should i tell my ex to get tested for aspergers?

hi. i'm 19, my ex is 20. we briefly dated for a couple of months first year of university, so an extremely short amount of time. it was both of our first relationships, but i had experience with guys before, meanwhile in the past all his crushes were unrequited. he randomly broke up with me 4 months ago and there had been no contact for 3 months.

i've moved on now but recently he's spiralled out of control - writing daily fanfiction about me, using explicit details of my life, my family, my friends, obsessing over me, creating fake accounts to try and talk to me, stalking me online and finding tumblrs i've created when i was like 13 years old, messaging people i know from twitter (my twitter is private) to ask about me, making youtube playlists to try and grab my attention, etc. and i'm so sick of it. he broke up with me very cold and he made it absolutely clear he wants nothing to do with me, and i want nothing to do with him now. it feels like i have absolutely no privacy, and he's been extremely creepy and obsessive and it makes me so uncomfortable. it's definitely not normal to behave like this months after breaking up with someone you very briefly dated and i can't describe how terrible and helpless it feels being stalked, having someone dedicate an hour to writing about you everyday without fail, etc.

i didn't know my ex had aspergers throughout the entire relationship, and ignored all my friends which suggested he did, but he mentioned after we broke up that a specialist at A&E, which he visited after feeling "weird", suggested he has aspergers - there had been no follow ups though, because it was at A&E, and the way my ex mentioned it to me was so casual that I don't know what he thinks of it.

the only reason i'm bringing this up is because of the recent obsession which gets worse DAY BY DAY - and it scares me. i've blocked him on everything and all my social media accounts, etc. are private, but that still doesn't stop him from stalking me. i don't know if he realises what he's doing is inappropriate. i'm not sure what to do because progressively, he is downward spiralling, and it's affecting me - making me feel unsafe, uncomfortable and fearing for my safety (in the past when he's liked girls, he's even tried to find their houses, etc. but at the time i didn't realise how obsessive this was and just passed it off as "oh, he must've just really liked her").

obviously i once cared about him and upon seeing the extent his obsession has reached, i can't help but feel sorry for him - and also extremely frustrated because i'm so fed up of this and want him out of my life. even though he broke up with me, he appears to idolise me in this fanfiction and he appears to think extremely highly of me. so part of me feels like i have a duty to suggest to him he should maybe get tested for aspergers, because this would be beneficial to him and could also help future people understand him better (our relationship basically broke apart because of relationship errors which could've been resolved if we both knew about his ASD). again, i know it's not my place, but by this point there's absolutely no denying that it's more likely he is on the spectrum than not, and it would be beneficial for everyone if it was established. i just don't know what to do - again, the only reason i'm bringing this up is because his obsession is so extremely unhealthy and it is affecting me - if it wasn't affecting me months later, i wouldn't be bringing it up because i know it's none of my business. but again, i feel like i have a duty to inform him, especially because i don't think his family would for multiple reasons.

thanks - and also, i don't want to appear like i'm demonising him or anything. part of this is just me venting my frustration because whilst it was amazing to be in a relationship with him, ever since he broke up with me, i have been put through A LOT that i shouldn't have went through and that i can't be bothered to explain, because i so desperately want to move on with my life - and, no, unfortunately i can't just ignore him if he is literally making fake accounts to try and contact me again.

hi. i'm 19, my ex is 20. we briefly dated for a couple of months first year of university, so an extremely short amount of time. it was both of our first relationships, but i had experience with guys before, meanwhile in the past all his crushes were unrequited. he randomly broke up with me 4 months ago and there had been no contact for 3 months.

i've moved on now but recently he's spiralled out of control - writing daily fanfiction about me, using explicit details of my life, my family, my friends, obsessing over me, creating fake accounts to try and talk to me, stalking me online and finding tumblrs i've created when i was like 13 years old, messaging people i know from twitter (my twitter is private) to ask about me, making youtube playlists to try and grab my attention, etc. and i'm so sick of it. he broke up with me very cold and he made it absolutely clear he wants nothing to do with me, and i want nothing to do with him now. it feels like i have absolutely no privacy, and he's been extremely creepy and obsessive and it makes me so uncomfortable. it's definitely not normal to behave like this months after breaking up with someone you very briefly dated and i can't describe how terrible and helpless it feels being stalked, having someone dedicate an hour to writing about you everyday without fail, etc.

i didn't know my ex had aspergers throughout the entire relationship, and ignored all my friends which suggested he did, but he mentioned after we broke up that a specialist at A&E, which he visited after feeling "weird", suggested he has aspergers - there had been no follow ups though, because it was at A&E, and the way my ex mentioned it to me was so casual that I don't know what he thinks of it.

