heyyy sooooooooooooo (history stuff)

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username4929440
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#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
I just finished my 3 poems for history (these poems are based on ww1)
so i want to hear what you think of the last poem i wrote (you will cringe):

Where is my son <--title

The war has ended,
and other countries` armies bonds had mended,
i have not seen my son,
but i hop he did not die by a bomb or gun,
i thought of him so often that tears went down to my cheek,
and my mood became very bad that week,
he would light up my darkness,
his soul was filled with gracefulness,
i sat on the hill on what the weather seemed to be like a red coloured sunset,
comprehending the thought that my son was not dead.

AND I DO NOT HAVE A SON --> just in case if you think i do
do i need to edit this in any way? if yes, what?
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Tassy2340
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(Original post by vsco.gurl)
I just finished my 3 poems for history (these poems are based on ww1)
so i want to hear what you think of the last poem i wrote (you will cringe):

Where is my son <--title

The war has ended,
and other countries` armies bonds had mended,
i have not seen my son,
but i hop he did not die by a bomb or gun,
i thought of him so often that tears went down to my cheek,
and my mood became very bad that week,
he would light up my darkness,
his soul was filled with gracefulness,
i sat on the hill on what the weather seemed to be like a red coloured sunset,
comprehending the thought that my son was not dead.

AND I DO NOT HAVE A SON --> just in case if you think i do
do i need to edit this in any way? if yes, what?
all in all I think it is very decent but some words can be changed like went down 'trickled' Idk I'm not the best in english its good anyways
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Scotney
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(Original post by vsco.gurl)
I just finished my 3 poems for history (these poems are based on ww1)
so i want to hear what you think of the last poem i wrote (you will cringe):

Where is my son <--title

The war has ended,
and other countries` armies bonds had mended,
i have not seen my son,
but i hop he did not die by a bomb or gun,
i thought of him so often that tears went down to my cheek,
and my mood became very bad that week,
he would light up my darkness,
his soul was filled with gracefulness,
i sat on the hill on what the weather seemed to be like a red coloured sunset,
comprehending the thought that my son was not dead.

AND I DO NOT HAVE A SON --> just in case if you think i do
do i need to edit this in any way? if yes, what?
Some spelling mistakes. I do not like the bad mood that week line and you definitely need to change that sitting on a hill line too clunky. You need to keep tenses the same and decide what the poem is trying to say is it that son is dead or son might not be dead and how this effects mothers thoughts. Some good ideas but needs a constant thread throughout.
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username4929440
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#4
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by Scotney)
Some spelling mistakes. I do not like the bad mood that week line and you definitely need to change that sitting on a hill line too clunky. You need to keep tenses the same and decide what the poem is trying to say is it that son is dead or son might not be dead and how this effects mothers thoughts. Some good ideas but needs a constant thread throughout.
TYSMMMMMM!!! but i want to make it seem like the son might not be dead. do u have any stanzas to give me lol
Last edited by username4929440; 1 year ago
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