Anonymous #1
#1
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Some background information- Me and my current boyfriend were bestfriends since i’ve been with my ex and from when me and my ex broke up always had an on and off relationship til finally getting together.

So basically im going to use the term “linking” so when me and my current boyfriend now were linking or maybe seeing eachother without going out is an easier way of putting it, my ex was always trying to make sexual advances to me on social media. I’ve always been completely honest with my boyfriend even before we were oficially together and I would always tell him about things like this which I did. Having someone say such graphic and full on things to u like my ex was doing is always an awkward and not nice situation to be in as a part of u always feels bad for saying no to stuff incase u hurt their feelings. However I can remember always telling my ex when he would say these things that he could think what he likes when he tried to get answers from me and just laugh awkwardly and lightheartedly turn down the things he was saying. I suffer with anxiety and a couple other things so sadly I am blessed with that constant doubt in my mind.
I am literally 100% certain that I never said anything flirtatious towards my ex during this period and ESPECIALLY once i was with my boyfriend and im pretty certain my ex never even said anything to me when i was actually going out with him anyway. But I love my boyfriend so so much that the doubt in my head keeps telling me that I said stuff to my ex when we first started going out EVEN THO I AM SO CERTAIN I DIDNT I COULD SWEAR ON MY MUMS LIFE I DIDNT!!!
None of this probably makes any sense and I doubt anyone will be able to help me but if any one can give me some advice on how to stop doubting what I know and feel in my gut and how to make myself sure of something that I know I didn’t do that would be really helpful.
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CuriousShinigami
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Some background information- Me and my current boyfriend were bestfriends since i’ve been with my ex and from when me and my ex broke up always had an on and off relationship til finally getting together.

So basically im going to use the term “linking” so when me and my current boyfriend now were linking or maybe seeing eachother without going out is an easier way of putting it, my ex was always trying to make sexual advances to me on social media. I’ve always been completely honest with my boyfriend even before we were oficially together and I would always tell him about things like this which I did. Having someone say such graphic and full on things to u like my ex was doing is always an awkward and not nice situation to be in as a part of u always feels bad for saying no to stuff incase u hurt their feelings. However I can remember always telling my ex when he would say these things that he could think what he likes when he tried to get answers from me and just laugh awkwardly and lightheartedly turn down the things he was saying. I suffer with anxiety and a couple other things so sadly I am blessed with that constant doubt in my mind.
I am literally 100% certain that I never said anything flirtatious towards my ex during this period and ESPECIALLY once i was with my boyfriend and im pretty certain my ex never even said anything to me when i was actually going out with him anyway. But I love my boyfriend so so much that the doubt in my head keeps telling me that I said stuff to my ex when we first started going out EVEN THO I AM SO CERTAIN I DIDNT I COULD SWEAR ON MY MUMS LIFE I DIDNT!!!
None of this probably makes any sense and I doubt anyone will be able to help me but if any one can give me some advice on how to stop doubting what I know and feel in my gut and how to make myself sure of something that I know I didn’t do that would be really helpful.
Turning down your ex's advances wasn't a rude thing to do. Just because he used to date you he might have felt entitled to still engage with you as if you're still together (using the same flirty texts etc). But honestly I can understand feeling doubts in your mind and not being able to shift them. I've regularly found myself looking at how I've acted or spoke to someone and managed to be angry at myself. I struggle with it often. I just try to find support from my boyfriend in my worst moments or try rationalising the thoughts

Honestly though, it doesn't sound like you entertained his advances ... you didn't cheat on your boyfriend. If you wanted to... you could just stop talking to your ex if he decided to keep sending you messages like that. Just tell him you're not his anymore and are happy - and to respect your decision.
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Anonymous #1
#3
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(Original post by CuriousShinigami)
Turning down your ex's advances wasn't a rude thing to do. Just because he used to date you he might have felt entitled to still engage with you as if you're still together (using the same flirty texts etc). But honestly I can understand feeling doubts in your mind and not being able to shift them. I've regularly found myself looking at how I've acted or spoke to someone and managed to be angry at myself. I struggle with it often. I just try to find support from my boyfriend in my worst moments or try rationalising the thoughts