the only reason i'm bringing this up is because of the recent obsession which gets worse DAY BY DAY - and it scares me. i've blocked him on everything and all my social media accounts, etc. are private, but that still doesn't stop him from stalking me. i don't know if he realises what he's doing is inappropriate. i'm not sure what to do because progressively, he is downward spiralling, and it's affecting me - making me feel unsafe, uncomfortable and fearing for my safety (in the past when he's liked girls, he's even tried to find their houses, etc. but at the time i didn't realise how obsessive this was and just passed it off as "oh, he must've just really liked her").

obviously i once cared about him and upon seeing the extent his obsession has reached, i can't help but feel sorry for him - and also extremely frustrated because i'm so fed up of this and want him out of my life. even though he broke up with me, he appears to idolise me in this fanfiction and he appears to think extremely highly of me. so part of me feels like i have a duty to suggest to him he should maybe get tested for aspergers, because this would be beneficial to him and could also help future people understand him better (our relationship basically broke apart because of relationship errors which could've been resolved if we both knew about his ASD). again, i know it's not my place, but by this point there's absolutely no denying that it's more likely he is on the spectrum than not, and it would be beneficial for everyone if it was established. i just don't know what to do - again, the only reason i'm bringing this up is because his obsession is so extremely unhealthy and it is affecting me - if it wasn't affecting me months later, i wouldn't be bringing it up because i know it's none of my business. but again, i feel like i have a duty to inform him, especially because i don't think his family would for multiple reasons.

thanks - and also, i don't want to appear like i'm demonising him or anything. part of this is just me venting my frustration because whilst it was amazing to be in a relationship with him, ever since he broke up with me, i have been put through A LOT that i shouldn't have went through and that i can't be bothered to explain, because i so desperately want to move on with my life - and, no, unfortunately i can't just ignore him if he is literally making fake accounts to try and contact me again.

thanks guys for your replies - really makes me put into perspective how messed up this is. i called the national stalking helpline the other day (didn’t even know they existed) and they took down his details and this makes me slightly more comfortable knowing that at least someone knows about this.

UPDATE though, and this situation has really escalated. in his story, he is now describing in detail a ROMANTIC relationship with the character who is me, before going on to describe (yes) essentially a THREES*ME between my character, a boy which could be him, and an OLDER MIDDLE AGED MALE (who resembles a man who has groomed me in the past for over a year straight)! like, wtf! and then after this, he essentially describes me getting GANGB*NGED by his friends???? wtf! this makes me SOOOOOOOO uncomfortable, and i literally don’t know what to do. seriously want this to stop!

What about doing a police report?

honestly it’s probably time for that

hi. i'm 19, my ex is 20. we briefly dated for a couple of months first year of university, so an extremely short amount of time. it was both of our first relationships, but i had experience with guys before, meanwhile in the past all his crushes were unrequited. he randomly broke up with me 4 months ago and there had been no contact for 3 months.

i've moved on now but recently he's spiralled out of control - writing daily fanfiction about me, using explicit details of my life, my family, my friends, obsessing over me, creating fake accounts to try and talk to me, stalking me online and finding tumblrs i've created when i was like 13 years old, messaging people i know from twitter (my twitter is private) to ask about me, making youtube playlists to try and grab my attention, etc. and i'm so sick of it. he broke up with me very cold and he made it absolutely clear he wants nothing to do with me, and i want nothing to do with him now. it feels like i have absolutely no privacy, and he's been extremely creepy and obsessive and it makes me so uncomfortable. it's definitely not normal to behave like this months after breaking up with someone you very briefly dated and i can't describe how terrible and helpless it feels being stalked, having someone dedicate an hour to writing about you everyday without fail, etc.

i didn't know my ex had aspergers throughout the entire relationship, and ignored all my friends which suggested he did, but he mentioned after we broke up that a specialist at A&E, which he visited after feeling "weird", suggested he has aspergers - there had been no follow ups though, because it was at A&E, and the way my ex mentioned it to me was so casual that I don't know what he thinks of it.

the only reason i'm bringing this up is because of the recent obsession which gets worse DAY BY DAY - and it scares me. i've blocked him on everything and all my social media accounts, etc. are private, but that still doesn't stop him from stalking me. i don't know if he realises what he's doing is inappropriate. i'm not sure what to do because progressively, he is downward spiralling, and it's affecting me - making me feel unsafe, uncomfortable and fearing for my safety (in the past when he's liked girls, he's even tried to find their houses, etc. but at the time i didn't realise how obsessive this was and just passed it off as "oh, he must've just really liked her").

