Anyone ever been shared by bf Watch

GillBlack
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So I think something went wrong with my OP, I'm copying the text into this reply to see if it show up this time:

So, I went out with my best friend last weekend, we got drunk and she confessed to me that her bf sometimes likes to share her with other guys. She said it started as a game where he dared her to suck off his mate, she did it and he loved it, so it progress from there and now they pick guys off dating apps and she has one night stands with them. He bf doesn't even get involved, he just likes hearing about it, getting vids and one time he listened from the other room.
She told me all this and I was totally shocked, I thought I knew her so well and she turns out to be a different person altogether! She doesn't even think it's that weird, says she and her bf find it really exciting so whats the big deal.
You might say "leave and let live" right, but that's not the issue. Next evening I'm with my bf and we get talking, I ask him would you ever share me with another guy, thinking he'd recoil in horror or something, instead he goes all weird. I push him about it and long story short, turns out he's had the same fantasy for ages and was just afraid to tell me. I asked if I did that, would you then want to sleep with other girls, he says no, for him it would be ok if it only worked one way. My friend said it's the same for her and her bf, he doesn't sleep with anyone else.
Now I'm really confused. I've googled this and I discovered it's really common, I mean as a fantasy, I don't know how many people actually do it. My question is: should I even consider it? I'm not against it in principle, there's plenty of guys I'd have liked to sleep with since I got together with my bf but I've been a good girl and stayed faithful, now he's basically saying I needn't have bothered cause he'd be perfectly happy for me to do it??
I promise this isn't a wind up, I really don't know what to do and I'd like to hear from other people. Thanks
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GillBlack
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JTfoxlove
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There's a world of difference between cheating on your partner and engaging in agreed sexual activity with a third party. One's betrayal; the other is consensual.

It really depends on who each of you are and the strength of your relationship.

Some couples have very successful relationships which include sex with multiple partners.

This said somethings make better fantasies and this could destroy your relationship very quickly. There are risks to mental and physical wellbeing to mitigate.

I'd do some research and lots of talking.
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GillBlack
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(Original post by JTfoxlove)
There's a world of difference between cheating on your partner and engaging in agreed sexual activity with a third party. One's betrayal; the other is consensual.

It really depends on who each of you are and the strength of your relationship.

Some couples have very successful relationships which include sex with multiple partners.

This said somethings make better fantasies and this could destroy your relationship very quickly. There are risks to mental and physical wellbeing to mitigate.

I'd do some research and lots of talking.
Thanks, I posted this a few days ago and since then my bf and I have been talking a lot, turns out he's always had these submissive fantasies as he calls them. I always thought it was odd that he liked my feet so much for example but he thinks it's all connected, like something about humiliation turns him on. I cant say I understand it and personally it doesn't turn me on but I want to try and be open to it, I don't see any harm in going along with some of these fantasies as long as he doesn't ask me to do something dangerous. I mean sex with another guy doesn't sound so bad tbh, if it's someone I actually like and my bf gets a kick from it, we are not hurting anyone. It's working ok for my best friend and she's a pretty grounded individual in my eyes, I really want to talk to her some more as well and see if there's been any problems for her and her bf since theyve been doing this.
But yeah I'm not gonna rush into anything like this, definitely needs a lot of thinking and talking.
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JTfoxlove
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(Original post by GillBlack)
Thanks, I posted this a few days ago and since then my bf and I have been talking a lot, turns out he's always had these submissive fantasies as he calls them. I always thought it was odd that he liked my feet so much for example but he thinks it's all connected, like something about humiliation turns him on. I cant say I understand it and personally it doesn't turn me on but I want to try and be open to it, I don't see any harm in going along with some of these fantasies as long as he doesn't ask me to do something dangerous. I mean sex with another guy doesn't sound so bad tbh, if it's someone I actually like and my bf gets a kick from it, we are not hurting anyone. It's working ok for my best friend and she's a pretty grounded individual in my eyes, I really want to talk to her some more as well and see if there's been any problems for her and her bf since theyve been doing this.
But yeah I'm not gonna rush into anything like this, definitely needs a lot of thinking and talking.
I'd read up on it. Rather than the deep end (allowing a third party join) it might be worth playing out some type of humiliation scene and seeing how you both react.

Safe, sane and consensual are the watch words, with communication, research and aftercare being critical aspects of these too.
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GillBlack
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(Original post by JTfoxlove)
I'd read up on it. Rather than the deep end (allowing a third party join) it might be worth playing out some type of humiliation scene and seeing how you both react.

