I cheated on my girlfriend, should I tell her? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
hello

I just wanna start this off with if you wanna reply with abuse feel free bc I do feel incredibly **** about myself already and I have completely ****ed up.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 4 months now and i’m her first boyfriend and she’s my 4th girlfriend. I’ve never cheated on anyone before but my girlfriend has gone home over the summer and I stayed in a student house but my group of friends met a new person who was included in the friendship group and she’s gotten quite close to everyone (hasn’t met my girlfriend since she’s been at home). I have noticed in the past few weeks whilst we have been on nights out and house party she tends to talk to me a lot, nothing flirty but she’s a quite touchy person and i’ve noticed she does it a lot more to me. I went out with my group of friends and she was there as well, I drank extremely a lot that night and I ended up waking up in bed next to her whilst in boxers and she in just a tee she wore out. I can’t remember any of the night except in my bed whilst having sex with her I remember saying I can’t do this and stopped. I feel extremely **** because of my actions and I don’t know whether I should tell my girlfriend?

I do want to tell her because I don’t believe in lying and she probably deserves to know the truth, but I also believe that I shouldn’t because I know it will ruin everything and will probably hurt her for the rest of her life since i’m her first boyfriend, as well as that it will ruin the friendship group we’re in but main point being I feel like i’ll hurt her more if I tell her. I don’t know why it happened because i’ve always been very good at being loyal and never even showed the slightest interest in another girl whilst i’ve been in relationships.

You may ask how i’m feeling after it, I feel completely **** about what i’ve done and it was definitely a one off thing fuelled with a lot of alcohol (i’m not saying alcohol is an excuse) but I do love her and there is nothing between me and the other girl.

I’ve read some articles online from ‘marriage counsellors’ and majority said in my situation it’s probably best as it would just hurt them and assuming you wouldn’t do it again and if you still love them as well as one of my friends who I told immediately suggested for our situation it might be best if I don’t mention it, however if she gets any suspicions and asks me I shouldn’t lie about it then?

I don’t really need abuse and putting me down because I already feel like that but I do need some genuine advice and opinions.
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sinfonietta
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#2
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#2
Tell her. Yes, it'll hurt, but not for the "rest of her life".This is just something you're trying to convince yourself of to try and justify not telling her.

I've been cheated on and got over it. She will too.
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Rock Fan
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#3
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You should tell her
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SteveyStack
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#4
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Tell her. If it’s your friendship group then I think it’ll come out. It looks a lot better on you to tell her first and see what people want to do.

Everyone will hate you if you don’t tell her and it comes out. You might be able to salvage your friendships. It’s a risk either way but at least your conscience is clean!
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Anonymous #2
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You might be able to salvage your friendships if you tell her first.

Should have said the above not whatever I said lol
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lozza254
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hello

I just wanna start this off with if you wanna reply with abuse feel free bc I do feel incredibly **** about myself already and I have completely ****ed up.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 4 months now and i’m her first boyfriend and she’s my 4th girlfriend. I’ve never cheated on anyone before but my girlfriend has gone home over the summer and I stayed in a student house but my group of friends met a new person who was included in the friendship group and she’s gotten quite close to everyone (hasn’t met my girlfriend since she’s been at home). I have noticed in the past few weeks whilst we have been on nights out and house party she tends to talk to me a lot, nothing flirty but she’s a quite touchy person and i’ve noticed she does it a lot more to me. I went out with my group of friends and she was there as well, I drank extremely a lot that night and I ended up waking up in bed next to her whilst in boxers and she in just a tee she wore out. I can’t remember any of the night except in my bed whilst having sex with her I remember saying I can’t do this and stopped. I feel extremely **** because of my actions and I don’t know whether I should tell my girlfriend?

I do want to tell her because I don’t believe in lying and she probably deserves to know the truth, but I also believe that I shouldn’t because I know it will ruin everything and will probably hurt her for the rest of her life since i’m her first boyfriend, as well as that it will ruin the friendship group we’re in but main point being I feel like i’ll hurt her more if I tell her. I don’t know why it happened because i’ve always been very good at being loyal and never even showed the slightest interest in another girl whilst i’ve been in relationships.

You may ask how i’m feeling after it, I feel completely **** about what i’ve done and it was definitely a one off thing fuelled with a lot of alcohol (i’m not saying alcohol is an excuse) but I do love her and there is nothing between me and the other girl.

I’ve read some articles online from ‘marriage counsellors’ and majority said in my situation it’s probably best as it would just hurt them and assuming you wouldn’t do it again and if you still love them as well as one of my friends who I told immediately suggested for our situation it might be best if I don’t mention it, however if she gets any suspicions and asks me I shouldn’t lie about it then?

I don’t really need abuse and putting me down because I already feel like that but I do need some genuine advice and opinions.
I think what u have just said ^
should be exactly what u tell her
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Amon-ster
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Tell her, she deserves to know the truth
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CameronWS
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#8
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Not gonna lie mate, **** likes this happens. What it shows to me is that you were never fully 100% invested in her, being drunk is in no way ever going to be or ever has been an excuse to cheat, if you're telling yourself that you're wrong. Tell her, or you'll feel worse. I promise.
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Anonymous #1
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#9
okay, thank you for all your replies.

i’m going to tell her as soon as she gets back because it’ll be better in person?

I also hope I can be forgiven and given another chance even if I have to earn it, but we will see.
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lozza254
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good luck
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Gatewaymerge
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Unpopular opinion, but if there's no possibility of her finding out, and you regret your actions and won't do them again, then I probably wouldn't tell her.
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HoldThisL
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tell her

what are the chances she marries her first boyfriend let's be real here
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Saffron08
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#13
Tell her
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Gatewaymerge)
Unpopular opinion, but if there's no possibility of her finding out, and you regret your actions and won't do them again, then I probably wouldn't tell her.
This is what I was thinking but I feel like it’s just the guilty conscience I’ll have
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Halabaluza
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No, don't tell her. Just let it slide and she might never find out.
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Den987
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A relationship based on lies is bound to have weak foundations or just crumble completely. So you have to tell her or risk making it worst. But except telling her, how do you plan to make it up to her?
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seasawseasaw
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u dont have to tell her
women cheat all the time and people stick up for them if they do it
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AngryRedhead
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#18
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Better to be honest about it than her find out later on down the line. Think about it this way, if she had cheated wouldn’t you prefer to know?
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NotNotBatman
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#19
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Yes, what you have done is wrong and you should tell her. First relationships affect future relationships and you have caused problems for her in terms of trust, but you must tell her. And don't do it again, if you truly feel that it was the fault of the alcohol, which I highly doubt then you need to take some responsibility and not drink beyond your limits.
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K-Westie
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She deserves to know so she can decide if she wants to stay with you or not. If you’ve already cheated within 4 months, you’re not ready to be in a relationship. You also shouldn’t drink alcohol if you can’t control yourself.

If you don’t tell her, then you need to break up with her. 4 months isn’t long enough for love, so you either tell her you cheated or break up. It’ll hurt either way, but hiding it from her means your relationship is built on a lie and that will hurt her more.
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