obviously i once cared about him and upon seeing the extent his obsession has reached, i can't help but feel sorry for him - and also extremely frustrated because i'm so fed up of this and want him out of my life. even though he broke up with me, he appears to idolise me in this fanfiction and he appears to think extremely highly of me. so part of me feels like i have a duty to suggest to him he should maybe get tested for aspergers, because this would be beneficial to him and could also help future people understand him better (our relationship basically broke apart because of relationship errors which could've been resolved if we both knew about his ASD). again, i know it's not my place, but by this point there's absolutely no denying that it's more likely he is on the spectrum than not, and it would be beneficial for everyone if it was established. i just don't know what to do - again, the only reason i'm bringing this up is because his obsession is so extremely unhealthy and it is affecting me - if it wasn't affecting me months later, i wouldn't be bringing it up because i know it's none of my business. but again, i feel like i have a duty to inform him, especially because i don't think his family would for multiple reasons.

thanks - and also, i don't want to appear like i'm demonising him or anything. part of this is just me venting my frustration because whilst it was amazing to be in a relationship with him, ever since he broke up with me, i have been put through A LOT that i shouldn't have went through and that i can't be bothered to explain, because i so desperately want to move on with my life - and, no, unfortunately i can't just ignore him if he is literally making fake accounts to try and contact me again.

Have you tried simply telling him that what he's doing is inappropriate? If he's got AS then he probably doesn't know, and making trouble for him or railing at him isn't going to do any good. If he's causing you distress, talk to him politely and calmly, and tell him that he's upsetting you, and to please stop stalking you and dropping intimate details about you in his online writing. I would suggest having this conversation slowly, face-to-face (in a well-populated public area, with a friend, relative, or your current boyfriend), to make the experience fully real to him. Definitley say, in no uncertain terms, that you never wish to speak to him again. Avoid any ambiguity in what you say. Also politely seek contact with his closest relative or friends, and tell them what's been happening, in a way that makes it clear that you don't want to make trouble. If you meet, ask that they be present too.

Do not show anger or frustration when you're talking to him, but remain completely calm. Otherwise, you'll undermine your own credibility in his mind.

If he has AS and you go to the police, he is going to end up with an injunction on his record which he won't be able to comprehend. AS is a reasonable mitigating circumstance for such action as his, but if it's undiagnosed he'd end up just being treated as a criminal and would thus end up taking the full force of the law, which would do him serious harm - possibly life-changing harm.

Most of these syndromes and disorders are bogus. All of it is designed to make money for big pharma and socially control/cull off the mass population. Similarly ADHD over diagnosis is just an excuse to chemically control vibrant over-exuberant kids.

Most of these syndromes and disorders are bogus. All of it is designed to make money for big pharma and socially control/cull off the mass population. Similarly ADHD over diagnosis is just an excuse to chemically control vibrant over-exuberant kids.

Yes but victims have rights aa well remember. Just because a person has a special need or disability does not mean that the people around them should put up with the negative toxic behaviour. And also i do not believe that this guy us compketely unaware that his behaviour is unacceptable. He just needs someone, or the police,to check him in his behaviour!

You're talking out of a hole in your hat. Most people with ADD or ADHD are not treated with any kind of drug, and no drug-based treatments even exist for autism/Asperger's. The closest thing that's been found has been that oxytocin ("cuddle hormone") may negate some of the autistic traits while it's in the system, though trials have yielded inconclusive/conflicting results. Oh - and you can buy oxytocin over the counter quite cheap. BiG pHaRmA


This kind of mindset had autistics locked away in institutions in generations past, because they "couldn't cope". **** you.

thanks guys for your replies - really makes me put into perspective how messed up this is. i called the national stalking helpline the other day (didn’t even know they existed) and they took down his details and this makes me slightly more comfortable knowing that at least someone knows about this.

UPDATE though, and this situation has really escalated. in his story, he is now describing in detail a ROMANTIC relationship with the character who is me, before going on to describe (yes) essentially a THREES*ME between my character, a boy which could be him, and an OLDER MIDDLE AGED MALE (who resembles a man who has groomed me in the past for over a year straight)! like, wtf! and then after this, he essentially describes me getting GANGB*NGED by his friends???? wtf! this makes me SOOOOOOOO uncomfortable, and i literally don’t know what to do. seriously want this to stop!

