How to get better self asteem and be more confident? Watch

Hoyo
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So I've noticed recently that my self asteem is practically rock bottom and it's effecting my anxiety to think people might think of me a certain way, when I go to work and have to talk to my manager or a customer I can give eye contact because I've been practising for months, but the eye contact throws me off and I start stuttering and won't make any sense... It's like I'm not speaking English, the grammar is off and I just won't make sense anymore, people have pointed it out to me often.

I recently went on my first trip alone abroad (4 diff countries) I was terrified but I did it and it gave me tremendous courage, I tried my best to talk to people but the same thing happened, although they were patient and I tried speaking slower it still didn't work too well.

I don't have friends so when I try to make new friends I worry that the new friend will realise that I don't have any friends and think it's weird, so I cut off contact to people quickly and don't even try anymore

I know I shouldn't care what other people think but it's hard not to when working requires talking to other people, the job I want to do in the future will require me to talk a lot and to a lot of people so if anyone has any tips on at least how to just talk to someone normally that would be much appreciated

Tlr anyone have any tips on how to talk to someone without it coming out a jumbled mess?
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HumblyBumbly
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Well done for travelling alone - that is quite scary but to achieve it shows bravery and confidence.
How old are you? Are you male or female?


Regardless, I always find like you I sometimes just need to force myself to do things that might be out of my comfort zone. Eye contact is hard, but slow steps. You are right though - you should tackle it. But just keep practising there is no other way.

I always find exercise helps me feel more confident just because it gets adrenaline pumping around my body.
Also ... just making note of your achievements can provide a feedback loop - like "ah doing that thing felt good. I will do it again" etc...

Just persevere and keep focusing on that personal development
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kurro
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Don't know why but lifting weights helped me be more confident.

I also used to find it hard to do eye contact at the shop and my words didn't even make sense sometimes. Then when there are up to 5 customers queueing I get SUPER anxious. So I just looked inbetween their eyes or nose 😂😂😂😂 (they can't really tell, most the customers are old people for me anyway)
It may be weird but it helps, then I gradually make eye contact again.

You just need to take it at your own pace when talking, don't rush.
Once you keep talking to more and more people you will get used to it.
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study_well
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(Original post by Hoyo)
So I've noticed recently that my self asteem is practically rock bottom and it's effecting my anxiety to think people might think of me a certain way, when I go to work and have to talk to my manager or a customer I can give eye contact because I've been practising for months, but the eye contact throws me off and I start stuttering and won't make any sense... It's like I'm not speaking English, the grammar is off and I just won't make sense anymore, people have pointed it out to me often.

I recently went on my first trip alone abroad (4 diff countries) I was terrified but I did it and it gave me tremendous courage, I tried my best to talk to people but the same thing happened, although they were patient and I tried speaking slower it still didn't work too well.

I don't have friends so when I try to make new friends I worry that the new friend will realise that I don't have any friends and think it's weird, so I cut off contact to people quickly and don't even try anymore

I know I shouldn't care what other people think but it's hard not to when working requires talking to other people, the job I want to do in the future will require me to talk a lot and to a lot of people so if anyone has any tips on at least how to just talk to someone normally that would be much appreciated

Tlr anyone have any tips on how to talk to someone without it coming out a jumbled mess?
First of all you must remember that you are not the only one and that there are lots of other people why have the same problem as you. Anyway when going to talk to someone new, remember to take deep breaths and maybe before you go listen to some lofi beats (they always help me) and if you do stutter, just cough and try again. When thinking about it, you will overthink and probably make it more of a problem so breathe and you will be ok
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Ikeo
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I kind of struggle with the same problem, however not much anymore, whereby noone could understand what I was saying even though I felt like I was speaking perfect English which made life hard through the latter years of high school and in some ways to this very day (just no way near as much, mainly an issue with speaking quietly unintentionally)

Here's a few tips:
1) Firstly, take your time. Take your time to gather your thoughts and understand what you are about to say so that you can structure words and sentences as clearly as possible, make pauses in the conversation to know what you are about to say next and don't worry about saying too much

