So I got stood up... now what? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 11 years ago
#1
I got stood up the other day by a girl who seemed quite physically attracted to me. I thought i ought to portray myself as higher value than her and suggest she came along to my 'event', as if she wasn't the centre of attention. So i facebd her that i'd be at x place at y time, and that should come. She promptly replied saying she would. In reality i had organised quite a few things for her but she never turned up. The following day i messaged her saying that she was naughty and had missed out. to which she just said sorry and made an excuse. i didn't buy any of it.
Now what?
My question: should I have given her more of a choice of venue, time? or would it not have made any difference?
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lincs_b
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#2
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If your playing games what do you expect? I'm sure your a nice person but if you like her then tell her straight.
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SuicideCommando
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#3
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#3
No, you shouldn't have. The truth is, she agreed to meet up with you. She could've easily said, "I dno, I'll check" but she didn't!
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mollymustard
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You can only try so hard! If she said she was going to be there, she should have been there. And even if she couldnt get there she should have text you or something, just to let you know she couldnt make it.

Perhaps she is attracted to you, but just doesnt want to meet up.

Maybe suggest catching up in a few weeks or so, but if you think she is going to make excuses again then there is no point.

If she really wanted to see you, she would have turned up.
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anna_spanner89
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maybe she reckons your a bit of a ******** and decided not too go in the end because you were coming across as pompous...??
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Fleece
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#6
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She might have felt awkward - I mean, if some guy told me to come along to some event where I wouldn't know anyone but him and it didn't sound like he'd be around most of the night, I probably wouldn't go either - better things to do with my time.
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Plato123
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#7
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What was her reason? If it was really ridiculous, it could be a sign she is not taking the potential relationship seriously and will probably stand you up again. If you can sense she is not telling the truth, why not ask for the real reason?
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Anonymous #1
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Ok my first language isn't english, by 'event' i didn't specify whether i was alone or not. i'm pretty sure she knew it was just the two of us for a couple of drinks but i didn't want to make it sound like a date.
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anna_spanner89
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#9
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how about this op, after re reading your post

