How do I tell if my friend is gay Watch

Trinity2003m
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Hey so I have this friend and i think I might had a little crush on the but I get the feeling they might be gay as all the friends are girls and there voice make me think it , he is also really sweet and kind , I told some of my other friends and I asked them what they thought and they thought it too . He has had girlfriends and kissed them , how do I know , and is there men out there that do these things and aren’t gay
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Deggs_14
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Ask him?
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NinjaBurger1337
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To be fair this is an interesting problem. You sound very young so I imagine if you straight up asked him if he's gay he'd be offended as most younger guys are insecure about their masculinity. You could just ask him out and tell him you like him and what happens happens from there on.
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BurstingBubbles
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(Original post by Trinity2003m)
Hey so I have this friend and i think I might had a little crush on the but I get the feeling they might be gay as all the friends are girls and there voice make me think it , he is also really sweet and kind , I told some of my other friends and I asked them what they thought and they thought it too . He has had girlfriends and kissed them , how do I know , and is there men out there that do these things and aren’t gay
You're not going to know what someone's sexuality is unless they tell you. But they might not even know themselves or want to share that. They could be bisexual or another sexuality, it's not as black and white as people think. I tend to assume people can find any gender attractive, and just because they might not be attracted to one specific person it doesn't show or 'prove' their sexuality.

In short - try not to 'work out' someone's sexuality, let them tell you as it can be quite personal (don't force them to tell you). Share that you have a crush on them and see where it takes you
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OctoberRain7
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There are lots of men who do these things and aren’t gay, the only way to find out is to ask him
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NinjaBurger1337
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(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
You're not going to know what someone's sexuality is unless they tell you. But they might not even know themselves or want to share that. They could be bisexual or another sexuality, it's not as black and white as people think. I tend to assume people can find any gender attractive, and just because they might not be attracted to one specific person it doesn't show or 'prove' their sexuality.

In short - try not to 'work out' someone's sexuality, let them tell you as it can be quite personal (don't force them to tell you). Share that you have a crush on them and see where it takes you
Far better answer than mine
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StanMonsta X
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(Original post by Deggs_14)
Ask him?
frrrr but like don't straight up be like are you gay... you'd have to find a way to say it without being too mean or offending them
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StanMonsta X
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(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
You're not going to know what someone's sexuality is unless they tell you. But they might not even know themselves or want to share that. They could be bisexual or another sexuality, it's not as black and white as people think. I tend to assume people can find any gender attractive, and just because they might not be attracted to one specific person it doesn't show or 'prove' their sexuality.

In short - try not to 'work out' someone's sexuality, let them tell you as it can be quite personal (don't force them to tell you). Share that you have a crush on them and see where it takes you
or just do this~
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Deggs_14
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(Original post by StanMonsta X)
frrrr but like don't straight up be like are you gay... you'd have to find a way to say it without being too mean or offending them
Make it subtle, like asking the question in a card in an envelope or something
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NinjaBurger1337
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(Original post by StanMonsta X)
frrrr but like don't straight up be like are you gay... you'd have to find a way to say it without being too mean or offending them
I mean there's nothing offensive about asking someone if they're gay. If someone is offended by that question then they'll be offended no matter how you ask because the very idea itself offends them.
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StanMonsta X
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(Original post by NinjaBurger1337)
I mean there's nothing offensive about asking someone if they're gay. If someone is offended by that question then they'll be offended no matter how you ask because the very idea itself offends them.
of course I know that but still it can be a touchy subject for some people. But you're right.
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Kilam_Namoan
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If your gaydar is going off it might be a sign. Try asking him or any of his female friends, since they usually confide in women.

(Original post by Trinity2003m)
Hey so I have this friend and i think I might had a little crush on the but I get the feeling they might be gay as all the friends are girls and there voice make me think it , he is also really sweet and kind , I told some of my other friends and I asked them what they thought and they thought it too . He has had girlfriends and kissed them , how do I know , and is there men out there that do these things and aren’t gay
I know some guys that get really touchy af and what not. The fact he had gf's might mean he is either bisexual or testing different waters to see if he is gay or not. 60% sure he is probably bi, 30% sure he is gay and 10% sure he is metro.
Just make gay/homophobic jokes and watch for his reactions- results aren't conclusive, but a potential hint.
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BurstingBubbles
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(Original post by Kilam_Namoan)
If your gaydar is going off it might be a sign. Try asking him or any of his female friends, since they usually confide in women.