2) Secondly, slow down your speech. This is complimented by tip 1 to help your words come out more coherently and clearly, helping you to have time to think about what you're going to say next. It will also help you to appear more calm and collected, see tip 3

3) Thirdly, do not care about how others view you. You are you and perfect as you are, so don't try and mould yourself into someone that society wants - as long as you can do your job effectively and become who you want to be . The tips above are merely there to help you communicate a bit more effectively rather than change who you are

4) Fourthly, the anxiety may be exacerbating your social issues. This is what happened with me and managed to get over it by recognizing what it is that I was fearing, learning how I can overcome the physical symptoms that contributed to my social issues and then learnt not to care about what others think. It appears that exposing yourself to people is actually making you feel worse, so definitely try and think about different ways that you can speak more clearly such as in these tips, in order to prevent your anxiety from getting any worse. Use positive affirmations to reduce the amount of negative thoughts that you are having in regards to this, and maybe try some meditation to clear your mind

5) Fifthly, stand up straight. This may seem cheesy but acting out stances of confidence do genuinely help you to feel better and propel your voice further and more clearly. Face the person that you are speaking to but maybe look elsewhere, such as their nose or mouth (they shouldn't notice) to make you feel better - that's what I do and it seemed to have worked. This will make you appear confident and comfortable without having as the distress caused by eye to eye contact (even though you shouldn't care what they think about how you appear, this is for you to feel better about yourself)

6) Sixth, practice. When you're in a private space, find a mirror and practice talking out loud so that you can understand what words you may be slipping up on and improve your pronunciation of them. I haven't done this tip which is probably why I still sometimes struggle with saying the right thing at times and muddling up my sentences (rare tho). This will likely be the best tip to improve your situation without having the pressures of judgement from others, or find someone non-judgmental from TSR to call you so you can practice!

^ Sorry if these tips do not directly help your specific circumstances, they seem to be more general ways that you can help yourself

Good luck and there's plenty of friends to be made on TSR
hint vin
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Hoyo
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(Original post by HumblyBumbly)
Well done for travelling alone - that is quite scary but to achieve it shows bravery and confidence.
How old are you? Are you male or female?


Regardless, I always find like you I sometimes just need to force myself to do things that might be out of my comfort zone. Eye contact is hard, but slow steps. You are right though - you should tackle it. But just keep practising there is no other way.

I always find exercise helps me feel more confident just because it gets adrenaline pumping around my body.
Also ... just making note of your achievements can provide a feedback loop - like "ah doing that thing felt good. I will do it again" etc...

Just persevere and keep focusing on that personal development
The last job I got was to boost confidence (and well pay bills) but it ended up being a double edged sword, it helped but the job was too stressful to worry to much about improving any kind of confidence.

Ah thank you! and im female 23

I haven't exercised in a long time, but I remember it having a more calming effect so that's a really good tip, ive been wanting to get back into exercise lately so it works out and the point about making notes of achievements, ill get started doing that! thanks so much for the advice
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Deggs_14
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Self esteem with an e.
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Hoyo
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(Original post by kurro)
Don't know why but lifting weights helped me be more confident.

I also used to find it hard to do eye contact at the shop and my words didn't even make sense sometimes. Then when there are up to 5 customers queueing I get SUPER anxious. So I just looked inbetween their eyes or nose 😂😂😂😂 (they can't really tell, most the customers are old people for me anyway)
It may be weird but it helps, then I gradually make eye contact again.

You just need to take it at your own pace when talking, don't rush.
Once you keep talking to more and more people you will get used to it.
Weights? i've been wanting too but the thought of embarrassing myself in a gym is holding me back abit... plus I still cant do one full push up, ill go baby steps with that too hahaha, I could definitely see myself gaining some confidence if I felt stronger though

good tip! and the customers I serve tend to be old too, im lucky they're pretty patient with me, I tend to ring things through the till to quick and then fluster and make mistakes, they tell me to calm down all the time.