maybe she is just not interested
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Profesh
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#10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I got stood up the other day by a girl who seemed quite physically attracted to me. I thought i ought to portray myself as higher value than her and suggest she came along to my 'event', as if she wasn't the centre of attention. So i facebd her that i'd be at x place at y time, and that should come. She promptly replied saying she would. In reality i had organised quite a few things for her but she never turned up. The following day i messaged her saying that she was naughty and had missed out. to which she just said sorry and made an excuse. i didn't buy any of it.
Now what?
My question: should I have given her more of a choice of venue, time? or would it not have made any difference?
Hahahahaha. I find it ironic that the nature of your predicament seems very much to suggest the contrary.
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lincs_b
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok my first language isn't english, by 'event' i didn't specify whether i was alone or not. i'm pretty sure she knew it was just the two of us for a couple of drinks but i didn't want to make it sound like a date.
Maybe she didn't know. If you made it feel unimportant and casual then she could like you but just didn't think it was a big deal. Tell her you like her and ask her if she wants to go to the cinema or something. The worse she can do is say no.
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Anonymous #2
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You did well to not make her the centre of attention, with the higher value thing etc.
I don't think you could have done it better, but maybe something happened before that that made her change her mind, maybe it was a 'flake', i.e. you were too sexual too fast, or she's not comfortable with you yet. Comfort is very important. Also, your plan to convey higher value might have backfired, because she might not have taken the 'date' as a proper 'date', thinking that she would go to some event where she didn't fit in, just to see you, but what if she couldn't find you and ended up alone etc. etc. I had this happen with a boy I knew in school, he was quite upset that he seemed to be stood up, but it simply turned out that the girl didn't want to go out alone, and none of her friends wanted to go on that night, and at the time, she of course had only just met this boy. A few weeks later they started going out. If her self-esteem is low, go a bit more direct (not too direct or it will seem needy), but if her self-esteem is high, do the same 'event' thing again but involve her friends, and within the party impress her friends as much as her using wit, humour and your personality, while ignoring her ever so slightly, until she is slightly heated that you're not paying her attention. If you've done it right check for indicators that she is interested, simple things like enthusiasm in the conversation, eye contact, light touches etc. If she seems 'off' then she doesn't like you. If that's the case, it happens, there's no easy way but it helps that there are 3.25 billion women on the planet. Good luck mate
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You did well to not make her the centre of attention, with the higher value thing etc.
I don't think you could have done it better, but maybe something happened before that that made her change her mind, maybe it was a 'flake', i.e. you were too sexual too fast, or she's not comfortable with you yet. Comfort is very important. Also, your plan to convey higher value might have backfired, because she might not have taken the 'date' as a proper 'date', thinking that she would go to some event where she didn't fit in, just to see you, but what if she couldn't find you and ended up alone etc. etc. I had this happen with a boy I knew in school, he was quite upset that he seemed to be stood up, but it simply turned out that the girl didn't want to go out alone, and none of her friends wanted to go on that night, and at the time, she of course had only just met this boy. A few weeks later they started going out. If her self-esteem is low, go a bit more direct (not too direct or it will seem needy), but if her self-esteem is high, do the same 'event' thing again but involve her friends, and within the party impress her friends as much as her using wit, humour and your personality, while ignoring her ever so slightly, until she is slightly heated that you're not paying her attention. If you've done it right check for indicators that she is interested, simple things like enthusiasm in the conversation, eye contact, light touches etc. If she seems 'off' then she doesn't like you. If that's the case, it happens, there's no easy way but it helps that there are 3.25 billion women on the planet. Good luck mate
*chuckles* the PU master on here, on his day off! fantastic.
The first time we were with her friends at a party and she kept taking me away from them, naturally she wanted the attention and i may have come over a bit AFC. That evening i made sure i paid her attention but also talked to n hugged lots of other girls (obviously my friends) directly in her view. Anywho then she came over and gave me a big kiss on the cheek and said she was leaving n i said bye, but no more.

Then post this event she sent me a message saying in 'acoustic terms' (i can't give more clues) she fancied me. So i kind of passed on it, but followed it up with that we should meet up in x at time y. She agreed then flaked though having given no indication.

So how would you recommend another arrangement? i would have thought having just flaked but being interested she would have been very apologetic and tried to make up for it, no? let's just say i don't have ample time at my disposal here
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x_stu_x
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#14
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haha you called her 'naughty' :evil:
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FizzBitch
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#15
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(Original post by Fleece)
She might have felt awkward - I mean, if some guy told me to come along to some event where I wouldn't know anyone but him and it didn't sound like he'd be around most of the night, I probably wouldn't go either - better things to do with my time.
this.
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scout5
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#16
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#16
just try to meet up with her again casually, maybe make the effort to go to something she's doing to show that you're interested. I don't think the situation sounds that awkward...
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Anonymous #2
#17
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I wouldn't take the flake personally. We never do as a rule, even if the flake were a genuine flake, but tbh I don't think it was. As others have said on here, and with the example I tried to give, girls just don't tend to go out at night alone, they're normally in groups, and since at this 'event' she would have perhaps only known you, it can be quite intimidating, and not the most attractive thing to do. I would believe this not only because it is the most likely reason, but also because you must be emotionally unreactive. If you scream at her etc. etc. you come across like a chump and you've lost her. But you did right once again, being unreactive, and good preselection with those girls, nice.

