because at the moment she is texting you in the morning and your going round in the afternoon...i can't imagine when you have time alone for your actual girlfriend, and let her know that while you are trying to help her through this you have a relationship to maintain and that you will help her when you can but from my point of view there is only a handful of problems that i would count as needing that much constant attention.
Don't overlook your girlfriends fear as i see them as justified.
Perhaps you could chat later or something, and tell your GF going to ring [insert name here]. The more open about it you are the better I think. You just need to reassure your GF that there is nothing between the two of you. It's hard, and being the "friend" in most of these situations and having been accused of stuff by jealous girlfriends isn't nice!! Most girls don't have a problem with lads having close friends who happen to be girls, just some do.
I would sit down with your girlfriend and explain to her how you feel about her and that you are just trying to help a friend out. It must be hard for her aswell. If i switch the tables round I know i would not be happy with my GF seeing a male friend all the time.
I don't really know what else to say.