Creepy/Manipulative Friend [LONG]

hey, i'd say that you should just block him and ignore him if you see him around campus. the rumor about the ex-gf as well as the fact that he liked you so quickly and still hasn't let it go just shows that he seems to have obsessive tendencies and behaviors.i understand the bit about your anxiety and how you get nervous, for him to completely ignore the fact you were going to have a panic attack is incredibly worrying. its very obvious this boy has no good intentions at all so blocking and ignoring him is the best course of action (also if you ignore him he may probably just move onto someone else which sounds bad considering someone else will have to deal with him but maybe filing a complaint so the uni are aware of his weird behavior would prevent him targeting other people) if anything else happens for e.g. him threatening you or him making other social medias or numbers just to contact you, then please report it. if anything further happens then do update i'd be more than willing to give you more advice.i wish you luck at uni just focus on whats important like your actual friends and your studies and hopefully you'll be fine!!!! :')))

It's what I've been thinking of doing. I'm just worried bc he's a part of my friendship group so it'll be difficult to just cut him off. But I'm getting sick of his actions and hate feeling on edge all the time. I hate feeling like I can't escape him.

if he's a part of your friendship group then maybe try explaining to your other friends how you feel uncomfortable around him, if they don't want to help you cut him out of your life then maybe find better friends but i assume your friend group is cool apart from him. if i were in your position i would make it clear why im uncomfy around him and then see which one of my friends are willing to cut him off too (he doesnt sound like a great person so having your other friends cut him off would be advised). it'll be difficult to cut him off but trust me you'll feel way better and your anxiety will improve even more if you manage to cut him off in time. wishing you luck

I have this friend and I want him gone (we’ll call him Jake). I met him at the beginning of first year at university, he’d done a foundation the previous year and was now in Year One with me. After two weeks of me meeting him, he said that he liked me. I was startled and didn’t know him very well, so I told him I didn’t know. He said okay. A week later, he told me again, I said I still wasn’t sure. A week later, he told me again which really put me off, so I said I wasn’t interested. Fast forward four months, it was never brought up again and me and my friends are deciding on our accommodation for next year. I end up deciding to live with a girl (I’ll call her Sarah), along with Jake and a couple of Sarah’s friends. After I pay the deposit, Jake tells me that he still likes me, and had never stopped liking me. I’m freaked out by this point. He let me book the flat, full well knowing I was unaware that he still liked me. He’d only known me a month when I rejected him, and it had been four months since and that’s plenty of time to get over someone he didn’t even know very well in the first place, plus I’m nothing special. Then there was the time he stayed over in my flat. I told him to go and sleep on the couch in the living room, but he kept insisting on sleeping on the floor in my room even after I’d told him no multiple times. I ended up putting my foot down, saying that he either slept on the couch or he gets out. He ended up sleeping on the couch, telling me that I was “ruining things.” Also, one time, we had a slight disagreement – very minor to the point that I thought we were over it – and he kept trying to ring me at two in the morning even after I’d said no because my flatmates were asleep. He instead sent me long messages, saying that I “deflect all the time” and ignore his messages, all because I didn’t answer one of his texts for ten minutes bc I was in the shower. He kept saying that my anxiety frustrated him, even though he’s the reason for the majority of it in the first place. He’s done other creepy things, like cry after not spending five days alone with me (he’d still seen me in those five days, just with our group of friends)and say that he felt like he was pushing me away which freaked me out a lot and made me keep my distance from him. Then there’s the worst thing he’s done. One time, I had Jake and two of my friends round my flat. As I mentioned earlier, I have anxiety, which I’m trying to improve by seeing my counsellor, so, after being around people for a while, I tend to get very overwhelmed and need space. I had been with my friends for over 10 hours and was starting to get antsy, amplified by the fact that we had been in my room, in my space. I tried to get them to leave but they weren’t getting the message. I could feel myself getting anxious, shaky and sweaty. I started to feel hot and sick and I could feel a panic attack coming. It had been two hours since I tried to get them to leave, and one of my friends finally noticed. He quickly ushered Jake and the other friend out and I had a panic attack that lasted two hours. It turns out, the entire time, Jake knew I was uncomfortable and that I was going to have a panic attack, but didn’t say anything because he was mad at me “over a small thing” (he never told me what it was, only that he was mad). I ended up confronting him about all this, and he apologised and said he understood. I didn’t believe him, and I was right to. I left the flat I was supposed to be living in, telling Sarah everything and apologising to her bc now she was stuck with him as he’d paid the deposit. I didn’t see Jake for a month, and it was great, my anxiety had decreased a lot and I was generally happier. I never let him into my room again. Fast forward to present day and he still messages me every day without fail. I’m now going to be living in a completely different apartment complex with my best friend. Recently, I put a picture up on Instagram of me and my friends from home saying that I missed them and enjoyed seeing them as I hadn’t seen them in six months. Jake then messaged me asking if I was worried that he was gonna say that he still liked me (which I thought was an odd way of phrasing it) and that whenever he shows “affection” for me *shudders* I don’t reciprocate it. I told him to stop questioning my every movement and to stop guilting me into doing things as he’d been abandoned by his friends in foundation year and often used that to make me feel bad for him. I recently found out why he’d been abandoned. I knew that there were rumours about him but I never knew what they were bc he never told me. Turns out, he had a girlfriend last year and that he’d s*xually assaulted her. He also let himself into her flat, went into her room and sat on the end of her bed and watched her sleep (RED FLAG for the ‘insisting on sleeping on the floor’ in my room thing). Now I’m terrified. He also sends me snapchats where he isn’t wearing anything (I never see anything below the waist but the thought of him not wearing anything makes me feel sick). I want to just block him and be done with it but I’m terrified of him trying to do something creepy to me or bumping into him on campus and he just isn’t getting the message. I have multiple friends who want to beat him up but even then I still don’t feel safe. I’m scared.

