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WanderStruck
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I was very nervous making this post as I have received some,, not very nice things from this website in relation to my gender in the past. Yet here I am, lol.

Now, I am trans-nonbinary, I don't care if you believe in 2 genders or more than 2, but all you need to know is I am neither male nor female and I use any pronouns so good luck misgendering me.

I experience a lot of dysphoria, mainly with: my chest, menstruation and my name. I'm taking birth control, which halts the shark for a few months, however the other two are problems I would love to have fixed before college starts.

I want to start college with my chosen name, and I would like a binder, too. This requires coming out. Yay. So, I came out to my mum, who I don't think quite gets it but knows I'm rather distressed. My dad, has no idea, and often mocks trans people, and other members of the lgbt+ community. I know I need to sit down and talk before September, but I am getting increasingly anxious about it. How do I say it? How do I explain everything? Is it even possible to make my dad understand what I'm going through? They picked my birth name, will they be mad?

So, I'd love some advice on easing into asking about name changes, talking about binders, and being transgender with my parents. Thank you for the help!
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remussjhj01
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Hi, I'm a trans man and I've just finished college and I came out when i was 14. I understand being non-binary is different, but I do have a lot of experience in binding and getting people to use your name and stuff like that.
With regards to names-it's your choice. When you're 16 (or now if you already are) you can get your name changed legally without parental consent. I would advise against this until you're 100% sure of a name, cause I changed mine in the first couple months where I was out. If you want to bind I'm assuming you want like, light-masc type of names. Things like Jamie, Luca, Taylor, Alex, Sam are all gender-neutral, but still kind of suggest masculinity if you get what I mean.

With regards to pronouns, if you really want to use any then go for it, but people will just keep using she, and because that's a female pronoun, people will still associate you with femininity/being female. Do what you want but just keep that in mind.

Wrt binding: Everyone says stuff like 'don't wear the ebay ones' and 'don't bind longer than 8 hours or sing/exercise in one'. Realistically, as long as you're sensible, you can do most of those things. The ebay binders aren't very good, they will not get you very flat but ultimately probably won't hurt you.
Singing is fine, I sing tenor in a choir and also in a band and it's generally been fine. Exercise is a bit more difficult as it does start to restrict your breathing a bit, but I'm also not the fittest person.
The best binders are GC2B and underworks. They're both in the range of £30-40 plus p&p which will vary. I've found underworks binders are very good at actually binding and getting you flat, but are a bit itchy and generally not as comfy. GC2B binders are not as great at binding but are made of a much nicer material and come in loads of colours including various skin tones, so are good if you like wearing white or lighter colours.

I hope this is helpful, and let me know if you have anymore questions
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Tenya Iida
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(Original post by remussjhj01)
Hi, I'm a trans man and I've just finished college and I came out when i was 14. I understand being non-binary is different, but I do have a lot of experience in binding and getting people to use your name and stuff like that.
With regards to names-it's your choice. When you're 16 (or now if you already are) you can get your name changed legally without parental consent. I would advise against this until you're 100% sure of a name, cause I changed mine in the first couple months where I was out. If you want to bind I'm assuming you want like, light-masc type of names. Things like Jamie, Luca, Taylor, Alex, Sam are all gender-neutral, but still kind of suggest masculinity if you get what I mean.

With regards to pronouns, if you really want to use any then go for it, but people will just keep using she, and because that's a female pronoun, people will still associate you with femininity/being female. Do what you want but just keep that in mind.

Wrt binding: Everyone says stuff like 'don't wear the ebay ones' and 'don't bind longer than 8 hours or sing/exercise in one'. Realistically, as long as you're sensible, you can do most of those things. The ebay binders aren't very good, they will not get you very flat but ultimately probably won't hurt you.
Singing is fine, I sing tenor in a choir and also in a band and it's generally been fine. Exercise is a bit more difficult as it does start to restrict your breathing a bit, but I'm also not the fittest person.
The best binders are GC2B and underworks. They're both in the range of £30-40 plus p&p which will vary. I've found underworks binders are very good at actually binding and getting you flat, but are a bit itchy and generally not as comfy. GC2B binders are not as great at binding but are made of a much nicer material and come in loads of colours including various skin tones, so are good if you like wearing white or lighter colours.

