self sabotage due to being a high achiever (please help me :(( ) Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
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Hey. I know i’m probably not going to get any genuine help for this because for some reason no one sees it as being an actual problem. I’m the last born of 4 children. I’ve always worked very hard in school for all my nursery school and elementary school. I also worked very hard in my first half of secondary school although my second half wasn’t too great but i still is as always concerned with doing well. My parents and people around me have always commended me on my academics and people say that i’m the best looking in my family as well. Everytime we used to get our reports and **** i would typically always get praised and when i didn’t, the subject i did badly in would exponentially improve. I was the first in my Family to get an A* in GCSE (i don’t want to get into results cause i think that’s cocky) and since yesterday i was the first to do 4 AS levels and also get all As in them. My sister is really smart and she got good grades too. My brother however, failed... again. I know he didn’t work hard too which sucks the most. I’m also the smallest in my family (size wise). People also seem to be drawn to me the most as they say i have the best mix of the good parts of my siblings and when i have a bad trait i usually work to fix it. I’m also quite popular in school. Everyone pretty much knew me and i had only been there for a year. I thank God for all the blessings he has given me because i do NOT believe all this is just because of me. He has really blessed me and i am forever grateful.

My problem and question is. How do you deal with being (objectively) the best in your family? I literally try to berate myself all the time and get SO HAPPY when i’m the one being reprimanded or when it’s anyone else getting appraisal. I feel bad for being so good ( but you know i can’t just stop doing what i have to do ya know. It makes me happy when i achieve great things but i also get unhappy because it just adds to my pain of being too good.
What do i do?
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey. I know i’m probably not going to get any genuine help for this because for some reason no one sees it as being an actual problem. I’m the last born of 4 children. I’ve always worked very hard in school for all my nursery school and elementary school. I also worked very hard in my first half of secondary school although my second half wasn’t too great but i still is as always concerned with doing well. My parents and people around me have always commended me on my academics and people say that i’m the best looking in my family as well. Everytime we used to get our reports and **** i would typically always get praised and when i didn’t, the subject i did badly in would exponentially improve. I was the first in my Family to get an A* in GCSE (i don’t want to get into results cause i think that’s cocky) and since yesterday i was the first to do 4 AS levels and also get all As in them. My sister is really smart and she got good grades too. My brother however, failed... again. I know he didn’t work hard too which sucks the most. I’m also the smallest in my family (size wise). People also seem to be drawn to me the most as they say i have the best mix of the good parts of my siblings and when i have a bad trait i usually work to fix it. I’m also quite popular in school. Everyone pretty much knew me and i had only been there for a year. I thank God for all the blessings he has given me because i do NOT believe all this is just because of me. He has really blessed me and i am forever grateful.

