Sexual misconduct in a relationship??? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
Hi,

Really sorry to post this here but i have no idea what to think about this situation and dont know who to even ask/talk to.

About 1 week ago me and my boyfriend were in his room and i got undressed because i was about to go take a shower. He started to kiss me and pushed lightly on the bed. I knew he intended to have sex and i said “no, i want to go shower” 3 times as he was on top of me but he didnt seem to listen and kept on.

2 mins later he went inside me, dry(!!!) which was really sore. I dont know why but i just lay there and did absolutely nothing after saying no and didn’t know what to do?

He held my neck down hard which made me feel slightly panicky and just kept going for 5 minutes until he finished. After, he immediately asked me to go get him a tissue and exclaimed “wow you dont look happy” in a very unconcerned way.

It really upset me because i did say no and I thought he would get the message if i just lay there and didnt react at all. I feel really weird and dont really know how to label the event? I felt extremely used. Am i at fault for not making my message clearer??

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? (Obvs I know other people have way wayyy worse scenarios and i just dont know if im overreacting?)

Any opinions on this would be welcome!! Thanks
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Jang Gwangnam
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#2
Report 3 weeks ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,

Really sorry to post this here but i have no idea what to think about this situation and dont know who to even ask/talk to.

About 1 week ago me and my boyfriend were in his room and i got undressed because i was about to go take a shower. He started to kiss me and pushed lightly on the bed. I knew he intended to have sex and i said “no, i want to go shower” 3 times as he was on top of me but he didnt seem to listen and kept on.

2 mins later he went inside me, dry(!!!) which was really sore. I dont know why but i just lay there and did absolutely nothing after saying no and didn’t know what to do?

He held my neck down hard which made me feel slightly panicky and just kept going for 5 minutes until he finished. After, he immediately asked me to go get him a tissue and exclaimed “wow you dont look happy” in a very unconcerned way.

It really upset me because i did say no and I thought he would get the message if i just lay there and didnt react at all. I feel really weird and dont really know how to label the event? I felt extremely used. Am i at fault for not making my message clearer??

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? (Obvs I know other people have way wayyy worse scenarios and i just dont know if im overreacting?)

Any opinions on this would be welcome!! Thanks
Well to summarise; you didn't feel like having sex (proven by you being dry/sex hurting) nor gave consent for sex, this would therefore be classified as rape.

Imo if your boyfriend seemed unconcerned about your feelings and acted irresponsibly then this relationship is not worth continuing towards marriage/kids. It's a not a good sign, my advice would be to either pattern (discipline) your boyfriend or to dump him now before things escalate.
Last edited by Jang Gwangnam; 3 weeks ago
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liam.ro
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#3
Report 3 weeks ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,

Really sorry to post this here but i have no idea what to think about this situation and dont know who to even ask/talk to.

About 1 week ago me and my boyfriend were in his room and i got undressed because i was about to go take a shower. He started to kiss me and pushed lightly on the bed. I knew he intended to have sex and i said “no, i want to go shower” 3 times as he was on top of me but he didnt seem to listen and kept on.

2 mins later he went inside me, dry(!!!) which was really sore. I dont know why but i just lay there and did absolutely nothing after saying no and didn’t know what to do?

He held my neck down hard which made me feel slightly panicky and just kept going for 5 minutes until he finished. After, he immediately asked me to go get him a tissue and exclaimed “wow you dont look happy” in a very unconcerned way.

It really upset me because i did say no and I thought he would get the message if i just lay there and didnt react at all. I feel really weird and dont really know how to label the event? I felt extremely used. Am i at fault for not making my message clearer??

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? (Obvs I know other people have way wayyy worse scenarios and i just dont know if im overreacting?)

Any opinions on this would be welcome!! Thanks
It saddens me to hear this. You are not overreacting in the slightest, so ditch that thought right away; you are most definitely not at fault. What your partner did to you is classified as rape since you explicitly denied him your consent. Not only did he decide to do this, he showed no sympathy to you when you were clearly upset by the act. He has more than a few, grave personal problems to fix, and you do not deserve such a partner – you should end the relationship for the sake of your own health.