@JAPAINSSS @mgi Recent update: He sent me a message a few days ago after I'd ignored him for weeks and blanked him at a gathering saying "Hey, are you free to come over Thursday evening and talk? Bring your laptop and food and stuff and we can watch some youtube and stuff after. Let me know if you're good to, otherwise let me know when you are." Somehow I don't think he was getting the message and he also gave me no option to refuse. It was very odd as I'd been completely ignoring him. So I sent him a message very clearly saying that I didn't think it was a good idea and that hanging alone with him makes me really uncomfortable. That I felt like I was being constantly observed and questioned and that my boundaries that have already been explained on numerous occasions had been crossed multiple times. That it was obsessive, creepy and manipulative. I said that I was still fine with hanging out with him in groups as we have many many mutual friends, but being alone with him is a no go. He responded saying that he was disappointed, and that he realised it must've been a hard decision to make. He said he thought the problem was that he communicated too much and me not enough. Not quite sure how he reached that conclusion. It wasn't that he communicated too much per say (though he did message me multiple times each day and get pissed if I didn't reply), it was his THOUGHT PROCESSES that were the problem, him wanting me to validate him and show affection for him, getting frustrated at my anxiety, guilt tripping me into doing/saying things. Of course I'd ignore that! But he ended his big speech basically telling me it was my fault with "I think it's best that it stops here." So there's mutual agreement there, right? Nope. He still tried to make himself a victim. Here's another kicker: Sarah. Lovely Sarah who I was meant to live with. She told me she was in the kitchen getting a snack and Jake was on the couch. One second he was eating, the next he started screaming and crying and making these little whining noises. Very healthy. She ran back into her room and didn't know what to do. I think he needs to see a counsellor and get his head sorted out. This is everything that's happened so far. There's a society gathering on tomorrow that he'll be going to and I'm really worried he's gonna get drunk and harass me. He's 1000000x worse when he's drunk. I've only ever seen it once and I never wanna see it again. Thanks for reading my long ass post guys I appreciate it <3