I know some guys that get really touchy af and what not. The fact he had gf's might mean he is either bisexual or testing different waters to see if he is gay or not. 60% sure he is probably bi, 30% sure he is gay and 10% sure he is metro.
Just make gay/homophobic jokes and watch for his reactions- results aren't conclusive, but a potential hint.
I highly recommend against this - this is not okay to say to anyone, never mind your own friend. It's actually often illegal and can be classed as a hate crime in accordance to the Equality Act 2010.
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Kilam_Namoan
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(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
I highly recommend against this - this is not okay to say to anyone, never mind your own friend. It's actually often illegal and can be classed as a hate crime in accordance to the Equality Act 2010.
I guess it's a bit over the top thing to do. However it is just a joke, and it is unlikely have any legal repercussions for a one-time joke (or even mild-level of bullying). As long as there is no incitement to violence there should be no slippery slopes. I went to an All boys school, and I don;t think I went a day without hearing casual racism and homophobic stuff at school (and I still do if i take a school bus), so it's an issue that society deffo needs work on. Still not in favour of any attempts to criminalise speech based on it being offensive or rude to a certain group.
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BurstingBubbles
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(Original post by Kilam_Namoan)
I guess it's a bit over the top thing to do. However it is just a joke, and it is unlikely have any legal repercussions for a one-time joke (or even mild-level of bullying). As long as there is no incitement to violence there should be no slippery slopes. I went to an All boys school, and I don;t think I went a day without hearing casual racism and homophobic stuff at school (and I still do if i take a school bus), so it's an issue that society deffo needs work on. Still not in favour of any attempts to criminalise speech based on it being offensive or rude to a certain group.
Sadly allowing these sort of comments 'normalises' this attitude and can often lead to violent attacks. Often verbal attacks can be just as bad as violence. A higher rate of racist and homophobic comments does not mean they are okay, if anything it shows us how far we have to go to tackling discrimination (as you said). Too late to be honest, hate speech is a criminal act.

More info:

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/lgbt-br...discrimination
https://www.gov.uk/report-hate-crime

Potential trigger warning:
Spoiler:
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If someone is vulnerable (e.g. not accepting or people around of them are not accepting) and they hear these kind of comments, it may be the last straw and contribute to them harming themselves/take their own life we wouldn't allow bullying and harassment, so why would we allow homophobic comments which can impact so negatively on people...

Last edited by BurstingBubbles; 1 month ago
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EierVonSatan
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(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
Sadly allowing these sort of comments 'normalises' this attitude and can often lead to violent attacks. Often verbal attacks can be just as bad as violence. A higher rate of racist and homophobic comments does not mean they are okay, if anything it shows us how far we have to go to tackling discrimination (as you said). Too late to be honest, hate speech is a criminal act.

More info:

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/lgbt-br...discrimination
https://www.gov.uk/report-hate-crime

Potential trigger warning:
Spoiler:
Show



If someone is vulnerable (e.g. not accepting or people around of them are not accepting) and they hear these kind of comments, it may be the last straw and contribute to them harming themselves/take their own life we wouldn't allow bullying and harassment, so why would we allow homophobic comments which can impact so negatively on people...
Okay, someones had too much safeguarding training :mmm:

OP, as whats said above you have to let them be comfortable with who they are first and if you try to force it, it will probably backfire.
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BurstingBubbles
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(Original post by EierVonSatan)
Okay, someones had too much safeguarding training :mmm:

OP, as whats said above you have to let them be comfortable with who they are first and if you try to force it, it will probably backfire.
Never too much safeguarding training, it's everyone's responsibility but yeah on tsr and my own real life job too! As well as, you know, being a decent human being who just wants people to be happy :lol:
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zoozooboo
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flirt with him subtly, if u feel he's not into it. stop move on ur probably gonna meet someone cuter later in life. or if u have a connection then continue flirting more until u feel like u know his feelings. u wont rrly ever know until you ask him unfortunately...
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It's****ingWOODY
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If he shags men.
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Retired_Messiah
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Literally just ask him out. If he's gay all that changes is that the no is more or less guaranteed rather than hypothetical. 'Guessing' a sexuality is almost impossible.

For example, deconstructing your OP:
-straight men often have female friends. I have several.
-being "sweet and kind" almost certainly isn't an indicator for being gay, where do you get that from? Nutters.
-man's literally had girlfriends. That's a pretty straight/bi thing to do, if one assumes it's not a coping mechanism for being deep into the closet.

I'm assuming your young so I'll cut you a tiny bit of slack, but you're buying into an incredibly bs narrative about what homosexuality is actually like. Unless he explicitly tells people he's gay, there remains a good chance he is in fact... not-gay. Just ask him out, the result won't be any different from him saying no for any other reason.
(Original post by Kilam_Namoan)
Just make gay/homophobic jokes and watch for his reactions- results aren't conclusive, but a potential hint.
Literally the worst idea. It'll reveal literally nothing (even straights can get offended over casual homophobia) and comes with risks of upsetting people, depending on the nature of one's company.
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