i feel rubbish...longgg story Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 11 years ago
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basically im just feeling deeply rubbish and just want to have a rant on a computer...or something like that anyway...so here goes.

my 15 year old tart of a sister walked out yesterday "because my mum thumped her." which isnt true, i was there, no thumping occurred.
this was the culmination of an entire years worth of her...

- stealing laptops (mine and my mums)/phones(my mums)/food(entire tins of quality street hidden in her pillow)/my younger sister's gameboy etc etc etc
- lying about where shes going/what shes doing (i.e. saying shes going to school but not)
- walking out the house, refusing to come home, calling my dad and selling him some sob story because she knows he will believe it (my parents are separated) and then getting him to drive 160 miles to pick her up
- failing to do any homework, coursework etc (numerous letters & phone calls from the school) shes just done 4 GCSEs early (school policy) and has probs messed them up
- smoking
- obsessive usage of her phone (even manipulating my dad to get her a new fancy one on contract 3 weeks ago, which she has since used solely for talking non-stop to some boy who lives 20 miles away
- changing best friends/boyfriends every week it feels like, a kick in the teeth considering one of these so called best friends was a bully to her a year ago (and guess who supported her through that one...)

the list goes on...

so yesterday after she walked out for the umpteenth time, my mum packed up her stuff in bin bags and left it outside the house, telling my dad she was washing her hands of her and she was his responsibility now. my dad picked her up from the so called best friend that was a bully's house - whose parents had come marching over earlier and taken the bin bags.

my dad comes by before he picks the cow up to speak to me. i tell him i dont really want to talk about it, of course he goes on and on about how much of a ***** my mum is etc, and then my mum yells out the window to me "stop discussing this in the street, the neighbours can hear" and of course my dad tells her to **** off, which she returns. I went back inside, not really wanting to be caught in the middle again.

i went upstairs about half an hour later to say goodnight to my mum, and she was incredibly abrupt with me, saying "you've shown you're true colours now" ie that i was blabbering on about everything when i had said i didnt want to talk about it to her. so you can probs guess im feeling pretty hurt, by my dad, sister and even my mum and im not really sure what to do.

i doubt any of this even makes sense...
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randdom
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Its always going to be a difficult situation when the adults around you are acting like children. I think the best bet would be leave things to calm down for a while then talk to both your parents. Make it clear that they are supposed to be the adults in this situation and the fact that they can't present a united front is why you sister is being allowed to get away with this.

You could offer to mediate if you felt strong enough but it would be understandable if you just wanted to stay out of it.
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PoisonDonna
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Your mum was probably just upset over the whole thing, and hopefully didn't mean it. I think you did the right thing keeping as much out of it as possible, I know it's hard when it's family stuff. It might be better than your sister has gone with your dad for a bit, hopefully can calm everyone down and maybe help her and your mum see things a bit more clearly?
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daytona01
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(Original post by randdom)
Its always going to be a difficult situation when the adults around you are acting like children. I think the best bet would be leave things to calm down for a while then talk to both your parents. Make it clear that they are supposed to be the adults in this situation and the fact that they can't present a united front is why you sister is being allowed to get away with this.

You could offer to mediate if you felt strong enough but it would be understandable if you just wanted to stay out of it.

with no consideration of the 15 year old girl who is going down a horrible road?

I mean ok, your parents are acting like children here and apart from laying low theres not much you can do here. But your sister, stealing, smoking and failing school? Wheres that all coming from? By the sounds of things i'd wager your family has to take some of the blame here, because nobody is born like that - they have to learn through either parents, peers or role models. Theres little else where this attitude can come from. Perhaps your parents divorcing hit her hard? Perhaps something else has caused this behaviour... Perhaps your family was naturally abusive. All i know is that you either seem to have given up on her or haven't been there for her. She aint gonna get better, and it will likely cause a lot more tension in the family. How about getting her on the right track? I have no idea how because i dont know her, but talking to her would be a start, how about approaching the school counsellor etc? Shouldn't you be looking out for your sister above anything?
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sdt
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(Original post by daytona01)
with no consideration of the 15 year old girl who is going down a horrible road?

I mean ok, your parents are acting like children here and apart from laying low theres not much you can do here. But your sister, stealing, smoking and failing school? Wheres that all coming from? By the sounds of things i'd wager your family has to take some of the blame here, because nobody is born like that - they have to learn through either parents, peers or role models. Theres little else where this attitude can come from. Perhaps your parents divorcing hit her hard? Perhaps something else has caused this behaviour... Perhaps your family was naturally abusive. All i know is that you either seem to have given up on her or haven't been there for her. She aint gonna get better, and it will likely cause a lot more tension in the family. How about getting her on the right track? I have no idea how because i dont know her, but talking to her would be a start, how about approaching the school counsellor etc? Shouldn't you be looking out for your sister above anything?