Safe, sane and consensual are the watch words, with communication, research and aftercare being critical aspects of these too.
Yeah definitely. Been reading up on submissive sex and humiliation, it's really opened my eyes to why my bf is the way he is, not just sexually but in life. Sometimes it winds me up how he can be so down on himself and thinking everyone else is better than him, now it's starting to make sense.
I agree that we need to explore some scenarios by ourselves before we think of involving anyone else. We made love once since my last post and I used a bit of fantasy talk, telling him about a guy I met at my work (all made up though) and how good looking he is and... well other stuff I won't mention here, anyway OMG did it work, too well I should say! If I use this again I need to tone it down because well, let's just say he finished rather quickly lol.
It was fun though, I didn't mind it at all, it's just talk at the end of the day. I feel like I have a new weapon in my arsenal, I just need to learn to use it wisely! He was very thankful afterwards but got a bit overexcited, saying that was amazing and how much he'd like to see it for real, I said let's just enjoy the fantasy for now. Boys just don't know how to take things in little steps do they?
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GillBlack
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Sorry to bump this thread again, just hoping to get some more opinions, maybe from other girls. I am starting to feel a bit of a freak for considering doing this, plus my bf and I have been talking about it a lot and using the sharing fantasy during sex and I'm finding that the more we do that, the more it's starting to seem real, like the boundary between fantasy and reality is starting to blur a bit. I also talked with my female friend more, the one who's already doing it and the more stuff she tells me the more intrigued I am. Some of the experiences she had sound amazing and her relationship with her bf doesn't seem to have suffered from them. I've now gone from thinking 'yeah maybe one day' to 'ok when are we doing this?'
I haven't told my bf this, as far as he knows it's staying a fantasy for the foreseeable future, but I actually feel more and more mentally ready for it.
Any more thoughts on this?
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Antonia1999
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I have with a previous bf. At the time is was a huge turn on but in the end it destroyed a really good relationship.
If you are to do this then set some boundaries and talk openly to each other.
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GillBlack
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Hi Antonia, so good to hear from another girl. Can I ask, what was it that destroyed the relationship? Did your bf get jealous afterwards, or was it that you felt you'd lost that sense of exclusivity? What sorts of boundaries should we set? My bf says I could do whatever I want, including kissing and being loving to the other guy, but to me that seems a bad idea. Some people talk of a safe word that either partner can use during the sharing experience, so that everything stops immediately without having to discuss it. That sort of thing seems a sensible approach to me.
We are still talking about it all the time and tbh I'm quite keen to try it but yeah, I want to do it properly and not ruin what we have.
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Antonia1999
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It's a bit of a story but basically he wanted me to do things with other people I wasn't comfortable with. Then it turned into demands just because I did it once and from there he seemed to develop a serious mistrust of me and the whole thing.
We had an idea of what we wanted to do but the details of what we actually did wasn't covered. Even down to frequency, sex acts, how much time spent on each other and the other person.
Like I said it was great but it cost us everything and mostly with the jealousy and lack of trust, that was the end of it.
There were some other things too but that's probably not stuff to post.
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GillBlack
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(Original post by Antonia1999)
It's a bit of a story but basically he wanted me to do things with other people I wasn't comfortable with. Then it turned into demands just because I did it once and from there he seemed to develop a serious mistrust of me and the whole thing.
We had an idea of what we wanted to do but the details of what we actually did wasn't covered. Even down to frequency, sex acts, how much time spent on each other and the other person.
Like I said it was great but it cost us everything and mostly with the jealousy and lack of trust, that was the end of it.
There were some other things too but that's probably not stuff to post.
Oh wow thank you so much for the pointers, really useful to hear from someone who's been through it. Basically would you say don't go there, or is there anything you could have done differently that would have made it work? I just wish my bf would say 'yeah you can do this and this, but not that' and then I'd stick to the rules, but he keeps saying there's no boundaries as far as he's concerned, he'd allow anything, and I just find it hard to believe that. What if the other guy turns out to be ten times better than him at sex, is he really not gonna feel threatened and humiliated? I just worry.
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Antonia1999
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I'm not going to say to do it or not. Every relationship is different.
But make it firm as to what you can and cannot do or better still what you will and will not do. Sit down and talk about specific acts. That is way important and what we should have done.
One of the guys was way better at sex than my ex but that was just one part of the problem but he still didn't want me to stop doing it.
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GillBlack
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(Original post by Antonia1999)
I'm not going to say to do it or not. Every relationship is different.
But make it firm as to what you can and cannot do or better still what you will and will not do. Sit down and talk about specific acts. That is way important and what we should have done.
One of the guys was way better at sex than my ex but that was just one part of the problem but he still didn't want me to stop doing it.
That makes sense thanks! We've talked a lot already but I'll try and pin him down about specifics and also what I don't want to do. I don't want to be too luvvie duvvie with another guy, I think that should be reserved for my bf. He seems to think it will make him more jealous and so more turned on, but I think it's a recipe for disaster and I'm not comfortable with it, so I'm gonna put my foot down on that front. BJs and intercourse are fine but I think generally I'd rather be on top and in control, also this way I can look at my bf and then it becomes something we are doing together as a couple. And afterwards I think he and I should make love by ouselves, without the other guy. Does that sound sensible? I think I could live with that. Thanks again btw.
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mgi
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(Original post by GillBlack)
So I think something went wrong with my OP, I'm copying the text into this reply to see if it show up this time:

