After five years, I’ve apologised to her. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
This is what I wrote:

“I'm really sorry to have cut you off in such a way; without explanation, without remorse or sympathy. I was a coward and an egoist. I constantly doubted your feelings and at the time, I thought it was the best way for me. I am sorry for all the pain and harm I caused you, as well as the years of questions and distress. I think about you from the moment I wake, throughout the day and at night, you’re always in my heart. No matter what happens, I wish you nothing but the best for the future.”
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999tigger
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is what I wrote:

“I'm really sorry to have cut you off in such a way; without explanation, without remorse or sympathy. I was a coward and an egoist. I constantly doubted your feelings and at the time, I thought it was the best way for me. I am sorry for all the pain and harm I caused you, as well as the years of questions and distress. I think about you from the moment I wake, throughout the day and at night, you’re always in my heart. No matter what happens, I wish you nothing but the best for the future.”
Do you think this was such a good idea? If she has moved on then you are dragging her back into it. You arent giving any context and it all sounds a bit indulgent or intense. It sounds less about apologising and her, but more self indulgent and about you. Doesnt sound sincere, just over the top imo. Only good thing is its short.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Do you think this was such a good idea? If she has moved on then you are dragging her back into it. You arent giving any context and it all sounds a bit indulgent or intense. It sounds less about apologising and her, but more self indulgent and about you. Doesnt sound sincere, just over the top imo. Only good thing is its short.
I don’t understand why you think it isn’t sincere. I haven’t shifted the blame on her anything.
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t understand why you think it isn’t sincere. I haven’t shifted the blame on her anything.
Trying too hard. Without context hard to say. Also how do you know she would welcome your communication, especially if she has healed up and moved on?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Trying too hard. Without context hard to say. Also how do you know she would welcome your communication, especially if she has healed up and moved on?
Because she has been communicating and showing that she’s open to communicating. She told me she’s “open to hear what I have to say”.

She told me that all the pain and hurt had come back, that what I put her through badly affected her and still does. That she’s had issues with her relationships and that she’s never quite felt the same again.

She also told me “I like the idea of us trying something together but I’m afraid of the result”.

The context is that I was the one who cut contact with her all those years ago.
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Fermion.
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If I were the other person I would think that’s pathetic. 5 years later and you’re still thinking about this? Nor would I want to be dragged into your mess.

She could be married for all you know. Leave her alone and get on with your life.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Fermion.)
If I were the other person I would think that’s pathetic. 5 years later and you’re still thinking about this? Nor would I want to be dragged into your mess.

She could be married for all you know. Leave her alone and get on with your life.
Well, luckily enough, you’re not her.
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Obolinda
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What has she said? The apology seems fine imo and she had already initiated contact.
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is what I wrote:

“I'm really sorry to have cut you off in such a way; without explanation, without remorse or sympathy. I was a coward and an egoist. I constantly doubted your feelings and at the time, I thought it was the best way for me. I am sorry for all the pain and harm I caused you, as well as the years of questions and distress. I think about you from the moment I wake, throughout the day and at night, you’re always in my heart. No matter what happens, I wish you nothing but the best for the future.”
Oh, you're back. I wondered where you'd gone! I'm not sure what you want us to say as you haven't asked a question or for advice.
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Because she has been communicating and showing that she’s open to communicating. She told me she’s “open to hear what I have to say”.

She told me that all the pain and hurt had come back, that what I put her through badly affected her and still does. That she’s had issues with her relationships and that she’s never quite felt the same again.

She also told me “I like the idea of us trying something together but I’m afraid of the result”.

