Would you ever marry a female surgeon? (I'm south asian) Watch

Anonymous #9
#81
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#81
hell yea
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Anonymous #1
#82
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#82
(Original post by asif007)
Haha fair enough. Too much revision at 2am!

Yes, tbh you are thinking about things way ahead of time and if it’s causing you extra stress/anxiety you should just forget about it. Focus purely on graduating medical school and everything else you can work on later. I get that you’re a Muslim young woman and having a family is obviously very important to you, but don’t waste your energy overthinking and planning everything you want. As I’m sure you know, nothing in life ever goes completely according to plan. Keep your priorities in order - first finishing medical school and starting work as a doctor, then starting a family later. Don’t be one of those Muslim people who get their priorities completely upside down and end up getting married before they graduate and before either of them are earning. Like I said, people like this are only doing Medicine for the prestige so I hope you don’t fall into that trap.

I’m sure you realise that surgery as a career has its limitations when it comes to having a family. The reason why there are few women in surgery isn’t because you are less capable but because balancing a family with it becomes unmanageable at some point. I don’t want to discourage you from doing what you want, but clearly you will have to work much harder to maintain a family life with surgery. Maybe get some advice from women already in surgery but also consider why so many women opt for more family friendly specialties with better work-life balance, such as GP. All I would suggest is that you find a specialty of surgery in which there are some opportunities for working part time.



I agree. This is a good mentality to have. Can’t support a family without first being able to support yourself and/or a husband. Just thought I would mention it as lots of women nowadays focus more on what they can take from a relationship rather than what they can give.
Thank you! Has been very insightful speaking to you and I will try to keep an open mind- it is is very early still you're right
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asif007
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#83
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you! Has been very insightful speaking to you and I will try to keep an open mind- it is is very early still you're right