If you'd like to talk about your feelings and the situation, and understand them both in depth, I suggest you make an appointment with a sexual health counsellor.
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 3 weeks ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,

Really sorry to post this here but i have no idea what to think about this situation and dont know who to even ask/talk to.

About 1 week ago me and my boyfriend were in his room and i got undressed because i was about to go take a shower. He started to kiss me and pushed lightly on the bed. I knew he intended to have sex and i said “no, i want to go shower” 3 times as he was on top of me but he didnt seem to listen and kept on.

2 mins later he went inside me, dry(!!!) which was really sore. I dont know why but i just lay there and did absolutely nothing after saying no and didn’t know what to do?

He held my neck down hard which made me feel slightly panicky and just kept going for 5 minutes until he finished. After, he immediately asked me to go get him a tissue and exclaimed “wow you dont look happy” in a very unconcerned way.

It really upset me because i did say no and I thought he would get the message if i just lay there and didnt react at all. I feel really weird and dont really know how to label the event? I felt extremely used. Am i at fault for not making my message clearer??

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? (Obvs I know other people have way wayyy worse scenarios and i just dont know if im overreacting?)

Any opinions on this would be welcome!! Thanks
This is rape but I’m certain he thinks it wasn’t rape and it was okay. Tell me right now why it’s NOT okay. From the way you described it, it sounds like he thought that was genuinely okay.
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Anonymous #2
#5
Report 3 weeks ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
This is rape but I’m certain he thinks it wasn’t rape and it was okay. Tell me right now why it’s NOT okay. From the way you described it, it sounds like he thought that was genuinely okay.
Tell him***
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gjd800
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#6
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#6
It is strictly rape, how you deal with it is another thing. I'd be binning him at the very least
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mgi
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#7
Report 3 weeks ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,

Really sorry to post this here but i have no idea what to think about this situation and dont know who to even ask/talk to.

About 1 week ago me and my boyfriend were in his room and i got undressed because i was about to go take a shower. He started to kiss me and pushed lightly on the bed. I knew he intended to have sex and i said “no, i want to go shower” 3 times as he was on top of me but he didnt seem to listen and kept on.

2 mins later he went inside me, dry(!!!) which was really sore. I dont know why but i just lay there and did absolutely nothing after saying no and didn’t know what to do?

He held my neck down hard which made me feel slightly panicky and just kept going for 5 minutes until he finished. After, he immediately asked me to go get him a tissue and exclaimed “wow you dont look happy” in a very unconcerned way.

It really upset me because i did say no and I thought he would get the message if i just lay there and didnt react at all. I feel really weird and dont really know how to label the event? I felt extremely used. Am i at fault for not making my message clearer??

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? (Obvs I know other people have way wayyy worse scenarios and i just dont know if im overreacting?)

Any opinions on this would be welcome!! Thanks
The wrong boyfriend. You should dump him. What you should also not do is get naked in front of a man and then be puzzled if things turn sexual.
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sinfonietta
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#8
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#8
The label for it is rape. You could have been clearer, absolutely, but that doesn't put you at fault. You told him no and he ignored you.

Time to get a new boyfriend. This one clearly isn't observant enough to tell when a woman isn't into it. He probably thought you were doing the whole coy, playing hard to get thing instead of taking you seriously. That is not a justification his actions, for the record - just trying to provide some context as to help you understand what was possibly going through his head at the time. Some people only hear what they want to hear. Someone like that is dangerous to be around.

In the unfortunate event this were to happen to you again (and I sincerely hope it won't) don't be afraid to react. Be harsh, be direct, raise your voice, physically hurt him if all else fails and he still continues to try and force you.

I punched and kicked at the last guy who tried to force himself on me when words weren't working. Physical violence was what finally got him to stop. I still dumped him, for the record, because even though he didn't get to go through with it in the end it was clear he still would've if I hadn't made it so difficult.

TL;DR - you aren't at fault; dump the boyfriend; if you ever have the misfortune of finding yourself in this situation again take a more direct approach to better protect yourself - then dump that guy too.
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