What I would do is set up a day 2, but sort of go middle ground between 'event' like you don't give a crap about her (not enough incentive for her to go, certainly not alone -- you may have loads of girls around you as you did the other night etc.) and the classic date. Say you need a new X and you require a female opinion, and go shopping. Or do something else with her, at your choice, that simply conveys you were 'going anyway'. Whatever she is required to help you with, don't say thanks thanks thanks when she gives opinions etc., challenge her input in a cool unreactive manner, get her a bit flustered etc. "Come on, you're a girl, aren't you supposed to know about these things?" (if youre picking clothes) Always push to the limit but when you feel like she is getting a bit too heated reward her for a genuinely good piece of input that she gives/quality other than her looks, ideally with a quick playful hug to get her used to your touch (avoiding LJBF zone) and make sure you push her away first. Repeat the process, maybe with normal conversation in between as it could get tiring and monotonous negging her all the time plus you shouldn't use too many or she won't feel good around you, but these normal conversations should be ones of interest, stories demonstrating higher value, and also in malls etc. situational jokes or jibes at certain strange characters (secret between you and her) make for excellent demonstrations of higher value through your own personality as well as the comfort of knowing something the 'outside' world doesn't know. Keep the interaction fun and playful.

If the logistics permit, first get her to come inside your house so you can [invent a reason, get your wallet or whatever] maybe show her a thing or two, pictures on the wall, a short story or two about your younger days (girls love that), but then go out of the door. If you want to be picky lead her, don't walk behind, walk first, ask her to close the door behind her. The fact that she's been in your house with no desperate move of a chump (i.e. omg I have a girl in my house, with real breasts! etc. etc.) will build her comfort and make her feel secure in that place. Then if the interaction wherever you go is playful and you can feel the 'vibe' and you're both laughing, you're teasing her playfully etc., but also within that demonstrating your value with a sincere, strong side also, then just naturally go back to your place because she has to see your (not fishtank, something not cliched or lame) , or you have to play X game (hopefully you can both find a commonality while you're out and use it! Think on your feet) and say coolly I will only play you once though because I get tired of beating everyone, honestly it's not even fun anymore etc. etc. Girls like to believe in destiny and all that, so whatever happens was just "meant to be" while you were playing a game of fifa 2008 or whatever.

I hope this helps, but if it doesn't work out, you're doing great keep it up.
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AsphyxiateD
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#18
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Is anyone else utterly perplexed at ^^that?
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Profesh
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I wouldn't take the flake personally. We never do as a rule, even if the flake were a genuine flake, but tbh I don't think it was. As others have said on here, and with the example I tried to give, girls just don't tend to go out at night alone, they're normally in groups, and since at this 'event' she would have perhaps only known you, it can be quite intimidating, and not the most attractive thing to do. I would believe this not only because it is the most likely reason, but also because you must be emotionally unreactive. If you scream at her etc. etc. you come across like a chump and you've lost her. But you did right once again, being unreactive, and good preselection with those girls, nice.

What I would do is set up a day 2, but sort of go middle ground between 'event' like you don't give a crap about her (not enough incentive for her to go, certainly not alone -- you may have loads of girls around you as you did the other night etc.) and the classic date. Say you need a new X and you require a female opinion, and go shopping. Or do something else with her, at your choice, that simply conveys you were 'going anyway'. Whatever she is required to help you with, don't say thanks thanks thanks when she gives opinions etc., challenge her input in a cool unreactive manner, get her a bit flustered etc. "Come on, you're a girl, aren't you supposed to know about these things?" (if youre picking clothes) Always push to the limit but when you feel like she is getting a bit too heated reward her for a genuinely good piece of input that she gives/quality other than her looks, ideally with a quick playful hug to get her used to your touch (avoiding LJBF zone) and make sure you push her away first. Repeat the process, maybe with normal conversation in between as it could get tiring and monotonous negging her all the time plus you shouldn't use too many or she won't feel good around you, but these normal conversations should be ones of interest, stories demonstrating higher value, and also in malls etc. situational jokes or jibes at certain strange characters (secret between you and her) make for excellent demonstrations of higher value through your own personality as well as the comfort of knowing something the 'outside' world doesn't know. Keep the interaction fun and playful.