I hope this is helpful, and let me know if you have anymore questions
a note on binders, not backed up so by all means tell me if im wrong but ive heard from others if you wear a binder a size down you can swim(??)/exercise just fine?
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WanderStruck
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(Original post by remussjhj01)
Hi, I'm a trans man and I've just finished college and I came out when i was 14. I understand being non-binary is different, but I do have a lot of experience in binding and getting people to use your name and stuff like that.
With regards to names-it's your choice. When you're 16 (or now if you already are) you can get your name changed legally without parental consent. I would advise against this until you're 100% sure of a name, cause I changed mine in the first couple months where I was out. If you want to bind I'm assuming you want like, light-masc type of names. Things like Jamie, Luca, Taylor, Alex, Sam are all gender-neutral, but still kind of suggest masculinity if you get what I mean.

With regards to pronouns, if you really want to use any then go for it, but people will just keep using she, and because that's a female pronoun, people will still associate you with femininity/being female. Do what you want but just keep that in mind.

Wrt binding: Everyone says stuff like 'don't wear the ebay ones' and 'don't bind longer than 8 hours or sing/exercise in one'. Realistically, as long as you're sensible, you can do most of those things. The ebay binders aren't very good, they will not get you very flat but ultimately probably won't hurt you.
Singing is fine, I sing tenor in a choir and also in a band and it's generally been fine. Exercise is a bit more difficult as it does start to restrict your breathing a bit, but I'm also not the fittest person.
The best binders are GC2B and underworks. They're both in the range of £30-40 plus p&p which will vary. I've found underworks binders are very good at actually binding and getting you flat, but are a bit itchy and generally not as comfy. GC2B binders are not as great at binding but are made of a much nicer material and come in loads of colours including various skin tones, so are good if you like wearing white or lighter colours.

I hope this is helpful, and let me know if you have anymore questions
About the name, I am 16 and I asked my mum about it but she kinda ignored me/said changing it with deed poll doesn't do anything as you can call yourself what you want anyways? Idk how true that is, but I'll talk to my college and when I get a job myself I'll probably look into it. I chose Jasper, so I can keep my nickname, and its similar to my *overly feminine* name, it's more convenient for people around me. And it sounds cool. I'm into crystals. :>

I heard of GC2B and I'll check underworks, if I'm out by christmas I'll ask if i can get one then, because we are vEry low on money and it sucks - thank you for the recommendations though!

Thank you!!
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WanderStruck
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(Original post by Tenya Iida)
a note on binders, not backed up so by all means tell me if im wrong but ive heard from others if you wear a binder a size down you can swim(??)/exercise just fine?
Oh! Thank you! <3
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AngryJellyfish
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(Original post by WanderStruck)
About the name, I am 16 and I asked my mum about it but she kinda ignored me/said changing it with deed poll doesn't do anything as you can call yourself what you want anyways? Idk how true that is, but I'll talk to my college and when I get a job myself I'll probably look into it.
In general, true - you can start using any new name at any time for anything which doesn't require matching ID... but you would need a deed poll if you wanted it on anything official (e.g. passport, driving license).

Source: https://www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll

*is Citizens Advice adviser*
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WanderStruck
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(Original post by AngryJellyfish)
In general, true - you can start using any new name at any time for anything which doesn't require matching ID... but you would need a deed poll if you wanted it on anything official (e.g. passport, driving license).

Source: https://www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll

*is Citizens Advice adviser*
okay thanks!
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remussjhj01
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(Original post by WanderStruck)
About the name, I am 16 and I asked my mum about it but she kinda ignored me/said changing it with deed poll doesn't do anything as you can call yourself what you want anyways? Idk how true that is, but I'll talk to my college and when I get a job myself I'll probably look into it. I chose Jasper, so I can keep my nickname, and its similar to my *overly feminine* name, it's more convenient for people around me. And it sounds cool. I'm into crystals. :>

I heard of GC2B and I'll check underworks, if I'm out by christmas I'll ask if i can get one then, because we are vEry low on money and it sucks - thank you for the recommendations though!

Thank you!!
You can call yourself basically what you want, but if you want your new name to be recognised by law, you need to change it by deed poll. You can do it for free and you don't need parental permission after you turn 18.
This is the one I used: https://web.archive.org/web/20161029...-by-deed-poll/
It can be used by anyone over the age of 16.
If you have your own bank account and card and your parents are unlikely to question you, it might be worth starting with a cheaper binder like this one:
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Transgend...h05yk-uM2osqng
These generally aren't recommended and you definitely shouldn't wear it for too long both daily and as in how long you use it as a main binder, but it shouldn't hurt just for a while. Just remember to listen to your body, and try to take a break if it hurts.

