Smear test after non-consensual sex [potential TW] Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
#1
Sorry for the odd title, didn't know what else to put.

Basically, I have my smear test coming up and I'm freaking out about it a bit. I know what a smear test involves, I've been examined down there before and I know nurses do it all the time and stuff but even thinking about it is giving me palpitations at the moment.

I've had some unpleasant sexual experiences with a guy and since then, I just don't really want to deal with any part of my body that relates to sex. I know it's stupid and I don't want to miss my smear because of it yet I know for a fact that it will be a horrible experience and I will not be able to relax to make things easier. I really don't want to tell them why I'm uncomfortable with it either.

Any advice on how to relax and what to do to make things easier? Any advice on what to say to the nurse if I freak out/get upset etc.?
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Apachecow
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#2
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I think the best idea would be to make a GP appointment and discuss it with them. They may be able to give you something to help with the anxiety of the procedure (like they do for people frightened of the dentist). Moving forwards they should be able to get you some help to deal properly with this issue. It's clearly very traumatic.

Speaking out here is a positive step forward in your recovery. The very best of luck.
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Rossagle
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I've got my first one coming up being 25 now though I'm not nervous like you I am sort of... not looking forward to it!

You could just go in and tell them you're nervous and why if you feel uncomfortable. They probably get it all the time especially with those going for their first one. It will be best to try to relax probably. Just remember it's a medical procedure if you don't want to think of sex.

You could probably take paracetamol before you go to help you calm down a bit but check proper medical advice for that.
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Anonymous #1
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Thank you to both of you for replying.

I'm not sure I can speak to my GP about this and I really don't want anything about this in my notes. I know I need to deal with this at some point but it would really unsettle me mentally and I really can't afford that right now.

I've had a smear before (they start at 20 where I live) and I know it has absolutely nothing to do with sex but having anyone near that area for any reason just makes me feel dirty. I know that sounds irrational and screwed up bur I can't help it.

I guess I might just have to reschedule for a later date. I'm clearly not ready for this.
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Apachecow
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I don't really know what to say. I agree you don't sound ready for this, but I am concerned you are in effect neglecting your mental and sexual health by not going for the smear. In a way you are letting your guy 'win'.

I can only encourage you to talk about it and see if you can come to terms with what happened. It's anon on here - would going into some more detail help?

Have you told any one about this?
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry for the odd title, didn't know what else to put.

Basically, I have my smear test coming up and I'm freaking out about it a bit. I know what a smear test involves, I've been examined down there before and I know nurses do it all the time and stuff but even thinking about it is giving me palpitations at the moment.

I've had some unpleasant sexual experiences with a guy and since then, I just don't really want to deal with any part of my body that relates to sex. I know it's stupid and I don't want to miss my smear because of it yet I know for a fact that it will be a horrible experience and I will not be able to relax to make things easier. I really don't want to tell them why I'm uncomfortable with it either.

Any advice on how to relax and what to do to make things easier? Any advice on what to say to the nurse if I freak out/get upset etc.?
Why not just admit to the nurse that you are stressed out about it? They would probably know that this is common.
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Rossagle
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I'd agree with another comment you're letting the "guy win"... but if you're not ready you could cancel for now... but don't leave it forever, it is an important examination.

Have you considered therapy? You might be able to book it through your GP.

This could help you overcome your obstacles.
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Anonymous #2
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Report 1 week ago
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I recently went through the same thing. I booked a whole day off work and tbh I needed It, I think it's super important to get through it but be prepared to need some self care or support from loved ones after. I told the nurse my situation and she was really good about it, checked in regularly and took it slow.

Some things which can help:
Wear a skirt so you don't have to get so naked
You can ask for a chaperone or a friend to come
Ask the nurse to tell you before doing anything
You can ask to insert the speculum yourself

If you're worried about your reaction try and get a lift there+back. I drove and was in too much of a state to drive home, luckily I'm only a 10 min walk but I had to go back for my car later!
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Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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(Original post by Apachecow)
I don't really know what to say. I agree you don't sound ready for this, but I am concerned you are in effect neglecting your mental and sexual health by not going for the smear. In a way you are letting your guy 'win'.

I can only encourage you to talk about it and see if you can come to terms with what happened. It's anon on here - would going into some more detail help?

Have you told any one about this?
I've never spoken about it to anyone, no. My ex was at fault but ultimately I allowed it to happen and only have myself to blame.

I've decided to just leave it for now. Maybe I'll be more ready next year,

(Original post by mgi)
Why not just admit to the nurse that you are stressed out about it? They would probably know that this is common.
I could I guess, but it would be a weird as they definitely know I've been examined before.

(Original post by Rossagle)
I'd agree with another comment you're letting the "guy win"... but if you're not ready you could cancel for now... but don't leave it forever, it is an important examination.

Have you considered therapy? You might be able to book it through your GP.

This could help you overcome your obstacles.
Thanks. I've decided to cancel for now. The waiting list for therapy where I live is currently around 18 months and I just can't imagine speaking to anyone, especially my GP, about this. I'll hopefully get over it with time.

(Original post by Anonymous)
I recently went through the same thing. I booked a whole day off work and tbh I needed It, I think it's super important to get through it but be prepared to need some self care or support from loved ones after. I told the nurse my situation and she was really good about it, checked in regularly and took it slow.

Some things which can help:
Wear a skirt so you don't have to get so naked
You can ask for a chaperone or a friend to come
Ask the nurse to tell you before doing anything
You can ask to insert the speculum yourself

If you're worried about your reaction try and get a lift there+back. I drove and was in too much of a state to drive home, luckily I'm only a 10 min walk but I had to go back for my car later!
Thanks very much for replying. I'm really sorry you've gone through something similar I've put things off for now but I will definitely consider these when I'm feeling more ready. I'm glad the nurse was supportive and hope you are feeling better now.
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