Ill try and talk slower, I got used to trying to get to the point quickly I guess.

Thanks for the advice's!
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Hoyo
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(Original post by study_well)
First of all you must remember that you are not the only one and that there are lots of other people why have the same problem as you. Anyway when going to talk to someone new, remember to take deep breaths and maybe before you go listen to some lofi beats (they always help me) and if you do stutter, just cough and try again. When thinking about it, you will overthink and probably make it more of a problem so breathe and you will be ok
Ah lofi beats, I forgot about those, very effective in the past and ill try and remember the deep breath thing, that will come in handy

Thank you
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Hoyo
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(Original post by Ikeo)
I kind of struggle with the same problem, however not much anymore, whereby noone could understand what I was saying even though I felt like I was speaking perfect English which made life hard through the latter years of high school and in some ways to this very day (just no way near as much, mainly an issue with speaking quietly unintentionally)

Here's a few tips:
1) Firstly, take your time. Take your time to gather your thoughts and understand what you are about to say so that you can structure words and sentences as clearly as possible, make pauses in the conversation to know what you are about to say next and don't worry about saying too much

2) Secondly, slow down your speech. This is complimented by tip 1 to help your words come out more coherently and clearly, helping you to have time to think about what you're going to say next. It will also help you to appear more calm and collected, see tip 3

3) Thirdly, do not care about how others view you.You are you and perfect as you are, so don't try and mould yourself into someone that society wants - as long as you can do your job effectively and become who you want to be . The tips above are merely there to help you communicate a bit more effectively rather than change who you are
4) Fourthly, the anxiety may be exacerbating your social issues. This is what happened with me and managed to get over it by recognizing what it is that I was fearing, learning how I can overcome the physical symptoms that contributed to my social issues and then learnt not to care about what others think. It appears that exposing yourself to people is actually making you feel worse, so definitely try and think about different ways that you can speak more clearly such as in these tips, in order to prevent your anxiety from getting any worse. Use positive affirmations to reduce the amount of negative thoughts that you are having in regards to this, and maybe try some meditation to clear your mind

5) Fifthly, stand up straight. This may seem cheesy but acting out stances of confidence do genuinely help you to feel better and propel your voice further and more clearly. Face the person that you are speaking to but maybe look elsewhere, such as their nose or mouth (they shouldn't notice) to make you feel better - that's what I do and it seemed to have worked. This will make you appear confident and comfortable without having as the distress caused by eye to eye contact (even though you shouldn't care what they think about how you appear, this is for you to feel better about yourself)

6) Sixth, practice. When you're in a private space, find a mirror and practice talking out loud so that you can understand what words you may be slipping up on and improve your pronunciation of them. I haven't done this tip which is probably why I still sometimes struggle with saying the right thing at times and muddling up my sentences (rare tho). This will likely be the best tip to improve your situation without having the pressures of judgement from others, or find someone non-judgmental from TSR to call you so you can practice!

^ Sorry if these tips do not directly help your specific circumstances, they seem to be more general ways that you can help yourself

Good luck and there's plenty of friends to be made on TSR
hint vin
Wow thank you so much for such a thorough and detailed answer, it was perfect for what I needed... Im kinda shocked

A big issue with me is not taking pauses, I assume the other person doesn't want to hear what I have to say or will get bored, im talked over a lot at home so I got used to it, I say what I can as fast as possible without thinking anything through, barely any pauses, lately when I would slow my speech it would only marginally be slower than before, so thank you for the reminder

Your right I definitely need more positive affirmation and ive been recommended meditation in the past, I think I really should try it out, the uber driver that told me to try meditation in the past seemed like a pretty happy go lucky guy so maybe I should have listened then haha

Ill try standing straight and looking in the direction of the person, and the mirror thing, also ive made a friend on tsr years ago and even met them irl, I had actually completely forgot about that... its a shame we stopped being friends, that was a genuine friend. hopefully I can build the courage to try again.