My problem and question is. How do you deal with being (objectively) the best in your family? I literally try to berate myself all the time and get SO HAPPY when i’m the one being reprimanded or when it’s anyone else getting appraisal. I feel bad for being so good ( but you know i can’t just stop doing what i have to do ya know. It makes me happy when i achieve great things but i also get unhappy because it just adds to my pain of being too good.
What do i do?
Carry on being good and have an attitude of gratitude for all the good things in your life. And stop complaining about nothing!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mgi)
Carry on being good and have an attitude of gratitude for all the good things in your life. And stop complaining about nothing!
As usual, nobody understands.
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NoTearsLeftToCry
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how do u deal with having a happy life? what
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IntelligentAngel
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(Original post by NoTearsLeftToCry)
how do u deal with having a happy life? what
Do you really think growing up getting praised when siblings you love to bits don’t get the same positive attention is a happy life?
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ArtmisKco
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Talk to your parents about it but make yourself seem sad and teary eyed and ask them whether you can speak to them in private and show that your serious. Let it all out. Coz ur the good kid they won’t say don’t be an idiot and all (experience) so they’ll listen and tell them everything that you’ve been worrying about and that you don’t know what to do. Be careful how you phrase your speech but trust me, parents are there to guide you no matter what!
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by IntelligentAngel)
Do you really think growing up getting praised when siblings you love to bits don’t get the same positive attention is a happy life?
I’m that sibling that doesn’t get praised at all... honestly don’t care. I’m happy for my smart siblings.
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CuriousShinigami
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey. I know i’m probably not going to get any genuine help for this because for some reason no one sees it as being an actual problem. I’m the last born of 4 children. I’ve always worked very hard in school for all my nursery school and elementary school. I also worked very hard in my first half of secondary school although my second half wasn’t too great but i still is as always concerned with doing well. My parents and people around me have always commended me on my academics and people say that i’m the best looking in my family as well. Everytime we used to get our reports and **** i would typically always get praised and when i didn’t, the subject i did badly in would exponentially improve. I was the first in my Family to get an A* in GCSE (i don’t want to get into results cause i think that’s cocky) and since yesterday i was the first to do 4 AS levels and also get all As in them. My sister is really smart and she got good grades too. My brother however, failed... again. I know he didn’t work hard too which sucks the most. I’m also the smallest in my family (size wise). People also seem to be drawn to me the most as they say i have the best mix of the good parts of my siblings and when i have a bad trait i usually work to fix it. I’m also quite popular in school. Everyone pretty much knew me and i had only been there for a year. I thank God for all the blessings he has given me because i do NOT believe all this is just because of me. He has really blessed me and i am forever grateful.

My problem and question is. How do you deal with being (objectively) the best in your family? I literally try to berate myself all the time and get SO HAPPY when i’m the one being reprimanded or when it’s anyone else getting appraisal. I feel bad for being so good ( but you know i can’t just stop doing what i have to do ya know. It makes me happy when i achieve great things but i also get unhappy because it just adds to my pain of being too good.
What do i do?
I understand slightly but I do find despite being the most sensible child and the one attending university (I respect my sister's cooking prowess however) I don't always feel appreciated. Might be situation of being the oldest means they expect more from me and rely on me too much? Just crap to do what I'm asked and I feel like I get ripped into when making a slip up whilst my sibling gets a minimal amount of reprimands. I can only wish for a bit more positive reinforcement and less 'Why didn't you get an A in that?' (I learn to just deal without and work hard for myself).

Honestly you can't do nothing but keep being the best.. Doing anything less harms your chances in success. If your siblings are kind they'll be proud and not jealous. You can feel bad in sense they not doing as well - you could always encourage them or act as inspiration?
Last edited by CuriousShinigami; 1 day ago
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NoTearsLeftToCry
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(Original post by IntelligentAngel)
Do you really think growing up getting praised when siblings you love to bits don’t get the same positive attention is a happy life?
That’s life. there’s always a favourite in the family, as long as they’re not being treated bad then why worry
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ArtmisKco
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Talk to your parents. Tell them how you genuinely feel. They need to know. They must know coz they’re your parents. They brought you into this world. Tell them how you feel that you don’t get praised much if you want praise. Tell them
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CuriousShinigami
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(Original post by NoTearsLeftToCry)
That’s life. there’s always a favourite in the family, as long as they’re not being treated bad then why worry
Must disagree on this point personally. Whilst I don't feel as if I get much appreciation and l get told off more for forgetting things (despite my younger sister doing no chores/lacking initiative to help out) or not getting an A I still find there's no favourite in my family. My parents get really upset when we've asked out of curiosity or genuinely accused them of it. My mum (the one who demands the best out of me) is technically looking out for me.. Albeit in a way I don't enjoy. Me and my sister get everything equally and have been encouraged to pursue our passions.

But I do get that if you have decent parents overall worrying isn't something that is really useful. It happens but it isn't proportionate to the situation.. People do have it good. You work with what you have regardless.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
As usual, nobody understands.
Hey listen. You were very clear; but you lack gratitude. Self pity ain't attractive! Go and help out at your local food bank!
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