@JAPAINSSS @mgi Recent update: He sent me a message a few days ago after I'd ignored him for weeks and blanked him at a gathering saying "Hey, are you free to come over Thursday evening and talk? Bring your laptop and food and stuff and we can watch some youtube and stuff after. Let me know if you're good to, otherwise let me know when you are." Somehow I don't think he was getting the message and he also gave me no option to refuse. It was very odd as I'd been completely ignoring him. So I sent him a message very clearly saying that I didn't think it was a good idea and that hanging alone with him makes me really uncomfortable. That I felt like I was being constantly observed and questioned and that my boundaries that have already been explained on numerous occasions had been crossed multiple times. That it was obsessive, creepy and manipulative. I said that I was still fine with hanging out with him in groups as we have many many mutual friends, but being alone with him is a no go. He responded saying that he was disappointed, and that he realised it must've been a hard decision to make. He said he thought the problem was that he communicated too much and me not enough. Not quite sure how he reached that conclusion. It wasn't that he communicated too much per say (though he did message me multiple times each day and get pissed if I didn't reply), it was his THOUGHT PROCESSES that were the problem, him wanting me to validate him and show affection for him, getting frustrated at my anxiety, guilt tripping me into doing/saying things. Of course I'd ignore that! But he ended his big speech basically telling me it was my fault with "I think it's best that it stops here." So there's mutual agreement there, right? Nope. He still tried to make himself a victim. Here's another kicker: Sarah. Lovely Sarah who I was meant to live with. She told me she was in the kitchen getting a snack and Jake was on the couch. One second he was eating, the next he started screaming and crying and making these little whining noises. Very healthy. She ran back into her room and didn't know what to do. I think he needs to see a counsellor and get his head sorted out. This is everything that's happened so far. There's a society gathering on tomorrow that he'll be going to and I'm really worried he's gonna get drunk and harass me. He's 1000000x worse when he's drunk. I've only ever seen it once and I never wanna see it again. Thanks for reading my long ass post guys I appreciate it <3

ahhhhh im so sorry for replying so late but i this but hopefully the problems been sorted out by now. tbh i do believe jakes either a manipulator or possibly mentally ill?? but again i wouldn't know im not a pro but update us on whats happened it's been like four weeks hopefully the problems been resolved :")

Hey! It was resolved for a while, we didn't speak for a month and strangely? My anxiety? Went down? It was absolute bliss. But then a few days ago he messaged me asking if we could be friends again and I messaged our mutual friend asking if he had any idea why Jake was attempting to message me after we mutually agreed to leave each other alone and he said "He wanted to message you last week but I told him to leave you alone but I guess he didn't listen" so I told Jake "You know my stance, I want to be civil but that's it. It's only been a month. You need to stop." He read the message but didn't reply. I think he's finally FINALLY understood that things are over and that I don't want to see him anymore. I've seen him around a few times since and it's been fine. Now it's just a case of stopping everyone in our friendship group going "Jake's coming, just so you know." Like, I don't need a warning - we're adults, not a gossiping group of Year 9s. And I'm worried about not being invited to things bc of him. But, I have other friends too, so I don't feel like there's a big loss or anything. I think I'm finally free!!

Hey! It was resolved for a while, we didn't speak for a month and strangely? My anxiety? Went down? It was absolute bliss. But then a few days ago he messaged me asking if we could be friends again and I messaged our mutual friend asking if he had any idea why Jake was attempting to message me after we mutually agreed to leave each other alone and he said "He wanted to message you last week but I told him to leave you alone but I guess he didn't listen" so I told Jake "You know my stance, I want to be civil but that's it. It's only been a month. You need to stop." He read the message but didn't reply. I think he's finally FINALLY understood that things are over and that I don't want to see him anymore. I've seen him around a few times since and it's been fine. Now it's just a case of stopping everyone in our friendship group going "Jake's coming, just so you know." Like, I don't need a warning - we're adults, not a gossiping group of Year 9s. And I'm worried about not being invited to things bc of him. But, I have other friends too, so I don't feel like there's a big loss or anything. I think I'm finally free!!