socialising for the first time in a year Watch

Anonymous #1
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So, long story short, my mental health has been deteriorating since year 7, but after I developed an eating disorder in y10 and relapsed into self-harm habits, I completely cut off all ties with all my friends over the summer. No texts/explanation or anything, we just stopped talking. The relationships were toxic anyway, but they were all I had. This is not the first time I've done this, as I had genuine friends in my old secondary school, but I was only there for 6months in year 7, so after a year of trying to stay in contact over text, I panicked and ghosted them as well. I literally haven't spoken to anyone my own age in over a year, and I already had bad social anxiety, and this has only gotten worse.
Two months ago I had the courage to contact an old friend from my old secondary school, and we've been texting loads (very difficult for me) and I have made a fool of myself by being a panicky *****, but he didn't mind. So we planned to meet in two days, and I was excited at the time, but now I'm terrified. I've only hung out with people outside of school three times before, and the last time was with this guy and we literally didn't talk at all and awkwardly watched youtube videos on a TV. I left early. So I have reason to be worried. This time he's supposed to be coming over to my house, and I have no idea of how to entertain him for 3/4 hours, and the thought of talking to him irl for longer than our usual text conversations is alsoscary. I desperatley want to have a friend, I'm so lonely I feel like I'm going insane, but at the same time I also feel like I'm socially inept. I was diagnosed with Aspergers as well, and I have very negative feelings about this, and it makes me feel like I was born to be friendless and awkward. I don't understand what's socially acceptable or how to be interesting, but I'm so lonely. Being social is also incredibly tiring and I'm afraid I'll just shut down like I've done in the past. My mum is so eager to get be talking to someone again (especially this friend, since she thinks he's a good person) that there's no way of getting out of this.
What should I do? It's all I'm thinking about.
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Anonymous #2
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Report 4 weeks ago
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Just be yourself and let the convo flow. And if it doesn’t flow, you can show him something that interests you since it’s your house so you’ll feel a bit more comfortable. Maybe if you feel comfortable, tell him you have Aspergers so he’ll understand if you become awkward. Reaching out to an old friend is the first step and although it can be difficult to socialise, just know that this will make you happier and less isolated in the long term
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M.louise198
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I 100% understand how you feel. I too have Aspergers and **** mental health, and can totally relate to everything you say, I've spent years questioning why I'm not like other people, why I can't seem to keep friendships like I see other people can and why when I do make friends 80% of the time they're toxic. Though what I understand the most is the how lonely it feels, it's so torturous when you want to have friendships that are good and strong yet, they feel so unachievable, like I despise the prospect of even going outside because the thought of having to try and talk to people scares the daylights out of me.
But from what I've learnt so far, as easy as it is for me to say, is that YOU need to stop being so hard on yourself... You've already climbed a massive hill by reaching out to an old friend despite how scary it was and actually talk to them! (I couldn't even do that!)
Don't worry that the last time you hung out with someone you didn't talk much, focus on what you did do - you hung out with a someone, enjoyed each others company! You never know, maybe they enjoyed just being able to watch stuff with a friend!
And if you do want to have a conversation, as typical as it sounds, literally just ask really basic things like:

What's your favourite tv show on right now?
What's your favourite/ least favourite food?
What do you think of....?

Honestly, I've asked so many people what they think I should do when I reach that mental block when you don't know you should or shouldn't say and I always get the same response - 'Just ask really simple questions, that more often than not, always starts a conversation rolling' - and trust me, the amount of times I laughed at that advice in my head until the one time I tried it and it felt like I'd had a mini mental breakthrough. (If not I always find that something that will start a debate is a pretty good option )

But PLEASE remember, YOU ARE NOT FRIENDLESS! Surely it means something if he wants to go to your house and spend time with you, even opening up to him and letting him know that this isn't easy for you, rather than saying nothing at all.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by M.louise198)
I 100% understand how you feel. I too have Aspergers and **** mental health, and can totally relate to everything you say, I've spent years questioning why I'm not like other people, why I can't seem to keep friendships like I see other people can and why when I do make friends 80% of the time they're toxic. Though what I understand the most is the how lonely it feels, it's so torturous when you want to have friendships that are good and strong yet, they feel so unachievable, like I despise the prospect of even going outside because the thought of having to try and talk to people scares the daylights out of me.
But from what I've learnt so far, as easy as it is for me to say, is that YOU need to stop being so hard on yourself... You've already climbed a massive hill by reaching out to an old friend despite how scary it was and actually talk to them! (I couldn't even do that!)
Don't worry that the last time you hung out with someone you didn't talk much, focus on what you did do - you hung out with a someone, enjoyed each others company! You never know, maybe they enjoyed just being able to watch stuff with a friend!
And if you do want to have a conversation, as typical as it sounds, literally just ask really basic things like:

What's your favourite tv show on right now?
What's your favourite/ least favourite food?
What do you think of....?

Honestly, I've asked so many people what they think I should do when I reach that mental block when you don't know you should or shouldn't say and I always get the same response - 'Just ask really simple questions, that more often than not, always starts a conversation rolling' - and trust me, the amount of times I laughed at that advice in my head until the one time I tried it and it felt like I'd had a mini mental breakthrough. (If not I always find that something that will start a debate is a pretty good option )

But PLEASE remember, YOU ARE NOT FRIENDLESS! Surely it means something if he wants to go to your house and spend time with you, even opening up to him and letting him know that this isn't easy for you, rather than saying nothing at all.
Thank you so much for your reply, I can honestly relate to what you're saying and it's very validating to feel like I'm not an alien. I really hope I can relax, as this was probably the only non-toxic friendship I've had. I don't know if this is a good thing or not, but I've already 'been weird' and messed up, and I have had to awkwardly run away from text conversations due to panic, and he seems to be fine with it. Ofc this would be much more awkward IRL, and he doesn't know I have Asperger's/anything else, but I did tell him a couple of hours ago that this was a big deal for me! He said it was fine and that he can crash at a friends house nearby if I can't do it. Of course, that would be awkward and I would die a little inside, but I kinda feel like I have an escape route now. I'm still incredibly nervous but it's going to happen anyway, so I hope I can do it. It's one of those things where, if I don't socialise now with one of the only people that's been genuine to me, it's going to be so much harder when school starts (don't even get me started).
Thanks for replying, this means a lot. Incredibly nervewracking.
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