No worries. I wish you all the best!
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Anonymous #10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Everyone at med school thinks brown girls want to be housewives but I dont. I want to have a successful surgical career and also a husband and 2 children.
Do south asian men find this unattractive?
I get the feeling they want someone to cook and clean. I keep rejecting south Asian guys that I like back because I know it's better for them to go for a housewife cos even if we are in love they wont be happy deep down.
Is it a turn off for asian men and men in general? Im religious too so would prefer to end up with a religious man but feel they are more likely to prefer a woman who is at home a lot.
I am very kind and passionate. Very smart and talented, would make a great surgeon and friend! If I dont pursue my dreams I am not reaching my potential. I know i could be top in my chosen field and I'm already showing it. I dont want a "normal" life. What do u think?
It would be so cool if my wife was a surgeon. The odd working hours in the beginning of your career may be a temporary pain for the family so you've to find a husband who is willing to accept that. But once you've settled in your career then it won't be so bad.
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Anonymous #6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It would be so cool if my wife was a surgeon. The odd working hours in the beginning of your career may be a temporary pain for the family so you've to find a husband who is willing to accept that. But once you've settled in your career then it won't be so bad.
but by the time you've "settled", you'd likely be in your 40s...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
but by the time you've "settled", you'd likely be in your 40s...
I am not sure if you are medical or non medical but thought I would mention medicine is a lifestyle not just a job no one is forcing us to do this and it is a choice... which we love or we wouldnt be doing it. I would be happy "settling" in my 40s although I dont really want to settle at all. I see myself starting a phd in my late 30s haha
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It would be so cool if my wife was a surgeon. The odd working hours in the beginning of your career may be a temporary pain for the family so you've to find a husband who is willing to accept that. But once you've settled in your career then it won't be so bad.
Thank you for being so encouraging indeed it is a compromise with family and ofcourse I would do what I could to make the crazy hours more manageable I'm sure surgeons dont live normal lives... but surgeons are not in a normal career either. So it is a given, and if someone is happy to start a family with someone like this I hope they are prepared to support me along the way just as I will support them.
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Anonymous #6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am not sure if you are medical or non medical but thought I would mention medicine is a lifestyle not just a job no one is forcing us to do this and it is a choice... which we love or we wouldnt be doing it. I would be happy "settling" in my 40s although I dont really want to settle at all. I see myself starting a phd in my late 30s haha
I am medical, and quite a bit mores senior than you. As long as your husband is willing to accept you not settling and as long as you appreciate just how difficult it would be to raise children alongside that kind of lifestyle (especially with an Asian partner), that's totally cool.
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Anonymous #10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for being so encouraging indeed it is a compromise with family and ofcourse I would do what I could to make the crazy hours more manageable I'm sure surgeons dont live normal lives... but surgeons are not in a normal career either. So it is a given, and if someone is happy to start a family with someone like this I hope they are prepared to support me along the way just as I will support them.
No problem. If you're a doctor then it's best for your partner to also be a doctor cuz only doctors can understand each other's career challenges. However, the downside of that is that the children could suffer due to both parents not able to give them enough time and attention. I know a couple of cases where families have abundant money but extremely low quality family life due to parents' work situation.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No problem. If you're a doctor then it's best for your partner to also be a doctor cuz only doctors can understand each other's career challenges. However, the downside of that is that the children could suffer due to both parents not able to give them enough time and attention. I know a couple of cases where families have abundant money but extremely low quality family life due to parents' work situation.
Good point and I agree, I know some like this too and their kids have gone off the rails 😭
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Anonymous #6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No problem. If you're a doctor then it's best for your partner to also be a doctor cuz only doctors can understand each other's career challenges. However, the downside of that is that the children could suffer due to both parents not able to give them enough time and attention. I know a couple of cases where families have abundant money but extremely low quality family life due to parents' work situation.
This, tbh. Your child might resent you when you are older for choosing your career over them.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This, tbh. Your child might resent you when you are older for choosing your career over them.
Good point and I agree, ah it's all balancing act isn't it this work and family business! I wish training was more flexible in terms of changing career if it all failed miserably! 😛
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Anonymous #6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Good point and I agree, ah it's all balancing act isn't it this work and family business! I wish training was more flexible in terms of changing career if it all failed miserably! 😛
It's not that difficult tbh - GP training is only 3 years and if you have done something relevant, you can have time taken of your training. Loads of people reapply for GP when they've had enough.
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asif007
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's not that difficult tbh - GP training is only 3 years and if you have done something relevant, you can have time taken of your training. Loads of people reapply for GP when they've had enough.
You make a good point. Seems to me that lots of female doctors switch careers to GP when balancing a family with surgery becomes unmanageable, or family just takes higher priority. After a point, working all the hours and travelling up and down the country for training becomes less appealing when there are partners and children in the picture.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Good point and I agree, ah it's all balancing act isn't it this work and family business! I wish training was more flexible in terms of changing career if it all failed miserably! 😛
Actually research suggests that people will now change careers /jobs at least seven times.
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Anonymous #11
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Everyone at med school thinks brown girls want to be housewives but I dont. I want to have a successful surgical career and also a husband and 2 children.
Do south asian men find this unattractive?
I get the feeling they want someone to cook and clean. I keep rejecting south Asian guys that I like back because I know it's better for them to go for a housewife cos even if we are in love they wont be happy deep down.
Is it a turn off for asian men and men in general? Im religious too so would prefer to end up with a religious man but feel they are more likely to prefer a woman who is at home a lot.
I am very kind and passionate. Very smart and talented, would make a great surgeon and friend! If I dont pursue my dreams I am not reaching my potential. I know i could be top in my chosen field and I'm already showing it. I dont want a "normal" life. What do u think?
Personally, I don’t want to marry a female surgeon.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mgi)
Actually research suggests that people will now change careers /jobs at least seven times.
That is good to know actually, atleast the possibility is there!
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Anonymous #11
#98
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Personally, I don’t want to marry a female surgeon.
Oh I just realised I posted this anonymously. I’m a heterosexual female, hence why I wouldn’t marry a female surgeon lol
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WazzWazz98
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#99
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Everyone at med school thinks brown girls want to be housewives but I dont. I want to have a successful surgical career and also a husband and 2 children.
Do south asian men find this unattractive?
I get the feeling they want someone to cook and clean. I keep rejecting south Asian guys that I like back because I know it's better for them to go for a housewife cos even if we are in love they wont be happy deep down.
Is it a turn off for asian men and men in general? Im religious too so would prefer to end up with a religious man but feel they are more likely to prefer a woman who is at home a lot.
I am very kind and passionate. Very smart and talented, would make a great surgeon and friend! If I dont pursue my dreams I am not reaching my potential. I know i could be top in my chosen field and I'm already showing it. I dont want a "normal" life. What do u think?
Unfortunately quite a lot have this mentality but the ones who are genuinely "religious" will appreciate that they should respect their wife's wishes! Nowhere does it say that women are only destined to be housewives. Shame on anyone who feels that way, Asian/religious or not. Saying that, I wouldn't immediately be predisposed to reject a south Asian assuming that they will automatically not appreciate your sentiments. All the best!
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mgi
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(Original post by WazzWazz98)
Unfortunately quite a lot have this mentality but the ones who are genuinely "religious" will appreciate that they should respect their wife's wishes! Nowhere does it say that women are only destined to be housewives. Shame on anyone who feels that way, Asian/religious or not. Saying that, I wouldn't immediately be predisposed to reject a south Asian assuming that they will automatically not appreciate your sentiments. All the best!
It really is a bit sad that people in your community are still asking tuese type of questions. I don't think the general Uk public would care if someone married a female surgeon. It really is not a big deal.!
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