Also I forgot to mention this earlier, but if you want top surgery or any kind of treatment, you need to go and get referred to a GIC ON your 17th birthday. The waiting lists are so long that by now, if you got referred to the kids one, you'd age out before they could see you, and you have to be 17 for the adult ones. If you go then, I'd expect your first appointment to be when you're about 19. (I know, it's rough).
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WanderStruck
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(Original post by remussjhj01)
You can call yourself basically what you want, but if you want your new name to be recognised by law, you need to change it by deed poll. You can do it for free and you don't need parental permission after you turn 18.
This is the one I used: https://web.archive.org/web/20161029...-by-deed-poll/
It can be used by anyone over the age of 16.
If you have your own bank account and card and your parents are unlikely to question you, it might be worth starting with a cheaper binder like this one:
m[/s]m2hsR-NQHh05yk-uM2osqng]https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Transgender-Breast-Binder-corset-Strengthen-Flat-Chest-Cosplay-Vest/113815155256?hash=item1a7fe97238:m:m2hsR-NQHh05yk-uM2osqng
These generally aren't recommended and you definitely shouldn't wear it for too long both daily and as in how long you use it as a main binder, but it shouldn't hurt just for a while. Just remember to listen to your body, and try to take a break if it hurts.

Also I forgot to mention this earlier, but if you want top surgery or any kind of treatment, you need to go and get referred to a GIC ON your 17th birthday. The waiting lists are so long that by now, if you got referred to the kids one, you'd age out before they could see you, and you have to be 17 for the adult ones. If you go then, I'd expect your first appointment to be when you're about 19. (I know, it's rough).
You don't need parental permission after you turn 16 i think?
thank you, btw!
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remussjhj01
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(Original post by WanderStruck)
You don't need parental permission after you turn 16 i think?
thank you, btw!
Yeah, sorry my mistake, I just mistyped.
And no worries, I hope things go well for you
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harrysbar
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You can certainly get all the staff at your college to call you by your chosen name. At the school where I work, we have some pupils (under 16) who have informed us that they wish to be known as a different name and gender and that has been made to happen on all our documents and systems, even though in one case the parents objected.
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Anonymous #2
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how can u be trans AND nonbinary at the same time?
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Tenya Iida
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here they come oh boy
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WanderStruck
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(Original post by harrysbar)
You can certainly get all the staff at your college to call you by your chosen name. At the school where I work, we have some pupils (under 16) who have informed us that they wish to be known as a different name and gender and that has been made to happen on all our documents and systems, even though in one case the parents objected.
Oh! I tried that in secondary, and they said I needed my parents to sign a document so I just noped.
I'm scared about where I need to go because I have no idea where anything in college is, it;s huge - but I'm going to try and ask around at the exam results day. Thank you!
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WanderStruck
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(Original post by Anonymous)
how can u be trans AND nonbinary at the same time?
Well, nonbinary falls under trans since it's transitioning away from your birth sex. So, for me to transition, I would like to have top surgery in the future, hormones so that I dont get periods, and to socially transition I'm changing my name, and hair. Because those are the things im dysphoric about.
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WanderStruck
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
The **** is trans nonbinary
It's nonbinary, and it falls under trans - sorry, I worded it weirdly.
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WanderStruck
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(Original post by Tahym)
all of this is a whole load of bull****
I'm sorry you feel this way, but since I was asking for advice, and you gave me no advice, I respectfully ask you to not comment in the future. Regards.
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WanderStruck
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(Original post by Anonymous)
its another term of im a retard and i like to be different
Thanks, but i'd prefer it if you didn't insult me, as I am being respectful. I accept you have different beliefs and opinions to me, but you also dont know me. You offered no helpful advice and therefore your comment is irrelevant.

Also, next time you insult somebody, you dont need to hide behind 'anonymous' - it's cowardly :>
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remussjhj01
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(Original post by WanderStruck)
Well, nonbinary falls under trans since it's transitioning away from your birth sex. So, for me to transition, I would like to have top surgery in the future, hormones so that I dont get periods, and to socially transition I'm changing my name, and hair. Because those are the things im dysphoric about.
Something to keep in mind about testosterone is a). They don't always stop your periods (at least not always permanently) and b). They will make you look like a man. You will look male, completely male, not non binary, so it's something to keep in mind.
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WanderStruck
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(Original post by remussjhj01)
Something to keep in mind about testosterone is a). They don't always stop your periods (at least not always permanently) and b). They will make you look like a man. You will look male, completely male, not non binary, so it's something to keep in mind.
No, not testosterone, sorry - I should have been more clear. I was talking about birth control, as it stops periods, and controls some other hormonal changes, such as acne.
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