All theses tips seem like small things but I definitely need to implement them, again thank you so much, its dramatic but I actually teared a little haha, ive been feeling really stuck about this.
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Hoyo
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(Original post by Deggs_14)
Self esteem with an e.
whoops sorry, I dont know why I wrote it like that
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kurro
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(Original post by Hoyo)
Weights? i've been wanting too but the thought of embarrassing myself in a gym is holding me back abit... plus I still cant do one full push up, ill go baby steps with that too hahaha, I could definitely see myself gaining some confidence if I felt stronger though

good tip! and the customers I serve tend to be old too, im lucky they're pretty patient with me, I tend to ring things through the till to quick and then fluster and make mistakes, they tell me to calm down all the time.

Ill try and talk slower, I got used to trying to get to the point quickly I guess.

Thanks for the advice's!
hehee turns out to be true
Whenever I hit a new record for a lift I get so pumped up after and think im the king of the world. 😎¯\_(ツ)_/¯

https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/b...ds-self-esteem

Everyone starts off weak, you just have to build up your strength with enough protein and being in a caloric surplus to put on a few pounds. You will inevitably gain a little fat though depending on your diet.
During the workout, you just need to think about your sets, form and just listen to music.
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Hoyo
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(Original post by kurro)
hehee turns out to be true
Whenever I hit a new record for a lift I get so pumped up after and think im the king of the world. 😎¯\_(ツ)_/¯

https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/b...ds-self-esteem

Everyone starts off weak, you just have to build up your strength with enough protein and being in a caloric surplus to put on a few pounds. You will inevitably gain a little fat though depending on your diet.
During the workout, you just need to think about your sets, form and just listen to music.
Haha nice! I'd like that, I don't think I could do a calorie surplus of protein tho, a calorie surplus of sugar maybe, I'm only beginning to try and encorperate vegetables and meat in my diet, it was all carbs before, I eat pretty bad so it makes sense I don't have the muscle needed, I'll work on it since sugar is supposed to worsen anxiety

Thanks ill read the link and try your tips
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study_well
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(Original post by Hoyo)
Ah lofi beats, I forgot about those, very effective in the past and ill try and remember the deep breath thing, that will come in handy

Thank you
Anytime
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CoffeeAndPolitics
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(Original post by Hoyo)
So I've noticed recently that my self asteem is practically rock bottom and it's effecting my anxiety to think people might think of me a certain way, when I go to work and have to talk to my manager or a customer I can give eye contact because I've been practising for months, but the eye contact throws me off and I start stuttering and won't make any sense... It's like I'm not speaking English, the grammar is off and I just won't make sense anymore, people have pointed it out to me often.

I recently went on my first trip alone abroad (4 diff countries) I was terrified but I did it and it gave me tremendous courage, I tried my best to talk to people but the same thing happened, although they were patient and I tried speaking slower it still didn't work too well.

I don't have friends so when I try to make new friends I worry that the new friend will realise that I don't have any friends and think it's weird, so I cut off contact to people quickly and don't even try anymore

I know I shouldn't care what other people think but it's hard not to when working requires talking to other people, the job I want to do in the future will require me to talk a lot and to a lot of people so if anyone has any tips on at least how to just talk to someone normally that would be much appreciated

Tlr anyone have any tips on how to talk to someone without it coming out a jumbled mess?
Hey there. Well done on your first trip alone abroad and for being very brave for trying to talk to people whilst away. The best thing to do about your self esteem and to be more confident as a person is to take things one step at a time and I recommend reading what Ikeo has to say as they have really good tips.
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Hoyo
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(Original post by CoffeeAndPolitics)
Hey there. Well done on your first trip alone abroad and for being very brave for trying to talk to people whilst away. The best thing to do about your self esteem and to be more confident as a person is to take things one step at a time and I recommend reading what Ikeo has to say as they have really good tips.
Thankyou! I'll try baby steps, ikeo's tips were really helpful too

Thanks
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CoffeeAndPolitics
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(Original post by Hoyo)
Thankyou! I'll try baby steps, ikeo's tips were really helpful too

Thanks
No worries.
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