What? You are now resorting to abuse because you are deluded into thinking it helps your weak argument or will put me off stating my opinion!But your argument is completely illogical. You seem to be justifying the appalling abuse dished out by a person with special needs. I repeat- victims have rights as well, not just people who have Aspergers. I am amazed that you have a problem with this statement. Badly behaved people should always be made accountable for mistreating others no matter what special needs they have. Thats how a civilised, rule of law, society works! The snowflake generation, now more than ever, needs to get back to these basic responsibilities of life: take full responsibility for one's actions and stop making excuses for poor/stupid behaviour or actions!

I'm not resorting to abuse - I'm being dismissive of a backward attitude. Yes, aspies and other people who are capable of lucidity should make the effort - I've been in trouble for publicly opposing people like Agony Autie/Sara Harvey, who represents the extreme of what you seem to think I am - but we don't know certain things unless we're told. In the case of OP's ex, he may well not understand that his behaviour is unwelcome - as I explained. People like that are damaged by people just throwing the law at them when they make mistakes, and you'd apparently advocate making that happen. I was dismissive of your attitude because you, in direct response to what I said, refuted me on the strength of an open demonstration of ignorance, and nothing more.

Of course victims have rights (now who sounds like a snowflake?), I'm not saying they don't. I'm saying there are more constructive ways of dealing with a situation like this than simply calling the police and taking an injunction out against him.

Your attitude is legalistic and doesn't take the individual (person or circumstance) into account. You speak of people with "special needs", but don't acknowledge those needs or what fulfilling them entails. So, **** you.

Now, why don't you toddle along to a subject area you actually know something about?

hi. i'm 19, my ex is 20. we briefly dated for a couple of months first year of university, so an extremely short amount of time. it was both of our first relationships, but i had experience with guys before, meanwhile in the past all his crushes were unrequited. he randomly broke up with me 4 months ago and there had been no contact for 3 months.

i've moved on now but recently he's spiralled out of control - writing daily fanfiction about me, using explicit details of my life, my family, my friends, obsessing over me, creating fake accounts to try and talk to me, stalking me online and finding tumblrs i've created when i was like 13 years old, messaging people i know from twitter (my twitter is private) to ask about me, making youtube playlists to try and grab my attention, etc. and i'm so sick of it. he broke up with me very cold and he made it absolutely clear he wants nothing to do with me, and i want nothing to do with him now. it feels like i have absolutely no privacy, and he's been extremely creepy and obsessive and it makes me so uncomfortable. it's definitely not normal to behave like this months after breaking up with someone you very briefly dated and i can't describe how terrible and helpless it feels being stalked, having someone dedicate an hour to writing about you everyday without fail, etc.

i didn't know my ex had aspergers throughout the entire relationship, and ignored all my friends which suggested he did, but he mentioned after we broke up that a specialist at A&E, which he visited after feeling "weird", suggested he has aspergers - there had been no follow ups though, because it was at A&E, and the way my ex mentioned it to me was so casual that I don't know what he thinks of it.

the only reason i'm bringing this up is because of the recent obsession which gets worse DAY BY DAY - and it scares me. i've blocked him on everything and all my social media accounts, etc. are private, but that still doesn't stop him from stalking me. i don't know if he realises what he's doing is inappropriate. i'm not sure what to do because progressively, he is downward spiralling, and it's affecting me - making me feel unsafe, uncomfortable and fearing for my safety (in the past when he's liked girls, he's even tried to find their houses, etc. but at the time i didn't realise how obsessive this was and just passed it off as "oh, he must've just really liked her").

obviously i once cared about him and upon seeing the extent his obsession has reached, i can't help but feel sorry for him - and also extremely frustrated because i'm so fed up of this and want him out of my life. even though he broke up with me, he appears to idolise me in this fanfiction and he appears to think extremely highly of me. so part of me feels like i have a duty to suggest to him he should maybe get tested for aspergers, because this would be beneficial to him and could also help future people understand him better (our relationship basically broke apart because of relationship errors which could've been resolved if we both knew about his ASD). again, i know it's not my place, but by this point there's absolutely no denying that it's more likely he is on the spectrum than not, and it would be beneficial for everyone if it was established. i just don't know what to do - again, the only reason i'm bringing this up is because his obsession is so extremely unhealthy and it is affecting me - if it wasn't affecting me months later, i wouldn't be bringing it up because i know it's none of my business. but again, i feel like i have a duty to inform him, especially because i don't think his family would for multiple reasons.

thanks - and also, i don't want to appear like i'm demonising him or anything. part of this is just me venting my frustration because whilst it was amazing to be in a relationship with him, ever since he broke up with me, i have been put through A LOT that i shouldn't have went through and that i can't be bothered to explain, because i so desperately want to move on with my life - and, no, unfortunately i can't just ignore him if he is literally making fake accounts to try and contact me again.