The context is that I was the one who cut contact with her all those years ago.
OK you are in contact/. You could have given the context in the OP. You still havent given much.
As an apology goes then I dont think it is a very good one and seems rushed/ intense without much of an explanation of your actions or acknowledgement / understanding of the hurt caused. Lacks empathy.
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Anonymous #2
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Lmao this made me cringe so hard. It sounds like some BS love rap or some ****
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 999tigger)
OK you are in contact/. You could have given the context in the OP. You still havent given much.
As an apology goes then I dont think it is a very good one and seems rushed/ intense without much of an explanation of your actions or acknowledgement / understanding of the hurt caused. Lacks empathy.
There’s only one reason why I cut contact and I told her exactly what it was.

I don’t know what else I can tell her in regards to acknowledgement/understanding of the hurt caused.

I don’t know what else I can tell you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
Oh, you're back. I wondered where you'd gone! I'm not sure what you want us to say as you haven't asked a question or for advice.
Well, next time, don’t bother answering my threads(?)
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well, next time, don’t bother answering my threads(?)
I answered because I wanted clarification on what you wanted. Do you want advice? Do you want to ask us a question? All you put in your OP was what you said to her, with absolutely no context. You've done this in all your prior threads about this too. It's better to be clear in your posts what you want from them in order to get the responses you want.
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leopard202
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is what I wrote:

“I'm really sorry to have cut you off in such a way; without explanation, without remorse or sympathy. I was a coward and an egoist. I constantly doubted your feelings and at the time, I thought it was the best way for me. I am sorry for all the pain and harm I caused you, as well as the years of questions and distress. I think about you from the moment I wake, throughout the day and at night, you’re always in my heart. No matter what happens, I wish you nothing but the best for the future.”
I think better late than never. Even if it's 5 years later, there are plenty of people who hurt me and if they apologised to me now in this way i would still welcome it because i've moved on. If she's angry about it it means it's still an open wound. If it comes from a good place and you really wanted to tell her then it's up to her how she takes it. I do think you had the responsibility to apologise at some point.
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leopard202
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
I answered because I wanted clarification on what you wanted. Do you want advice? Do you want to ask us a question? All you put in your OP was what you said to her, with absolutely no context. You've done this in all your prior threads about this too. It's better to be clear in your posts what you want from them in order to get the responses you want.
It seems kind of obvious, they were interested in each other, he probs felt like he liked her more than she did and didn't know how to deal, so cut her off / ghosted her (it has happened to me and i've done it unfortunately) as a way of running away. He said he still thinks of her now so it may not have worked.
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by leopard202)
It seems kind of obvious, they were interested in each other, he probs felt like he liked her more than she did and didn't know how to deal, so cut her off / ghosted her (it has happened to me and i've done it unfortunately) as a way of running away. He said he still thinks of her now so it may not have worked.
It is very useful to give context and ask explicitly for what advice you are looking for. With this user, myself and others in the past have got it completely wrong by trying to make assumptions about what the situation is. This also happens in plenty of other threads all over the site. If you don't ask, you don't get. It's especially important when we are all strangers and have no idea about the situation. Context matters, hence why I'm asking what the OP wants. Sometimes people just want a rant and don't want advice, so I don't want to waste time by writing out a long post giving advice if they didn't want that.
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leopard202
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
It is very useful to give context and ask explicitly for what advice you are looking for. With this user, myself and others in the past have got it completely wrong by trying to make assumptions about what the situation is. This also happens in plenty of other threads all over the site. If you don't ask, you don't get. It's especially important when we are all strangers and have no idea about the situation. Context matters, hence why I'm asking what the OP wants. Sometimes people just want a rant and don't want advice, so I don't want to waste time by writing out a long post giving advice if they didn't want that.
Fair... perhaps he was reluctant to explain further, and just wanted to see how his message 'sounds'
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MidgetFever
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Honestly? I think it was probably a bit of a douche move to drag her into this again if she'd already moved on after 5 years, especially since she said it caused her a lot of grief.

Sometimes it's better to say nothing at all.
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by leopard202)
Fair... perhaps he was reluctant to explain further, and just wanted to see how his message 'sounds'
Maybe, but then he just ends up having to explain later when people inevitably ask questions. Might as well get it out the way at the start! :yep:
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