So, I went out with my best friend last weekend, we got drunk and she confessed to me that her bf sometimes likes to share her with other guys. She said it started as a game where he dared her to suck off his mate, she did it and he loved it, so it progress from there and now they pick guys off dating apps and she has one night stands with them. He bf doesn't even get involved, he just likes hearing about it, getting vids and one time he listened from the other room.
She told me all this and I was totally shocked, I thought I knew her so well and she turns out to be a different person altogether! She doesn't even think it's that weird, says she and her bf find it really exciting so whats the big deal.
You might say "leave and let live" right, but that's not the issue. Next evening I'm with my bf and we get talking, I ask him would you ever share me with another guy, thinking he'd recoil in horror or something, instead he goes all weird. I push him about it and long story short, turns out he's had the same fantasy for ages and was just afraid to tell me. I asked if I did that, would you then want to sleep with other girls, he says no, for him it would be ok if it only worked one way. My friend said it's the same for her and her bf, he doesn't sleep with anyone else.
Now I'm really confused. I've googled this and I discovered it's really common, I mean as a fantasy, I don't know how many people actually do it. My question is: should I even consider it? I'm not against it in principle, there's plenty of guys I'd have liked to sleep with since I got together with my bf but I've been a good girl and stayed faithful, now he's basically saying I needn't have bothered cause he'd be perfectly happy for me to do it??
I promise this isn't a wind up, I really don't know what to do and I'd like to hear from other people. Thanks
You basically have to sort out in your head what sort of sex life is fine for you! For example, would you mind sharing your boyfriend sexually with another person? It is about whether you and your bf are ok with a very open consensual relationship. Neither of you need to feel guilty, you just need to have honest communication with each other. I can , like lots of people, admit to having sexual fantasies!
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GillBlack
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(Original post by mgi)
You basically have to sort out in your head what sort of sex life is fine for you! For example, would you mind sharing your boyfriend sexually with another person? It is about whether you and your bf are ok with a very open consensual relationship. Neither of you need to feel guilty, you just need to have honest communication with each other. I can , like lots of people, admit to having sexual fantasies!
At the moment no, I'm not comfortable with sharing my bf with anyone else. He knows this and accepts it, he says he doesn't want anyone else anyway, he just wants to see me with others. I know this must sound really selfish but it's not my decision, it's the way he wants it. His fantasy is to be humiliated, rather than opening things up completely. On the communication front I feel we're doing well right now. After he confessed about this fantasy it's like the flood gates opened and he's told me all sorts of other stuff about his past. I've also opened up more about some messed up relationships I had. I feel much closer to him now, so maybe whether or not we actually do this, just talking about it has been good.
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mgi
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(Original post by GillBlack)
At the moment no, I'm not comfortable with sharing my bf with anyone else. He knows this and accepts it, he says he doesn't want anyone else anyway, he just wants to see me with others. I know this must sound really selfish but it's not my decision, it's the way he wants it. His fantasy is to be humiliated, rather than opening things up completely. On the communication front I feel we're doing well right now. After he confessed about this fantasy it's like the flood gates opened and he's told me all sorts of other stuff about his past. I've also opened up more about some messed up relationships I had. I feel much closer to him now, so maybe whether or not we actually do this, just talking about it has been good.
Yes. Talking about things is very powerful and, as you found out, it can bring you closer to your partner. You both, by being courageous and open, got to know a lot more about each other. You don't have to agree on everything but understanding each other is a good thing.
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