Depressed about my life choices (+rant) Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#1
*DISCLAIMER* Majority of this is just me letting what I'm feeling and thinking about out as its getting abit too much, if you manage to get through it, I would really appreciate abit of advice.

Throughout school I wasn't the most talented of the year but I was always in the top classes, when it got to A levels, I work as hard as I could and done very well which surprised a lot of people and made my parents extremely proud which made me v happy. I ended up applying for oxford and when I received an email for an interview it was one of the happiest moments of my life, the joy I felt was overwhelming. In the end I did not end up getting a place, but I still was v happy with getting so far. Now with my parents extremely proud they are expecting (and so was I) that I would go on and do something great and get a very good job etc.

When applying I did not apply to UCL (another uni I liked which I believe I would've gotten into) because their department for my course was not meant to be good. I ended up attending Bristol for a year (Still thought Bristol was v prestigious and would give me a lot of opportunities). I ended up getting very depressed there from not fitting in and making any friends at all and thought I would not end up doing well in my degree if I continued to feel like that (ended up failing a module and getting 56% overall) and so I sent off another UCAS application and left Bristol.

I tried applying to UCL but they would not accept late applications (this course I am going for I kind of different and is good at UCL), which left me abit down. I have ended up with the option of choosing Manchester or Leeds which are still good but I feel like all of that hard work I put in has been for nothing since I could have done less and still attended these unis. Also, I am feeling down since my parents are looking down on me for changing unis and for going to less prestigious one like Leeds. I know I can still succeed at these unis but I feel like I could have done so much more. My idea of possibly entering investment banking is also gone by attending these unis and I feel like I have wasted the opportunities I created for myself through working hard.

I was fine with moving unis for my happiness and now when thinking about how I could have gone to a world renowned prestigious university but ended up just going to another regular uni. (I know this sounds whiney but this is just how I feel). I recently started having second thoughts about going back to Bristol and continuing my degree and maybe just trying to join more clubs/societies so that I feel more comfortable (so that I have not wasted a year and maybe still feel like I am going to a top uni), but it is too late as the resit for the module I failed is in a weeks time and if I tried to attempt it now I would fail again so theres no point. I also believe I have aboulomania, which is pathological indecisiveness as I just can't make up my mind about the uni I wish to attend, I have kept going back and forth for months all the way to the point where I released my firm offer and applied to the other through clearing and now I am in the middle of contacting the first uni so that they can give me my place back on results day (which I am not even sure which is what I want to do).

I have tried listing the pros and cons of both unis but can't decide. On one hand one uni course is interesting, I like the way its assessed and I like the campus feel and feel somewhat comfortable there (this is the uni I had in mind when leaving Bristol), but on visiting day I realised that theres not many people of my ethnicity or religion (I know I shouldn't really factor that in, but with my failed attempts at forming friendships the first year, I feel like it would be easier to settle in) and also this uni isn't as prestigious as the other and with this I have absolutely no chance of getting into IB or finance job that I once thought of. I also don't like the city as much as the other uni(but I like the campus more). I feel like this degree is slightly better and my experience would be good as long as I meet the right people (I am also not guaranteed to be in uni halls here).

Whereas the other university I feel has more of a name and while the course is still good, I don't think the uni is exactly that well known for it and from stats I have seen some graduates earn abit less than the first uni. But I do really like the city (not really a campus, not as comfortable) but city itself is good and big. Also, the student population is very diverse and I feel I could make friendships there easier and would have a good time even if the course wasn't the best. However, I may feel like I will not enjoy the course as much because the module options are not as interesting and the way theyre assessed isn't as good as the first university. Career wise I think this uni would also give me somewhat of a chance to pursue finance related field (Im doing engineering) or get into IB (barely but still not impossible). So with the first uni I will like the course but there is chance with it repeating like my Bristol year as I don't think I will make as many friends and I probably won't be in uni accomodatiom, also no chance of IB. However, if I do settle in and make a good group of friends I believe I will have a very good time with both life and my course (but may be slightly unsatisfied with the rep of the uni). On the other hand, at the second uni I feel I will settle in and make friends a lot easier and would feel better about the status of the uni (stupid I know but its one of the hundred factors someone like me thinks through when choosing), but the course may not be exactly as interesting as the first uni, but I will have somewhat of a shot at alternative career paths (also unistats also show this uni isn't as well paid as engineering at the other uni) and I think I will find this course harder as it is mainly assessed by exams (which I thrived in doing in A levels, but uni seems different, not sure if its becuas I was depressed and didn't revise enough first year, which I didn't or because if I just find them too hard). Even the c programming module at this uni is assessed 80% by an exam?!