Are the other two of your posts as full of raw awesomeness as this one?
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daytona01
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(Original post by sdt)
Are the other two of your posts as full of raw awesomeness as this one?
Well, at least I addressed the OP with regards to her problem. And if the guy with but 4 posts manages to provide some advice (which, ironically, is non of your concern unless your facing a similar issue or you have something to debate or challenge or add - also something you failed to do) and yet the guy who seems to be a regular poster only manages to criticise the number of posts a new member has made on a forum on a thread which is discussing yet another potential trouble teenager (who steals, does awfully in school and other things).

Do you see something wrong here?

Also, if you dont believe that the divorce had an effect on this child, or perhaps the family situation is contributing to the problems, or in fact that the 15 year old NEEDS some help before these problems get out of hand then i'd like to know where you stand...


EDIT: and i didn't necessarily call ranndom's advice bad, it was just a bit flimsy in that it failed to address the 15 year old, who is clearly in need of some form of help before potentially worse behaviours develop.
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Aeana
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I have to agree with daytona here, your sister seems like she's going through something. Maybe your parent's separation is hitting her harder than it is hitting you. I can understand that it is difficult for you to watch your sister go down this path and it must be so hard to be caught in the middle of an argument in a family, especially if you're not the one causing the trouble. Sure your sister needs help but I'm sure you do too. so tell me, how do you feel about it all? How do you feel that your mother has washed her hands of your sister?

If you need to talk, there are plenty of us here who will gladly listen. Sometimes you just need to talk about it and work through things verbally before working out what your next move is going to be. OP if you need someone to talk to, just send me a pm. I'll be happy to listen
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Juggy123
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hey how you doing mate? well my brothers just like your sister and i freaking hate it, i see youve got some true love with your mum and thats cute and really appreciated, try to bring things to a ''norm'' hope for the best theres always a sun behind the darkness. Always think before you do anything
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randdom
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(Original post by daytona01)
EDIT: and i didn't necessarily call ranndom's advice bad, it was just a bit flimsy in that it failed to address the 15 year old, who is clearly in need of some form of help before potentially worse behaviours develop.
The reason that I posted in this thread in the first place is because it took a while to get approved and I wanted to bump it up so that someone could give a more detailed answer. I thought that posting something actually advising would be better than just posting something to bump the thread.

Yes the 15 year old who is doing these things has to be the primary concern. However the family have to put on a united front and the OP can do as much as they want to try and support their sister but if the parents are still acting like children, and either not acknowledging that there is a problem (dad) or getting furious and throwing her out (mum) then the benefit to the sister won't be as great as if the whole family were doing it.

Hence my suggestion that the OP tries to get the parents talking and addressing the issue together. Once that is done then progress can be made to help the sister in anyway possible. It could be that she is feeling isolated and is doing this to gain attention from her parents (cliched I know but still). Her father is living miles away and she isn't getting on well with her mother its is going to be difficult.

With regards to talking to the school councilor that may be helpful for the OP if they are going through a hard time.

Talking to the sister could also help however I still believe the most sensible first course of action from the OPs position it to try and get her parents presenting a united front and trying to help their daughter together. There is nothing stopping the OP also trying to help her sister but this will be less effective if the parents are still acting in the same way (which could well be the reason that her sister is acting in this way in the first place).

OP: with regards to your mums comments she was probably just upset. Maybe try and talk to her about it today when she has calmed down. It might also be worth talking to someone outside the family either a friend or maybe a teacher to let them know what you are feeling and hopefully they will be able to support you thought this difficult time.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 11 years ago
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thanks for the replies

My parents have been divorced since I was 3, and since before my sister was born, so I really doubt its their separation thats causing this

My parents have attempted to talk to her together, and a few times after this has happened she has improved, but time after time she just regresses

My mum has always treated us the same, and with my dad its me who feels undervalued not her. I turned out fine - good grades, going to apply to cambridge, have a job, good friends etc.

Her friends I think are dodgy however. Like I said before they change every other week, and are very image orientated. So boyfriends etc are necessary etc. I think they're a huge reason why she's gone so wayward.

I am really unsure what to do now. I know my mums angry and she will calm down, but I feel like I dont really have anywhere to turn to. I can't even talk to by friends because my mum would see that as betrayal or whatever. She's very private, and as a result I guess I am. Hence the anonymity.

I think her friends ha
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sdt
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(Original post by daytona01)
Do you see something wrong here?
I think you misread, that was supposed to be a compliment.
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S_123
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(Original post by sdt)
I think you misread, that was supposed to be a compliment.
Aw bless lol
I thought it was a compliment too, I think he/she thought you were being sarcastic lol.
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londonstar
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Sad story. I feel especially sad your mum said she washed her hands of her daughter... it was understandable but there is no limit to what hearing that can lead to. Its not really something in your control so you can only talk it through with people for support and perhaps hear similar/worse stories.
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