If the logistics permit, first get her to come inside your house so you can [invent a reason, get your wallet or whatever] maybe show her a thing or two, pictures on the wall, a short story or two about your younger days (girls love that), but then go out of the door. If you want to be picky lead her, don't walk behind, walk first, ask her to close the door behind her. The fact that she's been in your house with no desperate move of a chump (i.e. omg I have a girl in my house, with real breasts! etc. etc.) will build her comfort and make her feel secure in that place. Then if the interaction wherever you go is playful and you can feel the 'vibe' and you're both laughing, you're teasing her playfully etc., but also within that demonstrating your value with a sincere, strong side also, then just naturally go back to your place because she has to see your (not fishtank, something not cliched or lame) , or you have to play X game (hopefully you can both find a commonality while you're out and use it! Think on your feet) and say coolly I will only play you once though because I get tired of beating everyone, honestly it's not even fun anymore etc. etc. Girls like to believe in destiny and all that, so whatever happens was just "meant to be" while you were playing a game of fifa 2008 or whatever.

I hope this helps, but if it doesn't work out, you're doing great keep it up.
Oh, dear.
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Fleece
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#20
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I wouldn't take the flake personally. We never do as a rule, even if the flake were a genuine flake, but tbh I don't think it was. As others have said on here, and with the example I tried to give, girls just don't tend to go out at night alone, they're normally in groups, and since at this 'event' she would have perhaps only known you, it can be quite intimidating, and not the most attractive thing to do. I would believe this not only because it is the most likely reason, but also because you must be emotionally unreactive. If you scream at her etc. etc. you come across like a chump and you've lost her. But you did right once again, being unreactive, and good preselection with those girls, nice.

What I would do is set up a day 2, but sort of go middle ground between 'event' like you don't give a crap about her (not enough incentive for her to go, certainly not alone -- you may have loads of girls around you as you did the other night etc.) and the classic date. Say you need a new X and you require a female opinion, and go shopping. Or do something else with her, at your choice, that simply conveys you were 'going anyway'. Whatever she is required to help you with, don't say thanks thanks thanks when she gives opinions etc., challenge her input in a cool unreactive manner, get her a bit flustered etc. "Come on, you're a girl, aren't you supposed to know about these things?" (if youre picking clothes) Always push to the limit but when you feel like she is getting a bit too heated reward her for a genuinely good piece of input that she gives/quality other than her looks, ideally with a quick playful hug to get her used to your touch (avoiding LJBF zone) and make sure you push her away first. Repeat the process, maybe with normal conversation in between as it could get tiring and monotonous negging her all the time plus you shouldn't use too many or she won't feel good around you, but these normal conversations should be ones of interest, stories demonstrating higher value, and also in malls etc. situational jokes or jibes at certain strange characters (secret between you and her) make for excellent demonstrations of higher value through your own personality as well as the comfort of knowing something the 'outside' world doesn't know. Keep the interaction fun and playful.

If the logistics permit, first get her to come inside your house so you can [invent a reason, get your wallet or whatever] maybe show her a thing or two, pictures on the wall, a short story or two about your younger days (girls love that), but then go out of the door. If you want to be picky lead her, don't walk behind, walk first, ask her to close the door behind her. The fact that she's been in your house with no desperate move of a chump (i.e. omg I have a girl in my house, with real breasts! etc. etc.) will build her comfort and make her feel secure in that place. Then if the interaction wherever you go is playful and you can feel the 'vibe' and you're both laughing, you're teasing her playfully etc., but also within that demonstrating your value with a sincere, strong side also, then just naturally go back to your place because she has to see your (not fishtank, something not cliched or lame) , or you have to play X game (hopefully you can both find a commonality while you're out and use it! Think on your feet) and say coolly I will only play you once though because I get tired of beating everyone, honestly it's not even fun anymore etc. etc. Girls like to believe in destiny and all that, so whatever happens was just "meant to be" while you were playing a game of fifa 2008 or whatever.

I hope this helps, but if it doesn't work out, you're doing great keep it up.
Lol what a joker. Which self-help book you copying that out of?
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