I congratulate you if you managed to read through all of this nonsense, but this is whats going on in my head daily and I felt like I just needed to let it all out. If you have any advice to give on how to sort myself out plz do




edited to break into paragraphs
Last edited by ParadoxSocks; 4 days ago
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Charlotte's Web
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
*DISCLAIMER* Majority of this is just me letting what I'm feeling and thinking about out as its getting abit too much, if you manage to get through it, I would really appreciate abit of adviceThroughout school I wasn't the most talented of the year but I was always in the top classes, when it got to A levels, I work as hard as I could and done very well which surprised a lot of people and made my parents extremely proud which made me v happy. I ended up applying for oxford and when I received an email for an interview it was one of the happiest moments of my life, the joy I felt was overwhelming. In the end I did not end up getting a place, but I still was v happy with getting so far. Now with my parents extremely proud they are expecting (and so was I) that I would go on and do something great and get a very good job etc. When applying I did not apply to UCL (another uni I liked which I believe I would've gotten into) because their department for my course was not meant to be good. I ended up attending Bristol for a year (Still thought Bristol was v prestigious and would give me a lot of opportunities). I ended up getting very depressed there from not fitting in and making any friends at all and thought I would not end up doing well in my degree if I continued to feel like that (ended up failing a module and getting 56% overall) and so I sent off another UCAS application and left Bristol. I tried applying to UCL but they would not accept late applications (this course I am going for I kind of different and is good at UCL), which left me abit down. I have ended up with the option of choosing Manchester or Leeds which are still good but I feel like all of that hard work I put in has been for nothing since I could have done less and still attended these unis. Also, I am feeling down since my parents are looking down on me for changing unis and for going to less prestigious one like Leeds. I know I can still succeed at these unis but I feel like I could have done so much more. My idea of possibly entering investment banking is also gone by attending these unis and I feel like I have wasted the opportunities I created for myself through working hard. I was fine with moving unis for my happiness and now when thinking about how I could have gone to a world renowned prestigious university but ended up just going to another regular uni. (I know this sounds whiney but this is just how I feel). I recently started having second thoughts about going back to Bristol and continuing my degree and maybe just trying to join more clubs/societies so that I feel more comfortable (so that I have not wasted a year and maybe still feel like I am going to a top uni), but it is too late as the resit for the module I failed is in a weeks time and if I tried to attempt it now I would fail again so theres no point. I also believe I have aboulomania, which is pathological indecisiveness as I just can't make up my mind about the uni I wish to attend, I have kept going back and forth for months all the way to the point where I released my firm offer and applied to the other through clearing and now I am in the middle of contacting the first uni so that they can give me my place back on results day (which I am not even sure which is what I want to do). I have tried listing the pros and cons of both unis but can't decide. On one hand one uni course is interesting, I like the way its assessed and I like the campus feel and feel somewhat comfortable there (this is the uni I had in mind when leaving Bristol), but on visiting day I realised that theres not many people of my ethnicity or religion (I know I shouldn't really factor that in, but with my failed attempts at forming friendships the first year, I feel like it would be easier to settle in) and also this uni isn't as prestigious as the other and with this I have absolutely no chance of getting into IB or finance job that I once thought of. I also don't like the city as much as the other uni(but I like the campus more). I feel like this degree is slightly better and my experience would be good as long as I meet the right people (I am also not guaranteed to be in uni halls here). Whereas the other university I feel has more of a name and while the course is still good, I don't think the uni is exactly that well known for it and from stats I have seen some graduates earn abit less than the first uni. But I do really like the city (not really a campus, not as comfortable) but city itself is good and big. Also, the student population is very diverse and I feel I could make friendships there easier and would have a good time even if the course wasn't the best. However, I may feel like I will not enjoy the course as much because the module options are not as interesting and the way theyre assessed isn't as good as the first university. Career wise I think this uni would also give me somewhat of a chance to pursue finance related field (Im doing engineering) or get into IB (barely but still not impossible). So with the first uni I will like the course but there is chance with it repeating like my Bristol year as I don't think I will make as many friends and I probably won't be in uni accomodatiom, also no chance of IB. However, if I do settle in and make a good group of friends I believe I will have a very