Honestly though, it doesn't sound like you entertained his advances ... you didn't cheat on your boyfriend. If you wanted to... you could just stop talking to your ex if he decided to keep sending you messages like that. Just tell him you're not his anymore and are happy - and to respect your decision.
Hi, thanks for the reply! Me and my ex did lose contact and rarely spoke once i was with my boyfriend and we have no communication now. Im angry I wasn’t more forceful in turning them down but i’m glad I did. My mind keeps questioning “what if” he did text me when I was goinf out with my boyfriend even though I know I didn’t, and even if he had I would’ve turned him down. It’s just really **** I wish I could just accept the fact that I know I didn’t say anything and that i was loyal to my boyfriend but that doubt keeps sneaking in.
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CuriousShinigami
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, thanks for the reply! Me and my ex did lose contact and rarely spoke once i was with my boyfriend and we have no communication now. Im angry I wasn’t more forceful in turning them down but i’m glad I did. My mind keeps questioning “what if” he did text me when I was goinf out with my boyfriend even though I know I didn’t, and even if he had I would’ve turned him down. It’s just really **** I wish I could just accept the fact that I know I didn’t say anything and that i was loyal to my boyfriend but that doubt keeps sneaking in.
I can understand that slightly... way you described it sounded as if you felt as if he wasn't really... intentionally doing anything wrong in sense of he wasn't trying to maybe hurt you... but I suppose it just speaks about a kind nature that even though you had broken up you were trying to be considerate.
Yeah it sounds like you kind of doubt yourself ... you know yourself to be kind and loyal but you still gets doubts anyway. I sometimes do think I'm a nasty person but that's when for some reason I perceive my actions in a negative light. I don't give myself some slack... I'm human so can't help making a few mistakes along the way. You didn't make a mistake then so try to think that if you doubt yourself? I try to do that or have someone challenge how I'm feeling
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CuriousShinigami)
I can understand that slightly... way you described it sounded as if you felt as if he wasn't really... intentionally doing anything wrong in sense of he wasn't trying to maybe hurt you... but I suppose it just speaks about a kind nature that even though you had broken up you were trying to be considerate.
Yeah it sounds like you kind of doubt yourself ... you know yourself to be kind and loyal but you still gets doubts anyway. I sometimes do think I'm a nasty person but that's when for some reason I perceive my actions in a negative light. I don't give myself some slack... I'm human so can't help making a few mistakes along the way. You didn't make a mistake then so try to think that if you doubt yourself? I try to do that or have someone challenge how I'm feeling
I’m really trying to stop doubting it. I think my problem is that I always have something to worry about and me and my boyfriend have the best relationship and I love him so much that I think my mind is looking for a fault. Because deep deep down I could swear on anything and I know I didn’t entertain my exes advanaves whatsoever and i don’t even think he made any since my boyfriend and I started going out like whatsoever but my mind keeps trying to trick me into thinking he did and I just wish it wouldn’t because I know it never happened.
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CuriousShinigami
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m really trying to stop doubting it. I think my problem is that I always have something to worry about and me and my boyfriend have the best relationship and I love him so much that I think my mind is looking for a fault. Because deep deep down I could swear on anything and I know I didn’t entertain my exes advanaves whatsoever and i don’t even think he made any since my boyfriend and I started going out like whatsoever but my mind keeps trying to trick me into thinking he did and I just wish it wouldn’t because I know it never happened.
My brain tries to tell me that if nothing gone wrong between us for a while that maybe he's bottling it up when mostly we're just actually relaxed. Maybe mention how you feel to your bf and he can reassure you and remind you that you didn't cheat or even listen to your ex
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CuriousShinigami)
My brain tries to tell me that if nothing gone wrong between us for a while that maybe he's bottling it up when mostly we're just actually relaxed. Maybe mention how you feel to your bf and he can reassure you and remind you that you didn't cheat or even listen to your ex
I know I did not cheat as I never met my ex and I never agreed to do that even when I wasn’t with my boyfriend. He would say the most graphic things to me and my replies were always very awkward turn downs and this was before I went out with my boyfriend. Now my mind is trying to trick me into thinking that my ex said stuff to me once I was with my boyfriend even though I know he never did and did not say anything to me then.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CuriousShinigami)
My brain tries to tell me that if nothing gone wrong between us for a while that maybe he's bottling it up when mostly we're just actually relaxed. Maybe mention how you feel to your bf and he can reassure you and remind you that you didn't cheat or even listen to your ex
I know I did not cheat as I never met my ex and I never agreed to do that even when I wasn’t with my boyfriend. He would say the most graphic things to me and my replies were always very awkward turn downs and this was before I went out with my boyfriend. Now my mind is trying to trick me into thinking that my ex said stuff to me once I was with my boyfriend even though I know he never did and did not say anything to me then.
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