good time with both life and my course (but may be slightly unsatisfied with the rep of the uni). On the other hand, at the second uni I feel I will settle in and make friends a lot easier and would feel better about the status of the uni (stupid I know but its one of the hundred factors someone like me thinks through when choosing), but the course may not be exactly as interesting as the first uni, but I will have somewhat of a shot at alternative career paths (also unistats also show this uni isn't as well paid as engineering at the other uni) and I think I will find this course harder as it is mainly assessed by exams (which I thrived in doing in A levels, but uni seems different, not sure if its becuas I was depressed and didn't revise enough first year, which I didn't or because if I just find them too hard). Even the c programming module at this uni is assessed 80% by an exam?! I congratulate you if you managed to read through all of this nonsense, but this is whats going on in my head daily and I felt like I just needed to let it all out. If you have any advice to give on how to sort myself out plz do
aboulomania
I'd recommend putting less emphasis on rankings, league tables and unistats and more emphasis on your happiness and somewhere you feel you will fit in and be settled. There is no point making changes purely for the sake of going to a university you feel is perceived as being better. There is no reason why you can't be just as successful in any of these universities.
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2500_2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
*DISCLAIMER* Majority of this is just me letting what I'm feeling and thinking about out as its getting abit too much, if you manage to get through it, I would really appreciate abit of adviceThroughout school I wasn't the most talented of the year but I was always in the top classes, when it got to A levels, I work as hard as I could and done very well which surprised a lot of people and made my parents extremely proud which made me v happy. I ended up applying for oxford and when I received an email for an interview it was one of the happiest moments of my life, the joy I felt was overwhelming. In the end I did not end up getting a place, but I still was v happy with getting so far. Now with my parents extremely proud they are expecting (and so was I) that I would go on and do something great and get a very good job etc. When applying I did not apply to UCL (another uni I liked which I believe I would've gotten into) because their department for my course was not meant to be good. I ended up attending Bristol for a year (Still thought Bristol was v prestigious and would give me a lot of opportunities). I ended up getting very depressed there from not fitting in and making any friends at all and thought I would not end up doing well in my degree if I continued to feel like that (ended up failing a module and getting 56% overall) and so I sent off another UCAS application and left Bristol. I tried applying to UCL but they would not accept late applications (this course I am going for I kind of different and is good at UCL), which left me abit down. I have ended up with the option of choosing Manchester or Leeds which are still good but I feel like all of that hard work I put in has been for nothing since I could have done less and still attended these unis. Also, I am feeling down since my parents are looking down on me for changing unis and for going to less prestigious one like Leeds. I know I can still succeed at these unis but I feel like I could have done so much more. My idea of possibly entering investment banking is also gone by attending these unis and I feel like I have wasted the opportunities I created for myself through working hard. I was fine with moving unis for my happiness and now when thinking about how I could have gone to a world renowned prestigious university but ended up just going to another regular uni. (I know this sounds whiney but this is just how I feel). I recently started having second thoughts about going back to Bristol and continuing my degree and maybe just trying to join more clubs/societies so that I feel more comfortable (so that I have not wasted a year and maybe still feel like I am going to a top uni), but it is too late as the resit for the module I failed is in a weeks time and if I tried to attempt it now I would fail again so theres no point. I also believe I have aboulomania, which is pathological indecisiveness as I just can't make up my mind about the uni I wish to attend, I have kept going back and forth for months all the way to the point where I released my firm offer and applied to the other through clearing and now I am in the middle of contacting the first uni so that they can give me my place back on results day (which I am not even sure which is what I want to do). I have tried listing the pros and cons of both unis but can't decide. On one hand one uni course is interesting, I like the way its assessed and I like the campus feel and feel somewhat comfortable there (this is the uni I had in mind when leaving Bristol), but on visiting day I realised that theres not many people of my ethnicity or religion (I know I shouldn't really factor that in, but with my failed attempts at forming friendships the first year, I feel like it would be easier to settle in) and also this uni isn't as prestigious as the other and with this I have absolutely no chance of getting into IB or finance job that I once thought of. I also don't like the city as much as the other uni(but I like the campus more). I feel like this degree is slightly better and my experience would be good as long as I meet the right people (I am also not guaranteed to be in uni halls here). Whereas the other university I feel has more of a name and while the course is still good, I don't think the uni is exactly that well known for it and from stats I have seen some graduates earn abit less than the first uni. But I do really like the city (not really a campus, not as comfortable) but city itself is good and big. Also, the student population is very diverse and I feel I could make friendships there easier and would have a good time even if the course wasn't the best. However, I may feel like I will not enjoy the course as much because the module options are not as interesting and the way theyre assessed isn't as good as the first university. Career wise I think this uni would also give me somewhat of a chance to pursue finance related field (Im doing engineering) or get into IB (barely but still not impossible). So with the first uni I will like the course but there is chance with it repeating like my Bristol year as I don't think I will make as many friends and I probably won't be in uni accomodatiom, also no chance of IB. However, if I do settle in and make a good group of friends I believe I will have a very good time with both life and my course (but may be slightly unsatisfied with the rep of the uni). On the other hand, at the second uni I feel I will settle in and make friends a lot easier and would feel better about the status of the uni (stupid I know but its one of the hundred factors someone like me thinks through when choosing), but the course may not be exactly as interesting as the first uni, but I will have somewhat of a shot at alternative career paths (also unistats also show this uni isn't as well paid as engineering at the other uni) and I think I will find this course harder as it is mainly assessed by exams (which I thrived in doing in A levels, but uni seems different, not sure if its becuas I was depressed and didn't revise enough first year, which I didn't or because if I just find them too hard). Even the c programming module at this uni is assessed 80% by an exam?! I congratulate you if you managed to read through all of this nonsense, but this is whats going on in my head daily and I felt like I just needed to let it all out. If you have any advice to give on how to sort myself out plz do
aboulomania
Last year you made choices based around prestige and you discovered that didn't help you personally. Learn from that and make a different choice this time - go into the new choice with a plan to mitigate the cons in that situation.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Charlotte's Web)
I'd recommend putting less emphasis on rankings, league tables and unistats and more emphasis on your happiness and somewhere you feel you will fit in and be settled. There is no point making changes purely for the sake of going to a university you feel is perceived as being better. There is no reason why you can't be just as successful in any of these universities.
The thing is, I feel like I will make more friends and fit in better at the uni I perceive to be better, but may grow to not like my course due to the different modules offered at this university. Whereas the campus uni I originally chose I like the fact its compact and I kind of feel more at ease there when visiting (uni not spread in the city and has more of an identity if that makes sense), but for some reason I feel like I won't make as many friends here and fit in. But I do like the course content
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Pathway
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Honestly, if you think something pathological is going on then your best bet is to get professional input.
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ParadoxSocks
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The thing is, I feel like I will make more friends and fit in better at the uni I perceive to be better, but may grow to not like my course due to the different modules offered at this university. Whereas the campus uni I originally chose I like the fact its compact and I kind of feel more at ease there when visiting (uni not spread in the city and has more of an identity if that makes sense), but for some reason I feel like I won't make as many friends here and fit in. But I do like the course content
It's super difficult to decide on a university. Like, incredibly difficult and there's always going to be some compromises. It's really important that you don't take any rankings and statistics as absolute truths as there's going to be people on both sides. Whatever course you take is what you make of it but if the choice is having a detrimental effect on your mental health then it's worth contacting professional services through your GP. Many things can affect your ability to make choices including depression or stress surrounding the decision you need to make. They won't be able to make the choices for you but they can definitely help you to unpick why making the decision is so upsetting.
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marinade
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See the GP. Some stuff that sounds like anxiety and depression rather than 'aboulomania'.

A lot of ifs, shoulds and thens in there.

And yes I understand a bit. When I was due to go to uni I felt I couldn't hack it and I wrote a letter to the admissions team asking for a withdrawal. I then went and found a job afterwards to justify it!

Some people fit in unis more than others. I am on my third uni and not felt a part of any of them. It does get you down when others apparently do feel an emotional connection.
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